Whimsy! That’s the word I’d use! I’ve got a decaying turtle foot on my cravat and I feel so fanciful! La la la la la!

Jesus, this thing is disgusting. The only way it could be worse is if there were two of them.

You might also want to take it off before you put your contacts in.

It’s no secret that dads love office supplies. So this year, why not give him a binder clip? He’ll love the way it looks like something on the floor under his desk.

Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s a comb, not the Sylvia Plath story. Put down The Bell Jar and go outside for a change.