An update from Tori LaConsay:

This morning, H&M contacted my attorney to extend the olive branch and work towards an agreement that I am truly pleased to be a part of. In a gesture of kindness, H&M has offered not only to settle this matter with me, but also with the public at large, by donating $3,000 towards animal rescue organizations in the East Atlanta Village.

H&M has done the right thing. I thank them. They Look Nice Today.

Last week, I told you about Atlanta based artist Tori LaConsay, and her discovery that giant retailer H&M was using her artwork on housewares without permission or credit. When confronted, H&M denied the allegations, then agreed to being “inspired,” and eventually posted a half-hearted non-apology on their Facebook page.

The story went viral, and H&M was overwhelmed with emails and negative comments from readers and customers. The pressure was so great, H&M publicly announced they were working with Tori to find a resolution, and invited her to a discussion. As a condition, Tori was prohibited from sharing details in social media.

Given the unrepentant attitude displayed by H&M, Tori has decided to speak openly about this situation, and has provided the following update.

On December 14, 2008, I painted outdoor art on a sign on the main thoroughfare in my Atlanta neighborhood. The sign was painted with permission, and the work itself was copyrighted.

- Tori LaConsay

Because Tori is such a money-grubbing opportunist, she is currently helping an animal rescue raise money for Fred, who is in need of surgery.

Regretsy readers donating $15 or more who leave the words, “You Look Nice Today,” along with their name and address will receive a signed poster with a lot of love.

Animal Rescue Assistance Chip-In for Fred

UPDATE 8:40 PM PST: Fred’s surgery is funded! Thanks, assholes!

Now take a look at this:

Click here to buy your own doormat by Tori LaConsay!

Proceeds benefit East Atlanta Kids Club, East Atlanta Community Association and Atlanta Beagle Rescue.

- H&M on Facebook
- H&M on Twitter
- H&M Customer Service

BONUS: One of Courtney Love’s Alchemy Requests on Etsy

MAYBE IT WAS THE LAACE STRETC BODYSUIT TAHT KILLEFD TEH CAT

This would not have happened if you hadn’t responded in numbers that could not be ignored.

When a company receives a complaint, they have a choice. They can see each call as an opportunity to create goodwill and positive word of mouth, or they can imagine that the interaction takes place in a vacuum, and no one will ever know how badly they treated you.

I am consistently amazed by how many companies still choose the latter option.

But we’re reaching a tipping point. It’s starting to become clear that one customer can quickly become every customer. It’s not just one sale at risk, it’s every sale.

You are the customers.
You are the voters.
You are the money.

This Wednesday, Regretsy will join Cake Wrecks, Reddit and others in going offline for 24 hours to protest SOPA.

When you come here tomorrow, you will see what we think a user might see if they click on Regretsy in a post-SOPA world.

We’ll miss you, but we think this is important. Take a moment tomorrow to make your voices heard.

See you Thursday!

“My wife Patricia got her cookie reward from her Kickstarter pledge, and she graciously allowed me to nibble on a little piece of one. Delicious! She had to break the penis up into little pieces before she could eat it.”

- Stuart

Well Stuart, the important thing is that she swallowed it.

“I received my book today! I took it out of the mailbox and right after I ripped open the package I thought, “Uh oh, I have to shit.” So I ran into the bathroom with the book to do my business. Long story short, I ended up with my ass cheeks asleep and a stitch in my side from laughing so hard!”

- Kelly

Is there an author on earth who doesn’t live to hear this? I got your book and immediately had to take a shit. Now I know how Tom Brokaw feels.

What’s all this praise about?

Why, it’s about this:

REGRETSY’S BIG BOOK OF FABRICATED FOLKTALES FROM FINLAND

If you’re new here, you may not know about the ridiculous book I wrote about Finland recently, which contains nothing but lies, stereotypes and completely made-up shit about a country I had never even seen until last week.

But every silver lining has a cloud. And for me, that cloud is the living hell of shipping, damaged merchandise, lost packages and misprinted books. Plus a host of other issues too tedious to recount, as opposed to everything I just said, which is absolutely spellbinding.

Let me just put it this way. We are entirely too simple-minded to take on a task like this, and you should have never given us money. We took it to Finland and drank it all.

But you’ll be happy to know that the BANDmade books are here and we are shipping them out now! They look incredible!

These are the books that were handmade by Pam DeLuco, using paper she made herself. The fiber for this paper comes from two fantastic sources; a sex-soaked futon belonging to the bass player from CAKE, and my beloved horrible dog caftan.

