This reminds me of the time I had bad clams and went to Magic Mountain.

Well, we’re going to have to agree to disagree. Because what you see as a “groping snout of desire,” I see as a partially chewed milk dud on a stick. And the vagina looks more like a spoon that got stuck in the garbage disposal, which says to me that we should eschew modern utensils and just eat Yoplait out of each other’s pee-holes. At least, that’s what I’m getting out of it.

Celebrate all wombyn by taking shitty soft porn Photobooth shots on your laptop!

God this is empowering, isn’t it? I reject your notion of what beauty is, and substitute it with my own… which is me!

But that’s not the real issue here. The real issue is that we all need to just stop objectifying women for a second and look at my tits.

Aren’t they beautiful? Oh, not in a socially-constructed irrelevant way, but because I said so. And I spell woman with a “Y”, so I’m not fucking around.

Let’s just agree that all women are beautiful, unless they’re thin or have fake tits. Then they’re dumb whores who make themselves vomit. That’s why Mo’nique can write a book called Skinny Women Are Evil, but no one is going to publish a book called Fat Women are Lazy anytime soon. So let’s celebrate all women by selling pictures of our cans, because looks don’t matter.

Why do women do this? Why does it always come down to sexy and beautiful? If it’s all socially-constructed and irrelevant, why construct other standards that look like you? Isn’t that just buying in to the same bullshit?

MAYBE I JUST HATE MY VAGINA