“I boiled up the funny-looking rice or whatever you had in the freezer but it’s still really chewy. I hope the sauce I made from the liver(?) in the other freezer bag with your kid’s name on it will make it better.”
Well, that would probably stretch the cat food, plus I bet it adds a lot of fiber and it’s free! Gotta do what you gotta do in this economy. Cats don’t feed themselves.
See, when you say “no bloody nails and no fungus”, that makes it WAY grosser. It doesn’t matter at that point that they’re NOT bloody or fungus-ridden- you’ve already made me throw up in my mouth by mentioning it.
It was already gross enough. You can claim nothing on your body has ever itched or your nose has been finger-free since whenever but I ain’t buyin’ it.
And what’s the deal with him not wanting to separate them? They’re not like twins up for adoption that you want to stay together for bonding reasons or anything, they’re two nasty bags of nail-clippings.
There is this one guy who probably wants only 10 fingernails and 10 toenails (and maybe a back-up set) for his yard debris “girlfriend” and I could see all that sorting and packaging would get tiresome for the seller if small orders like that came in all the time.
katrina_von_bundt_kake
January 19, 2013 at 8:10 pm
Just what I’ve been looking for in these tough economic times to stretch my crockpot meals. Nice filler. Wonder how long it’ll take for him to make up another couple of bags.
Yeah, it seems like you could get a lot more for them by breaking it up into smaller packages instead of giving a bulk discount. This person is just opening themselves up to being exploited by a reseller.
I know SOMEBODY who’s birthday is coming up in May, and just happens to have a pine-cone n’ brambles girlfriend who would be totally complete with the addition of some toenail and fingernail clippings, hint-hint…
I meant to say “Theoretically, how else would one plant evidence at his or her next crime scene?” Because I would never ever do anything like that… because as far as the police are concerned it was David Hasselhoff who left his hair and toe nail clipping behind at a crime scene that could only be described as “grisly, yet surprisingly refreshing.”
I would love to email this person and just go back and forth for like 20 emails with really specific questions like “what do the bags weigh?” or “were the nails kept in a climate-controlled environment?” or “what’s the average length of the nails, overall?” and then finally tell him/her that I’m not interested because one of the answers (bag-weight) was a deal-breaker.
I sent in this tip after stumbling on it one day looking for free wood (ha!) on my local Craigslist. As you can tell, we stay classy over here in Harrisburg.
I did think about getting into it with them, but deep down I was worried that they’d turn out to be just as psychotic as the ad led me to believe and track me down using my ISP or whatever the fuck.
Some humbug flagged it and it’s since been removed. Party poopers, all of them.
I love trying to “out-crazy” crazy people. I would be like, “You didn’t store them submerged in ranch dressing inside a vacuum cleaner bag under the couch?? Why not?? Seems like a no-brainer to me!”
Our boy Matt probably writes all his psycho trolling from his local Starbucks, so when those psychos track him down they end up with a no-foam, half-caph, skinny latte instead of Matt fingers. It’s brilliant really, but that Starbucks is ruined.
I would never go to Starbucks. Worst. Coffee. Ever.
I don’t have time for “trolling”, either. I’m too busy over here trying to make 3 people laugh (or cry, depending on the quality of my humor that day).
Well quite! One could carry out a controlled assessment of voodoo practitioners, sequentially, obviously. They each get ten random nails and two days to give the owner a condition of your choice (you could be charitable and cast a Bestow Sanity). The most effective gets all your business!
I’d want the voodoo dolls. But I’d probably get shut down for being a reseller if I offer them on etsy. Wait! I can have the priestesses make voodoo FURNITURE. Yay!
Is this just the (finger)tip of hoarder iceberg that this person is about to unleash on an unsuspecting internet?
This may sound weird but I’ve been saving… I have-
8 shoe boxes full of used shoe liners
2 jam jars 1/2 full of earwax
5 milk jugs loosely filled with used dental floss
14 trash bags full of hair
It is not OK to contact this poster unless you are insane.
Now, it’s great there is no fungus or blood, but are they organic and free range?
How do I know they are genuine nails and have no acrylic or other artificial additives?
Are they USDA organic or just “all natural”, which, let’s admit, could be just anything.
