Here’s how this works:
At least one of these things is a real listing on Etsy. At least one of these things was completely invented by us.
The question is, which is the Etsy, and which is the Regretsy?
Make your best guesses in the comments, but don’t cheat (if you do cheat, don’t post spoilers).
Answers will be posted in a few hours.
Yesterday, I posted a car decal being sold on Etsy that proudly tells the world you’re probably drunk. It also completely obscures the driver’s rear windshield, allowing you to break two laws at once.
Still, I had to believe there were faster ways of geting a moving violation in California, so I asked you to design your own sure-fire decal for getting pulled over by law enforcement. As usual, you assholes are funnier than I am.
Here are ten of my favorites.
Bottoms up!
A few weeks ago, a reader named Shannon asked me to find an artist to draw a zombie Colonel Sanders and characters from McDonaldland. It was to be a surprise for her husband, who for reasons known only to him, actually wanted something like this.
When you need something this special, call on the Fat Jealous Losers of Regretsy. We’re not here to judge you, we’re here to make your dreams come true.
Actually, we are here to judge you, but let’s not split hairs.
The point is, we had a contest. We received over 100 submissions, and you chose Regretsy regular Brian J. Smith from the finalists. Brian delivered his bleak vision of the Zombie Fast Food Apocalypse to Shannon this week, and it was a big hit.
We are both really, really happy with the way the piece turned out. I told my husband the whole story about Regretsy and the undead Sophie’s Choice situation and the voting and he couldn’t stop smiling. He looked through the gallery of submissions this weekend, and he wants everyone to know that he loves their work and he can’t believe that many people would take the time to sketch or paint this ridiculousness and that it was all for him.
Here are some pictures of him and the framed final product. Once again, you fat jealous losers have made someone feel good, you bastards.
Shannon
Want your own print of the Zombie Fast Food Apocalypse? Visit Brian J. Smith’s WePay store
Earlier today I asked you to tell me which of the following items are real listings on Etsy, and which ones we made up. We have thoroughly enjoyed your guesses, and the tortured logic you’ve been using to make your decisions.
Here are your best guesses, and the correct answers.
1. 100 SEED PODS
“>
YOUR GUESSES:
“Etsy because ‘porjects?’ Come on.”
“The mispelling almost threw me off, but April wouldnt go that far from the couch to collect”
“‘Earth magic ceremonies’ isn’t a faerie-enough description.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
2. CLINIQUE MAGNETS
YOUR GUESSES:
“Regretsy, because they are way under-priced.”
“Clinique Magnets?? Nice work, Helen!”
“Etsy. Gluing shit to other shit is the Etsy wheelhouse, dawg.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
3. POST MODERN SCULPTURE
YOUR GUESSES:
“Please god, let the ‘post’ “sculpture” be fake.”
“Regretsy. it just has to be.”
“Etsy, because that is just ridiculous enough to be something on there.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
4. FEATHER AND MASON JAR
YOUR GUESSES:
“The use of barn wood makes me think this is Regretsy.”
“Regretsy; there is no ‘front page’ badge”
“Etsy, look at that picture! Totally cupcakey, creamy, yummy whatever *blech*”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
5. BATH CADDY
YOUR GUESSES:
“Christ I hope it’s Regretsy, but I really, really fear it’s Etsy.”
“Etsy. When you have to fit the item yourself, it has to be Etsy.”
“Regretsy, it’s a board.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
6. EDWARD CULLEN’S ASHES
YOUR GUESSES:
“I can see that this, at least, is some Regretsy Trickery. It is OBVIOUSLY Rip Taylor’s semen!”
“The ashes have got to be Regretsy. No Etsy seller would have that much of a sense of humor when it comes to Twilight paraphernalia.”
“Too obvious for Regretsy. Sadly, I believe this is real.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
Thanks for playing!
