Posted March 1, 2010 by Helen Killer Filed in Art


Posted February 28, 2010 by Helen Killer Filed in News

I had some minor stomach surgery on Friday, but when they got me up on the rack they found something else that was shot to hell. So I got two surgeries at once, which was pretty exciting.

Then yesterday I had some complications and had to go back to the hospital, but they fixed me up pretty quickly and I didn’t have to stay overnight.

So now it’s just Law and Order and painkillers, just like every other Sunday.

Thanks for all your nice emails. Regretsy will be back to its usual lowbrow fuckery tomorrow.

Posted February 26, 2010 by Helen Killer Filed in Mailbag

You know, I wasn’t really thinking of changing the name of the site to Retardsy. I was just being a smart ass because I thought people were overreacting. I mean, I would never –

Although now that I think about it . . .

Don’t forget to sign the guest book!

What a week! We offended fucktards, buddhists and believe it or not, poets. Yes, someone flounced the Facebook group Thursday night over an argument about Haiku. You’re not going to get this kind of action on Craftastrophe!

And as if that isn’t enough excitement, I’m in the hospital!

Well, I’m probably home by now. Unless something terrible has happened, in which case I don’t have to update the site next week. So there really is an upside to everything.

By the time you read this, I will be recovering from surgery. I’ll be in bed for a week, tripping balls on all manner of painkillers. So please sign the guestbook! I look forward to your dramatic messages of disappointment.

Namaste, bitches!

Posted February 26, 2010 by Helen Killer Filed in View it in a Room

Posted February 26, 2010 by Helen Killer Filed in Regretsy Math

Posted February 25, 2010 by Helen Killer Filed in Top 10


10. WI-FIDO

This looks like something you found under your desk when Make it Work came over to hook up your router.


9. SHOUT IT OUT

It’s more of a shart than a scarf.
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8. STAY OUT OF MY BEADS

That damn cat is going to kill herself one of these days.
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7. $85 CHOCOLATE NECKLACE

I guess the groom is supposed to eat them right off your neck. Hopefully it’s not an outdoor wedding.
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6. CALL THE DOCTOR

I think she should rename these Hepatitis Drops.
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5. LORENZO’S COIL

Coincidentally, “Smooth Cherry Cordial” is also a new Metamucil flavor.
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4. HAPPY EASTER

Here comes Peter’s Diaper Pail!
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3. DANGLEBERRIES

“Travelers would stack cairns, or piles of stones on trails to let others know the way, so put on these earrings and lead the way! “


2. OW OW OW

Well, maybe if you ate something other than Taco Bell every once in a while, you wouldn’t have these problems.
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AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT LOOKS LIKE A TURD IS . . .

1. I’M NOT PICKING THAT UP

Why do they always do it when you don’t have a plastic bag?

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