More Cagecrafting here

IT’S OFFICIAL:

Now, I want to say something to all of you fat bastards on the East Coast, who looked at the photos of our Los Angeles Meet-Up a few weeks ago (password: CF4L) and felt like the whole thing was just unfair.

It was. It was terribly unfair.

We have nice weather, great Mexican food, and all our women have gigantic implants and no pubic hair. And what do you have? Trash strikes, rats the size of housecats and Jets fans. You don’t even have hookers in Times Square anymore.

Well friends, we ’bout to flip the script (I got that from Queen Latifah. Don’t judge me). The first annual NEW YORK CITY REGRETSY MEET-UP is on its way, and it will make the West Coast sushi shitfest look like a Lutheran potluck. I’m not even sure what that means, and I’m still excited!

What does this meet-up have that Los Angeles didn’t have?

• DRAG QUEENS
• CHINESE FOOD
• A GUY WHO MAKES X-RATED BALLOON ANIMALS
• LAP DANCES
• FRIED FOOD
• TWICE AS MANY FAT JEALOUS LOSERS

And there was something else… what was it?

Oh yes

PETJA!

Petja first came to our attention on a Finnish fashion site that captures stylish people on the streets of Helsinki, on their way to do typically Finnish things (get drunk). We featured Petja’s picture here, and he instantly became an object of adoration in the Regretsy community.

Because Finland is only inhabited by about 12 people, Petja soon became aware of the feature, and began to post here and in our forums. Things got even better when he agreed to meet us in Helsinki, and we wound up golfing with beer cans and getting drunk in an igloo.

It’s a long story. But if you want to read about it, start here and click through the next few posts (password: CF4L).

The important thing is that Petja is coming all the way from Helsinki in his vest and monocle and weird-ass beard, just to show all of us the true meaning of drinking like a Finnish bastard.

It’s a once in a lifetime chance to drink and dine with the legend, while a drag queen gives someone a lap dance.

Not me of course, but someone.

WHAT HAPPENS AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT DRAG SHOW STAYS AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT DRAG SHOW

UPDATE: 2/2/12

WE ARE SOLD OUT!

If you aren’t attending but still want to help get Petja to NYC, consider donating a little something to his travel fund. Every dollar you give us is being matched by WePay, so we can get him and his wife to NYC in half the time!

I’m throwing in all kinds of incentives, like autographed books, and a limited edition, 2 gig, Petja Head USB drive designed by Risa Rocksit:

PERKELE!

This post first appeared on Regretsy on February 11, 2011

Last December, I asked you to predict the hottest Etsy trends of 2011.

You came up with some astonishingly good ideas, like flannel hot pants with detachable dinosaur heads, mammy-patterned menstrual pads and of course, gloves that are just fingers.

But if you look carefully at the list of write-in suggestions, you’ll notice something else.

Oh, it was funny all right. But it was just a silly joke! No one would ever actually make such a thing.

Or would they?

Butt plug – human hair

This is a unique piece made as part of a “wedding gift”. A girlfriend gave us her hair shortly after her wedding. She wanted it turned into a flogger. He was enchanted with her offering and decided to take it a step further. We turned her gorgeous locks into a butt plug for his “filly”; to complete the look.

Isn’t that beautiful? It’s like that old Christmas story; she sold her hair to buy him a buttplug, and he sold his ass to buy her a comb.

The hand-turned butt plug is of canary wood. The hair was inserted and sealed into the plug. If you would like to offer you own hair for this or similar products, just give us a call.

Yes, it looks like you people have done it again. True, it’s not on Etsy. But there’s always Monday.

It just goes to show you that whatever ridiculous shit you can think of, someone else is already working on it. And when they’re done, they’re going to stick it up their ass.