Not only that, but parts of this book were dyed with dung, making it even more festive! IT’S A VERY SANTORUM CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN

Almost all of the BANDmade books went out today, but we are waiting on a few of you to answer an important Kickstarter survey we sent out last night (we have to make a substitution on part of your order, and we need you to tell us your preference). As soon as we hear from you, your book will be on its way.

Now here’s the status of everything else:

REGRETSY COOKIES FROM PINWHEEL BAKERY

All cookies have been shipped.

PILL ORGANIZERS

Most pill organizers have been sent out already, and the rest are being sent out tomorrow.

HELLEPHANTS

Most Hellephant USB drives have been sent out already, and the rest are being sent out tomorrow.

AUDIO BONUS TRACK WITH ROB PAULSEN

The audio bonus with Rob Paulsen is ready for delivery! I am just trying to figure out how to send it to you, since it’s ENORMOUS. We are working on that now and should have it figured out by tomorrow.

Here’s a sneak peek:

FLASKS

All flasks have been shipped.

PINS

All pins have been shipped.

REGULAR PRINTED BOOK

If you are waiting for a regular old printed book, we have good news and bad news.

The bad news is, we are currently out of books, and the damaged books we had reprinted have been lost in transit. According to the printer, the reprinted books were delivered while we were in Finland, and were signed for by CUSTOMER WOMAN. So apparently Tarzan was here that day, and accepted the delivery for us.

The good news is, well, there isn’t any good news, but if I told you that upfront you wouldn’t have gotten this far.

Well, no there is some good news.

I’M GETTING 500 MORE BOOKS!

Yes, I decided that since I have to get these books printed up again, I might as well get some more. So if you wanted the book but it was sold out, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE! Of course, they won’t be done for a few weeks, so that means you’ll be spending Christmas sobbing by the tree. But you were going to do that anyway.

As soon as I have confirmed that the printing is in progress, I’ll start taking orders for the second run.

Now what does this mean for you, one of the 71 people who have already ordered a book and have dick all to show for it?

Well, we have a few options for you.

1. We can send you a Hellephant preloaded with the e-book (a $22 value – only 50 available)
2. We can email you the e-book and the audio track (a $30 value)
3. We can email you the e-book book and mail you a signed deck of Regretsy Tarot cards (a $25 value – only 10 available)
4. You can give us an additional $30 and upgrade to a BANDmade book (only 10 available)
5. You can put on your big boy jock and wait it out, tough guy. January is only a heartbeat away.

IF YOU ORDERED THE BOOK VIA OUR PAYPAL STORE AND YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED IT, you may be one of the lucky 71 who aren’t getting shit for Christmas. Please email us right away and let us know what you would like to do.

MORE GOOD NEWS

In addition to the 500 books, we may have these available to sell:

Flasks
WTF pill organizers
Hellephants
Regretsy Tarot cards

We may also have extra Bandmade books, but we’re going to give those lucky 71 first crack at everything.

We are also still sending e-books for $5, and we’re getting ready to sell the audio bonus with Rob Paulsen as well, but that will be next week. If you want an e-book, click here:

I will put all the extras up on the site this weekend. If you buy it by Monday, I will ship it on Monday, which means we might just make the Christmas delivery thing.

And then I’m going to snuggle up with a big bottle of Xanax and some canned Daiquiris and have the best Christmas ever.

“I just wanted to say thank you so much for accepting my family for the Secret Santa program! I received the letters from Santa about a week ago (my kids will open them tonight) and I honestly cried when I read them. The gifts came in various shipments this week and I just got the $100 from PayPal. Not only did PayPal deposit $100, they also covered the $8 I was negative from a buyer dispute! The gifts are great- I can’t wait to see the kids open them!”

2. THIS ARTICLE

I know I said I was done talking about this, but this particular story is really worth reading.

Reading the whole article is happening when clicking in the actual here. Make certain for to be leave actual commenting!

I had an interesting conversation with Paypal today.

Apparently I got some misinformation, and so did you. So I’m going to take this opportunity to set things straight, and then we can all get on with the important business of drinking ourselves to death.

THE DONATION BUTTON

I was initially told that all of this was triggered by my incorrect use of the Paypal donation button. “Only a registered nonprofit can use the donation button,” they told me, and that’s what I told you.

Except that turns out to be false.

Anyone can use a donation button. For anything. That’s why you see them on blogs, raising money for bandwidth or medical bills, or even beer money.

According to the Paypal executive who called me today, “The information you were given about using the donation button was definitely incorrect, and at the end of the day, it was an error in judgment on the agent’s part.”

So… it’s just that one guy then. It’s his fault. Good enough. Let’s run with that, because I’ve got 19 Judge Judy episodes on my DVR and they aren’t going to watch themselves.

