This post first appeared on Regretsy in December of 2011.

Away in a manger,
no crib for His bed,
The little Lint Jesus
lay down his clump head.
In fibrous splendor
He slumbers a while,
The nap may be short
But it’s still quite a pile.

Mary is lumpy,
Faceless and odd,
The wise men are tampons
balled up in a wad,
The cows are dust bunnies,
And Joseph is futz
It’s twelve hundred dollars
And everyone’s nuts.

Be near me, Blob Jesus,
All covered in hair,
And take us to thy lint trap,
to Live with Thee there.

This post first appeared on Regretsy in December of 2011.

So you’re saying it gets floppy if you play with it? BECAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW MY WAND WORKS

This post first appeared on Regretsy in December of 2011.

You know, I haven’t been able to find the Neiman Marcus version of this thing, but really, who needs it? If I want busted vintage jewelry hot-glued on a styrofoam cylinder this Christmas, I’m buying handmade! And you know why?

Because only an Etsy crafter puts a piece of themselves in everything they make.

It’s like The Gift of the Magi, isn’t it? He sells his watch to buy her a comb, and she glues her hair into a shitty junk tower to pay her listing fees.

GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE