LET’S WRAP THIS UP NOW
When I was a little girl, my father was a big star.
He had a primetime variety show on ABC before I was born, and had segued into a huge career as a voice-over actor in the 70′s. He created voices for hundreds of well-loved cartoon characters, from Gargamel to Tigger.
And yet, with all his success, he could not handle the down time. He would absolutely fall apart when he wasn’t working.
I saw it so many times. Production would slow down, and my dad would get depressed. He would sit in the living room all day and night, waiting for someone to give him permission to be creative. I watched him get bitter and angry, and I promised myself that I would not let that happen to me. I would always find ways to entertain people, even if no one hired me to do it.
So when I was out of work in September of 2009, I started looking for something to do. The last time things had been that slow, I wound up hosting a talk radio show on KFI for three years. But talk radio had changed, and was really not a place for laughs anymore. So I decided to start a web site where I could just be a smart ass, and amuse people while I waited for things to pick up again. I just thought it would be fun.
I was right.
Regretsy was an incredibly fun thing to do, and for much longer than I had a right to expect. That’s an essential part of any project for me, because it’s the only way I can do my best. So I promised myself that when it stopped being fun, I would stop doing it.
Well, that day is here. Actually that day came and went quite a while ago, but the success of the site, the readership and the community have been very hard to give up. But now I really have no choice.
For one thing, I’m back to work. Animation is cyclical, and my turn has come around again. I have just finished working on three upcoming Pixar projects (including Monsters University, which is ADORABLE), and I have a leading role in a new show by Lauren Faust (My Little Pony) and Craig McCracken (Powerpuff Girls, Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends). Bronc and I are also in talks to develop SockPuppet Theatre for television.
Secondly – and perhaps most importantly – I have no more jokes left to tell about crafting. After nearly three and a half years, I’ve said everything I have to say about it, and now we’re just Bedazzling a dead horse.
SO WHAT’S NEXT
• On February 1st, Regretsy will become an archive. All the posts will remain, and you can still comment on them if you like, but I will no longer be updating it.
• The Regretsy forums will stay live and unchanged. There is a wonderful, supportive community there, and I want those people to remain there and enjoy it for as long as they care to.
• Sockpuppet Theatre will continue to add new episodes on Tuesdays.
• Finally, I am reactiviating AprilWinchell.com, which is the site I used to run before starting this one. After I take a little break, I’ll start blogging over there again, and I won’t be relegated to writing about glue guns and fake mustaches. In the meantime, I’m making my old KFI and KABC radio shows available, as well as my enormous library of God awful music.
You have been an amazing audience and a wonderful, kind community. I have appreciated every day that you have allowed me to do whatever the hell it is I do. I hope you will allow me to continue to entertain you.
NAMASTE, BITCHES
Let’s Wrap This Up Now by Catbird Craft, as featured in The Regretsy Tarot Deck
January 28, 2013 at 9:01 am
NOOOOOOOOOOOO but yeah, I understand, and I totally get it. Thanks for the fun, April, and I hope we’ll still all be friends.
January 28, 2013 at 12:18 pm
This is Regretsy defending the world from Etsy.
What now?
January 28, 2013 at 12:56 pm
What in the ever-loving HELL is that from?! It’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen all day.
January 28, 2013 at 1:26 pm
It’s Japanese. Need I say more?
January 28, 2013 at 1:36 pm
power rangers?
January 28, 2013 at 2:11 pm
Obviously, you are a person of discriminating taste and entertainment.
January 28, 2013 at 2:38 pm
Move over, Honey Badger. I’ve found a new Spirit Animal.
January 28, 2013 at 10:57 pm
it’s the only show i know with that kind of creature fuckery… next to the guyver
January 29, 2013 at 11:25 am
It’s the hip-wiggle that kills me.
January 28, 2013 at 6:48 pm
OMG? That video! What on earth are these Japanese on?
January 29, 2013 at 6:53 pm
Every time I click on this entry, I can’t continue to scroll down until I watch this gif at least three times. It’s addictively, shamefully engrossing.
January 29, 2013 at 3:39 pm
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
I just found out and I am so sad. I’m also happy for you, April. I know I haven’t been around here lately, but I will miss you guys a lot. Well, most of you. This place taught me so much. For instance, I had no idea what “goatse” was before I found Regretsy. Who’s going to enrich my perverted mind now? I’ll have to rely on the kindness of strangers from now on, I guess. Good luck and thanx for the feature!
January 29, 2013 at 8:43 pm
“Turn out the lights, the party’s over. They say that all good things must end…”
http://youtu.be/71n3PtdQWF4
February 1, 2013 at 4:59 pm
I for one have been a proud Fat Jealous Loser since way back. I’ll follow April’s Army into any battle. Thanks for the good times!
January 28, 2013 at 9:04 am
Thank you for all the laughs, April. Best wishes and love, you hilarious bitch! (said with love!)
Namaste, yourself! <3
January 28, 2013 at 9:05 am
Thanks for the funtimes, April.
January 28, 2013 at 11:46 am
…and for all the mammaries.
Look forward to following you all across cyberspace.
January 28, 2013 at 9:08 am
I know I left a comment in the forums already, but hugs and thanks and all of that. You really do rock.
January 28, 2013 at 9:15 am
I enjoyed every crack you had about glue guns and Earl Grey, but I know it gets tiring. The good news: the archives will be there. Your old blog will be there. And god dammit, these forums–hell, even if the forums went away–these people will be here, and we’re gonna support you no matter what.
You built one hell of a community, and not just of crafters, but of people with a sense of humour and big hearts.
I’ll miss Regretsy, but I’m glad your blog is coming back. I’m glad you’re back to work (and really looking forward to seeing things you guys are making), and I love Sockpuppet Theatre. It’s cathartic to see all the horrible catfights and stupidity of the internet happen right before my eyes, and it’s made by people I love more than I love pie. And I love pie. That’s a lot of love.
Don’t be a stranger. Now I’m all misty-eyed and wistful and shit. Good luck, and don’t fuck around with anything that makes you unhappy.
January 28, 2013 at 9:16 am
Derp. I mean to say “I’ll say what I said on the forums,” then post that.
January 28, 2013 at 10:04 am
Whiskey is wise as a mofo and pretty much what I wanted to say. I surprised myself with how emotional this made me last night, even now I’m sitting at school trying to to get sniffly. Love and thanks to both you and John, I am proud to know you both and look forward to everything else you all give me. Namaste indeed, and CF4MOTHERFUCKINGLIFE bitches! XOXOXOXOXOX
January 28, 2013 at 12:49 pm
April,
I can’t believe I’ve followed you for what seems to be forever. Regretsy and all you FJL’s have been in my life through 2 boyfriends and 3 residences. I’ll follow you wherever you may go. Looking forward to hearing you talk about things other than glue guns and bajingos. Plus I love Sockpuppet Theatre. Thank you for the laughs, I’m glad you’ve found steady work, and I am SO excited to see Monsters’ University! A big thanks to John, Crochet, and all the people who have kept this site alive.
Thanks for the memories and CF4L!
Namaste Bitches.
January 28, 2013 at 12:50 pm
Jake
January 28, 2013 at 12:51 pm
I also posted in the forums about this already, but just because, I’ll say it again.
Thank you. I love you from the bottom of my cold dead heart.
For those commenters seeking more snark and friendlessness, come to the forums! Or you can join the facebook group (it’s set to “private”, but that’s just so we can swear and stuff without my mom (or yours) seeing it.)
January 28, 2013 at 9:09 am
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
January 28, 2013 at 9:38 am
So long and thanks for all the fish heads taxidermied onto squirrel bodies?
January 28, 2013 at 10:16 am
So long, and thanks for all the Fuckery.
January 31, 2013 at 4:00 pm
I really wanted to thumb this up, but it was at 42. >_<
February 5, 2013 at 10:27 pm
I thought I was the only one that did that! A salute to a fellow geek!
January 28, 2013 at 10:28 pm
But will Regretsy suddenly go active on Feb. 2 with April going “And another thing…”?
January 28, 2013 at 9:13 am
Thank you Helen Killer and Bronc Drywall, you are both amazing people, who gave my life meaning for so long <3
January 28, 2013 at 11:48 am
If not for April, who knows if Syrian hamsters would get the respect they deserve.
January 28, 2013 at 9:14 am
Wishing you that all your future audiences will love you as much as we do here.
January 28, 2013 at 9:14 am
April, with all my heart, thank you for everything. You’re the absolute best and the absolute funniest. We love you.
January 28, 2013 at 9:15 am
I’m not crying. It’s just rain, on my face.
Thank you for an incredible few years. Holy shit. It was amazing.
January 28, 2013 at 9:15 am
Someone make a flounce cat that says: I have no more jokes about crafting!
Seriously though- I’ll miss regretsy so much but I’m happy for you April! Congrats on your sucess and I’ll be following whatever you do!
Love, Aaron
January 28, 2013 at 9:17 am
IF I were a suspicious person, I might wonder whether April is actually switching off Regretsy of her own accord to take better advantage of her truly deserved success OR if in fact the Cupcake Conspiracy has finally gotten to her.
All of those who have commented on this site have seen them – shady people dressed in black with small hats and black-rimmed glasses lurking outside our homes. Why just the other day I looked up from my computer and saw three girls, heads tilted, eyes looking up and to the right, making duckfaces at me outside my front window. I tried to run outside and catch them but they hopped on their green Dutch bikes and rode off down the street, leaving behind only a smear of vegan pink frosting and a note to stop being so negative on my mailbox.
I looked to my left and become afraid again as a man in wool hat and scarf opened the space just above his soul patch and hissed at me “keep calm and go back inside.”
Or maybe I’m wrong.
Thanks so much April!
January 28, 2013 at 9:17 am
Thanks for all the unicorns vj’s and Regretsy math lessons over the past three years. Good luck to you and Bronc!
January 28, 2013 at 9:18 am
It’s because of you I found myself again. It all started here for me. I love you so much April!! Forever indebted to your grace and generosity. Oh, how I adore you. xxx/blackgermanshepherd
January 28, 2013 at 11:38 am
Ooh, I still remember that awesome video you sent to April that she posted. The snark is so strong in you, my friend! <3
January 29, 2013 at 11:04 am
Yeah, that was the BEST. ORDER. EVER!! ..and I’ll always love you too Mugsy!! …and so many other FJL’s. *group hug*
January 28, 2013 at 9:19 am
Thanks for the laughs, giggles and just plain shooting-iced-tea-out-my-nose incidences. You done good! And thanks for introducing all of us to each other. I wasn’t aware of Regretsy until way after its inception so I’ll go back and check out the archives.
I know how you feel about quitting, I was the editor/writer/producer for a classic Cougar car club newsletter in Florida for eight years, six issues a year. I loved it at first, was jazzed at being able to put my photography and writing skills to work, but after 48 issues it was time to call it quits, I no longer loved doing it.
God bless, and thanks from this fat, jealous loser bitch!
