What are you doing these next couple of Fridays? Say, 8:00?

If you said, “Having fun,” boy were you wrong!

Instead, I’d like to suggest you go see this:

Yes, Rob Paulsen and I will be at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Theatre this Friday, May 24th and Friday May 31st, reading some of the very best Regretsy hate mail. We’ll be performing your flounces and angry Tweets and baseless legal threats in a variety of cartoon voices, for reasons we don’t fully understand.

We did this show once back in February, and it was a lot funnier than even I thought it would be. So stop farting around and just buy a ticket. You were only going to spend that $20 on cigarettes, and the kids won’t even miss you.

If you live anywhere near Los Angeles and want to come see whatever the hell this is, click here for tickets and show information.

Hope you can make it!

- Submitted by Emily

As you know, Etsy hand-picks a muted selection of desaturated creaminess to feature on their front page, using a very specific selection method. And by specific selection method, I mean throwing corn on a keyboard, and going with whatever the chicken pecks out.

Here’s today’s featured item, hand pecked by the Etsy Hipster Chicken.

PEOPLE WHO LIKED BED OF LIGHT ALSO LIKED:

CHAIR OF DARK

COUCH OF CONTRAST

LENS FLARE ON ATM

I think we all knew that Petja Palooza was going to be special.

But it wasn’t until I actualy saw Petja on the streets of Manhattan last week, that I knew we were talking about a whole other level of Dafuq?

There really are no words to describe what the hell happened last weekend, so instead, I’ll share some of the more tasteful images, and let you draw your own conclusions.

One thing we do need to talk about is the gift bag. This bag had more fuckery per square inch than any bag could reasonably be expected to contain. And we had one for everybody, meaning that every seller who participated donated well over 200 pieces of merchandise for your fat, jelaous pleasure.

Here is a list of people who donated to our swag bags, filling them with everything from handmade jewelry to vibrating naughty things:

The School Locker
Beanie Gee
Music for the Goddess
Naffrodisia
Wendy’s Origami
Epic Blossoms
Blue Cat Books
Ravenshold Creations
Simply Smiss
Xjaeva
Princess Buzzkill’s Crying Glitter Eagle’s Emporium of Whimsy
Bound in Chain
Rainy Day Paperback Exchange
Wylie Elise Beckert
Epic Toy Chest
This Charming Candy
Gabbus
Found Philosophy
Lux Soap
Creative Heart’s Design
Live Clay
Risa Rocks It
Gallardo Works
Misfit Dynamo
Jewel Renee
L and K Beads
Catbird Craft
Nebbish Without a Cause
Lil Gypsy Treasures
Donna The Dead
Extreme Restraints
Diana Voisin
Bloodstream City
Third Half Studios
Arsenal Soap Works

If you contributed to the bag and you are not credited, please let me know

That right there is a list of approved fuckery vendors, so please visit their shops when you’re looking for something wonderful that hasn’t been imported from Bali.

And by the way, we have about 15 extra gift bags, and we’ll be offering those for sale in the next day or so. Proceeds will benefit Bronc’s AIDS Ride, June 3rd – 9th.

Finally, I’d like to thank someone very special for putting this all together.

That’s the heartstoppingly awesome Patrick McNaughton, preparing to give me a lap dance at Lucky Cheng’s.

Patrick is an event designer and Regretsy fan in NYC, and we were able to hire him to coordinate everything for us before we got out there. This poor bastard did everything from choosing the menu to packing up the gift bags and transporting them all to the venue.

By himself.

With no help from us.

Because we suck.

And after all that, he still had time to dance seductively for me while I shook my balloon penis at him. Try getting that kind of action from human resources.

So if you’re looking for an event designer in New York, email this bastard immediately.

Honestly, if I were looking for a full time employee in NYC, I would hire this guy so fast it would give new meaning to New York minute. And you know I’m sincere, because I never say anything good about anyone.

A sincere heartfelt thanks to everyone who contributed to the bags, to Petja’s travel fund and the incredibly wonderful event that was Petja Palooza.

It still gets me, right here.

- Click here to buy Wylie Elise Beckert’s incredible Petja Palooza poster