This post first appeared on Regretsy on March 1, 2011

If I walked in on my future wife and she was hitting this thing with a stick, I would try to get my deposit back on the hall.

- Submitted by Erika

So you’re saying it gets floppy if you play with it? BECAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW MY WAND WORKS

- Submitted by Rebecca

BONUS: HAPPY HOLIDAYS

- More things that look like penises here

- Still more things that look like penises here