non·cy·cle [non-sahy-kuhl]
1. To take a piece of garbage and turn it into a different piece of garbage
2. To take an object that still has some useful purpose and turn it into a piece of garbage
“Mary stopped Jim from discarding the expired air-fresheners so she could noncycle them into an instant collection.”
Synonyms: Lateral Recycling, Garbage Shuffling, Etsy Inventory
Earlier today I asked you to tell me which of the following items are real listings on Etsy, and which ones we made up. As always, we have thoroughly enjoyed your guesses, and the tortured logic you’ve used to make your decisions.
Here are your best guesses, and the correct answers.
1. REPURPOSED UPCYCLED RECYCLED BIRD FEEDER
YOUR GUESSES:
“Regretsy. Etsy sellers are too cheap to include bird seed with an overpriced dustpan.”
“‘Regretsy. The barn wood just puts this one over the edge for me. It has to be fake.”
“If the Coffeemate bird feeder is Etsy, I lose my faith in humanity.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
2. JEMIMA BUTTERWORTH MAMMY DOLL
YOUR GUESSES:
“If that Jemima one is real, I will dump out the sand and fill it with my tears.”
“Regretsy because it’s only $12, If it was Etsy, it would be at least $24.”
“I think, no matter what, worlds will be shattered on this day.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
3. RECYCLED PLASTIC COFFEE-MATE HUMMINGBIRD FEEDER
YOUR GUESSES:
“I’m pretty sure the hummingbird feeder is what happened after Helen got drunk watching Craft Wars on TLC.”
“That’s actually too shitty for HK to have dreamed up.”
“I’m torn on the coffemate hummingbird feeder. That’s easily up to Etsy standards.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
4. WORDS ON PAPER (ART)
YOUR GUESSES:
“Regretsy. The photography is too good.”
“Etsy. This is stupid shit some hipster asshole scribbled in ‘Contemporary Native Poetry’ class, and thought was brilliant.”
“I can’t even respond. I’m suddenly feeling suicidal.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
5. COOL VINTAGE INDUSTRIAL BLENDER BASE
YOUR GUESSES:
“Mint Condition but Nonworking. Etsy”
“Etsy, home of filling shit with more shit and selling it for $45.”
“Etsy. Even if you guys made this up, I’m sure someone is selling it.”
AND THE ANSWER IS…
Thanks for playing!
