This is either an attempt to avoid a lawsuit, or a porn actress I don’t know about.

- Submitted by Chuck

Yes! Yes, that’s what it needs, a calico ribbon! I was thinking a can of lighter fluid and a match, but the ribbon is so much easier. Plus it’ll help the garbage man see it on Wednesday!

- Submitted by Rachael

She got off most of the old cheese, so that’s good. It only smells a little like a bum’s nutsack. Oh sure, it’s not perfect, but you try cleaning a cheese grater with a cigarette.

Nothing says I’ll bang anything like a giant condom wrapper on your bed. Oh, It might not be as elegant as a Sparkletts dispenser full of Astroglide, but compared to the Hefty bags full of scat porn in your living room, it’s practically poetry.