January 28, 2013 at 9:20 am
Without Regretsy, there’s no reason to go to Etsy.
Etsy stopped being fun (for me) about a month after I signed up for it. Regretsy, on the other hand…well, I guess I’ll have to get back to the forums.
I’m still going to stalk you, Ms. April.
January 28, 2013 at 9:21 am
Does this mean that I have to do my job now?
January 28, 2013 at 6:42 pm
At least this will free up some time for me to find a job, phew!
January 28, 2013 at 10:57 pm
Nope. April’s blog will be back–and there’s always Sock Puppet Theatre.
January 28, 2013 at 9:21 am
When the site becomes an archive, can we have the CF4L category back?
January 28, 2013 at 9:41 am
They’re actually still there, but they weren’t showing up for some reason. It should be fixed shortly.
January 28, 2013 at 9:22 am
April,
I doubt you’ll ever know the impact you’ve had on people’s lives with your silly site. When Regretsy first appeared, I somehow saw it in its first week, and never stopped following it. Bought the book, participated in contests, and bought some amazing arts and crafts from Regretsians.
That was a difficult time in my life. I had lost a high paying job, my father had died, and I was filled with a lot of anger and sorrow. The fun of Regretsy, the feeling of being part of a community – was huge for me.
I have ‘met’ so many great people from Regretsy, and communicate with them daily via Facebook. So many, many artistic and fun people that I’m honored to have as part of my life.
It’s all due to you, April. This goofy site, which has been as much a hassle as a pleasure for you, has had far-reaching consequences in my life. I thank you, sincerely, for what you did here.
January 28, 2013 at 9:23 am
CF4L, bitches! So happy you’ve got some projects you’re excited about, April. Regretsy has been a fantastic place for me, both for the smartassery, but also for the charities (especially Christmas, thank you so much). I hope to hear you soon on TV
Best of luck to you and Bronc.
January 28, 2013 at 9:23 am
Ahhhh, my heart is breaking. This site is the one I made sure to go to everyday. But, I understand. Change is bittersweet. Boy, I will miss you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl3vxEudif8
January 28, 2013 at 9:23 am
There will be rejoicing in CupcakeLand tonight, that’s for sure.
None here, though.
xoxoxo
January 28, 2013 at 9:24 am
I love April, but WHAT am I supposed to do without Matt and Zippy?
January 28, 2013 at 9:27 am
There’s this thing called Facebook…a few of us are over there. Just sayin’…
(I hope that Bronc’s filter doesn’t strike out “Just sayin’” because, you know, just sayin’)
January 28, 2013 at 9:31 am
I’m over there, friend me, people. Although everyone except me has an alternate name here, so I won’t know who you are (I know Zippy’s name, and that’s about it). I also have “Flat Earth Rebirth” on facebook, too.
January 28, 2013 at 9:47 am
I’ll friend you, even though it will go against my vow to have just one Facebook friend.
I have an alternate FB name, too, but my Words with Friends name is melagrana for anyone who likes to play scrabble…
January 28, 2013 at 9:54 am
Now how will we ever get that room? Under the highway overpass?? If Matt can have his name boldly out there, then I’ll confess to being Bruce Willey and you can friend me on FB, too. We had a good run though, didn’t we?
January 28, 2013 at 9:58 am
Oh, we’ll get that room, just so Matt will shut up about it (while secretly being jealous).
I’ll friend you; my FB name is a plant species.
January 28, 2013 at 10:06 am
I’ll miss y’all too; who’s gonna make bad puns with me now? If any of you get a friend request from another Johnson or MacIan, it’s me.
Well, probably; there’re a lot of Johnsons.
Just think of me as the creeper outside the window of your room, watching with my binocs.
January 28, 2013 at 10:07 am
Dude, who knew there were so many Bruce Wileys? I chose one at random…
January 28, 2013 at 10:12 am
Eh, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all… well speaking for Johnsons anyway…
January 28, 2013 at 10:18 am
You’ll probably narrow it down if you add the other “L”. It’s a less common name that way.
January 28, 2013 at 10:27 am
Oh, very well. But I like to think I made some Bruce Wiley very happy just now.
January 28, 2013 at 10:36 am
Pro-tip: Next time, don’t open with a topless photo. Let the sexual tension build a bit first.
January 28, 2013 at 10:56 am
THIS is exactly why I had only one Facebook friend.
January 28, 2013 at 11:03 am
It’s all downhill from here, Mel.
January 28, 2013 at 11:04 am
No kidding!
January 28, 2013 at 10:34 am
What the “l”, Mel? I’m the Portland one with “Duke” from Doonesbury as my pic. (Because I’m just like him without drugs and adventures)
January 28, 2013 at 10:37 am
So it’s just the nose that you two have in common?
January 28, 2013 at 11:03 am
Oh. Also, maybe I shouldn’t have tried to friend you by writing on my computer screen with my Lady Bic pen. But it’s all just so confusing and my hands are so small!
Anyway, on FB I’m Anemanthele Lessoniana if you didn’t get my request.
January 28, 2013 at 7:05 pm
I didn’t get your request, Mel. I “liked” a page called Anemanthele Lessoniana. Is that you? This is like the end of summer camp or something.
January 28, 2013 at 7:28 pm
I sent you a message because I don’t get the friend option for you.
I’m Matt’s friend now, so you can find me on his list?
I didn’t see a like on my FB, either.
*sigh*
Camp wasn’t this sad…
January 28, 2013 at 1:53 pm
Which Portland, RevW asks hopefully?
January 28, 2013 at 1:59 pm
Zippy – you on linkedin?
January 28, 2013 at 2:41 pm
Oregon and yes.
January 29, 2013 at 8:54 am
I’m Melinda in the real world. Hopefully you fat jealous losers are as interesting in real life as you are here.
PS Hey Zippy, I’m in Portland too. Small world.
January 28, 2013 at 12:58 pm
Bruce, you don’t come up on facebook search. The web did, however, turn up your obituary somehow. “Friend” me. I have the same profile pic from 7 years ago that I use on etsy.
January 28, 2013 at 1:33 pm
Ha! See, Matt? Not so easy to find him, even with the right spelling. And the topless photo.
I sent a vaguely threatening invitation to a photo of an action figure with Zippy’s name, so we’ll see what comes of that.
January 28, 2013 at 1:40 pm
Wtf is up with fb search? I can hardly find any of you guys. I found Zippy through the Sockpuppet Theatre fb page.
January 28, 2013 at 1:44 pm
Someone just sent me a message on etsy with a link to their fb so I could friend them. Do that if you have an etsy account.
January 28, 2013 at 1:45 pm
Or email me the link: flatearthrebirth@gmail.com
January 28, 2013 at 5:16 pm
Well if you get a request from someone with a name written in both latin and mandarin characters that will be me! Although this will have to involve logging in to facebook again. Damn.
January 28, 2013 at 1:11 pm
Look for some wierdo named ‘Jess Protest’ trying to friend you.
January 28, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Will do!
January 28, 2013 at 10:23 am
Mugsy, I was worried about you how did you do in sandy?
January 28, 2013 at 11:13 am
Hey, Whims! I was fine. My part of Queens is far from the water and we didn’t have any problems at all. Friends in NJ had power problems, but a propane-powered generator helped a lot.
What about you? I *think* you’re near the water. Not sure which state you live in, though, so I won’t ask out here.
Are you on FB? If so, look for me.
January 28, 2013 at 11:39 am
Sensibly inland, just east of Spfld MA, on the CT border. We were flattened by the tornado in 2011, I’ll try to post a photo.
January 28, 2013 at 11:40 am
No FB for me, Mrs Fucker & I aren’t into the FB thing.
January 28, 2013 at 1:05 pm
I know you and Mrs. Fucker are careful about the Internet, but I had to ask. Are you at least on the forums? In touch with any of us via e-mail? I miss your whimisical fuckery!
January 28, 2013 at 1:56 pm
I am on the forums, mostly lurking. I still use the same email I did back during PP. We are pretty near amish compared to most people with the internet.
January 28, 2013 at 2:28 pm
I’ll sta– uh, seek you out. I’m sure I still have that e-mail list.
Was your house really flattened in 2011???
January 29, 2013 at 4:07 am
Fortunately no, Mrs Fucker & the little Fuckers were home. We were almost a block north of that picture. We got some damage, minor compared to the 84 homes that were total loss.
January 28, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Are you talking about me? Behind my back?
January 28, 2013 at 1:07 pm
Yes, I was talking about you, but not behind your back, but ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD. I neglected to add that you put a power strip out by your gate for the powerless-neighbors to recharge their things. I thought that was very kind of you. And who knew that rechargeable vibrators existed? Learn something new every day!
January 28, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Mrs. Fucker had a great shot of my hillbilly truck with my engine drive welder strapped to the deck, the coffee pot for the whole neighborhood and like a half dozen cell phones charging next to it, and cords running to fridges in two houses after our storm. I didn’t hear a single complaint about how loud that ratty old bastard was, and it ran better than 80% of the time for like 3 days.
January 28, 2013 at 1:49 pm
I had heard about you, so I knew you were OK.
January 28, 2013 at 11:45 am
You’re allowed this time, Mugsy.
January 28, 2013 at 1:08 pm
Thank you, Bronc. I couldn’t resist trying!
January 28, 2013 at 7:08 pm
Please tell me you’re going to hold the line at “methinks”, though. That one’s gotta go.
January 29, 2013 at 9:26 am
Dammit!
January 28, 2013 at 9:28 am
I need to grow lots of thumbs for that. I’ll miss you and Zip, too, melagrana.
January 28, 2013 at 9:50 am
Psst. Come to the forums.
January 28, 2013 at 9:55 am
This is exactly how I got tricked into joining that last cult!
January 28, 2013 at 11:11 am
Come to the fooorumsss. You too Matt.. We need puns. Lots of puns.. We cannot have the source of puns dry up. I would have a sad.
January 28, 2013 at 8:48 pm
I was sure that someday I would have something awesome to add and that Melagrana, Mugsy Doodle, Matt and Zippy would notice me and we would all end up being good friends and I would be part of something special. Sniff.
January 28, 2013 at 9:25 am
good luck fearless leader in all your new endeavors. now stop reading this and get to work!
January 28, 2013 at 9:27 am
January 28, 2013 at 10:05 am
What a bunch of little pricks.
January 28, 2013 at 9:27 am
Keep clam and carrion, dudes n’ dudettes.
I’ll certainly miss the sometimes witty, sometimes infantile banter I’ve had here over the year with everyone. I’ve “met” some people here whom I would love to meet in real life at some point.
On the plus side- with my brief comedy career behind me, I’ll be able to focus on more important things, like my tinfoil ball (it’s up to 4 feet across!) ,my jams n’ jellies and of course, my pinecone n’ brambles girlfriend who says I don’t pay enough attention to her.
