This post first appeared on Regretsy on June 16, 2011.

Sorry, I already bought it.

But these are still available!

The First Family
Jesus
Your cat
William and Kate

This post first appeared on Regretsy in July of 2011

If I was your city, I’d throw chunks of metal at you too.

This post first appeared on Regretsy in June of 2011

First of all, how is this a coozy? Isn’t a coozy one of those insulated things you put on a beer can to keep it cold? Or does this keep your toilet paper chilled for anal refreshment? And how does this save toilet paper? Is it because it’s such a pain in the ass to take the roll out of the fucking fabric baggie that no one bothers to wipe anymore? That doesn’t seem like such a bargain. Maybe you save toilet paper, but your Shout bill is going to go through the roof.

Then again, maybe you’re just supposed to back up and wipe your ass on this thing. I guess that’s possible. But I thought that’s what guest towels were for.

THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I THINK ABOUT

This post first appeared on Regretsy in June of 2011