Except he’s not the only one I heard it from. I also got that information in two separate emails from Paypal. And that means that Paypal’s donation policies are so poorly worded and vague that even the people who work there don’t understand them.

That’s not just bad for me, it’s bad for anyone who uses Paypal. Because as long as policies are this ambiguous, people will come up against this kind of crap and see their assets frozen. How many of them are going to be able to ratchet up the public shaming that was handed out in the last 24 hours?

And I think we all know that Paypal’s apologies and reversals were motivated by the intense scrutiny they’ve been subjected to. If I were Sally’s Soap Shack, I would be waiting out that six month hold right now and wondering how to make Ramen noodles taste like Christmas ham.

WHAT TRIGGERED THIS EVENT

According to Paypal, the red flags started flying because of how fast the donations came in. It wasn’t that we did anything wrong – it was that we did it too well. As I told you in this post, we were overfunded very quickly – in a couple of hours – and that set off a review process at Paypal.

And you know what? I have no problem with that. I have a 10+ year record of fundraising through Paypal, including over $150,000 raised in just the last two years for various causes. So I should pass any review with flying colors.

But this is where it all went wrong. Because according to the Paypal executive, this part of the process is “subjective”. At this point, a representative makes a call based on very sophisticated and nuanced criteria they don’t have to disclose to you, and by that I mean, I had a big lunch and I’m tired.

So it’s a crapshoot. And anything can happen. And it did.

“The normal protocol would have been for the agent to tell you that once you reach a certain threshold, your account is triggered for a review. And when the agent looked at your account and made a subjective decision, he made a very, very incorrect one.”

No shit.

And really, not just because fucking with poor kids at Christmas is a really terrible idea from a PR standpoint, but because I am a good, solid customer. I do a lot of business with Paypal. But the days of a company rewarding you for your loyalty are just over. No one knows how to treat you anymore. No one cares.

I think this is why this whole thing has resonated so deeply with people. We are all working very hard in a bad economic climate, and every cent we spend really matters. And corporations continue to treat us like they’re the only ones who are hurting.

We see the erosion of customer care in every sector. No one knows your name. No one makes eye contact. No one thanks you. Even doctors are practicing a completely different kind of medicine now. They have to see so many people to make the same money they used to that they’ve become more like mechanics. They forget your cancer is attached to a person. And Paypal forgets your fees are attached to people who are trying to make a living, or facilitate something good for other people. It makes sense doesn’t it? No one in their right mind would crap on poor kids at Christmas, unless they just weren’t paying attention.

WHAT THEY DID

In addition to an apology, Paypal has unfrozen both my personal account and my business account. It’s a nice gesture, but I’ve already refunded thousands of dollars in donations, so they’ve basically just given me access to money that wasn’t in issue to begin with. And they’re refunded $77 without explanation, and I have no idea what that represents.

They have also offered me the opportunity of doing unlimited business without fees through the end of the year. It’s really the only way I’d use them at this point, since they won’t be getting anything from me.

Then there is the issue of the “donation.” They came out very early this morning and said they made one, but that hasn’t happened yet. We did discuss it on the phone today and they offered to make a donation to the charity of my choice, but that isn’t what I wanted.

Instead, I asked for a $100 gift card for each of the 200 families we’re helping. This was my original intention, and this is what I wanted to do with the money in the first place.

In perhaps the only part of all of this that has surprised me, they seem to like the idea.

I’ll let you know how that progresses.

Do I think all of this will make a difference? Do I think this will usher in a new era of accountability and raise the level of service Paypal provides their customers?

Hell no.

But I will say this: we got someone to pay attention.

Do you see this?

The White Sox traded Sergio Santos to Toronto for Nestor Molina!

In other news, Regretsy is trending globally along with the X-Men, who also had their Paypal account frozen. Except it was Iceman, who really needs to stay off Wolverine’s laptop.

The traffic has been a little insane, so if you’re seeing a few problems today, please bear with us. We are working on these issues as quickly as possible.

In the meantime, Paypal has issued a statement saying they have made a donation and they are working with me, but I have not spoken to anyone yet. I will let you know when I do.

And I would also like to say that I did not expect this kind of global outpouring of support, and I truly believe that had you not all made your voices heard, no one from Paypal would have ever felt compelled to make this right. There is no real support or appreciation for the consumer anymore. The customer is always wrong.

I am extremely grateful to all of you for your efforts. If Paypal is sincere about allowing us to make these gifts, you will have made a difference for 200 children and their families this holiday season.