January 28, 2013 at 9:40 am
I have friends in RI, so I call dibs on meeting you one of these days for coffee milk, or a Del’s, or in a Quonset hut full of Buddy Cianci toupees.
January 28, 2013 at 10:28 am
That would be great! Zip- you should come, too. And everyone else- Princess, Mugsy, Lettuce, etc…
January 28, 2013 at 10:36 am
We’re gonna all come and RI will sink!
January 28, 2013 at 10:52 am
It’s bigger at low tide.
January 28, 2013 at 10:57 am
Smells better, too.
January 28, 2013 at 12:53 pm
Could not say the same for my Providence apartment. The landlady had nailed the area rug to the main room’s floor and never cleaned it.
January 28, 2013 at 7:30 pm
That better not be a euphemism for lack of personal hygiene on her part!
January 28, 2013 at 7:58 pm
Damn me and my single entendres.
January 28, 2013 at 11:06 am
Thanks, Matt! I’d love to see your beautiful shop sometime, though I’m far from RI at the moment. I’ll be sure to bring some tinfoil to contribute to the ball!
January 28, 2013 at 1:04 pm
Me? Rhode Island? I think I may have driven through it once on the way to Mass.
January 28, 2013 at 1:09 pm
No, you’re thinking of Connecticut. That’s the “pass-through” state.
January 28, 2013 at 2:34 pm
I thought it was the bedroom community state.
January 28, 2013 at 1:13 pm
That sounds like fun. I’ve been to RI and it’s a lovely petite state. Made me feel like Godzilla trampling Tokyo, but I had fun! Hard time prying all the cars out of my sneaker treads, but my fault for not wearing solid-leather soles. Easier for squishing.
Coffee milk sounds like fun. Unlike a Quonset hut full of Buddy Cianci toupees. A hut full of toupees is bad enough, but I’ve seen BC. *shudders*
January 28, 2013 at 1:14 pm
Nothing personal, Princess, but this (^) was meant as a reply to Melagrana.
January 28, 2013 at 1:37 pm
Coffee milk is not just fun, it’s the state beverage!
January 28, 2013 at 2:35 pm
And the mosquito is the state bird!
January 28, 2013 at 7:37 pm
I’m originally from Minnesota and – no. Your mosquitoes probably don’t even have a decent sizzle when you turn them over on the grill.
January 28, 2013 at 7:56 pm
What Zippy said. The mosquito is OUR state bird. MN, not anyone else.
January 28, 2013 at 8:00 pm
I know why my grandmother immigrated to Minnesota, and then got the heck out of Minnesota and headed for California.
January 28, 2013 at 9:42 pm
I’m sure the winter had nothing to do with it.
January 29, 2013 at 8:39 am
Why yes, they came from Sweden and were driven out of Minnesota by the harsh winters.
January 28, 2013 at 9:27 am
Does this mean the Regretsy Butthurt show with you and Rob Paulsen at the Lovitz won’t be re-scheduled after all? Or will that still happen?
The Missus and I were a block away from the show Friday when I got the email saying my tickets had been refunded. There was mention of the rescheduled event maybe happening on Feb 8, which is my Wife’s birthday, so she thought that would be a good way to celebrate.
January 28, 2013 at 9:44 am
No, we’re definitely still doing it. I just had the flu last week and couldn’t get out of bed. I think it’s been rescheduled but I’ll have to check on the date.
January 28, 2013 at 11:45 am
Great! Hopefully we’ll get to see you there.
And Rob Paulsen, big fan of him too. (who wouldn’t be?)
Thanks for the Regrestying.
January 28, 2013 at 9:29 am
well if this doesn’t blow monkey balls…
thank you for all the laughs and best of luck going forward!
now send me some free tickets or something.
January 28, 2013 at 9:30 am
Thankyou for all the laughs, snark and shitty crafts. It’s sad to see this go but if you feel its time to move on then theres not a lot us fjl can do about it.
Have fun with all your new projects.
Thats all I have to say really, Bye
Smudgeduck
January 28, 2013 at 9:30 am
My comment got eaten – trying again and sorry if it ends up repeating.
I was in a bad way when Regretsy started – sad from several big losses in my life. I managed to see the site in its first week, and it was a sunny, funny lifeline for me. Beyond the contests, snark and fun were the amazing friendships I’ve made from the site.
I’m lucky to have many, many artistic and hilarious Facebook friends from the site – people who inspire and cheer me up every day.
April, you’ll never know how much you’ve impacted people with the site, and I sincerely thank you for all you’ve done.
January 28, 2013 at 10:06 pm
Gah – it WAS a double post! Just slows how verklempt I was.
January 28, 2013 at 9:30 am
I guess what you’re trying to say is that you are “of regretsy?” Thanks for the laughs!
January 28, 2013 at 9:31 am
Congrats on all your success and OMFG hooray for the return of aprilwinchell.com!!! I will continue to enjoy your work wherever it may be.
January 28, 2013 at 9:34 am
Does this mean I have to change my name again?
January 28, 2013 at 12:09 pm
Have you thought about “Matt”? It’s pretty cool, and definitely doesn’t attract Downthumbers at all.
January 28, 2013 at 1:05 pm
Have I attracted downthumbers? Was it the Buzzkill or the my lack of personal hygiene?
January 28, 2013 at 1:11 pm
I was joking. “Matt Johnson” does, in fact, attract Downthumbers. Like bees to honey.
January 28, 2013 at 1:15 pm
OMG, Matt, you’re right! I had a sudden urge for honey and–bam!–I downthumbed you before I realized what I was doing. Sorry, dude!
January 28, 2013 at 1:38 pm
I evened things out. Again.
January 28, 2013 at 2:29 pm
Well played, Ms. Melagrana, well played!
January 28, 2013 at 7:43 pm
I almost downthumbed the whole lot of yaz for sycophantic pandering and then I realized that is my LIFE’S BLOOD!
January 28, 2013 at 8:01 pm
And then I thumbed you up, too. And you liked it.
January 28, 2013 at 9:36 am
This site has been amazing fun and has had me actually “laughing out loud” – not just in the internet “I might have smiled a bit” sense of LOL, but actual LOL
It has also moved me to tears, with the amazing charity and generosity of its members.
I hope that the community that has grown around this site remains and that the power of “April’s Army” continues on. All of you fat, jealous, losers are way to awesome to disperse just yet!
January 28, 2013 at 9:37 am
Just fucking admit it. You were Monte Téo’s girlfriend.
January 30, 2013 at 1:22 pm
Say it isn’t TuiasoSOpo!
January 28, 2013 at 9:40 am
we will miss you so very much. i came for the Paypal vengeance, but i stayed for the sheer joy of it.
snark on, my friend, snark on…
January 28, 2013 at 9:42 am
I am sad. Wish I’d found this awesome community earlier. April, thanks for all the laughs and best of luck with your new endeavors.
January 28, 2013 at 10:29 am
Me too. I showed up late to the party.
January 28, 2013 at 10:35 am
You kind of became the party, though!
January 28, 2013 at 2:27 pm
Too right!
January 28, 2013 at 5:39 pm
Do you have an actual shop in RI? My nephew is getting married and is living in Providence-he and fiance are actors at Trinity Rep. They would looovvee something from your shop (it’s all beautiful, btw). That would be a good wedding present. And I love the coffee milk! My state does not have a state beverage, but I think the state illicit drug is meth.
January 28, 2013 at 7:48 pm
Are you trying to buy a wedding present from Matt, or get him to give them one in exchange for an invitation to the open bar reception? Come on, Matt! That tin foil ball is just taking up space in the salamander cave.
January 30, 2013 at 5:48 pm
I am sure he could get invited-I turned them on to Regretsy over Christmas and they LOVED it. Now they will be sad…I’m not sure where they are getting married yet. Seriously though, Matt’s stuff is gorgeous! And both Charlie and Becky would love just about anything he’s got in the shop. Aaaand I just realized I wrote “bango” lamp-I really meant banjo. Although, if I were to find a bango lamp, I might really, really need it.
January 28, 2013 at 7:57 pm
Bango lamp. Must. Have. IT. That is awesome!
January 28, 2013 at 9:42 am
Thanks for all the laughs. I will miss this community and the horrible puns. CF4L
January 28, 2013 at 9:43 am
I’m going to miss Regretsy so hard it hurts. Thank you, April and John for a wonderful few years. It’s meant more to me than I can ever say. And thanks to Crochet Guevara for stepping up the past few months.
January 28, 2013 at 9:46 am
Thanks for giving Crochet some props. I think he did a great job.
January 28, 2013 at 9:52 am
He did an excellent job, and kept us laughing for a good long time. Someday, we will know this masked avenger.
January 28, 2013 at 11:03 am
for some reason I thought Crochet was a chick
January 28, 2013 at 12:29 pm
I still think he’s Daniel Tosh!
January 30, 2013 at 9:06 am
Can’t be. Crochet is funny.
January 28, 2013 at 1:07 pm
Well, yeah. Chrochet *is* a girl’s name after all. If I had mixed-gender triplets, I’d name the girls Crochet and Sachet and the boy, Trebuchet. (the “t” is silent)
January 28, 2013 at 1:17 pm
“Time for dinner! Rebuchet, get your sisters Crochet and Sachet!”
(You SAID the “T” was silent!”)
January 28, 2013 at 1:58 pm
The boy is never silent, my neighbor has mixed gender, G,G,B triplets.
Never silent, I swear it!
January 28, 2013 at 11:07 am
Crochet was fantastic. Thanks Crochet!
January 28, 2013 at 7:53 pm
I always thought of him as ‘chet with a silent or voiced t. It works either way! And kudos for some revolutionary fuckery, Chet.
January 28, 2013 at 9:46 am
Sad, but I love it when someone knows when it’s time to stop forcing it.
I’m happy that you’re moving on to do better things, even if I want to jump out a window. Not because one of my favorite sites is ending, but because terrible crafters everywhere will consider this a great victory. Octopus brooch sales are going to skyrocket.
January 28, 2013 at 10:21 am
No one ever taught me more about corpse-ass than you!
January 28, 2013 at 11:31 am
I am going to quote you as one of my testimonials. That’s gorgeous.
January 28, 2013 at 11:43 am
Excellent! One last tiny joy, I will treasure it. Almost as good as April calling me Norseman-of-the-Apocolypse.
January 28, 2013 at 12:29 pm
I’d never heard of goatse before Regretsy, for crissakes. How sheltered can one be?!
January 28, 2013 at 9:47 am
January 28, 2013 at 9:47 am
I’m so sorry to see you go, but I completely understand. And I can’t thank you enough for choosing me to knit some hats for charity 4 years ago WOW! Has it really been that long?), which prompted me to start my own non-profit – ConnieCaps. I can’t tell you how fulfilling it is, and how glad I am that I’m helping people. So thank you, and best of luck in the future!
January 28, 2013 at 9:48 am
Well April, when you look back on all the good works you caused to happen and all the hypocrisy you unmasked and, most importantly, all the streaming tears of hilarity you sent cascading down onto keyboards everywhere, I hope you feel pretty damn proud of yourself.
