All that effort going to NoCal and planting that rock there for someone to find and then the wrong guy gets the credit? The Elephant Man is going to be pissed!
“Wh…Where am I”
“You’re in the hospital. You had a terrible accident, but someone saved you.”
“Who is this hero? I want to thank him in person.”
“It’s this rock right here that looks sort of like Zorro, if you haze your eyes a lot.”
“You kind and wonderful rock! Come here, you….*smoooooch*”
(Scene 2 begins at the altar, with the woman and the rock getting married)
“How did I get here in the first place?”
“A stupid rock rolled off a cliff and bonked you in the head.” *furtively wipes blood off ‘Zoro’ behind his back.”
Reasonably observant fellow: “It was obviously Don Diego de la Vega.”
Grateful townsfolk: “How could you tell?”
Reasonably observant fellow: “Well, first that masked man wasn’t really masked. He had large bone deformities on his head, and his right arm and legs were enlarged. All signs of Protues syndrome. And Don Diego de la Vega also has Protues syndrome. In fact, Don Diego de la Vega is the only person in all of Mexico to have Protues. Secondly, you can still see him limping back to his villa. I mean, the man has a major genetic disease. He can barely walk. Look there he is.
While, I am glad that Don Diego de La Vega is on the side of justice. Doesn’t it bother any of you that an entire regiment of soldiers where so easily defeated by a man with such severe deformities that he could barely hold a sword?”
Grateful townfolk: “I guess we will never known who that masked man was.”
January 9, 2013 at 10:03 am
When I think of heroes, I too think of a $6 rock that some hipster thought looked like Zorro.
We all need a hero, this one just happens to be a $6 paperweight.
January 9, 2013 at 10:10 am
I read that as Herpes, not heroes. Nobody needs that.
January 9, 2013 at 4:49 pm
I read that is heart piece you always need those.
January 9, 2013 at 10:25 am
I would have more impressed if they found something like this:
January 9, 2013 at 10:28 am
Ummm, like this:
January 9, 2013 at 10:36 am
But that doesn’t look like Zorro at all!
January 9, 2013 at 10:46 am
Fixed it.
January 9, 2013 at 10:47 am
Hooray! Surely he will save us all!
January 9, 2013 at 10:48 am
Hmmmm, I’m seeing a Lone Rocker going on here!
January 9, 2013 at 10:47 am
You just have to get the stone wet to bring out the detail…
January 9, 2013 at 4:52 pm
it kind of looks like Zorro if he drowned in the ocean and the crabs and fish had been eating his soft tissue for a while.
January 9, 2013 at 11:39 am
You can only find rocks like that on Mars.
January 9, 2013 at 10:04 am
Victor!
January 9, 2013 at 10:05 am
Nope, that was the Lone Ranger’s Nephew’s horse . . .
January 9, 2013 at 10:05 am
All that effort going to NoCal and planting that rock there for someone to find and then the wrong guy gets the credit? The Elephant Man is going to be pissed!
January 9, 2013 at 10:15 am
“I am not an animal, I’m a MINERAL!”
January 9, 2013 at 10:05 am
Holy shit that’s idiotic.
It was big of him to admit that he didn’t really make this, though.
January 9, 2013 at 10:07 am
So Tina Turner was wrong when she told me “we don’t need another hero”?
That bitch lied to me, but it sounded so sweet so I believed her.
January 9, 2013 at 10:13 am
But Bob Dylan was right when he encouraged us all to get stones.
January 9, 2013 at 10:09 am
Enough! Lay off the teratomas/dermoid cysts! Or are you being sponsored by Marlboro?
January 9, 2013 at 10:14 am
Or maybe the Cystine Chapel? They’re looking for some good press..
January 9, 2013 at 10:36 am
I wish I could bezoar-iginal!
January 9, 2013 at 10:39 am
Effort in the pursuit of personal growth is what it boils down to.
January 9, 2013 at 11:11 am
But you need to know wen to stop!
January 9, 2013 at 10:30 am
“Wh…Where am I”
“You’re in the hospital. You had a terrible accident, but someone saved you.”
