“Placenta/bloodstains easily covered by your favorite linens” is my new disclaimer for everything.

- These are actual engagement photos taken by photographer Amanda Rynda

- Click here to see the full set of photos on Amanda’s website

1. HE’S 60

2. HE WANTS TO BE NURSED

3. THIS IS FILED UNDER “ROMANCE”

Okay, I admit it. I’m a little obsessed with fiverr.

There’s something about it that just really excites me. It’s kind of like Etsy in a way; a place where people create things just for you, by themselves, using whatever talents they have. It’ll feel more like Etsy when Anthropologie starts doing it next year.

Anyway, I went wild this morning and ordered 5 services. The one I was the most excited about has already arrived, and I’ve uploaded it for your viewing pleasure.

Yes, for only $5, Sam Cornwell will rip you a new asshole.

AND IT’S NOT LIKE YOU DON’T DESERVE IT

Click here to be berated and abused by Sam Cornwell. And I suggest you jump on this because I may book him up just to deal with my family.