You may remember this email, which I posted a few weeks ago:

From: J. S.
Subject: EMERGENCY ASS PILLOW!
Date: February 1, 2012 5:38:29 PM PST
To: Helen@regretsy.com

My Dad just had some horrifying ass surgery today. Okay, it’s just hemorrhoids, but still.

My family tends to have a rather irreverent approach to things like this, because, well, we’re terrible people. And being terrible people, I’m thinking that my Dad needs something to sit on. Something that will legitimately help him, but also torture and mock him at the same time.

Can the Regretsy crew quickly whip up a functional item that will soothe his ass?

I can go $100 bucks.

- J

I thought this seemed like a pretty good opportunity for someone or other, and to make sure we attracted the best possible idiot for the job, I also threw in $100. I then asked you to post your ideas in the comments of this post, and J.S. would make her selection.

After perusing many polyptastic entries, J.S. awarded the job to Regretsy regular C.J. van Vuuren. C.J. has now delivered her space-themed creation, which got high marks for two puns and a Goatse reference.

YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GET THIS KIND OF ACTION AT RITE AID

Give our best to your dad’s ass.

Earlier today I asked you to tell me which of the following items are real listings on Etsy, and which ones I made up. We have thoroughly enjoyed your guesses, and the tortured logic you’ve been using to make your decisions.

It was a little harder this time, but many of you still nailed it. Next time, Bronc and I will truly bring it.

YOUR GUESSES:

“Fabulous Felt Pineapple Parashit: Regretsy. There’s no way that was created ‘smoke-free.’”

“Pineapple felt thing: Etsy. I don’t think you could glue shit to other shit quite that good, HK.”

“Pineapple necklace looks like the real fucking hipster deal.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

YOUR GUESSES:

“If there is a God that feeder is real.”

“The Hummingbird Feeder is Fake. If it were Whitney Houston, I’d say Real.”

“Paula The Birdfeeder, The Garden Art and The Fruity Necklace must be real.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

YOUR GUESSES:

“The junk drawer has got to be the fake one. It’s like it already knows how to mock itself.”

“I don’t think you’d waste a wrench on the garden art and go to the trouble of setting it up outside. OR WOULD YOU”

“I’ll guess that the fakes is the junk drawer, because it looks like something you could have thrown together in under three minutes and then gotten back to drinking.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

YOUR GUESSES:

“Nails have GOT to be Regretsy, because you spelled “aesthetically” right, but ‘guesstimated’ wrong. There is no way anyone could do that by accident.”

“I don’t think even the worst of Estiers would make a Rusty Nail Bouquet.”

“If that “rusted nails bouquet” is real, I will buy it and drive it into my heart.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

YOUR GUESSES:

“The portrait of Kevin Dillon is fake, because if it were real it would be priced at about $600.”

“100% certain the portrait is fake, and I’ll bet that Bronc drew it.”

“The portrait is REAL. It’s an awful drawing of some obscure celeb that some poor bitch is obsessed with and figures she can’t be the only one.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

Thanks for playing!

One of the questions people ask most about Regretsy is whether or not the things we feature are real. I can’t blame them.

It’s very difficult to accept the fact that not only are people sitting at their kitchen tables and making these, but that they actually think they found a way to quit their day job.

So last month, we introduced a new game: Etsy or Regretsy. It was a big hit, though some of you were very clever and saw right through my pathetic efforts to appear deranged. So this week, I am upping my game.

At least one of these is a real listing on Etsy. At least one is fake.

Which is the Etsy and which is the Regretsy?

Leave your guesses in the comments. Answers will be revealed later today.

Earlier today I asked you to tell me which of the following items are real listings on Etsy, and which ones I made up. I have been cackling all morning at your guesses, and the tortured logic you’ve been using to make your decisions.

Let’s start, shall we?

YOUR GUESSES:

“The lipstick stencil is either a fake or a reseller ripoff.”

“I’m going to guess that because it has actual practical use, the lipstick stencil is the fake.”

“I am guessing the Lipstick Stencil Guide is the fake. By the way, I have an average sized penis.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

YOUR GUESSES:

“The rainwater is the Regretsy because the spelling and punctuation was the closest to proper English.”

“The rainwater is the most obvious choice because it’s just too ridiculous to see on Etsy.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

YOUR GUESSES:

“Gonna say the Eggshells are real because they show serious misunderstanding about how the internet and the postal service work.”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE IF YOU CAN’T SPELL ‘AU LAIT’ AT LEAST DO A SEARCH AND LET GOOGLE CORRECT IT FOR YOU, YOU MOUTHBREATHING SIMPLETON.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

YOUR GUESSES:

“I’m guessing the Regretsy is the matchstick brooch, just because it’s the only one without a misspelling.”

“If it is fake, it won’t be for long. I have a box of matches in the house, and a camera.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

UPDATE: THE SELLER TOOK IT PRETTY WELL

YOUR GUESSES:

“Clearly the I love dildo T-shirt is fake. If it was a real Etsy listing, there would be dirty hippie vagina somewhere in the picture.”

"I think the dildo shirt is Etsy, and I bet it sells surprisingly well."

AND THE ANSWER IS…

YOUR GUESSES:

“The cross stitch pattern is spelled too well to be a real Etsy listing.”

“I think the crucifix might be Regretsy, but only because I refuse to believe that someone on the internet is that stupid.”

AND THE ANSWER IS…

Thanks for playing!