FROM THE MAILBAG
- Submitted by an anonymous Regretsian, who saw these in a Paris drug store
I’m not sure if you’re supposed to eat these or stick them up your Batcave like some kind of crotch piñata. But I do know one thing… I HAVE NEVER FELT SO CONFIDENT
January 6, 2013 at 12:22 pm
Ahhhhh, minty fresh!
January 6, 2013 at 12:23 pm
Do they have other flavors? My husband hates mint.
January 6, 2013 at 12:29 pm
Cherry.
January 7, 2013 at 3:21 am
Sadly, Cherry only comes in single packs.
January 6, 2013 at 12:30 pm
Peach.
January 6, 2013 at 4:59 pm
I forgot to mention the peach was marinated in a savory brine of olive oil, garlic, gin and chocolate infusion. And most of the fuzz has been shaved off.
January 6, 2013 at 7:12 pm
Z!
January 6, 2013 at 8:17 pm
What can I say? I like the peach. Pits and all.
January 6, 2013 at 8:27 pm
Carry on.
January 6, 2013 at 12:45 pm
Fish.
January 6, 2013 at 3:18 pm
My guess would be crotch. Sanitized for your convenience or whatever the Holiday Inn used to say on their toilets.
January 6, 2013 at 8:23 pm
Tuna
January 6, 2013 at 8:23 pm
Oh, wait, those are the cat treats.
January 6, 2013 at 10:07 pm
Tender vittles indeed!
January 6, 2013 at 9:35 pm
New car smell?
January 6, 2013 at 12:26 pm
I’m hoping it’s candy. Something like a cresting wave of freshness, if vag is short for vague…
Please be candy, please be candy.
January 6, 2013 at 12:32 pm
Yes, “vag” stands for “vague”, which means wave. The name means “wave of freshness” and yes these are candies
January 6, 2013 at 12:34 pm
For comedic effect, let’s stay vague on the vague.
January 6, 2013 at 12:40 pm
Or cloudy, while we’re being vague.
January 6, 2013 at 12:49 pm
For comedic effect, let’s try and make some jokes.
January 6, 2013 at 12:56 pm
Even some vaguely funny ones.
January 6, 2013 at 12:56 pm
You snatched the words right out of my comment box.
January 6, 2013 at 1:00 pm
You’ve got to act quicker- there’s no time for pussy-footing around here.
January 6, 2013 at 1:06 pm
For the last time, Matt, they don’t have hands OR feet!
January 6, 2013 at 1:09 pm
How come every time I drop one, it always lands right-side-up?
January 6, 2013 at 1:12 pm
*jumps off table to see for herself*
January 6, 2013 at 1:40 pm
Did you experience any delta V, Mel?
January 6, 2013 at 3:20 pm
*muffled reply*
January 6, 2013 at 1:11 pm
This must be why you can’t cunt on them. Well, maybe to “one”
January 6, 2013 at 8:24 pm
Quit dicking around, you guys.
January 6, 2013 at 12:28 pm
Avec les ‘Scrubbing Bubbles’!
January 6, 2013 at 12:29 pm
It gives it that “new vag smell”, like you just drove it off the lot.
January 6, 2013 at 12:39 pm
Hey, man, used ones don’t lose their value either.
January 6, 2013 at 12:42 pm
You’re absolutely right. They’re like shaking hands with an old friend, which you really can’t put a value on.
January 6, 2013 at 12:45 pm
It’s like slipping into a familiar, perfectly worn-in, warm, comfortable…what are we talking about again?
January 6, 2013 at 12:48 pm
Vaginas, Zippy. Vaginas.
Really, it’s time to focus here.
January 6, 2013 at 12:52 pm
All the blood rushed from my brain for a moment, as though I had stood up suddenly.
January 6, 2013 at 12:53 pm
Shaking hands? Which one of us is doing it wrong?
January 6, 2013 at 12:57 pm
*Low Five*
January 6, 2013 at 12:57 pm
Think of it as a “special hug” followed by a “special handshake”. That’s how babies are made, melagrana.
January 6, 2013 at 12:46 pm
Everyone knows “new vag smell” is actually just the materials off-gassing.
January 6, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Wow, way to throw down the gross-gauntlet, tiny giraffe!
January 6, 2013 at 12:55 pm
I know. I made myself gag with that. Is that where we draw the line?
January 6, 2013 at 1:14 pm
Today marks April’s (or Bronc’s?) return after something like 2 weeks – THERE WILL BE NO LINES DRAWN THIS DAY!!!
January 6, 2013 at 1:16 pm
*puts away graph paper*
January 6, 2013 at 1:41 pm
That ruled!
January 6, 2013 at 8:16 pm
Always the protractor, aren’t you.
January 6, 2013 at 8:28 pm
Don’t pooch my amateur status, alter-ritry-something-ithm.
January 6, 2013 at 8:38 pm
Alterity’s Algorithm…
Not precisely Al Gore’s Rhythm.
January 7, 2013 at 12:47 pm
Are you angling for a reply or what?
January 7, 2013 at 12:49 pm
That was in reply to
alteritysalgorithm’s protractor comment, btw. Just in case you were wondering.
OK, I’ll show myself out.
January 6, 2013 at 12:32 pm
Wait until you see the commercial with the perky blonde identical twins doing everything together…
January 6, 2013 at 12:36 pm
These would go well inside some recycled panties.
