Merry Christmas and happy holidays, from all of us at Regretsy.

And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshipped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts of gold and frankincense and corn.

This post first appeared on Regretsy in December of 2009.

This Christmas, tell her you’d marry her all over again with a set of corroded dentures that smell like a bum’s ass.

This post first appeared on Regretsy in December of 2011.

Away in a manger,
no crib for His bed,
The little Lint Jesus
lay down his clump head.
In fibrous splendor
He slumbers a while,
The nap may be short
But it’s still quite a pile.

Mary is lumpy,
Faceless and odd,
The wise men are tampons
balled up in a wad,
The cows are dust bunnies,
And Joseph is futz
It’s twelve hundred dollars
And everyone’s nuts.

Be near me, Blob Jesus,
All covered in hair,
And take us to thy lint trap,
to Live with Thee there.