What’s that old saying? Oh, yes! “If wishes were horses, beggars would have big tits.”

As you may know, one of our favorite topics around here is the feeding frenzy that kicks in on Etsy whenever something terrible happens. We call it, TragiCrafting™.

But let’s be clear about one thing: TragiCrafting™ is not fueled by the desire to make a buck off of tragedy. That would be so very cynical and wrong, and not at all chippy and muted and covered with mass produced cabochons.

No, this is all about healing. And here are some Etsy crafters getting their healing on right now!

Celebrate the loss of life and property with cute earrings!

Don’t like turquoise? No problem! The Chocolate Opal has tagged two pages of earrings with “HURRICANE SANDY,” and isn’t giving one cent to the relief effort, so you can be sure that no one is doing a fucking thing.

Not in the mood for earrings? How about these?

Eat dessert first! Your house may be gone before dinner!

No better way to honor displaced storm victims living on emergency rations than with cookies, am I right? I CAN ALMOST TASTE YOUR SUFFERING

Have peanut allergies? Then get your storm on with these!

If you don’t feel like crafting, you can tie them together and float to Connecticut!

Is there anything owls love more than hurricanes?

This handy journal makes it easy to write down everything that was destroyed, so you can argue with your insurance company until 2015!

Well to be fair, this is actually somewhat relevant. It is a jacket, after all.

Plus when I think of the cruelty of nature and the ravages of time, I think of John Travolta.

- Click here to see the growing coil of Sandicrafts clogging up the Etsy colon

NOTE: We are aware that many crafters are donating a portion of their sales to the Red Cross. But that’s not as funny.

UPDATE:

SINCERELY,

SOMEONEONE SPAECIAL

Maybe you can make that fugly denim skirt disappear.

- Submitted anonymously

Congratulations to Etsy seller Bohemian Smile for receiving the coveted Regretsy Double Douchebag Award!

Not only are they ripping off artist Ron Burns…

They’re ripping off animal shelters too!

Not the plagiarized Ron Burns art you were looking for?

How about Sad Doggie?

Of course, Ron calls his version Toby. But at least Bohemian Smile came up with their own name!

Maybe you prefer Take Me Home.

Sorry! I meant Otis.

Not in the mood for a stolen Burns? How about a Vladimir Gorksy?

Or maybe a Deyaz?

Still not seeing what you want? Don’t worry! They are a very artistic couple, so they’ll paint anything!

THEY JUST HAVE TO SEE IT FIRST

UPDATE: THEY ALSO HAND MAKE LEATHER SKIRTS