I don’t feel safe buying “nails” of unknown origin off the Internet. That’s just opening yourself up to all sorts of stuff.
And to those concerned that the bags aren’t completely full, some breathing room should be allowed for bulk clipped nails, especially the toe ones…
Now why would you want to just give away perfectly good bags of Toenail clippings for free? if it was Etsy you could charge upwards of twenty dollars or more for your slightly less disgusting toenails.
I just want to know – how long does it take to get 1.5 gallons of nail clippings? I mean, you don’t get much at a time, so this must represent something like 20 year’s worth.
It really is best if they go together – I broke up a happy pair of clipping bags once by only taking the toenails and they were pining for the fingernails for weeks.
January 17, 2013 at 10:04 am
Well, now I know what we’ll be throwing at my wedding instead of wasting all of that rice…
January 17, 2013 at 10:18 am
You nailed it!
January 17, 2013 at 1:02 pm
No exploding birds at YOUR wedding, bloodlesscoup!
January 17, 2013 at 5:52 pm
They might still explode when they find out what they just ate.
January 17, 2013 at 7:20 pm
Just the crunchy topping I was looking for, for my umbilical cord casserole. (hint: cream of mushroom soup!)
January 17, 2013 at 11:00 pm
Later, at the reception:
“Waiter, there’s something in my . . . oh, yeah, I forgot. Never mind.”
January 17, 2013 at 10:07 am
This *might* sound weird?
January 17, 2013 at 10:43 am
And the bag is 3/4 full. What’s this, a bag of potato chip – some settling may have occurred during shipping?
No way. I only buy FULL gallon bags of nail clippings.
January 17, 2013 at 10:23 am
“I boiled up the funny-looking rice or whatever you had in the freezer but it’s still really chewy. I hope the sauce I made from the liver(?) in the other freezer bag with your kid’s name on it will make it better.”
January 17, 2013 at 10:34 am
Well, that would probably stretch the cat food, plus I bet it adds a lot of fiber and it’s free! Gotta do what you gotta do in this economy. Cats don’t feed themselves.
January 17, 2013 at 12:05 pm
Fluffy sez; “It’s lickin’ finger good! And now I have a taste for humans!”
January 17, 2013 at 12:14 pm
If it’s not food, it’s water with those cats. Just “me, me, me” all the time.
January 17, 2013 at 12:21 pm
Yeah, and if you don’t jump fast enough, it’s all Pussy Riot
January 17, 2013 at 12:22 pm
You don’t want to get in the middle of that meow-mix!
January 17, 2013 at 12:25 pm
When they’re really pissed they get on the piano and play “We are Siameses if you pluleaze, We are Siameses if you DON’T pluleaze” 4 octaves too high
January 17, 2013 at 12:51 pm
Then they call their alley-cat friends over to do “Stray Cat Strut” while they beat you mercilessly with chains and tire-irons.
January 17, 2013 at 5:55 pm
And I used to think it was bad when they’d sing “Memory” and jump onto my balls.
January 17, 2013 at 7:21 pm
pussy!
January 17, 2013 at 10:36 am
This might make me sound like a serial killer, but, well…alright, I’m a serial killer.
January 17, 2013 at 10:38 am
When you invited me over to see your clippings, I didn’t expect…
January 17, 2013 at 10:42 am
See, when you say “no bloody nails and no fungus”, that makes it WAY grosser. It doesn’t matter at that point that they’re NOT bloody or fungus-ridden- you’ve already made me throw up in my mouth by mentioning it.
January 17, 2013 at 10:53 am
It was already gross enough. You can claim nothing on your body has ever itched or your nose has been finger-free since whenever but I ain’t buyin’ it.
January 17, 2013 at 11:01 am
And what’s the deal with him not wanting to separate them? They’re not like twins up for adoption that you want to stay together for bonding reasons or anything, they’re two nasty bags of nail-clippings.
January 17, 2013 at 12:10 pm
There is this one guy who probably wants only 10 fingernails and 10 toenails (and maybe a back-up set) for his yard debris “girlfriend” and I could see all that sorting and packaging would get tiresome for the seller if small orders like that came in all the time.
January 17, 2013 at 12:11 pm
You make a good point, Zip.
