If you’ve got a thing for nuns in studded gauntlets wielding rusted farm implements, I might have good news for you.

Hannibal Lecter meets Tom Sawyer by way of Home Depot.

This post first appeared on Regretsy on January 27, 2011

All through my sphincter
You met resistance
I kept my prostate
Don’t keep your distance

By now we all know that sex sells. This is particularly true on Ebay, where women routinely find ways to shove their jugs into their listings.

But you wouldn’t expect that kind of thing on Etsy, would you? Of course not! After all, Etsy and Ebay are two totally different things. One baits people into paying exorbitant prices for worthless goods from China, and the other is an auction site.

But it turns out that gratuitous imagery is very much alive and well on Etsy. In fact, Etsy is the World’s Most Vibrant Handmade Spank Bank!™

And Etsy sellers are good at it. Maybe too good at it. Because sometimes the imagery is so extreme, you don’t even know what people are selling.

So here’s a short quiz for you. These are all Etsy listings for something, but what? Take your best guess, then click on the image for the answer.