We’ll always have Hellephant.
January 29, 2013 at 9:13 am
…and Hellephant will always have us.
CF4L!
January 28, 2013 at 9:56 am
At the Etsy Headquarters, they’re having a helluva vegan cupcake party, damn them all to hell.
January 28, 2013 at 10:52 am
Wait til the sales start plummeting.
January 28, 2013 at 2:11 pm
I can smell the fermented food from here.
January 28, 2013 at 10:00 am
Loved this site. Loved reading the comments which were sometimes funnier than the posts. (Notice I said sometimes.)
Thank you everyone, especially Helen and Bronc for the wonderful time waster when I could have been raising my children. (They’re fine. They’ll learn to read in school. I think.)
And if I ever have an extra $300 (I think that’s the price) I’m buying the Matt Johnson pea pod sculpture. That thing is incredible.
He and the others on this site are true artists. Please keep producing art and committing yourselves to making the world beautiful.
Good luck April. You truly have a beautiful soul – sometimes the charity posts would make me cry. I couldn’t believe the generosity of spirit that shined through so often.
January 28, 2013 at 10:08 am
Wow! Thanks for the compliment!
January 28, 2013 at 10:16 am
All of my prices are negotiable, by the way. Especially for regretsians.
January 28, 2013 at 10:44 am
How much for the crawlspace on wheels? I might need to get underground in a big hurry.
January 28, 2013 at 11:22 am
ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
January 28, 2013 at 8:05 pm
I’m responding because we have a diagonal triangle thing going and that’s rare, like a planetary conjunction or something. Also, sorry, Dr. Evil. The government doesn’t even deal in amounts less than 10 million these days.
January 28, 2013 at 9:56 pm
Duuuude… you’re right… we’re, like, so triangular!
Also, ONE
HUNDRED
BILLION
DOLLARS!
January 29, 2013 at 9:29 am
Bahahahaha! There’s no such thing as that much money and there never will be! What are we, idiots?
January 28, 2013 at 10:00 am
Thanks for all the laughs these last couple of years. Loving sockpuppet theatre. Life is always about moving forward and you are definitely moving forward!
January 28, 2013 at 10:01 am
Wow, I’m so sorry to see Regretsy close! April, you and your cohorts have done an amazing job, always making us laugh and, more importantly, making a real difference in people’s lives via your charitable efforts. I should have known your showbiz pedigree long before this post – I was and remain an ardent fan of your dad’s work. And now, yours as well! Best of luck in all you do.
January 28, 2013 at 10:07 am
Don’t cry because it’s over, rejoice that it happened. (I think that’s also the official motto of Firefly fans.)
My biggest regret is that I will no longer have a ready source of internet fuckery with which to traumatize my husband.
January 28, 2013 at 10:21 am
I too am concerned about the fuckery… I’ll have to find an alternative source!
Ditto to everything that’s been said here. I’m sad but there’s no point in continuing something that’s not bringing you joy. Thank-you for some huge laughs when I’ve been in desperate need of them, and good luck with all your future ventures April.
January 28, 2013 at 10:14 am
You helped jump start my drawing career by introducing me to Fiverr and subsequently featuring my gig. A year and a half later and I’m more famous than I ever have been.
You featured Sherri’s Craft Explosion which prompted me to buy my own clay masterpiece which prompted my mother to sigh in exasperation.
And, most importantly, you helped me find the girl I may very well spend the rest of my life with. And for that I feel like I owe you everything for the rest of time.
So until I can gather up everything for you, please accept my thank you.
Thank you, April.
January 28, 2013 at 10:14 am
An open letter to my Downthumber:
Well old fiend, it seems we’re at the end of our passionate-but-stormy relationship. I told myself I wasn’t going to cry, but I’m leaking like a sieve over here. Remember when you’d show up, rain or shine, and downthumb every single thing I’d type, regardless of whether it was funny or not? I do. And I’m going to miss the hell out of that. Heaven must be missing a down-turned thumb, because you’re here, always adding that much needed negativity to this usually upbeat comedy-site. Well, that’s all I can say for now- I’m going to retire to my crawlspace on wheels and quietly reflect until spring comes and life starts anew. What we had was special- don’t ever forget that.
January 28, 2013 at 10:25 am
I take pride in knowing that I was the opposing thumb to each move of Matt’s downthumber.
January 28, 2013 at 8:12 pm
I hope to someday get the benefit of your opposable thumbs, Mel.
January 28, 2013 at 9:53 pm
Like for thumb wrestling?
Because I already thumb you up a lot around here.
January 28, 2013 at 10:37 am
Matt, that was so eloquent. I’ve never downthumbed any of your posts before, but I’m almost tempted to downthumb this one, just for old times’ sake. Maybe I’ll leave it to your Downthumber, though. He/she deserves one last time.
January 28, 2013 at 10:44 am
Yeah, you don’t want to steal their thunder (their thunder is, of course, stealing MY thunder).
January 28, 2013 at 11:10 am
Yeah, I just couldn’t downthumb. Old habits die hard!
January 28, 2013 at 10:45 am
AND MY THUMB! (in an upward orientation)
January 28, 2013 at 11:11 am
*raises glass*
Oh Downthumber!!
Other forums are ripe for trolling!!
Regretsy’s ending and you must say goodbye!
Three years have past, and all these posts April’s archiving.
Tis you, tis you who must downthumb us one last time…
Oh Downthumber!
Twas you who stayed offended here.
Your sense of humor clearly was begin!
You must be high, or not high enough to get this place.
Hippie jokes are funny every single, fucking time.
Oh Downthumber!
Recall that time you sent hate mail?
You flamed April, and then you flamed her posts.
Finally you flounced, and we made cat gifs mocking you.
We stole your rants and pasted them elsewhere online.
Oh Downthumber!!
You really gave us much to love.
Sometimes you were right, and sometimes fucking wrong.
But either way, twas you who created balance here…
So here’s to you, Downthumber, FJL’s until we die
January 28, 2013 at 11:13 am
*clearly was behind. Fuck me.
January 28, 2013 at 11:19 am
Do what now?
January 28, 2013 at 11:53 am
Don’t be so literal, Johnson.
January 28, 2013 at 12:24 pm
Johnson knows what I like.
January 28, 2013 at 12:39 pm
Just for today, you are MockingbirdDo.
January 28, 2013 at 1:08 pm
GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!
There.
Got to say it you you, for a change!
January 28, 2013 at 6:39 pm
Yes sir, I am.
January 28, 2013 at 8:17 pm
“To Be Killed By A Mockingbird”
-Me
January 28, 2013 at 10:20 am
Thank you so much HKApril, Bronc, Crochet and everyone else who has helped not just make this site awesome, but such a tight community of generous and kind fuckers. I’m sad to see it come to an end, but happy to know the forums will be there and the community will still be welcome to stick around here and crash on your couch. I call the love seat.
January 28, 2013 at 10:20 am
“I have just finished working on three upcoming Pixar projects (including Monsters University, which is ADORABLE), and I have a leading role in a new show by Lauren Faust (My Little Pony) and Craig McCracken (Powerpuff Girls, Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends). Bronc and I are also in talks to develop SockPuppet Theatre for television.”
AWWW MAAAAI GAAAAAWD I LOVE ALL THESE THINGS I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!
But also sad
January 28, 2013 at 10:22 am
Also I honestly have to say that the thing I will miss the most are the random mobilizations of the FJL for Charity and Do Goodedness. Will there still be a way to organize such things on the forums?
January 28, 2013 at 11:57 am
At the moment, my only real plan is to keep money in our general fund, so we can be ready to help any FJL who needs a hand. I’ve asked our lovely moderator Jenni to keep an eye on the forums, and let us know who needs assistance.
January 28, 2013 at 12:10 pm
We will always be your crew, tell us who to knuckle!
And you run the only charity(s) I give cash.
January 29, 2013 at 12:23 pm
You can have my Fuckery Alphabet quilt! It’s nearly finished..
January 28, 2013 at 10:23 am
Like Nanny McPhee, April and Regretsy come when you need them but don’t want them, and leave when you want them but don’t need them.
Sob!
January 31, 2013 at 4:33 pm
This. THIS is the comment that broke me. :’(
January 28, 2013 at 10:34 am
Thanks for making my life better. And for making me snort-laugh and do that thing where you’re laughing, but there’s no sound coming out so you just shake and gasp, but there are tears running down your face so you look like you’re having some sort of fit…yeah. Thanks for that too.
Much love in your future endeavors. CF4L!
January 28, 2013 at 10:38 am
I actually started to cry as I read this. I thought Regretsy would be forever just like the resellers on Etsy. Thank you April for all the laughs I got just when I needed a laugh. My life is taking a new track right now too so I totally understand. Best out of life to you and yours.
January 28, 2013 at 10:40 am
I’m looking forward to your next adventures.
CF4L!
January 28, 2013 at 10:47 am
I’m sad it’s ending, but I’d hate for this to become an obligation (that would have killed the humor even faster).
Thanks for the fun times!
January 28, 2013 at 10:47 am
May none of you ever have to put up with any cats that aren’t at lest Level 4.
January 28, 2013 at 2:40 pm
That is one of the nicest things that could ever be wished upon someone. You’re a real FJL, Zippy!
January 28, 2013 at 9:49 pm
I could not be prouder if HK herself said that to me, Mugs. I think you must be part of the FJL Original Crew.
January 28, 2013 at 10:48 am
OMG! I didn’t realize your dad was Paul Winchell! He was awesome! And so are you. Be well and continued success in everything you do.
January 28, 2013 at 10:51 am
I’m far more emotional about this than I’d like to admit. I’m such a FJL!
January 29, 2013 at 2:37 am
He was
awesomecrazy!There, fixed it.
January 28, 2013 at 10:50 am
What a sadness I feel over this. It’s like…wait…hold on…I think this news might be melting my frozen, fat, jealous heart.
But on the flip side, you are 100% correct. This was a season. A glorious season. But, a season all the same. May we ALL recognize the changing seasons of our lives, and roll into the new ones with as much grace as you have shown.
You are loved and admired, April. You continue to inspire. I wish so many good things for you and yours.
January 28, 2013 at 10:55 am
You can’t really give the Mayans too much shit for being off by only 5 weeks in over 5000 years. Perkele!
January 28, 2013 at 11:00 am
Didn’t that Florida preacher call this one?
January 28, 2013 at 8:29 pm
I’m pretty sure a gaggle of yogis consulted a chakra khan that had been blessed by Wiccan yard debris and had their Turd Eyes opened to the ancient tooth that was fourtold.
January 28, 2013 at 10:58 am
Waaaaah!! I’ve known about the site for about a year but I’ve just NOW started to be active in the forums (like, as of last Friday). This has to be about the worst case of coming late to the party EVER!! Good luck to you April. I’ll really miss having new things to laugh at…especially in the not even remotely Steampunk category.
