I’m not sure however I am certain it was derived from him being a fish in the movie “Help! I’m a Fish” – he was Joe. BTW – I have an average sized penis.
Movie Magic and Fantastical Fuckery… that’s what! You should just be grateful that April, John, and Crochet have deemed us worthy to even view this masterpiece!
I love the video, but the fact that so many people (who are quoting Regretsyisms and are clearly not new to the site) are seeing this for the first time makes me feel old.
I so love the classics! Thanks for the happy walk down memory lane, to some of the earliest Regretsy finds. Okay, okay, it was only a couple of years ago, but in today’s world that feels like practically a lifetime!
I believe a new holiday tradition has started this fine wintry day.
And it was said of those those Fat, Jealous Losers that they knew how to keep Christmas in their own Fat, Jealous way, as well as any old Bunch of Losers on the Merry Old Internet, or indeed, in the World…
For all the laughter and fun and smiles and questionable levels of self-esteem or lack thereof you people have brought me for yet another year, I can honestly say:
Oh. And above, that should probably be “you people”, to be precise.
This was so awesome, I laughed until it brought a huge glitter tear to my eye when it finally had to end. And now it looks like I’m going to get a sieze-and-resist letter from some Brazilian.
Ug. I just found this site yesterday and can’t stop looking. This will teach me to click on links. As a lifelong environmentalist I now officially hate the word up-cycle. From now on everything is going into the trash!
Also, I’m pretty sure now Etsy is the main cause of gun violence.
Oh so that’s what they mean by up-cycle. Everything makes sense now. Next time my cat up-cycles a hairball I’m going to stick a safety pin in it and sell it on Etsy as a Beautiful Broach. Start saving your money folks.
Unrelated to the post, but I was curious as to what everyone got for Christmas? I got just about everything on my list, including:
-Hormel Beef N’Cheese Edible Blanket
-YouFinishIt brand partial-bicycle
-PovertyPlayhouse by Frigidaire
-Custom Tax Bill (my name’s printed right on it! I must be important!)
-Plywood Ice Cube Tray (Dad, you shouldn’t have!)
-Vintage Socks (Mom, are you shopping on etsy?)
-”Turkey Nog” spiced drink kit
I’ll let you in on a little secret, Lettuce- once you’ve had turkey nog, all other nogs just seem like childish distractions. Turkey nog is to be savored by itself, with no other egg-and-milk-based drinks cluttering up the palette.
We both scored!
I got tickets to see The Civil War on Ice; skunk paws in aspic hors d’oeuvre tray; ThirdEye hallucinogenic body scrub, and some Lady Trashbag female condoms.
Whoa, who splurged on the Lady Trashbags? Those don’t come cheap. Very classy. If I remember correctly, their slogan is “We line the hallway before the hotdog is thrown down it”.
My wonderful family fulfilled many of my Christmas wishes with gifts lovingly bought months ahead of time. However, the most precious gift I recieved on Christmas Eve was a bottle of Dulcolax.
Knowing my love of the history of technological development, my dad gave me his old “Junior Atomic Scientist Lab” from 1949! He played with it for years but it’s in almost pristine condition and if you put all the “Pellets” into the “Containment Vessel” you can still boil water over it. My tentacles writhed with delight! I think I’m going to ask for a bone marrow transplant for my birthday, though.
The best gift I got for Christmas was when all my sister’s narcotic pain pills kicked in and she shut her big loud mouth! Nothing is more awesome than when your sister recounts the tale of the time you got suspended in high school for being wasted in first period. And she shares this right in front of the whole family and your 10 year old son!
The Civil War on Ice is a classic Christmas tradition! I love at the end how they recreate the entire Appomattox Court House scene with Ulysses S. Grant’s men skating a menacing circle around Robert E. Lee until he finally does a failed pirouette and surrenders. They skate almost as good as they did in the real Civil War!
Unrelated to the post, but I was curious as to what everyone’s New Year’s Resolutions are. Mine are:
-Use my powers for good more frequently, especially when someone’s looking.
-Convince my friend to die with me so we can help each other lose weight
-Proofread my pests better.
-Keep clam and carrion
-Grow more thumbs so I can properly express my opinion of posts like this one
-I want to lose weight as well, so I won’t waist as much time on Regretsy
-I need to stop jokingly referring to the Latino Minister at my church as “Monseñor”. Nobody thinks that’s funny (I think that’s funny).
