Dear Helen,

My husband of 7 years is the kindest, most thoughtful man I’ve ever known. He works long hours, is a devoted father to our 2-year-old son, and is endlessly patient with me, even when I’m acting like an ass.

When it comes time for gift-giving, he always comes up with something unexpected and really meaningful. I, on the other hand, can’t come up with anything unless it’s on his Amazon wishlist. We’ve been together 10 years, and I’ve never gotten him anything that made him say, “Holy shit!” when he opened it.

That’s where Regretsy comes in.

He’s always had a soft spot for the Burger King, the Colonel, and other corporate mascots. And a few weeks ago, he mentioned he saw a photo of somebody dressed up like a zombie Colonel, and it would be so cool to have a drawing or painting of that.

Can one of the talented FJL’s make something in their artistic ability that would blow his mind?

I am thinking along the lines of undead Ronald and the Colonel, shambling after the Fry Guys and McNugget Buddies and trying to eat them. Bonus points for Zombie Hamburglar and Grimace. My husband would be thrilled with a print or painting of this, and would definitely hang it up at work.

I’m on a tight budget right now, but I can do $50.

I am sure you get stupid requests like this all the time, but I am holding out hope that you can help me.

Thanks,

Shannon

***

Submit your sketches, comps or other ideas in the comment thread, along with an estimated time of delivery. I’ll have Shannon choose her favorite tomorrow, and I’ll even throw in another $100 for the winner.

Your ideas must be posted by noon PST tomorrow to be eligible.

And… GO

This post first appeared on Regretsy on April 1, 2011

One of the great things about being a vibrant handmade cesspool is the way marginal ideas keep propagating.

If glitter is the herpes of the crafting world, then success is the hantavirus. As soon as something catches on, everyone jumps on the shitwagon and starts crapping out their own versions, made uniquely theirs by gluing a watch face on it. Eventually, Hot Topic starts making their own version in Taiwan, and the circle of fuckery is complete. It’s like I always say, “Handmade isn’t really handmade until you buy it at the mall.”

Since we’re so in the spirit of April Fools today, here’s a guessing game to play.

All of these posters are real, and on sale at Etsy. Well, all but one.

Can you guess which?

Click the image for the answer!

Earlier today I asked you to tell me which of the following items are real listings on Etsy, and which ones we made up. We have thoroughly enjoyed your guesses, and the tortured logic you’ve been using to make your decisions.

Here are your best guesses, and the correct answers.

1. TOILET PAPER ROLL PHOTOGRAPH

YOUR GUESSES:

“Regretsy; the patter is too perfectly precious”

“Etsy: I don’t think April or Bronc could stop laughing long enough to type up that description”

“My guess is the first is HK. The rest are too dumb to NOT be Etsy.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

2. VINTAGE CRAYOLA CRAYONS

YOUR GUESSES:

“Having seen the used pastels, I am sure the Crayolas have to be Etsy”

“Etsy. Might be wrong though, no barnwood.”

“Regretsy: This was a close call, but I think an Etsyan would try to charge more for a full set of wax sticks.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

3. ROCK INCENSE BURNER

YOUR GUESSES:

“Regretsy because i CANNOT believe someone will drill a hole in a rock and then want to call it a ‘craft’ they can sell! that’s just breaking my BS meter!”

“Regretsy, because even Etsy has gotten over barnwood, since it’s sooo 2010.”

“Etsy: HK could not have passed up the chance to glue some shit to it.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

4. DECONSTRUCTED GARDEN

YOUR GUESSES:

“Etsy- Helen is way too lazy and drunk to collect all that shit from her backyard and put it in jars.”

“The deconstructed garden could go either way. On one hand, it fits in perfectly with Etsy sellers who recently received a dictionary as a gift. On the other hand, it’s the most perfect mockery of Etsy I’ve ever seen.”

“The deconstructed garden has to be Regretsy because it didn’t go into a lengthy description of how period blood makes a great fertilizer.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

5. LUCKY HORSE SHOE

YOUR GUESSES:

“Regretsy. it’s just TOO perfect a posting, really.”

“Regretsy. It’s too well done.”

“Etsy – that story is so lame, it has to be true.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…


6. ADVENTURE ON PLANET X SCREENPLAY

YOUR GUESSES:

“Helen loves Star Trek stuff and that looks suspiciously like a phaser.”

“fake. The spelling, punctuation, and grammar are excellent, and there is tense consistency throughout. No one with writing skills that good are going to post on Etsy, even if the content is crap.”

“For this money, I’d expect an actual finished movie, possibly staring Jimmy Stewart and Kathryn Hepburn. But I still think it’s Etsy.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

Thanks for playing!