January 28, 2013 at 2:40 pm
Keep coming to the Forums, where the love and fuckery never ends.
January 28, 2013 at 3:14 pm
I definitely plan to…at least until my work starts blocking it, which is a likelihood, actually. Damn work!
January 28, 2013 at 11:05 am
I’m going to lurk and click on the adds here forever. This body of work is incredibly funny, timeless, touching and tetched in the head. I will also gladly follow all your adventures, April. When I see Betty White on TV pranking teens, I wonder what stunts you will be pulling as you “mature”. You are a master entertainer. I know they will be fabulous and I will be waiting eagerly for the laughs.
January 28, 2013 at 11:07 am
Everyone has already expressed most of the things I’m feeling here, but I do want to say this one thing that’s perhaps the most important to me – thank you SO MUCH for leaving the forums up!
I’ll miss the regular posts dreadfully, but the forum has become an important community to me. The support, the fun, even the heated debates . . . they’ve all enriched my life tremendously. It’s the only online forum I’m on right now, and it gives my social-phobic self a wonderful way to interact with people and actually feel – gasp – human.
So for everything, but especially for building this amazing community, THANK YOU. I don’t think those words could ever convey quite how much I mean them. And I hope you have an incredible and fulfilling time with all your new projects!
January 28, 2013 at 11:11 am
Thank you for the great site! Loved it – Good luck!
January 28, 2013 at 11:17 am
Wow, did I came late to the site. I came here because of your appearance on Rob Paulsen’s podcast last year. Well it was fun while it lasted. I’ll still be watching Sock-puppet Thearte, though. Thanks for the laughs.
January 28, 2013 at 11:18 am
I’m going to miss your hilarious snarkalicious bitchery. But the spirit of Regretsy will live on in every FJL you have inspired. CF4L! THANK YOU, APRIL!
P.S. There better be some tragicrafting about this, is all I can say.
January 28, 2013 at 12:10 pm
Quick, let me get my felt and my hot glue gun!
January 28, 2013 at 11:21 am
Thank you April and Bronc. Even though I haven’t been an active commenter this year I’ve followed Regretsy since the beginning. I took part in the PayPal fuckery and have bought things off of the various fundraisers.
You guys have made my life a lot better and more interesting, so thank you and good luck. I’ll always be a fan.
January 28, 2013 at 11:24 am
Thanks Helen Killer, Bronc Drywall and Crochet Guevara for all the laughs!
Is it okay to admit my butthurt over this?
January 28, 2013 at 11:27 am
Thanks for all the funny!
January 28, 2013 at 11:28 am
Goodbye everybody. : /
January 28, 2013 at 11:58 am
January 28, 2013 at 12:07 pm
“Sad face”. (I don’t know how to make sad faces)
January 28, 2013 at 1:35 pm
many of us just learned…
January 28, 2013 at 12:13 pm
Every time I use my Clipper card I will think of “multipass” and you.
January 28, 2013 at 12:50 pm
I’m sad.
With no more Regretsy, how am I supposed to neglect my child now?
January 28, 2013 at 1:04 pm
The old fashioned way: booze and soap operas.
January 28, 2013 at 1:22 pm
Yeah, just like my parents did in the 80s! And ya know, you can have some of the booze too – it’s not just for the kid.
January 28, 2013 at 2:41 pm
I live in Dallas, too – I always thought I would run into you at some craft thingy – Do you knit?
January 28, 2013 at 1:10 pm
LeeLoo, no!! We will see you on Aprilwinchell.com, and in the forums, right? RIGHT??
January 28, 2013 at 1:12 pm
LEeLoo – how am I ever going to meet you in real life? IT WAS ON MY BUCKET LIST GODDAMMIT.
January 28, 2013 at 1:51 pm
Ha! I’m going to miss this place!!
January 28, 2013 at 2:45 pm
You will always be my 5th element, LeeLoo. Suck it, Boron!
January 29, 2013 at 8:43 am
It’s the next day and I’m STILL laughing at this one, Z.
*sighs, remembers topic of this Regretsy post*
January 29, 2013 at 9:33 am
I wonder if there is anything else on the internet to make fun of.
January 28, 2013 at 11:28 am
January 28, 2013 at 11:30 am
Well that worked like a fart in church.
If that doesn’t work, i blame my vodka tears.
January 28, 2013 at 11:48 am
Finding Regretsy meant encountering an amazing group of people who share the same twisted sense of humour and off kilter view of the world that I do. It was coming home to a warm, welcoming, highly eccentric and slightly dysfunctional loving family-people who really got me and were on a similar wavelength. And that’s rare.
Regretsy has been a lifeline and a lifesaver. I’m glad the forums will continue and the archive means I can still get my fix.
April-you created so much more than an entertaining website and for that I will be eternally grateful and thank you from the bottom of my FJL heart.
January 28, 2013 at 11:55 am
Well, I guess it’s back to my Yakov Smirnoff fan-blog for me…it gets so lonely over there.
January 28, 2013 at 8:35 pm
Don’t forget the monthly “Weekend at Bearnie’s II” film festivals! “Bernie’s back, but not in the ‘Jesus’ sense.”
January 28, 2013 at 12:05 pm
Good for you April! I’ll follow you wherever you go.
January 28, 2013 at 12:14 pm
Spoken like a proper stalker.
January 28, 2013 at 12:05 pm
Come to the forums. There is fun there. And an occasional Etsy attack.
Best of luck April and Bronc. And Crochet G.
January 28, 2013 at 12:11 pm
You will never be replaced!
January 28, 2013 at 8:37 pm
Oh shit, I smell lawyers!
January 28, 2013 at 12:15 pm
So next time you have some downtown what will be the object of your scorn?
January 28, 2013 at 3:31 pm
Yeah, and you’d better link our asses over in the forums…
January 28, 2013 at 6:11 pm
downtime*
January 28, 2013 at 8:38 pm
Downton. Abbey-style, bitch.
January 28, 2013 at 12:17 pm
Oh BOO! I’ll miss you all!
January 28, 2013 at 12:17 pm
thanks for the great times, April. We will all miss you!
January 28, 2013 at 12:20 pm
First diehipster.com, now this? Where will I go for my mental coffee breaks?
Thanks for so many out-loud laffs. I’ll be visiting the archives to keep fresh.
January 28, 2013 at 12:25 pm
inoright? what am I supposed to do now, work?
January 28, 2013 at 12:25 pm
I find it funny, almost fitting, to hear this announcement on my 21st birthday. I know I haven’t been around much to be a fat jealous loser (school gets in the way of most fun things), but I’m not sad. This isn’t the last we’ll hear from you. Sure, it won’t be about crafts, but you’re still a funny lady and I can’t wait to hear you on my tv screen. Namaste, Helen Killer/April/Countless other voices of my childhood.
January 28, 2013 at 12:26 pm
I normally creep on here soaking up all of the awesomeness from everyone since I have a bit of depression, but I had to register to say this:
I absolutely love you, April. You made my childhood with your amazing voice (Finster >w< ) and you made my adulthood with this awesome site. I wish you well, I will miss your humor, and I can't wait to see your work on Pixar and MLP.
You freaking rock! Thank you and thanks to all the people in this community for being such kind people with the best humor I have ever seen. Perhaps I shall see you all in the forums! 
In the meantime, to the archives and popping in Recess. XD
January 28, 2013 at 12:33 pm
Thanks for the memories!
January 28, 2013 at 12:37 pm
I’m in my late 50′s. This site introduced me to lots of phrases that now sneak into my conversations. Hillbilly bajingo wash. FJL. CF4L. Tragicrafting. Skants. Glingers. It got to the point that I used “butthurt” in a Chirstmas dinner conversation, and didn’t realize it until all my inlaws were staring at me, jaws agape. THANK YOU!
January 28, 2013 at 12:45 pm
*sniffle*
I’m really sorry I didn’t find y’all sooner, but glad I did before this ended!
I can’t think of anything clever or funny to say, so I’ll just say that I’ll miss the good times.
January 28, 2013 at 2:44 pm
There’s always Sockpuppet Theatre, AprilWinchell.com, and the Forums!
January 28, 2013 at 12:51 pm
you were here for my path residency and introduced me to whole new conditions: criabetus, glitter tears, and butthurt
Also, because of you, I was educated in fashion-skanx
Where will I get my pseudoerotic art fix, now?
You are a genius and I’ll do my best to follow your adventures.
CF4L
January 28, 2013 at 12:56 pm
Thank you for some of the best laughs ever.
January 28, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Great for you. BAD for me. Thanks for the laughs – Stay Amazing.
January 28, 2013 at 1:09 pm
Well, considering I’ve been using this site for free laughs everyday for the past 3 years I have no right to bitch about the ending. Thanks for the amusement!
Wish you the best of luck, you’re a funny fucker and I’m certain we haven’t heard the last from you. Namaste!!
January 28, 2013 at 1:10 pm
Aw poo. Thanks for the laughs. Thanks also to my fellow Regretsians for their inspiring words.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/7228f05cbb69dd84355201ca0fa4a36a/tumblr_mhctc0equ71s4cp2so1_500.jpg
January 28, 2013 at 6:55 pm
That. Is. AMAZING.
January 28, 2013 at 9:07 pm
Thanks, mapenzi10! I call it my Wall of Wonder because a non-Regretsian will look at it and wonder “what the fuck?!” It’s also sort of a tribute to all the FJLs whose snarkaliciousness helps get me through the all-to-frequent times when my life sucks sweaty monkey balls.
January 28, 2013 at 1:14 pm
Nooo…. and yet…..yes, I get it.
Time to get a life…on the forum….and elsewhere….
April Winchell fan forever (which is probably only twenty more years, max, but hey, that ain’t bad).
THANK YOU APRIL FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID HERE!!!
Love,
xxxoooxxxooo
Nana B.
January 28, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Since someone mentioned Firefly up thread a mile and a half, does this mean that there will be a REGRETSY MOVIE IN A YEAR OR TWO?
PLEASE?!
January 28, 2013 at 2:21 pm
January 28, 2013 at 8:55 pm
And so the Brownskants were born! “Knock off the land and resell the sea, I’ll still have my Regretsy!”
January 28, 2013 at 1:25 pm
I’m sure someone’s mentioned this already, but “All good things…”
I just wanted to say thank you to April, Bronc, Crochet & each & every single one of the commenters who made visiting this site so great. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried…I’ve experienced.
I wish I’d commented more & got to know you guys better. Ah well. I go forth into the world now knowing there are snarky arse-holes who think the same deliciously-twisted way that I do & I love you all for it. Thank you all for the laughs & the enlightenment. And, of course, for elevating the term “Fat jealous losers” into such a positive force that the internet trolls have no WAY to take it back to use as an insult.
Kudos, and best of luck with your future endeavors.