-I want to do my best to support local businesses in my community. There’s this local Scottish restaurant called “McDonald’s” (I’m not sure how you pronounce it- I’m not Scottish) that deserves a fighting chance, and I’m here to help.
-Get way more military-level assault weapons. Way more. I only have like 327 guns as it is and I feel very vulnerable – what if someone robs my house with 328 guns?
-Partisipate in moor speling beez, juzt to sta sharpp.
Added bonus – knowing Spanish will quite possibly help you communicate better with one or more of the employees at this McDonald’s place. “Och aye caramba!”
I have some “Junior Atomic Scientist Lab” stuff that might help with the irradiation part. Do you want to come rub the plutonium on yourself here or should I mail it?
-Use Zippy’s powers for good, so that mine can just continue to lie on a fur rug, listen to the Ohio Players, and eat pork chops.
-Stop smiting people with my eyes. No one thinks that’s funny (I think that’s funny).
-Continue full-body tattoo project of interstate highway system and navigable waterways.
-More air guitar.
2 questions, Mel:
-Does that tattoo depict the Cuyahoga River on fire or did you get a rug burn?
The Love Canal, despite it’s name, isn’t a navigable waterway so why are you saying you have… never mind.
And every time we do it’s the same thing: HE’s on his smartphone, responding to YOUR posts.
I just shop online for shoes and practice cursive writing “Mr. and Mrs. Noam Chomsky.”
OMG – I wonder if she didn’t get Mayan Apocalypsed! It’s only been flashbacks since December 21 and no Sockpuppets either! At least we ought to be able to make up a fun religion based on the teachings of Our Lady of Fuckery.
-”The First Church of the Assholians”
-”The Church of Besmirch”
-”I Can’t Believe it’s not Christians”
-”The Church of the Middle Area between Heaven and Hell but Probably Closer to the Hell Side”
-”The Church that Leaves You in the Lurch”
“Church.com”
December 25, 2012 at 9:11 am
Namaste Bitches, indeed.
PS – who did the fish with Alan Rickman’s head?
December 27, 2012 at 10:01 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 25, 2012 at 9:13 am
I still want to see them climb VBAC Mountain.
December 25, 2012 at 6:23 pm
I thought that ride was being yanked out of bed through a tight crevasse into a wet blanket…
I could be mistaken.
December 26, 2012 at 9:15 am
Yes, please. Can you get Peggy Wood to sing “Climb Ev’ry VBAC” while Caganer man makes a cameo appearance?
December 25, 2012 at 9:16 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 25, 2012 at 10:33 am
Movie Magic and Fantastical Fuckery… that’s what! You should just be grateful that April, John, and Crochet have deemed us worthy to even view this masterpiece!
December 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm
You obviously don’t recognize streaming tears of hilarity. Who hurt you, Digital Biscuits?
December 25, 2012 at 9:26 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 26, 2012 at 11:05 pm
downthumbing Grinches!
Namaste Grinches
December 28, 2012 at 9:17 am
haha, never said I didn’t enjoy it. They were bloody tears of joy
December 25, 2012 at 9:29 am
And we didn’t get you anything! Merry Christmas, April.
December 25, 2012 at 11:05 am
I got them a Crystal Skull Vodka. Unfortunately, it… uh…EVAPORATED before I could mail it off.
December 26, 2012 at 9:12 am
I got them lots of California lottery tickets, and even scratched all the scratcher things for them. Unfortunately there were no winners.
December 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Um…yeah…I’m a vendor also! lol
December 25, 2012 at 9:31 am
What? No steampunk octopus?
December 25, 2012 at 11:54 am
That was last year
December 25, 2012 at 9:43 am
This is why the terrorists will never win.
December 25, 2012 at 10:03 am
Thanks so much. I’m amazed how much work went into that. Happy Holidays!
December 25, 2012 at 10:10 am
Ya gotta love the classics. Thank you, April and Bronc!
December 26, 2012 at 4:34 am
I love the video, but the fact that so many people (who are quoting Regretsyisms and are clearly not new to the site) are seeing this for the first time makes me feel old.
December 25, 2012 at 10:25 am
Stellar.
December 25, 2012 at 10:52 am
Thank you!
I love funny people best.
December 25, 2012 at 11:03 am
“Fun is my favorite thing to have.”
December 25, 2012 at 11:30 am
Je ne regrette rien funny.
