HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO SWALLOW THE MINT DENTAL FLOSS

You want to have fun, and I want a painting by someone who can draw hands. IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S NOT A GOOD DAY FOR EITHER OF US

This post first appeared on Regretsy in August of 2011.

Speaking of prison art, I thought you might enjoy this little collection of pencil sketches.

Not from Etsy, but weirdly enough, 1st Dibs (“The Most Beautiful Things on Earth”), comes a soap-dropping portfolio of prison art. You can choose from depictions of demons or fur-suited barbarians, depending on your decor. It’s a tough choice, but fortunately almost all of these pieces include a girl with big tits holding a dagger.

The drawings – some of which are framed – sell for $150 each. It might sound steep, but it seems fair when you consider what $150 buys on Etsy these days.

Click the image below for the whole set.

I hate it when I go home with a guy and let him tie me up with a rope, and he turns out to be a mythical beast. FML!

I mean, it’s bad enough that you have to undo knots behind your back while you’re naked and then try to get out of his condo before he comes back with the cauldron. But then you have to face your friends, and they’re like, “Oh my God, I knew he was a Manticora of the ancient Tataric origin! How did you not know?” And you’re all, “Dude, it was dark at Skybar! I didn’t even notice the three rows of teeth. I thought they were Tic Tacs.”

Assholes.