REGRETSY: YOUR ONE STOP SOURCE FOR WHITE SOX UPDATES™

• All letters from Santa have been finished and mailed, and are being received with enthusiasm:

“My daughters got their letters from Santa today, and their reaction was priceless. There were squeals of delight and surprise. There were ear to ear grins. There were breakdowns, section by section, of how they know for a fact that it’s from the real Santa and the details that prove it. It made them so happy that I had to leave the room for a minute so they wouldn’t see my tears.”

“I just wanted to say we received the letters from Santa today, and I cried so hard. I needed that happiness like you can’t imagine. My older son read his and was so happy. Thank you guys for what you’re doing for all these families and all these kids. While its embarassing to ask for help, and humiliating that I can’t give my kids anything this year, I can’t even put correctly into words the feeling I get to know that they are cared for, even by strangers.”

“Even though I always help my friends above myself, I never want to believe that I deserve good in return. I will more than gladly put my pride aside, to see that my kids aren’t hurt by my misfortune. I will get a job again, and eventually get a car, and I will give back. I will never forget the love that the regretsy community has shown to my boys. Thank you from every part of my heart. Thank you.”

These letters from Santa are an added gift from Regretsy to all the great kids we’re buying presents for this Christmas. And the best part is, the Etsy seller we’re buying them from is another member of our community, and she is also being helped by the whole project (proceeds from sales of these letters will help assist her mother during chemo treatment). If you would like a letter from Santa for someone you love, visit her Esy shop here.

• Paypal is holding some of the funds while they figure out how to take more of them, so the gifts to the parents of these kids are still in the pipeline. Hopefully that money will be made available soon, and I will let you know more abut that as soon as I get home from Finland and can smack a bitch up from an 800 number.

Thanks again for everything, and I’ll be back soon to catch you up on the Finnish fuckery.

Funded.

Overfunded, in fact. In just a few hours.

We now have enough money to make gifts to the families, as well as these kids.

GOOD JOB ASSHOLES

Also…

UPDATE: Okay, I had some questions about this, so let me tell you why I stopped taking money.

Thank you all from the black, burned out hollow where my heart is supposed to be.

- CK

Dear Chris, or should I say Chris,

It’s me, Helen Killer. Thank you for being nice. Stern, but nice. I appreciate it, as do my fellow neanderthal derelicts.

You make a number of points in your email, none of which are particularly interesting. But I’m holed up in a hotel in Amsterdam and just flushed the last of the pot down the toilet, so I have no other entertainment available.

First, I must correct you about Michelle. She is actually just a reader who submitted your Etsy listing to me. I have no idea if she’s little, but she isn’t my friend. If you read the site with any regularity, you know I have no friends.

Second, browsing sites you visit is not stalking. Commenting on videos you have publicly posted on YouTube and have enabled for commenting is not hijacking. In fact, seeing as you make instructional videos, you are clearly intending to reach a new audience. And you have. Maybe not the one you hoped for, but let’s not split hairs.

Third, no one needs permission to comment on your smelly, used, ladies jazzercise outfits. You’re trying to sell these horrible, sweat-stained leotards to the public, and you’ve chosen to do so by putting them on over a pair of control tops and modeling them yourself. I don’t just have the right to make fun of you, I consider it my duty.

And finally:

I enjoy a baseless legal threat as much as the next person, but please try to integrate with your other personalities before hiring an attorney. The two of you really need to be on the same page or you’re just going to be objecting to each other’s motions all day, and we’ll never get this thing off the ground.

Have a nice day!

- HK

As you know, I am currently en route to Finland.

We are leaving Amsterdam tomorrow and heading to Copenhagen for a few days, then it’s on to Helsinki, where everything smells like a Reindeer’s ass.

If you’d like to follow my progress and see photos of disgusting airline food, you can catch up here. I will be posing all my travel updates there as often as I can, so check that link during the week. As always, the password is CF4L.

IF YOU BOUGHT THE BOOK ON KICKSTARTER

An email has already been sent to you, telling you how to download the book. If you bought the book on Kickstarter and don’t see an email from us, check your spam folder. We’e sending out quite a few emails and spam filters pick that up as bulk email.

If it’s not in your spam folder, write to ebook@regretsy.com with a copy of your confirmation from Kickstarter, or some other way we can find you there.

IF YOU BOUGHT THE BOOK ON PAYPAL

We’ve just started sending out the Paypal emails. Again, this may take a while, because we’re sending email out in small batches to avoid being kicked into your spam folder.

If you don’t see an email from us by tomorrow, check your spam folder. If it’s not in your spam folder, write to ebook@regretsy.com with a copy of your Paypal receipt, transaction number or date of purchase and we’ll try to find you.