“Who is this hero? I want to thank him in person.”
“It’s this rock right here that looks sort of like Zorro, if you haze your eyes a lot.”
“You kind and wonderful rock! Come here, you….*smoooooch*”
(Scene 2 begins at the altar, with the woman and the rock getting married)
January 9, 2013 at 8:11 pm
“How did I get here in the first place?”
“A stupid rock rolled off a cliff and bonked you in the head.” *furtively wipes blood off ‘Zoro’ behind his back.”
January 9, 2013 at 10:37 am
I am a rock, I must be hiiiiiiiiiiiigh man.
January 9, 2013 at 10:41 am
Grateful townsfolk: “Who was that masked man?”
Reasonably observant fellow: “It was obviously Don Diego de la Vega.”
Grateful townsfolk: “How could you tell?”
Reasonably observant fellow: “Well, first that masked man wasn’t really masked. He had large bone deformities on his head, and his right arm and legs were enlarged. All signs of Protues syndrome. And Don Diego de la Vega also has Protues syndrome. In fact, Don Diego de la Vega is the only person in all of Mexico to have Protues. Secondly, you can still see him limping back to his villa. I mean, the man has a major genetic disease. He can barely walk. Look there he is.
While, I am glad that Don Diego de La Vega is on the side of justice. Doesn’t it bother any of you that an entire regiment of soldiers where so easily defeated by a man with such severe deformities that he could barely hold a sword?”
Grateful townfolk: “I guess we will never known who that masked man was.”
January 9, 2013 at 11:15 am
That script is so close to reality that it scares me.
January 9, 2013 at 11:08 am
I prefer to live in geologic time. Rocks will eventually come to me, so I’m not paying shipping and handling for one.
January 9, 2013 at 11:45 am
I catch your continental drift. We should get together for gin and tectonics.
January 9, 2013 at 11:51 am
JEEZUS, GET A QUARRY, YOU TWO!
January 9, 2013 at 12:31 pm
Granite, that was a little forward but you mined your manners! Ore so help me…
January 9, 2013 at 1:33 pm
Matt’s just jealous he’ll be missing all the horst and graben action, not to mention the subduction zone.
January 9, 2013 at 1:47 pm
I’m gonna plead igneous on this one.
January 9, 2013 at 2:55 pm
I never metamorphical character!
January 9, 2013 at 4:23 pm
That’s just a normal fault.
January 9, 2013 at 4:48 pm
Gonna take a sedimentary journey…
January 9, 2013 at 12:17 pm
January 9, 2013 at 3:09 pm
The original Penguin! Yay.
January 9, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Cross-file under “Annoying Descriptions.”
January 9, 2013 at 2:42 pm
I still can’t figure out why you can find a rock pick it up and sell it on a handmde website?? its a joke
January 9, 2013 at 2:57 pm
“Handtouched” is the new “Handmade”. These “Hand” jobs are getting easier and easier.
January 9, 2013 at 6:56 pm
Well most things do, with practice.
January 9, 2013 at 4:18 pm
Who is that first person (not Zorro) in Regretsy Math?
January 9, 2013 at 4:53 pm
John Merrick, the Elephant Man.
January 9, 2013 at 4:43 pm
“Antonio had huge reservations about going to Melanie’s plastic surgeon . . . “
January 9, 2013 at 4:47 pm
if they can charge $6.00 for a rock how much could I charge for the authentic fossils in the back yard?
January 9, 2013 at 8:17 pm
For the last time, you have a cockroach infestation, not trilobites.
January 9, 2013 at 4:47 pm
“It is a part of nature but that is not a choice.”
I KNOW SOMEONE WHO BEGS TO DIFFER
January 9, 2013 at 6:42 pm
“There to protect all his buddies laying along the river bank.” At least he did until this seller removed him. What will all his buddies do now?
January 9, 2013 at 10:46 pm
“can be used for your enjoyment or any other use you can find for it”. Enjoyment? Other use? Nudge, nudge. Wink wink. Say no more!