Frustrated by RCA postponing her latest CD, Kelly Clarkson takes matters into her own hands by covering her back with spinach dip and hiring herself out for parties.

Fotini, the magickal, whimsical remnant fairy, lives in your linen closet, where she staples old handkerchiefs to your sports bras.

This post first appeared on Regretsy on July 31, 2011.

Everyone who sold pot in the 80′s had an afghan like this, so I can only imagine how many deals went down on these pants. You could probably get enough shake out of these for a bong load.

But that’s how people bought pot back then; they went to some guy’s house. They didn’t have collectives and prescriptions and pharmacies. No, you had to drive out to bumfuck, and sit on some guy’s afghan while he made you a “lid”. And you couldn’t just leave once you got it, because that would be rude. No, you had to get high with him, and watch Wheel of Fortune for 20 minutes while your friend Debi waited in the car and smoked her mom’s Parliaments.

At least, that’s what I’ve heard.

This post first appeared on Regretsy in June of 2011.

Wait a second, – $2618 to look like a urinal? I thought you were supposed to pay me to be a toilet. Boy, things sure have changed since I was in college.