IF YOU BOUGHT A PRE-LOADED HELLEPHANT

Unfortunately, the Hellephants can’t be pre-loaded. The e-book wasn’t ready until a few hours ago, and we have no way to get to the post office to mail the Hellephants before we leave tomorrow. So rather than make you wait 10 days for the e-book, we’re giving you the link to download the book now, and we’ll send the blank Hellephants when we get back.

We’re really sorry for the inconvenience, but the the PDF took way longer than it was supposed to, and we ran out of time.

IF YOU STILL WANT THE E-BOOK

If you still want the e-book, you can buy it right now!

Click this link and buy the book on Paypal:

When you get your receipt, forward it to ebook@regretsy.com. You will be added to the mailing list and a link will be sent to you.

Use this link to buy the E-book:

I am getting on a plane tomorrow and flying out to visit some of you crazy fat bastard fans in Europe. I’ll be starting in The Netherlands, and we are already well into planning the Regretsy Amsterdam meet-up. If you happen to be out there and want to join us, email me and I will get back to you when I’m able to get online again on the 25th.

After that, we’re in Denmark, and finally, Finland. Helsinki is shaping up to be a tremendous freak show, and I have already been invited to eat bear and get a tattoo. If I can just wrestle a giant octopus at some point, this will all make sense.

Thank you all for your support, and for helping to make this idiocy possible. I will be documenting the whole thing, and it will feel just like you’re there with me. Minus the smell.

PERKELE

We’ve been doing most of this ourselves, though we sucked two of our best friends in with the promise of lasagna, which of course they had to pick up. And my parents helped us all last week, mostly because I got my mother drunk on Irish coffee.

You might be wondering why we’re personally fulfilling all your orders, instead of handing it off to some faceless corporation. Well, I’ll tell you why.

Because we’re fucking idiots, that’s why.

The important thing is that people are starting to receive their lovingly hand-assembled packages from Casa de Priority, and the reaction has been fantastic! Here’s what people are saying:

“Where the fuck are my pins?”

“I got your package today. If you’re wondering where your blue pen is, I have it.”

SO THAT’S GOING GREAT

And now it’s time for…

WHERE THE HELL IS MY SHIT

Books

Softcover books have been going out since Thursday, and almost all of them will be going out before we leave on Wednesday.

However, we found an entire box with a printing defect on the back cover, right over the Finnish Steampunk Octopus that Bronc designed. Obviously that will not stand.

Those are now being reprinted, and will be shipped to me while we’re out of the country. Those books will be sent back to me around December 4th, and I will ship them out to you as soon as we get home.

E-Books

The e-book is finished, and I am just looking over the proof now. And if everything works properly, it will be available for downloading starting tomorrow.

I had intended to send this out sooner, but I decided not to make it available before the book shipped, so everyone could get it around the same time.

You will get an email with a password for the download, so please make sure the email you used to buy the e-book on Kickstarter or Paypal is correct, and that we don’t wind up in your spam folder.

Also, the e-book will be available on Amazon shortly, so if you want it sent to your Kindle, you can do that too. The price for the Kindle version will be the same ($5).

Pins

Pins have shipped.

Flasks

Flasks will be going out today.

Cookies

Cookies will be sent this week directly from Pinwheel Bakery. I am sending the book, your bonus item and your Regresy cups myself, and those are packed up and ready to go today.

Hellephants

Hellephants will be going out today.

Audio Bonus with Rob Paulsen

The audio track of The Curse of the Vowel Owl, narrated by myself and Rob “Pinky-Yakko-Raphael-Scratchansniff” Paulsen, has been delayed due a family emergency. Rob was able to finish the track last night when he got back into town, bu I’m probably not going to be able to finish producing it before I go.

However it’s more than halfway there and it sounds incredible. I think you’ll really be happy with it. And I’m going to offer the track for sale when I get back so everyone can hear it, and I’ll split the proceeds between Rob’s favorite charity and our own fund.

Look for that to come out the second week of December.

BANDmade Book

The hand bound version of this book is being made by Pam DeLuca in San Francisco right now. The cover paper is handmade using fibers form my fleece dog caftan and a futon donated by the bass player for the band, CAKE.

This book has always had a projected delivery date on December, and we are right on track. The books should be shipped to me around the 4th of December, so I’ll be able to mail them out as soon as I get home.

This limited edition is sold out, but Pam thinks she may be able to get another 50 copies made. If that happens, I’ll put them up for sale right away, and I’ll post photos so you can see the incredible work she’s famous for.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish sending out empty envelopes without postage to the wrong people.