January 28, 2013 at 1:26 pm
I’m pretty sure this is my 3rd comment ever but wanted to thank you for the years you’ve put into this site–I’m pretty sure I’ve been reading this site for most of the time it’s been up. It’s awesome, you’re awesome, Bronc is awesome. I’m sad about it ending but it’s totally understandable. Thanks again for a fun time!
January 28, 2013 at 1:32 pm
Ah, noooooooo …. OK. All good things must end or change someday, and while I’m going to miss April, Bronc, Crochet and a particular half dozen regular, awesomely clever snarkers I also understand. This has been one of the most openly, unbridledly honest and entertaining venues on the internet. It has been a perspective I cherish and will seriously miss and ( insert random sniffly sad misspelled verbiage here) … thank you. It’s been great.
January 28, 2013 at 1:48 pm
I’m emerging from the shadows of lurkdom to add my voice to the chorus. It’s sad Regretsy is ending but at least we’ll still be able to keep up with you through your other projects. You, Bronc, and Crochet have done an amazing job entertaining us!
Thank you so much for everything you’ve done and especially for keeping the forums and Regretsy General Fund going. They’ve made so many people’s lives better, including mine!
January 28, 2013 at 1:49 pm
It’s been awesome. I’ll miss the fuckery. *sniffle*
January 28, 2013 at 1:53 pm
totally not fair! i just found this place! i’m going to go sulk and have a temper tantrum for a little bit.
January 28, 2013 at 2:22 pm
Matt’s downthumber has changed allegiance! I’m sulking with you, jade.
January 28, 2013 at 2:31 pm
Get ye to the archives! Seriously, it’s a great way to spend a few days of your life.
January 28, 2013 at 2:03 pm
I haven’t been around in a while but I made the effort to come say good-bye, good luck and I will miss you!
January 28, 2013 at 2:32 pm
Hi, BGA! How are you holding up down under? If you’re in Queensland, you must be trying to keep your head above water. Literally.
January 28, 2013 at 2:46 pm
BigGayAl, Get thee to the Forums, STAT! I mean, you’re well-loved here, and we don’t want you to go away!
January 28, 2013 at 2:47 pm
I love me some Big Gay Al.
January 28, 2013 at 3:41 pm
Comment of the day?
January 28, 2013 at 2:03 pm
Quite right. Leave the stage while we’re still laughing AND drinking, as opposed to when we’re just drinking in hopes that something is funny again.
Now, I say, and I mean this: fuck all you fuckers. I’m going to go noncycle a sweat-stained t-shirt into a hanky and cry myself to sleep. VIVA LA HOT GLUE!
January 28, 2013 at 2:24 pm
Thank you. It was fun while it lasted!
January 28, 2013 at 2:25 pm
I lost my big sister last year right between xmas and New Year’s. Thank you for the laughs during the darkest time of my life.
January 28, 2013 at 2:40 pm
NOOO!!! I’ll really miss your witty posts and the hilarious comments that those posts generate, but I get it, and I’m glad you are so busy and happy.
My 11 year old daughter says not knowing what part you are playing in My Little Pony is killing her, so if you check back on these comments can you put her out of her misery?
January 28, 2013 at 2:41 pm
Fuck, I just wrote a long and moving comment. I guess all that needs to be said is that I loved Regretsy and read every post daily since it was two weeks old. I got used to checking it first on my RSS list every day. Damn it, I will miss this. I was worried but in denial after CF4L closed and more when Che came in but I thought it would be back. Now I know it won’t, but can’t wait to read April’s blog. I am glad I got to know so many talented crafters and nice people and the horrible depths humanity will sink to to make a buck on a craft site. I wish it could go on in some form, if only like having the charity sales. Those were neat. This whole thing was so great. I will miss you, Regretsy. Who will call out shitty crafts now? Who will watch the watch part hot gluers?
January 28, 2013 at 2:48 pm
Steph, the Forums are the place where it will go on (Oh, fuck I just gave myself a Celine Dion earworm. Nooooo!).
January 28, 2013 at 2:49 pm
Reading these comments, it feels like the last day of high school–everyone throwing out their best snark and feverishly trading e-mails and Facebook names as the buses are pulling away.
Yes, fine, I have a strange imagination. That’s why I felt so at home here!
January 29, 2013 at 10:42 am
It does feel like that, doesn’t it? The buses are pulling away soon, for sure.
January 28, 2013 at 2:49 pm
I knew this day would come. Why you had to announce it while I was governing myself in the bathtub, though, is beyond me. So it’s the end of an era, but as The Specials once said,
This is the dawning of a new era
This is the dawning of a new era
I met a girl from area three
She told me that she worked in a chicken factory
This is the dawning of a new era
By two o’clock we were ‘Brahms & Lisst’
I had to walk her home through area six
This is the dawning of a new era
Sticks and stones may break my bones
In area six they throw bottles and bricks and kicks…
January 28, 2013 at 2:52 pm
I’ve never met such a mass of drunk, jealous losers in my life…and I loved you all from the bottom of my lurker heart.
January 28, 2013 at 3:01 pm
well, if we all have to go back to work now, we should go into business together with one big unEtsy shop. The world would never be the same.
January 28, 2013 at 3:37 pm
That is a fabulous idea!
January 28, 2013 at 3:38 pm
So long, and thanks for all the laughs, April! I’m sad to see you go, but as you know (being in show biz, an all) it’s always better to leave us wanting more. And I do want more! But I will have to find it somewhere else ;_;
Good to know I can still look through the archives when I need a pick-me-up, though.
Best wishes in all your future endeavors; it sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on, and I look forward to checking it all out. I may even have to start watching MLP:FIM again (I lost interest after Hasbro gained more control and started demanding that people take down their fan works. Not cool, Hasbro, not cool. But since one of the funniest bitches I know will be joining the cast, I’ll have to check it out).
TL;DR: Thanks, and good luck!
January 28, 2013 at 3:44 pm
It’s been fun ma’am! I will still jump up and down when I watch anything you’re in. Thanks for the giggles.
January 28, 2013 at 3:46 pm
Am I the only one who is screaming out of disappointment?
January 28, 2013 at 3:57 pm
What is the name of this new show of which you speak?! Lauren Faust, Craig McCracken, and you, are like a super dream-team, and I MUST see it! If you tell me Rob Paulsen is also involved, my head might explode.
January 28, 2013 at 5:25 pm
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2252938/fullcredits#cast
I think Rob may have done an episode or two, I’m not sure. Tom Kenny is also in it. It’s fantastic.
January 28, 2013 at 4:57 pm
take me with you! I can draw, I’ll make the coffee, I’ll do the scut work, just take me with you!
January 28, 2013 at 5:10 pm
How about a week of best-of’s? Ok, that might be a ton of work, but we’ve all got our favorites! Then the last few days of Regretsy would be some of our favorites!
You bowling in a beaver costume was one of my all-time favorites. And some of the photoshop contests make me giggle just thinking of them.
January 28, 2013 at 5:11 pm
So long and thanks for all the putting-life-back-in-both-adorable-and-stupid-prospect-when-we-needed-it laughs.
January 28, 2013 at 5:16 pm
That face is gonna give me nightmares tonight.
January 28, 2013 at 5:21 pm
So sorry to see you go, but I am looking forward to seeing what you get up to next!! It can’t help but be epic.
Thank you April, Bronc and Crochet for your hard work here, and to the funny commenters!
We’ll always have Helsinki! Perkele! Now I will go cry into my Vodka…
January 28, 2013 at 5:39 pm
I guess I’m going to have to go back to the Porn industry. Or robbing liquor stores. I sure as Hell ain’t crafting.
January 28, 2013 at 5:41 pm
aww
I’m gonna miss regretsy! :’(
January 28, 2013 at 5:45 pm
damn it… This site has made me laugh my ass off. Now it will only get larger and take over the world.
January 28, 2013 at 5:48 pm
Thank you Regretsy, for all of the laughter induced asthma attacks over the past 6 months. I’ve never enjoyed hypoxia so much! April-in grade school, I used to start my day with the “Winchell-Mahoney Show”. I’m old. The talent you have is very deep, in so many ways. Thanks to all of you for all of the wonderful laughs.
January 28, 2013 at 6:19 pm
Thanks Helen and Bronc, and all who made this a great site. It’s been a helluva great run.
January 28, 2013 at 6:19 pm
Wow.
April, Bronc, I don’t know if you read these comments, but THANK YOU. Thank you for keeping me laughing through writing an extraordinarily stressful thesis, graduating and leaving everyone I know/loved behind, spending two years in a foreign country learning a bitch of a language so I could spend all day being told I’m dumb for not speaking the language WELL ENOUGH, working with HIV/AIDS patients and child prostitutes, an even more stressful re-location back to America that makes me miss overseas every day, a soul-crushing breakup (pro tip for dudes: don’t wait a year and multiple “I love yous” to tell someone you “never really got past seeing them as a friend”), applying for PhD programs, failing at making it into any, taking stock of my life, learning to cope with prolonged unemployment, and getting a puppy that at 8 months old still shits on my antique Anatolian rug every chance he gets.
This website has been the best. YOU GUYS are the best. I owe you a lot. CF4L.
January 28, 2013 at 6:23 pm
So often when I am feeling down, I visit here and laugh out loud. I will miss Regretsy. Thank you all — best posts and comments anywhere on the web!
January 28, 2013 at 6:42 pm
As Carol Burnett said…
“I’m so glad we had this time… together…
…just to have a laugh or sing a song.
Seems we just get started, and before you know it…
…comes the time we have to say… ‘so long!’”
I stumbled here quite by accident. I’m not a crafter. I don’t have a crafty bone in my body. Hell, I’m a supervisor in a freakin’ factory. I tweak spreadsheets in my spare time.
But I know a piece of shit when I see one. And Regretsy helped me to understand that you don’t have to be an “artiste” to know art when you see it… or don’t.
January 28, 2013 at 6:44 pm
January 28, 2013 at 6:59 pm
Both at once?
January 28, 2013 at 8:00 pm
Both at once, and use the tears for lubrication.
Too much?
January 28, 2013 at 7:11 pm
Namaste, April.
January 28, 2013 at 7:11 pm
I am so happy for your new projects and opportunity to be funny and make money but I have to say that I will really miss you. You make crack me up, out loud, all of the time, on my ipad in the middle of the night and my husband thinks I’m snoring.
Thank you. I’m just about ready to leave Etsy to pursue personal branding and hopefully a more lucrative future but I will always remember the dick sock and the . . . well you know.
Good luck to you and I will visit your new site when it is up.
January 28, 2013 at 7:21 pm
I understand the need to quit while you are ahead. Selfishly, I wasn’t done laughing yet!! I will continue to haunt the archives often, and maybe occasionally comment…but I can NEVER, EVER go to Michael’s craft store again without arranging the damned wooden letters into CF4L, Fuck You, and Namaste, Bitches!!
Onward and upward, April…we all look forward to hearing your newest adventures.
January 29, 2013 at 8:20 am
Ha, me too Leslie. Every time. I will proudly display my CF4L bumper sticker until the day they finally repossess my car.