January 6, 2013 at 12:36 pm
I’ve seen them in America under the brand-name “Wife-Savers”.
January 6, 2013 at 2:25 pm
They’re called “Snizz Fizz” at fine retailers like Spencer’s – at a mall near you.
January 6, 2013 at 12:39 pm
The Wintergreen ones sparkle in the dark!
January 6, 2013 at 12:41 pm
I call them my southern lights.
January 6, 2013 at 12:44 pm
The elusive “Abdominal Borealis”.
January 6, 2013 at 12:51 pm
The Big Dipper
January 6, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Shake your Boötes!
January 6, 2013 at 1:05 pm
It’s right next to Orion’s sword!
January 6, 2013 at 1:07 pm
Aw, sheath!
January 6, 2013 at 1:19 pm
I’m just glad you didn’t say “scabbard”.
January 6, 2013 at 3:15 pm
I’m just glad it didn’t even cross my mind.
UNTIL YOU SAID IT.
January 6, 2013 at 5:24 pm
Sorry if I caused a fence.
January 6, 2013 at 7:22 pm
Not another fence post!
January 6, 2013 at 8:26 pm
In the Crab Nebula, maybe?
January 7, 2013 at 10:03 am
Dipper? I barely know her!
January 6, 2013 at 12:42 pm
“We asked blindfolded test subjects if they could smell the difference between panties from someone who uses Brand X and one who uses ‘VagFresh’. The answers will surprise you and possibly teach you some new slang terms!”
Go to http://www.etsy.com/listing/118309531/hot-used-panty-zipper-pouch and smell for yourself!
January 6, 2013 at 12:45 pm
In Tesco my husband and I came across “cock flavoured seasoning” – because we’re about as mature as a pair of teenage girls we stood there giggling and took photographs of it, then placed it back on the shelf and ran away. I should submit, shouldn’t I?
January 6, 2013 at 12:47 pm
Unfortunately, we just had that one here like a month or two ago. And we made lots of childish jokes then as now.
January 6, 2013 at 12:50 pm
I love Cock soup! It goes down so easy!
January 6, 2013 at 12:50 pm
*I
*go
January 6, 2013 at 12:59 pm
an honest mistake
January 6, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Yeah, you didn’t blow it*.
*you blew it.
January 6, 2013 at 1:03 pm
It was on the tip of your tongue.
January 6, 2013 at 1:04 pm
What can I say? sometimes I just suck!
January 6, 2013 at 1:06 pm
It’s good that you can swallow your pride and admit it, though.
January 6, 2013 at 1:07 pm
And then you get to have a mint.
January 6, 2013 at 1:16 pm
And go straight to the head of the class.
January 6, 2013 at 1:21 pm
Sorry, my comment felllate in this thread.
January 6, 2013 at 10:31 pm
I think your excuses are full of phallusy.
January 6, 2013 at 7:05 pm
it’s rather creamy tasting, if I recall, with just a hint of metal. Rather sea like.. just don’t have the asparagus flavor.. yuck.
January 6, 2013 at 1:15 pm
I’ve heard that these are for sale at Bed Bath and Beyond.
These must be in the “Beyond” section.
January 6, 2013 at 1:45 pm
I think I saw them at Hole Foods, too.
January 6, 2013 at 8:25 pm
Actually, I heard several big ones tried to get in on the merger but they retracted suddenly due to Sears.
January 6, 2013 at 1:50 pm
Vag fresh: because sometimes you don’t have time to douche!
January 6, 2013 at 2:29 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 6, 2013 at 2:54 pm
Man, warn me next time or something, wouldja?
You owe me a mind-eraser.
Ack.
January 6, 2013 at 3:09 pm
On another site a warning would be appropriate, but this is not another site.
January 6, 2013 at 4:34 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 6, 2013 at 6:19 pm
Wait, the French are embracing whatever manner of deodorant? The Future has surely arrived! Thank you, Globalization!
January 6, 2013 at 10:08 pm
The most revered love letter from Napoleon to Josephine began,
“Je reviens en trois jours. Ne lave pas.”
“I return in three days. Do not wash yourself.”
This is clearly for the expat market.
January 6, 2013 at 10:38 pm
I think this was the theme of Alexander Dumas’ book; “The Man in the Iron Musk”
January 7, 2013 at 1:36 pm
Zippy I watched twenty minutes of French afternoon commercial television last year, and every ad was for ‘feminine hygiene’ products. I wonder if French children watch television at that time, and what their mothers tell them.
January 7, 2013 at 2:44 pm
“You did zees to me, you ungrateful little brats! I used to be as fresh as ze Paris Metro before you popped out!”
January 6, 2013 at 7:02 pm
“…stick it up my Batcave…”
*snicker*
January 6, 2013 at 9:34 pm
It was only upon exiting the office restroom and feeling an unmistakable tingle that Lisa realized she had just made a terrible error.
January 6, 2013 at 10:28 pm
“Who would put the VagFresh packets right next to the Pop Rocks in a dark cabinet? And why didn’t ‘Mythbusters’ warn me of this?”
January 7, 2013 at 11:19 am
I thought peppermint would burn the nether regions. . .
January 7, 2013 at 3:52 pm