This is like if Guillermo Del Toro was doing Corona commercials.

I don’t know what to say about this. And even if I did, you wouldn’t be able to hear me.

Click the image below for video

More here at my new favorite web site, riesenrollkragen

Prepare to wash a lot of sheets, because your kid is going to be pissing the bed until she’s in High School. Seriously, the only way this could be more terrifying is if it was a clown.

Two handmade messenger bags by the delicious Go Baggery on Etsy are now up for auction on Ebay, and both are stuffed to the brim with high quality shit that you simply must have!

AUCTION ONE:

Auction starts at $20.00 with NO RESERVE
Click image to go to the Ebay listing

WHAT YOU GET:

This is a handmade bag in the Atomic Elephant fabric, designed for our Regretsy Spoonflower fabric contest earlier this year.

The bag is crammed full of shit from Comic Con, as well as many other other pieces of delightful fuckery. There is a fantastic photo of Malcom McDowell in A Clockwork Orange, which he personally autographed for me at Comic Con, as well as a signed cast photo from What’s Happening.

And you also get a signed Regretsy book, as well as an embroidered pantyliner bookmark from Regretsy superstar HiBird. See the auction listing for full info.

WHO DOES THIS AUCTION BENEFIT?

This auction benefits Stephanie, of Rainbow Darkness Studios (her Etsy shop is here).

Stephanie is hearing impaired, and is having a very difficult time getting her hearing aids repaired. She initially just asked if we could give her store a shout out, but I thought we could do better.

If the bag becomes too expensive or it isn’t something you want to bid on, please consider taking a look at Stephanie’s shop, and seeing if there’s something there you might be interested in buying. Her items are all very reasonably priced.

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AUCTION TWO:

Auction starts at $20.00 with NO RESERVE
Click image to go to the Ebay listing

WHAT YOU GET:

This is a handmade bag in the Dingleberry fabric, designed for our Regretsy Spoonflower fabric contest earlier this year.

The bag is filled with awesome creations by Regretsy featured artists (like Denny Pinkham) and Regretsy regulars. There are all kinds of things in here, from jewelry to handmade soap, as well as many other other articles or fabulousness.

There is also a signed Regretsy book inside, as well as an embroidered pantyliner bookmark from Regretsy superstar HiBird. See the auction listing for full info.

WHO DOES THIS AUCTION BENEFIT?

Proceeds for this auction benefit Veronica of Ronnie’s Tender Heart (her Etsy shop is here).

Veronica is only 22 years old, but she’s battling leukemia for the third time. Her friends have started an Etsy store, hoping to sell enough bracelets to help cover the portion of her medical bills not covered by her insurance. Veronica is currently in the ICU, battling pneumonia.

Veronica must be a very special person. She is deeply loved by many people, who are all exhausting themselves to cover as many of these bills as possible.

If the bag becomes too expensive or it isn’t something you want to bid on, please consider taking a look at Ronnie’s shop, and seeing if there’s a bracelet you might be interested in buying. Nothing there is over $10.

If you’d rather just make a donation, you can visit the blog her friends are running to keep everyone updated on Ronnie’s progress. There’s a Paypal donation link there.

If you can’t bid on either or don’t see anything you’d like to buy, please favorite the sellers who have contributed to these auctions, and consider them for your next purchase. They have been very generous with their time and talents.

Happy bidding, and thank you for your generous assistance of Etsy sellers in need.

What are you doing tonight, say 6:00 PM PST? Besides washing down Ding Dongs with vodka?

I’ll tell you what you’re doing, you’re checking out Regretsy’s fantastic Ebay charity auctions!

Yes, from time to time, Regretsy auctions off spectacular goods donated by Regretsy artists and fans. Whether it’s handmade jewelry, terrifying dolls or pants-wetting artwork, we make a big deal out of it until you buy it, and then we can all go back to drinking ourselves to death.

Sound fun? You bet it is! And tonight is no exception!

We have two mind numbing lots of awesome up for grabs tonight, and the proceeds will benefit two very special people who need a little help. So come back here at 6:00 or check our Ebay page, and see what kind of fuckery we have for you this time.

And while we’re on the subject of awesomeschmaltz, Regretsy has reached a milestone: We have now raised over $10,000 for charity! That’s an average of about $1000 a month!

In addition to Ebay auctions, we raise money by donating book royalties. If you buy the Regretsy book from the Amazon link on the left, my royalties are donated to charity, and Amazon throws in another 5%.

We also raise money from Zazzle merchandise sales. All proceeds from our extensive and horrific Zazzle store are donated to charity.

So take a look at the crap we’ve stuffed in our store, and if you see anything you like, just buy it and stop being such a pussy.

See you at 6:00!