January 28, 2013 at 7:27 pm
TO LEAVE THE WORLD IN ITS HOUR OF NEED PRESS…. Y
why must you do this …. but in all so long and thanks for all the CF4L
January 28, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Farewell from an (up until now) silent FJL. I’ve been visiting this site nearly every day for years and (again, up until now) have been a little timid about joining in. And now I’m regretting that immensely. But I guess nothing lasts forever. This community is absolutely wonderful and I’m so glad I’ve been able to sit in the back of a room filled with people like you guys. People who get it. You’re all the best.
Namaste, April! You’re brilliant. You’ve been the cause of my ‘laughing so hard my face scrunches up like a rotten acorn squash and I nearly stop breathing to the point of evoking genuine concern from all the other coffee shop patrons’ face countless times over the past couple of years. Thanks for that. And best of luck with all your future endeavors. I’ll be watching. Slightly creepily…
January 28, 2013 at 7:37 pm
Really? REALLY???? R E A L L Y!!!!!??????
So happy for you April….but sad at the same time. Thanks so much for spending your time with us BFJL and making life a more beautiful place. I’m so happy you will be putting your amazing talent to use in other places. God, but the world needs you cloned.
Thanks for the memories:)
CF4L, Fuck You, and Namaste, Bitches!!
Crap. Over and Out
January 28, 2013 at 7:58 pm
I had imagined you’d still be around when I started my own awful etsy store, and would be able to make fun of my ridiculous crafts. All well.
Thank you for all the laughs April. I wish you luck and happiness wherever your path leads you. Not that you need the former, but we could all use the latter.
January 28, 2013 at 8:16 pm
Thanks for everything, April! I’ll at least have my WTF pill organizer and Shit Horse postcards (special order!) to remind me of the glory that was.
January 28, 2013 at 8:27 pm
Thank you for creating this crazy community, and congratulations on all the new projects. Keep kicking ass!
January 28, 2013 at 8:35 pm
Aw shit. For my money, this was just about the funniest place on the interwebs. Gonna miss it. Or better yet, will open a big bottle of cheap white zin and go over the archives and laugh too loudly. Thanks, April, vaya con Dios.
January 28, 2013 at 8:49 pm
Thanks for all the great laughs! I have spent many a lonely evening with you all. Thanks April
January 28, 2013 at 9:11 pm
I want “RIP Regretsy” Tragicrafts…
January 28, 2013 at 11:59 pm
January 28, 2013 at 10:02 pm
I can’t believe April didn’t flounce out of her own site, just to show us all how it’s really done.
She leaves a lasting legacy; flouncecats changed my life.
January 28, 2013 at 10:38 pm
Hey
I never really posted much, at all, here, not sure why. Maybe afraid of not being funny enough, i don’t know. I just wanted to say that i’m really going to miss all of your updates, and how much you made me laugh when nothing else really could. When i first started reading your site i was stuck in a horrible, horrible relationship. After that more shit happened. There wasn’t a lot of laughter in that house i was stuck in, and when my sister first told me to start reading your blog, i got hooked. It gave me a reason to laugh about silly things again. That meant a lot to me. I could always look at the shit storm my life was becoming and think “Well hey, atleast i’m not trying to sell my pubic hair to strangers on the internet..”
I wish i had gotten the chance to talk to a lot of you more, if at all, but your comments, always witty, always made me laugh, and..well it just meant a lot to me that someone could find a reason to make me laugh.
January 29, 2013 at 7:00 pm
I feel the same exact way!!!!
January 28, 2013 at 11:15 pm
Thanks for all the laffs and the occasional Serious Point. I’ll miss Regretsy and all its random, brilliant silliness! There was a world more inventiveness, humour and twisted genius in the comments than mortals deserved and the internet will be poorer for its passing.
January 29, 2013 at 12:33 am
MISERY CHASTAIN CANNOT BE DEAD!
jk. thanks for everything and good luck!
January 31, 2013 at 4:51 pm
*thumbs up >_> <_<
January 29, 2013 at 1:24 am
Hi. Straight Guy here.
It’s been a gas Gang.
Well, no one took me up on my offering for a frosting party.
I’ll discontinue my offer to pee your name in the sand and photograph it for the Low, Low Price of 12 beers.
However, if you can figure out which Crazy Hotel Worker I am, I’ll still buy you a Glitter Shot (Goldschläger) (Hint: Cape Cod) (Straight Guy with a Rainbow Vagina ring, flashing the Transvestites at the Provincetown Carnival Parade for beads).
If you ask the wrong person and they look at you like you’re insane, have a laugh. That’s the point.
Over and out.
January 29, 2013 at 5:19 am
Namaste yourself, bitch.
Regretsy will be missed.
January 29, 2013 at 6:15 am
Well, that’s a bummer. I just found this site in the last year, but I’ve enjoyed it immensely. Ah, well. I’ll make it a point to keep up with your new stuff. Hopefully, when I’m slamming cheap beers and eating beef jerky salad (it has hot sauce and it’s healthy because I put the word salad in it) I’ll be able to look up a new batch of good cartoons to keep me entertained. … … … Yeah, I’m not very responsible.
January 29, 2013 at 6:22 am
Thank you for all the snark and fun. It was great partying with you, Bronc and Petja in NY last year. Best of times ahead for you in your new endeavors.
Namaste Bitches
January 29, 2013 at 6:45 am
I usually was too drunk to post anything, but I came across this site in the very first weeks of its existence, and read every freaking post since then. That’s been a great couple of years, thanks!
Greetings from Poland (the Finland of the Central Europe).
January 29, 2013 at 6:47 am
April, Helen, Mrs. Finster,
For three and a half years you have united our group and I have been proud to call myself a regretsian. For three and a half years I belonged to a bigger community, one where I didn’t have to hide and could speak openly and clearly, I could snark and shit all over anyone’s hobo wedding dreams. In the last three and a half years my speech therapist has noted that I communicate more rapidly, more openly, and more socially than I had before and I would like to think a lot of that had to do with being a member of this community of broken, imperfect, fat jealous losers. Our purpose was laughter and giving, and we lived up to it. Thank you for the opportunity to grow as a person and become a little less afraid and a lot more witty. This place gave me my life back after some serious shit took it away.
Thank you, our dearest Mother of them All!
b’Hre W. Cole
(it’s pronounced “bear” bitches!)
January 29, 2013 at 7:24 am
Many years ago I was driving around in the parking lot of Tyler Mall in Riverside, CA, at Christmas looking for a parking spot, and you were on KFI ridiculing Anne Heche’s audiobook version of her autobiography. It blew my mind and I’ve been a huge fan ever since. You are awesome and I’m so excited for your new ventures. You deserve every bit of recognition and success that comes to you. Congratulations and thank you!
January 29, 2013 at 7:25 am
Aw shit. This site gave me more laugh-out-louds than any other on the interwebs. I’m gonna miss the obscene snark and the intelligence and the deephearted compassion concentrated right here.
Farewell! Wherever you fare, till your eyries receive you at journey’s end.
January 29, 2013 at 7:27 am
Well, my first farewell didn’t show up last night so I posted another one. Like a drunk at a wedding.
Third time’s the charm: did anyone else think that the picture looked like Mia Farrow showing us how big Woody’s woody wasn’t?
January 29, 2013 at 7:58 am
I’ll miss you, you’re my favorite fjl! Thanks for the memories!
January 29, 2013 at 8:04 am
thanks for the mammaries!
January 29, 2013 at 8:17 am
April, it has been a pleasure to read your wonderful writing, and I look forward to even more. Congratulations on your successes with this site, both your personal ones, the charitable giving you accomplished through this medium, but most importantly congratulations on the community you created. We FJLs will always remember this place fondly, and giggle a little at bullshit nobody else will understand, from hobo weddings to learning to swear in Finnish. That’s a rare gift, so thank you thank you thank you thank you and I look forward to what you do next! CF4L bitches!!
January 29, 2013 at 8:47 am
April — thanks for all your efforts in showing us the hilarious side of etsy.
Although I am sure your face is on the dartboard of every seller you’ve pissed off – you were the only one who listened to the honest sellers of Etsy – and you’ve always done your best at making everyone aware of what the site can do sometimes.
In the two years I’ve been a fan of your site – of the four things I reported to you – ALL FOUR were featured. I can honestly say: Helen Killer – 4, ETSY ADMINS – 0…. not a single one of them could have given a rats ass that some asshole tagged a purse with the words “newton, CT” — but you brought it to light and as a result – that asshole has to be honest just like the rest of us.
for that I THANK YOU.
Good luck in all future endeavors you stupid bitch.
January 29, 2013 at 9:43 am
Thank you April, and Bronc, and Crochet.
Thank you for all the years of insane fuckery. Thank you for the glittery-teared eagles, for hellephant, for Dancing Dror, Towel Mike and Petja the Best Dressed Finn.
And thank you for creating an army of FJLs that go around doing good for people in need. You rock, we rock. CF4L.
January 29, 2013 at 12:34 pm
OMG! I forgot all about Towel Mike! AND Dancing Dror! How could I!
This whole comments section is feeling a lot like that part after a funeral where everyone goes to the bar, has too many drinks, and shares amazing stories until you have beer coming out of your nose from laughter.
January 29, 2013 at 9:44 am
CF4L ♥
I will miss this site SO HARD.
Love you guise.
January 29, 2013 at 11:27 am
So what you’re saying is, YOU ARE OPINING YOURSELF UP TO MORE MATERIAL? Thanks, April! *does a happy dance*
January 29, 2013 at 12:17 pm
Wow! I’ve been a lurker for a long time, having only made a name and a couple posts recently. No matter what my day is like, this site is always my “go to” for necessary laughs. I’ll miss Regretsy, but just as much as I’ll miss Regretsy, I’ll miss Zippy and Matt. I don’t know you guys, but you have cracked me up day after day – so I thank you. I’d love for you guys to do your own show, site or whatever. I’d be your biggest fan.
(Do I sound like too much of a creeper???) –Annie–
January 29, 2013 at 12:57 pm
Thank you, Annie! If I knew how to do a site, I’d do it for sure! Maybe someday…
January 29, 2013 at 1:22 pm
I’m with Matt! Except I too, have no skillz in the site making arena. But thanks for your praise! Even if it doesn’t involve “fantasies” (see below).
January 29, 2013 at 1:27 pm
It’s too bad she wouldn’t let us just take the site over. Although doing this for free would mean I would actually starve to death and be homeless, and I love food and home. A lot.
January 29, 2013 at 1:29 pm
The adoration of your fan base will only get you so far, especially when they are so spread out geographically.
January 29, 2013 at 4:33 pm
Maybe you two should start a blog or something. “Zippy and Matt” just sounds like a comedy duo in the making.
January 30, 2013 at 9:11 am
WAIT WAIT WAIT I GOT THIS ONE.
“Ask Zippy & Matt”*. People write in for advice and you don’t really give it.