December 25, 2012 at 11:33 am
I so love the classics! Thanks for the happy walk down memory lane, to some of the earliest Regretsy finds. Okay, okay, it was only a couple of years ago, but in today’s world that feels like practically a lifetime!
December 25, 2012 at 11:37 am
I am not real big on Christmas so I feel like I just got a really neat Christmas gift. Thanks! Oh and I really need that Stephen King nesting doll.
December 25, 2012 at 11:51 am
By my gaping orifice, that was awesome. Thank you for that fantastic holiday special. Merry Christmas!
December 25, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Ah, a true classic.
December 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Goatse Bless Us, Every One!
I believe a new holiday tradition has started this fine wintry day.
And it was said of those those Fat, Jealous Losers that they knew how to keep Christmas in their own Fat, Jealous way, as well as any old Bunch of Losers on the Merry Old Internet, or indeed, in the World…
December 25, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Ha. Like there’s a world outside the internet!
December 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm
I think my heart just grew three sizes. Or maybe I shouldn’t've had that half-box of See’s candy.
December 25, 2012 at 4:05 pm
I think my ass grew three sizes. From being a FJL.
December 25, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Holy shit, that WAS Rob Paulsen! Awesome!
December 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm
Holy shit was the previous post…
December 25, 2012 at 6:53 pm
Merry Fuckery you FJL’s!
December 25, 2012 at 9:16 pm
What I love about this is no matter how bizarre the misfit fuckery items are, the creators got a mention in the credits.
December 25, 2012 at 10:03 pm
Very classy move. My hat’s off to you for that!
December 26, 2012 at 4:02 am
This was so awesome, I laughed until it brought a huge glitter tear to my eye when it finally had to end. And now it looks like I’m going to get a sieze-and-resist letter from some Brazilian.
December 26, 2012 at 5:28 am
Hellephant!
thank you guys. this must have taken so much work. it is greatly appreciated.
December 26, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Ug. I just found this site yesterday and can’t stop looking. This will teach me to click on links. As a lifelong environmentalist I now officially hate the word up-cycle. From now on everything is going into the trash!
Also, I’m pretty sure now Etsy is the main cause of gun violence.
December 27, 2012 at 9:57 am
>As a lifelong environmentalist I now officially hate the word up-cycle. From now on everything is going into the trash!
Hey — I was thinking the exact same thing when the dog up-cycled his breakfast this morning!
December 27, 2012 at 10:26 am
Oh so that’s what they mean by up-cycle. Everything makes sense now. Next time my cat up-cycles a hairball I’m going to stick a safety pin in it and sell it on Etsy as a Beautiful Broach. Start saving your money folks.
December 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm
This is the greatest thing I will ever see. I’m…inspired.
December 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm
A new holiday classic! If the Disney Channel doesn’t air this next Christmas, I’ll eat my skants.
December 28, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Unrelated to the post, but I was curious as to what everyone got for Christmas? I got just about everything on my list, including:
-Hormel Beef N’Cheese Edible Blanket
-YouFinishIt brand partial-bicycle
-PovertyPlayhouse by Frigidaire
-Custom Tax Bill (my name’s printed right on it! I must be important!)
-Plywood Ice Cube Tray (Dad, you shouldn’t have!)
-Vintage Socks (Mom, are you shopping on etsy?)
-”Turkey Nog” spiced drink kit
Just thought I’d share.
December 28, 2012 at 2:34 pm
You lucky boy you! But the turkey nog introduces a sticky etiquette problem. If you have it with egg nog, which comes first??
December 28, 2012 at 6:33 pm
I’ll let you in on a little secret, Lettuce- once you’ve had turkey nog, all other nogs just seem like childish distractions. Turkey nog is to be savored by itself, with no other egg-and-milk-based drinks cluttering up the palette.
December 28, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Oh, so this is sort of a “One nog to rule them all” situation.
December 29, 2012 at 1:56 pm
But was it at least marine-grade plywood, Matt? That’s loaded with beverage-flavor-enhancing formaldehyde! (the nattiest of all the hydes.)
December 28, 2012 at 3:03 pm
We both scored!
I got tickets to see The Civil War on Ice; skunk paws in aspic hors d’oeuvre tray; ThirdEye hallucinogenic body scrub, and some Lady Trashbag female condoms.
December 28, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Whoa, who splurged on the Lady Trashbags? Those don’t come cheap. Very classy. If I remember correctly, their slogan is “We line the hallway before the hotdog is thrown down it”.