January 17, 2013 at 12:47 pm
When asked about this, the seller pointed out; “I may be crazy but I’m not stupid.”
January 17, 2013 at 12:47 pm
Inside your mind is probably the second scariest place on the internet right now. You’re queued after toenail girl.
January 19, 2013 at 8:10 pm
Just what I’ve been looking for in these tough economic times to stretch my crockpot meals. Nice filler. Wonder how long it’ll take for him to make up another couple of bags.
January 17, 2013 at 11:25 pm
Yeah, it seems like you could get a lot more for them by breaking it up into smaller packages instead of giving a bulk discount. This person is just opening themselves up to being exploited by a reseller.
January 17, 2013 at 10:47 am
I know SOMEBODY who’s birthday is coming up in May, and just happens to have a pine-cone n’ brambles girlfriend who would be totally complete with the addition of some toenail and fingernail clippings, hint-hint…
January 17, 2013 at 1:57 pm
But are you willing to buy a new bag every few weeks? For the sake of realism, I mean.
January 17, 2013 at 2:20 pm
Every few weeks??? I’m not made of toenail clippings! She knew I was poor when she met me!
January 17, 2013 at 3:21 pm
Hmm, OK. Maybe you should go with the ranch dressing preservation idea after all. Or Italian – that works, too.
January 17, 2013 at 5:57 pm
Italians are great at preserving things; look at Rome, the Roman Catholic Church and Ray Romano.
January 19, 2013 at 4:11 pm
I suppose you could have said “Sophia Loren,” who is a more convincing specimen of preservation, but that would have messed up your alliteration.
January 17, 2013 at 10:57 am
Do not confuse with the bag of shaved ice when at a party at their house. (though somehow I doubt they are a terribly social person)
January 17, 2013 at 12:18 pm
MOST AWKWARD PARTY EVER.
January 17, 2013 at 12:42 pm
There were some real cuticles there, though.
January 17, 2013 at 12:56 pm
Yeah, I wanted to hang longer, but I was nailed to a time constraint.
January 17, 2013 at 11:01 am
Well, what if we want bloody nails and fungus? How else am I to plant evidence at my next crime scene?
January 17, 2013 at 11:14 am
I meant to say “Theoretically, how else would one plant evidence at his or her next crime scene?” Because I would never ever do anything like that… because as far as the police are concerned it was David Hasselhoff who left his hair and toe nail clipping behind at a crime scene that could only be described as “grisly, yet surprisingly refreshing.”
January 17, 2013 at 11:20 am
I would love to email this person and just go back and forth for like 20 emails with really specific questions like “what do the bags weigh?” or “were the nails kept in a climate-controlled environment?” or “what’s the average length of the nails, overall?” and then finally tell him/her that I’m not interested because one of the answers (bag-weight) was a deal-breaker.
January 17, 2013 at 11:27 am
I sent in this tip after stumbling on it one day looking for free wood (ha!) on my local Craigslist. As you can tell, we stay classy over here in Harrisburg.
I did think about getting into it with them, but deep down I was worried that they’d turn out to be just as psychotic as the ad led me to believe and track me down using my ISP or whatever the fuck.
Some humbug flagged it and it’s since been removed. Party poopers, all of them.
January 17, 2013 at 11:42 am
I love trying to “out-crazy” crazy people. I would be like, “You didn’t store them submerged in ranch dressing inside a vacuum cleaner bag under the couch?? Why not?? Seems like a no-brainer to me!”
January 17, 2013 at 12:02 pm
And how is it, exactly, that you’re still alive?
January 17, 2013 at 12:16 pm
Dumb luck, probably.
January 17, 2013 at 12:16 pm
Our boy Matt probably writes all his psycho trolling from his local Starbucks, so when those psychos track him down they end up with a no-foam, half-caph, skinny latte instead of Matt fingers. It’s brilliant really, but that Starbucks is ruined.
January 17, 2013 at 1:02 pm
I would never go to Starbucks. Worst. Coffee. Ever.
I don’t have time for “trolling”, either. I’m too busy over here trying to make 3 people laugh (or cry, depending on the quality of my humor that day).