I could start. Dear Zippy & Matt*, my whole hometown is saddened that the Patriots won’t play in the Super Bowl this year. How can I help relieve their suffering? AND GO.
*or Matt & Zippy. Sort that out amongst yourselves.
January 30, 2013 at 9:22 am
Dear Mistletoe,
You have to admit the Patriots have had a pretty good run this last 237 or so years. It’s time to give Loyalists or someone else a chance. Or maybe you meant the surface-to-air Patriots? The missiles? WELL, “MISTLETOE”?????
January 30, 2013 at 9:39 am
Dear Mistletoe,
Professional sports are truly the only important thing in life, so this is a delicate subject. I would suggest relieving their suffering by acquiring a large quantity of dynamite, and blowing up Foxboro Stadium so no one has to hear about the goddamn Patriots anymore.
January 30, 2013 at 6:09 pm
Yes, yes, yes please!!
January 29, 2013 at 12:27 pm
Hey guys, I’ve been hanging around for a long time before I signed up, and I regret it, but I totally loved Regretsy. Even recommended it to friends. No, they wouldn’t understand the sublime joy of whimsicle fuckery.
I also enjoyed you, Matt, Zippy, Mel, Lettuce, PBGCE, everyone here. I’m sort of the listening type so I don’t comment much, but I wish I did. CONFESSION: I have these, um, fantasies of Matt and Zippy. There, I said it.
Well, Ms. April Winchell, you have made each of my days. Also dear Crochet. There’s nothing to be sad about, because there’s still SockPuppet Theater, and you’re extremely busy and that’s very good. But Regretsy will be missed so much. I love you and will follow you still.
By the way, I’m from the Philippines and am moving to Taiwan to study stuff, about the same time Regretsy becomes an archive, so there. A chapter of my life has ended along with it.
Ok, am done here wailing. Thanks for everything.
January 30, 2013 at 9:26 am
Don’t feel weird. Everyone has fantasies about Matt & Zippy.
January 30, 2013 at 9:41 am
Even I have fantasies about Matt and Zippy.
January 31, 2013 at 3:55 pm
Welcome to “Fantasy Rhode Island”
-Khaaaaaaaaaaan!
January 29, 2013 at 12:33 pm
Goodbye April, Bronc and the gallant Crochet. It’s been a lot of fun, and I wish you luck in everything you do in the future
January 29, 2013 at 1:14 pm
Is it weird that I actually teared up at this?
So much awesome has been done by this site. It leaves a gaping hole in the Etsy/Paypal/Online Bullshit machine.
January 29, 2013 at 3:20 pm
File this under Butthurt. Dammit, Your site was an oasis in the world of the crud that exists. I have drooled over the gatherings offered and posted here, hoping for the opportunity to one day meet those with a sense of humour similar to mine own. My spousal unit had even given her regal nod to my/our hopes of attending (not an easy thing to acquire, I assure you).
Oh April, your site has provided so much of everything that I had always wanted from the information highway. It is with great joy that I see you are going to another level. It is with great sadness that I won’t be regaled by your (and what’s his face’s name .. oh whatever (I mean, Thank you Bronc)) opinions on stuff I never knew, or wanted to know, existed. I mean, HOLY CRAP! Some of that shit was vile! Really. But I digress.
Thank you.
January 29, 2013 at 4:31 pm
This will likely not be as articulate as I’d hoped, but I’ve been wanting to say for a long time what a positive influence Regretsy has had on my life. I guess I just never thought there was a proper moment without it sounding all schmaltzy.
Now I got nothing to lose, heh.
Important life lessons from Regretsy:
-Don’t be afraid to call a spade a spade, especially if it’s a really fucking ugly spade.
-Don’t let anyone else tell you what you can’t do.
-Better to talk shit and do good, than to talk good and do shit.
-Stick it to the man, when the man is in the wrong. It really CAN work.
-Don’t read Regretsy just before eating, or the other way around. Just in case.
-If you’re offended, far better to just click the little red X than to make a stink about things. Well… making a stink is more entertaining to everyone else.
-Nobody has the right to not be offended.
-Keep calm and perkele.
January 29, 2013 at 4:39 pm
Damn – I knew it was too good to last.
Tragedy…
When the feeling’s gone
And you can’t go on it’s
Tragedy…
When the morning cries
And you don’t know why, it’s
Hard to bear
With no-one to love you
Your going nowhere
Tragedy…
I’m dancin’.
January 29, 2013 at 5:38 pm
NooOOO….. but at the same time… YESSS… thanks a lot as if I don’t already have enough mood swings already!!!
but seriously good luck with all the new stuff! I’ll just have to suck it up and get over my fear of being sociable on forums.
January 29, 2013 at 6:39 pm
Thanks for all the fuckery and good luck on your next ventures.
Also, this site is why I cross stitch now. So, thanks! Without you I never would have learned how to send my sister inappropriate holiday ornaments that look ‘ok’ at first glance.
And thank you for all of the charity work you’ve done through this site, you’re a truly amazing individual.
~FJL4LYFE
January 29, 2013 at 7:22 pm
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Garbage on fire off the shoulder of a model. I watched sequins glitter in the dark near a woman’s pearly gates.
All those moments will be lost in time, like critical comments on Etsy.
Time to die.
January 31, 2013 at 5:47 pm
*moment of silence *wild applause
January 29, 2013 at 10:57 pm
Shit. Now we have to re-learn how to spell. Is it Whimsical or Whimsicle out there in the real world?
January 31, 2013 at 5:48 pm
“Real world”? What is this thing of which you speak? PS: It’s “Whimsicle”. Like “Popsicle”. /snicker
January 30, 2013 at 3:51 am
Thanks Ms. Winchell! This site got me through graduate school, I swear.
I really respect the charity work you guys did.
The fact that your chihuahua once modeled my NOT STEAMPUNK leather cuff will forever be on the CV of my life.
And as a gimp (CFS/FMS), I could tell this was a fun place to come to when people were hurting/tired/stressed out. It certainly was for me. So thanks for that.
Can’t wait to see Wander Over Yonder! Best of luck =D
January 30, 2013 at 2:12 pm
I go away for a few days to nurse my sickies and THIS. THIS HAPPENS.
Thank you so much for years of laughs that got me through the shittiest times of my old job (before the fuckers banned your site on the company network!) and for giving me the chance to clown around and make poop jokes for money and fabulous prizes. And thank you for giving us a community where we could find like-minded sick fuckers who are fabulous and big-hearted. I’ve just started getting into MLP so I look forward to hearing you on it as I make my way through the seasons. Just wait ’till you get sucked into the Brony conventions. O Lordy.
Best of luck to you in your future stuff!
January 30, 2013 at 2:57 pm
so long, and thanks for all the fish
January 30, 2013 at 4:34 pm
PERKELE! Let us simply FINNISH STRONG, as you’ve said yourself April: “Myöhäistä itkeä kun on kakat housuissa!”
There’s no point in crying after you’ve shit your pants –and if shitting then laughing is wrong, I’m never going to be right.
Bless you! (As my friend in New Orleans always say, when they can’t think of anything nicer)
January 30, 2013 at 5:37 pm
Thank you, April! There is nothing I can add that hasn’t been said much better above. My last 3 years were filled with laughter because of you, Bronc and Crochet. Congratulations on all of your new adventures!
January 30, 2013 at 11:22 pm
Well, shitfuck. I go away for a little while and then this happens. Serves me right.
HK, this site has been awesomely funny far more often than not. You’ve introduced me to Etsy, Finnish, and some of the most creative cursing I’ve ever read.
Thank you!
January 30, 2013 at 11:33 pm
I haven’t commented much, but I’ve always been around. I’ll miss the perkele, the breast fights, the bodily functions making crappy crafts even crappier. You’ve brought me lots of good times when I had very little good going on.
I learned about tragicrafting, swearing in Finnish, identifying resellers, dirty hippies, kale, more about painting with your vaginas and anus than I ever wanted to know. Oh, and goetse. I learned a lot about not clicking on links.It’s been the most fun education I’ve ever gotten.
The biggest draw for me has always been seeing that I’m not the only motherfucker out there with a twisted sense of humor. Thank you April, Bronc and Crochet.
January 31, 2013 at 5:42 pm
I will miss Regretsy a lot, it gave me so many laughs and WTFs. I look forward to reading your new blog!
January 31, 2013 at 5:44 pm
I will miss you guys. You have meant so very much to my family. I have laughed at the ridiculous puns, the terrible crafts, and the awesome snark. I have watched a community of people who have never met me bring down An entire corporation just so my kids could have Christmas. Thank you, all of you.
January 31, 2013 at 6:16 pm
So many good hearts and quick like minded folks here. I’ll miss the sleepless late night dips in the regretsy pool, with wit that’d have me laughing, until I couldn’t breathe. I was shy didn’t say much, & participated quietly. you all changed some days with your glitter and sparkle and gifs. A thousand Thanks April & Bronc and everyone who played along. Live long and prosper. CF4L
January 31, 2013 at 7:21 pm
“October knew, of course, that the action of turning a page, of ending a chapter or of shutting a book, did not end a tale. Having admitted that, he would also avow that happy endings were never difficult to find: ‘It is simply a matter,” he explained to April, ‘of finding a sunny place in a garden, where the light is golden and the grass is soft, somewhere to rest, to stop reading, and be content.’” – Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 4: Season of Mists
http://i48.tinypic.com/33079kg.jpg
January 31, 2013 at 7:23 pm
January 31, 2013 at 7:24 pm
February 1, 2013 at 12:38 am
I am so glad that you will continue to blog. You are a wonderful writer.
February 1, 2013 at 3:25 am
Don’t know why I’ve only just seen this. Well, I’ll certainly miss this place. Wish I’d joined earlier. The truly, consistently funny blog is a rare thing these days. But I understand. Best of luck, April. And thanks for all the fun.
February 1, 2013 at 10:53 pm
oh.
but where will I go to mock horrible crafts and people now???
(seriously though thanks for the memories~)
February 3, 2013 at 7:54 am
I’m just really glad you’ll still be blogging. Honestly some of my favorite entries involved your trips to Disney and stories of your family.
February 3, 2013 at 7:02 pm
I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for the laughs, the horrors, the middle of the night drunk conversations on the forums. There are days when Regretsy was the ONLY thing that made me smile (oh, the woes of clinical depression).
I’m glad you have found happiness in your other endeavors. You are extremely talented and that talent should be shared with the rest of the world. So thank you, April, Bronc, Crochet and all of the others who have given your readers so much love. That means a great deal to us all. Never forget!!!
Sincerely (and I mean that shit),
Pandora
February 4, 2013 at 7:03 pm
But now where will I go when I start having those horrible nightmares about the sellers on Etsy being real life humans? I mean, I get it about bedazzling a dead horse and all, but…can’t we start in on a different deceased (of natural causes) equine friend when the first is sparkly all over and covered in maggots?