December 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm
And speaking as that hallway, anything less than a Lady Trashbag is just a trash bag.
December 29, 2012 at 11:13 am
I like the name “Bag-gina” but can’t speak to it’s effectiveness.
December 29, 2012 at 3:18 am
My wonderful family fulfilled many of my Christmas wishes with gifts lovingly bought months ahead of time. However, the most precious gift I recieved on Christmas Eve was a bottle of Dulcolax.
December 29, 2012 at 11:14 am
Somebody really gave a shit!
December 29, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Knowing my love of the history of technological development, my dad gave me his old “Junior Atomic Scientist Lab” from 1949! He played with it for years but it’s in almost pristine condition and if you put all the “Pellets” into the “Containment Vessel” you can still boil water over it. My tentacles writhed with delight! I think I’m going to ask for a bone marrow transplant for my birthday, though.
December 29, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Here, try a skunk paw.
And get those tentacles out of my face! Honestly. You boys.
December 29, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Here, try a skunk paw.
And get those tentacles out of my face! Honestly. You boys.
December 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Why does this happen? Argh.
December 29, 2012 at 1:28 pm
I thought it was because my 2 eyes are over-under instead of side-by-side.
December 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm
No, that’s just plus.
December 29, 2012 at 1:36 pm
just A plus. I think I’m going to stop typing things now.
December 29, 2012 at 1:51 pm
I was non plussed?
December 29, 2012 at 6:11 pm
A plus for effort!
December 30, 2012 at 5:24 pm
The best gift I got for Christmas was when all my sister’s narcotic pain pills kicked in and she shut her big loud mouth! Nothing is more awesome than when your sister recounts the tale of the time you got suspended in high school for being wasted in first period. And she shares this right in front of the whole family and your 10 year old son!
December 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm
The Civil War on Ice is a classic Christmas tradition! I love at the end how they recreate the entire Appomattox Court House scene with Ulysses S. Grant’s men skating a menacing circle around Robert E. Lee until he finally does a failed pirouette and surrenders. They skate almost as good as they did in the real Civil War!
December 28, 2012 at 6:40 pm
That was supposed to go under melagrana’s post.
December 28, 2012 at 7:42 pm
So much of our nation’s history is tied to ice skates. I really don’t think today’s children know how much.
December 29, 2012 at 6:14 am
Yes but do you realize how hard it is to teach horses to skate? They are the real stars.
December 29, 2012 at 8:05 am
I’m waiting for Veggietales on Ice to come to my town.
Characters with no arms skating is almost as good as a hockey fight.
December 29, 2012 at 11:17 am
They stopped firing cannons on ice because of hilarious and deadly recoil incidents.
December 29, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Unrelated to the post, but I was curious as to what everyone’s New Year’s Resolutions are. Mine are:
-Use my powers for good more frequently, especially when someone’s looking.
-Convince my friend to die with me so we can help each other lose weight
-Proofread my pests better.
-Keep clam and carrion
Just thought I’d share.
December 29, 2012 at 6:10 pm
-Grow more thumbs so I can properly express my opinion of posts like this one
-I want to lose weight as well, so I won’t waist as much time on Regretsy
December 30, 2012 at 6:31 am
My resolutions are as follows:
-I need to stop jokingly referring to the Latino Minister at my church as “Monseñor”. Nobody thinks that’s funny (I think that’s funny).
-I want to do my best to support local businesses in my community. There’s this local Scottish restaurant called “McDonald’s” (I’m not sure how you pronounce it- I’m not Scottish) that deserves a fighting chance, and I’m here to help.
-Get way more military-level assault weapons. Way more. I only have like 327 guns as it is and I feel very vulnerable – what if someone robs my house with 328 guns?
-Partisipate in moor speling beez, juzt to sta sharpp.
December 30, 2012 at 6:46 am
Well, as it turns out, I don’t need to stop calling him “monseñor”. I just learned that that’s actually Monsignor in Spanish.
New resolution: Learn Spanish.
December 30, 2012 at 9:57 am
Added bonus – knowing Spanish will quite possibly help you communicate better with one or more of the employees at this McDonald’s place. “Och aye caramba!”
