This post first appeared on Regretsy on February 17, 2011

A woman gets on an elevator, and there’s a man already on it. She stands with her back to him as they ride up in silence. After a moment, he leans over and whispers, “Excuse me, can I smell your pussy?”

She wheels around, furious.

“No! No you cannot smell my pussy!”

“Oh,” he says. “Must be your feet.”

UPDATE: OH DEAR THERE’S A COMMERCIAL (MNSFW)

This post first appeared on Regretsy on February 25, 2011

CAN ALSO BE USED AS A TRAVEL WATERPROOF SANDWICH CASE COVER

This post first appeared on Regretsy on February 11, 2011

Last December, I asked you to predict the hottest Etsy trends of 2011.

You came up with some astonishingly good ideas, like flannel hot pants with detachable dinosaur heads, mammy-patterned menstrual pads and of course, gloves that are just fingers.

But if you look carefully at the list of write-in suggestions, you’ll notice something else.

Oh, it was funny all right. But it was just a silly joke! No one would ever actually make such a thing.

Or would they?

Butt plug – human hair

This is a unique piece made as part of a “wedding gift”. A girlfriend gave us her hair shortly after her wedding. She wanted it turned into a flogger. He was enchanted with her offering and decided to take it a step further. We turned her gorgeous locks into a butt plug for his “filly”; to complete the look.

Isn’t that beautiful? It’s like that old Christmas story; she sold her hair to buy him a buttplug, and he sold his ass to buy her a comb.

The hand-turned butt plug is of canary wood. The hair was inserted and sealed into the plug. If you would like to offer you own hair for this or similar products, just give us a call.

Yes, it looks like you people have done it again. True, it’s not on Etsy. But there’s always Monday.

It just goes to show you that whatever ridiculous shit you can think of, someone else is already working on it. And when they’re done, they’re going to stick it up their ass.

All this week, I’ve been showing you unusual Valentine gift suggestions from Fiverr, the place where shit gets real for $5.™

We started looking for love in all the wrong places with Spandy Andy, then moved into rapping, heavy sarcasm and a custom video Valentine. And they were all well worth the $5 investment, believe me.

But tonight?

Well, tonight is a religious experience.

- Get your own personal Jesus here