January 19, 2013 at 2:19 pm
4+
January 17, 2013 at 1:07 pm
And, unfortunately for everyone involved, I tend to engage crazy people in person, not over the internet.
January 17, 2013 at 2:47 pm
That was you?!
January 17, 2013 at 6:11 pm
I’m you, too?
January 17, 2013 at 11:02 pm
Five.
January 19, 2013 at 4:14 pm
My husband engaged a crazy person once.
January 17, 2013 at 11:53 am
Frankly I would rather have the bag of cat shit that was offered a few days ago. Much less gross.
January 17, 2013 at 12:06 pm
One word: VOODOO
January 17, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Well quite! One could carry out a controlled assessment of voodoo practitioners, sequentially, obviously. They each get ten random nails and two days to give the owner a condition of your choice (you could be charitable and cast a Bestow Sanity). The most effective gets all your business!
January 17, 2013 at 10:52 pm
I’d want the voodoo dolls. But I’d probably get shut down for being a reseller if I offer them on etsy. Wait! I can have the priestesses make voodoo FURNITURE. Yay!
January 19, 2013 at 4:16 pm
And voodoo hats / crowns / headdresses. Those of us with cats can supply the feathers.
January 17, 2013 at 12:24 pm
Is this just the (finger)tip of hoarder iceberg that this person is about to unleash on an unsuspecting internet?
This may sound weird but I’ve been saving… I have-
8 shoe boxes full of used shoe liners
2 jam jars 1/2 full of earwax
5 milk jugs loosely filled with used dental floss
14 trash bags full of hair
It is not OK to contact this poster unless you are insane.
January 17, 2013 at 1:05 pm
You had me at “jam jars 1/2 full of earwax”. Now that you’ve got my attention, how low can you go on price?
January 17, 2013 at 6:14 pm
I think we can arrive at something eQtipble.
January 17, 2013 at 2:49 pm
You spelled “wierd” wrong.
January 17, 2013 at 3:19 pm
you forgot used tampons.
January 18, 2013 at 2:22 pm
I keep only toe jam in my jam jars.
I prefer to display my ear wax in a candy dish.
January 17, 2013 at 12:42 pm
I don’t know why I haven’t learned to to go to Regretsy when I’m eating.
January 17, 2013 at 12:50 pm
Because the note you left yourself was misleading?
January 17, 2013 at 1:20 pm
DERP. Yes.
January 17, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Google “human ivory” for additional grossing out.
January 17, 2013 at 1:03 pm
You mean the stuff from that show Oddities? Some of that jewelry she made was beautiful.
January 17, 2013 at 3:21 pm
at least that stuff’s covered in resin. this is just a bag of… raw fingernails.
January 17, 2013 at 2:10 pm
Now, it’s great there is no fungus or blood, but are they organic and free range?
How do I know they are genuine nails and have no acrylic or other artificial additives?
Are they USDA organic or just “all natural”, which, let’s admit, could be just anything.
I don’t feel safe buying “nails” of unknown origin off the Internet. That’s just opening yourself up to all sorts of stuff.
And to those concerned that the bags aren’t completely full, some breathing room should be allowed for bulk clipped nails, especially the toe ones…
January 17, 2013 at 6:17 pm
The disease of mistrust has mani cures.
January 17, 2013 at 2:54 pm
Now why would you want to just give away perfectly good bags of Toenail clippings for free? if it was Etsy you could charge upwards of twenty dollars or more for your slightly less disgusting toenails.
*Gag
January 17, 2013 at 6:51 pm
I signed up just to say I’m from Harrisburg and could not be less surprised by this post. Oy.
January 17, 2013 at 11:28 pm
I just want to know – how long does it take to get 1.5 gallons of nail clippings? I mean, you don’t get much at a time, so this must represent something like 20 year’s worth.
January 18, 2013 at 7:16 am
It really is best if they go together – I broke up a happy pair of clipping bags once by only taking the toenails and they were pining for the fingernails for weeks.
January 18, 2013 at 7:58 am
Someone should buy these and sell them on to etsy sellers as craft supplies.
January 18, 2013 at 1:07 pm
I can see them being claimed by an etsy craftard. Bet they’d make excellent cupcake sprinkles, and hey, free supplies maximizes profit potential!