December 30, 2012 at 5:35 pm
My resolutions are:
Irradiate myself
Gain super powers
Come up with catchy superpower based name
Become super villain and terrorize normal citizins
December 31, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I have some “Junior Atomic Scientist Lab” stuff that might help with the irradiation part. Do you want to come rub the plutonium on yourself here or should I mail it?
December 31, 2012 at 3:10 pm
As kinky as that sounds, I am married.
January 1, 2013 at 12:20 pm
So bring enough for two.
December 30, 2012 at 10:47 am
My resolutions are:
-Use Zippy’s powers for good, so that mine can just continue to lie on a fur rug, listen to the Ohio Players, and eat pork chops.
-Stop smiting people with my eyes. No one thinks that’s funny (I think that’s funny).
-Continue full-body tattoo project of interstate highway system and navigable waterways.
-More air guitar.
Just thought I’d share.
December 30, 2012 at 11:31 am
2 questions, Mel:
-Does that tattoo depict the Cuyahoga River on fire or did you get a rug burn?
The Love Canal, despite it’s name, isn’t a navigable waterway so why are you saying you have… never mind.
December 30, 2012 at 11:57 am
1. No, that’s part of a nacho cheese Dorito that I fell asleep on.
2. You’re thinking of Love Canal+, the French television and film distributor of double entendres for American audiences.
December 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm
1. Those were not-yo chips!
2. There is no 2.
December 31, 2012 at 1:57 am
There is now.
December 31, 2012 at 8:54 am
JEEZUS, GET A ROOM YOU TWO!
(I’m pretty sure we’re on our own here at this point, so I’m playing the part of April)
December 31, 2012 at 8:59 am
And every time we do it’s the same thing: HE’s on his smartphone, responding to YOUR posts.
I just shop online for shoes and practice cursive writing “Mr. and Mrs. Noam Chomsky.”
December 31, 2012 at 2:10 pm
This must be the “cybersex” I keep hearing about. Not really an improvement over the other kind.
December 30, 2012 at 7:49 am
And Vitusti something http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JkBC-4UAXg
December 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm
The Finns sure do embrace the seasons! We consider cunts and cocks to be a year-round thing.
December 30, 2012 at 11:08 am
… april needs to hurry the fk up and upload new shit already …
December 30, 2012 at 11:22 am
OMG – I wonder if she didn’t get Mayan Apocalypsed! It’s only been flashbacks since December 21 and no Sockpuppets either! At least we ought to be able to make up a fun religion based on the teachings of Our Lady of Fuckery.
December 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm
Dibs on Pope! I gave you guys more than 8 hours to jump on that, so kiss my ring, bitches!
December 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm
You know which ring I mean.
December 31, 2012 at 9:39 am
“The Cult of Helen Killer of Latter Day Jerks”
“The Diss-topians”
“Jews With Benefits”
“The Snide Synod”
“Church Fuckery 4-ever Lasting”
December 31, 2012 at 9:43 am
Due to lack of religious fervor I didn’t post this after Matt’s where it belongs. I’ll be flogging myself now in atonement.
December 31, 2012 at 11:49 am
Pics or you will be demoted from Pope status.
December 31, 2012 at 9:01 am
Some potential church names:
-”The First Church of the Assholians”
-”The Church of Besmirch”
-”I Can’t Believe it’s not Christians”
-”The Church of the Middle Area between Heaven and Hell but Probably Closer to the Hell Side”
-”The Church that Leaves You in the Lurch”
“Church.com”
December 31, 2012 at 9:36 am
“Hey, this place kind of looks like a handbasket!”
December 31, 2012 at 9:42 am
I think we just got our church seating design – finely/horribly crafted handbaskets.
December 31, 2012 at 10:28 am
Thank god, I thought we were gonna have to sit on upturned thumbs.
December 31, 2012 at 10:43 am
I thumbed that comment up. Don’t make me regret it!
January 1, 2013 at 1:13 pm
Since I am having a c-section in about three weeks, I was deeply intrigued to discovered Mt. VBAC.
But Mt. VBAC is for later. Right now I want a t-shirt that says “All Your Previas Are Belong to My Uterus”.
I keep tellin’ the bump it’s better this way. Her head will not get squished during the delivery, and she’ll be ready for her close up on arrival.
January 1, 2013 at 8:27 pm
Be Strong CGL! I was a c-section baby and I know that you’ll get to call your kid abdominal as much as you like. Unless I heard that wrong?
January 9, 2013 at 4:57 pm
“This video is private.”
So, I can’t see it. what gives? :<