Subject: Greek Fuckery
I recently went to Greece as part of a course I’m taking. We lived near some very touristy places, and there were lots of people willing to make a necklace with your name on it. I approached a guy with a special request which he agreed to after some confusion.
I proudly present the Regretsy-inspired fuckery necklace. Handmade.
I had it done after Erasmian pronunciation guidelines for Attic Greek, but it was a spur of the moment thing and I realise now that I should probably have used omega instead of the omicron-upsilon diphthong.
Oh I know, don’t you hate that? I always think of the perfect omicron-upsilon diphthong comeback on the way out of the Acropolis. – HK
Subject: Thought of you immediately
Subject: lovely, creamy, yummy personal ad
Your excellent post the other day reminded me of this infuriatingly precious personal ad I recently read in the Chicago Reader Matches:
Handcrafted letters, bicyles and whiskey
“There’s a thing about the lawn mower I can’t even tell you, but to me it’s the most beautiful sound in the world, the freshest sound of the season, the sound of summer. I also rather fancy the following: sending letters through the post, daydreams about Newfoundland, leaning farmhouses, the way that men dressed in the photographs from the early 1900′s, beards, whiskey, summertime back porch conversations, pigeons, Africa, McSweeney’s, accordions, the Harvard comma, crosswords, ultra fine sharpies, record collections, pumpkin pie, bicycle rides, aged dictionaries, bourbon from the freezer, maps, autumn, dresses with pockets, typewriters, soup.”
How far up your own ass do you have to be to think someone is going to want to date you because you like soup? And please, tell me more about what pens you use, because I am on the edge of my God damned seat over here. I tell you what, how about we go out by the leaning farmhouse and I can hit you over the head with an aged dictionary? – HK
Subject: Steampunk HQ
FYI, I found Steampunk HQ in the south island of New Zealand, in a town called Oamaru.
Subject: Socks That Are Just Toes
I was looking through Regretsy and I came to the realization that no one had attempted to make one of the Hottest Etsy Trends of 2011!
I could not allow this to be true, so using my trusty crochet hook and some cheap ass blue yarn a friend duped me into taking from her, I made this happen in my artistic ability.
BEHOLD! Individual Socks For Each Toe: I call them, “Individual Socks For Each Toe.”
From: A woman who I need to have a drink with
Subject: EVERY LAZY ASS SELLER HAS A WHINY STORY ABOUT HOW THEY WERE IN THE HOSPITAL OR SOME BULLSHIT
Let me just start by saying I did thirteen months in Iraq.
Mail was delivered by convoy, and those convoys got regularly attacked by insurgents, who also regularly killed postal workers. And I’m talking about mail that comes from other countries into a war zone, and then has to be delivered through attacks and ambushes. Ever see that famous picture of the DHL plane fleeing Baghdad International Airport with its wing in flames from an RPG? Yeah, that’s how bad it was.
As far as I know, it’s NOT THAT BAD HERE. You don’t see a lot of UPS trucks on the side of the road, riddled with bullets and burning out of control. So as far I’m concerned, there is no fucking excuse for something mailed within the Continental United States to take TWO WEEKS to arrive at another location in the Continental United States.
Twelve days ago, I ordered something off Etsy, and two days ago I asked for an update. Nothing. I waited until this morning, and finally opened a Paypal dispute, and that’s when I got a reply. She’s canceling the item, even though she mailed it two days after I bought it, because I was “really negative and mean,” and because she’s “leaving an abusive situation,” and her “internet has been spotty at best,” even though it suddenly it improved when she got the Paypal dispute notice. So that was a happy coincidence.
Please don’t print this unless you give me an alias. I just fucking hate everyone. I really do.
Subject: Greetings from Milwaukee
As I was stuck in traffic this morning with a raging headache, my drive time was instantly made brighter by this wonderful person.
I was trying to figure out how to signal him and say, “Hey! Me too! CF4L! I don’t like shit crafts either!” but I didn’t want to throw him the shocker or rear end him.
So with that being said, Milwaukee loves you and this dude is awesome.