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Oh I’m so glad you’re willing to work with me, because this isn’t quite what I had in mind. I was thinking something more like this:

And the for the rest of the bridal party, maybe something like this?

But you’re the artist!

You know where this would work? A pretend wedding in a mental hospital. You can carry a bouquet of buttons, and the groom can wear a top hat made out of an oatmeal box. Then you can exchange onion rings and spend the night in your couch fort.

Here’s an idea; just throw $100 in singles at your bridesmaids. You save $25 and there’s less chance of blinding someone.

- Click here to see the full set of photos on Amanda’s website

You can also use it after the wedding when you go back to stripping.

Today I present one of the most insensitive features I’ve ever seen on the Etsy blog. And as usual, it’s celebrated in a circle jerk of obliviousness, complete with hipstermatic photos and dipshit Etsy drones yammering in approval.

Yes it’s a poverty wedding! How fun is that? They dressed like actual poor people! They even did some research:

We got to work researching the Depression era and hobo culture. As we prepared to make everything for our wedding, we collected feed sack dresses and old work boots, antique hand-stitched quilts and jug band instruments. After reading that the word “hobo” may be a syllabic abbreviation of “homeward bound,” we fell in love with the notion!

They fell in love with the very idea of penniless, homeless migrants, drifting from town to town, looking for work! Those hobos were just yummy, with their faded antique quilts and feed sacks, and those super cute boots they always wore. That whole period was just so desaturated and Brother Where Art Thou, which is also totes adorbs.

Okay, maybe many hobos found themselves having to leave their families in order to find enough work to support them, or maybe they escaped from harsh lives in orphanages. And, okay, maybe they died on train tracks or sweltered to death in locked box-cars. And maybe when they did finally find some work, they were set upon by thieves who took everything from them and threw them off of fast moving trains.

Don’t be such a downer! They had totally awesome trash can fires!

The important thing is, hobos were all clowns who had bandanas tied on sticks, like in cartoons.

Anyhoo, it was a super cute wedding. But I can’t help thinking that they could have done so much more with it.

Here are some ideas you can use when you have your own hobo themed depression era wedding!

• Souvenir photos on a lice ridden mattress in the weeds

• Tuberculosis screening tent

• Steal your own dinner

• Cigarette rolling contest with butts you find on the street

• Sterno martinis

• Hobo Stew bar

I’m sure you can think of lots more. Just remember to have fun with it. Golly, that’s why the Flying Spaghetti Monster made poor people in the first place!

Even though her arm had already fallen off, no one had the nerve to tell Cousin Scott that Nicole had died three months before the wedding.

- More here

Now, when you say, “custom”, do you mean “painting you and your husband at 1:87 scale”? Because I’m not sure I want to get married in the Department 56 Wedding Village.

By the way, this takes four weeks to arrive, so hopefully Dumbledore’s spell will have worn off by then and you’ll be tall enough to refuse the package.

I have surprise to you within honeymoon! We are for to holding up liquor store!

UPDATE: WHEN HARRY MET KATIE

Last month, I told you about this beautiful royal wedding commemorative, celebrating the marriage of Kate Middleton and Prince Harry. I’m sure this was news to William, but he seems like a pretty good sport.

Needless to say, I bought three of these cups immediately, and have been nervously awaiting their arrival ever since. But I was starting to worry that they stopped making them or the whole thing was a hoax, and my treasured heirlooms would never materialize.

So imagine my excitement when I received this fantastic update in my mailbox:

From: Christopher
Subject: ITS HERE!

I feel just like a Royal now. My coffee tastes so much better out of a GuangDong Drinkware Fairytale Romantic cup!

There was only one thing that could eclipse the joy of seeing Christopher with his cup. And yesterday, it happened.

Yes, I am now the proud owner of my own Drinkware Fairytale Romantic cup, and I couldn’t be prouder. As you can see, I keep it next to my other royal commemorative; the royal divorce announcement cup.

IT’S LIKE THOSE FUCKING BRITS HAVE A CUP FOR EVERYTHING

Anyway, I am thrilled with the quality of this new addition, and the attention to almost all of the details. In fact, I was so happy with my purchase, I was inspired to create my own royal wedding cocktail, which I intend to drink from this cup as I watch the proceedings on every fucking television station on earth for at least an entire day.

HIGH TEA

Mix ingredients together over ice in your commemorative cup. Pour into a shaker and give one brisk shake. Pour back into your cup and make sure there is a touch of fizz at the top. Garnish with your own bitter tears.

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (BUSINESS WIRE) – Papa John’s has commissioned a portrait pizza of Prince William and Kate Middleton to celebrate their marriage.

Kate’s veil is made from mushrooms and her dress from cheese, while William’s morning suit consists of salami and peppers.

“Like our original crust pizza, our royal portrait is made from 100 percent fresh dough and quality ingredients, so it tastes as good as it looks,” said Andrew Varga, Papa John’s chief marketing officer.

- Why isn’t this your wallpaper?

“To celebrate the engagement of Prince William of Wales to Ms. Catherine Elizabeth Middleton, Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction has commissioned a unique heritage edition Royal Wedding Souvenir boîte de capotes.

Combining the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure. Truly a King amongst Condoms.”

BONUS: Celebrate the marriage of Jon Cryer and Anne Hathaway with the Exclusive Collectible Royal Wedding Souvenir Portrait inside every pack of Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction