This will never be attractive and, as a bonus, they make me reminisce of when my mother used to buy me those candy wax-lips, such then when I look at these I think of them being emasticated then blown into bubbles from my mouth with cries of my mother repeating “Don’t swallow!”
How could that be considered attractive? Yet, the people that have it done to themselves must like it. A quick search in Google for collagen lips will reveal some alternate realities.
BTW, I reall like how the seller’s listing 3.7 miles long. It’s over injected with collagen!
I am entranced by the hedgehog hair. And who paints on cardboard and expects it to last? There is too much acid in cardboard to be archival. Actually there may have been too much acid in the artist when this was painted.
Anyone else now thinking 3-D Spanish hedgehodge Jezus? We can buy a weather balloon for the artist to fly over to make a bold but random statement in both mixed media re-up-storation and unpowered flight.
I doubt most artists have the balls to go back and dig through their parents’ basements for school art projects and try to sell them with the old ‘my journey of discovery’ or whatever bullcrap line.
But if it works, EVERYBODY STOP THROWING AWAY EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!
I have some art leftover from my “Middle-Macaroni” period (age 3-4) that I should sell. It was a statement about the intersection of food and art in our consumer-driven culture.
I have a pencil-holding jar I made for my father that is an orange-juice can covered with construction paper circles and one small image of a Rice-a-Roni box, from a magazine.
Well, all the art I did in school is long gone. But I’ve still got some of my twin sons art from when they were in elementary school. Etsy, here I come!
PS-Most of their art looks better than this, and they were only nine or ten when they made it.
I made my dad a macaroni and rice covered coffee can which I then sprayed silver back in second grade. The last time I saw it it was so old half the macaroni had fallen off and it looked like it had leprosy. Etsy here i come!
I’m prepared to discuss Bette Midler’s midsection. I’m mid-way into a Malcolm in the middle episode right now, but there is a fair to middling chance I’ve already seen it.
Dear gods, I thought this too! Before I read the description I thought it was lifted from Cake Wrecks! I was just aghast at the way the frosting was so horribly abused in the name of portraiture. It was a bit of a let down to realize it was just plain old paint.
This lovely work of art demands, nay screams for, a quote from the great Hunter S. Thomson.
To wit: “It was a full-faced rendering, with teeth like baseballs and eyes like jellied fire.”
Translation: i made this piece of crap years ago when i was 11/homeless/off my medications. i would like to sell it for 175 times what it is worth so that i can pay tuition for my class in grammar where i will learn the rules of capitalization.
1. Vagina dentata!
2. Middle period? Are you fucking kidding me?
3. I have mixed feelings toward Nixon and Reagan for having closed the bulk of the public institutions. On the one hand, I have a twisted brain and enjoy the humor that inevitably results when the unmedicated attempt to pass for normal. OTOH, I fear they may be reproducing. And voting. Clearly, they populate Etsy as ubiquitously as crabs on an unshaven hooker.
December 21, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Where did she find the jaundice for this picture?
December 21, 2012 at 1:33 pm
I’m stuck on you.
December 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm
It’s a little collagen-y, and as always, fact is stranger than fiction:
December 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Is this a real person?
December 21, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Don’t make fun. She had a terrible accident and the doctors had to sew a vagina onto her face.
December 21, 2012 at 2:26 pm
They had to promote them from labia majora to labia generala.
December 21, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Do men like this?
December 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Men like me do not.
December 21, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Plus, how could you drink through a straw with those?
December 21, 2012 at 2:57 pm
I’m not like Matt but I don’t either.
(I’m somewhat like Matt.)
(I’m Matt’s separated-at-birth clone brother pod-litter-mate, how can I lie?)
December 21, 2012 at 9:47 pm
This will never be attractive and, as a bonus, they make me reminisce of when my mother used to buy me those candy wax-lips, such then when I look at these I think of them being emasticated then blown into bubbles from my mouth with cries of my mother repeating “Don’t swallow!”
I’ve lived by those words to this very day.
December 21, 2012 at 2:44 pm
How could that be considered attractive? Yet, the people that have it done to themselves must like it. A quick search in Google for collagen lips will reveal some alternate realities.
BTW, I reall like how the seller’s listing 3.7 miles long. It’s over injected with collagen!
December 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm
The lip balm industry likes this look.
December 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm
I’ve known people who talk out their asses, but when did they start moving their nether regions up to their mouth?
December 21, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Doesn’t that hurt? If a part of my body swells, it is painful. Do lips not have nerve endings?
December 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm
Come on, she doesn’t look a day over oh-my-god-what-happend-to-your-face.
December 21, 2012 at 3:00 pm
When Sir Mix-a-Lot said “Put ‘em on the glass.” he meant different body parts and the ideas was you’d take them off the glass eventually.
December 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Baby got front.
December 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm
That’s Sohpie Monk. Her lips are fairly collagen stuffed, but not as bad as that photo. Thankfully it’s photoshopped.
This one however, is not:
http://media.2oceansvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lips-image-1-94194580.jpg
December 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Mommy, the creepy lady scares me.
December 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Cindy has jaundice.
December 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm
And if your lips are whiter than your teeth, it’s time to invest in some iron pills.
December 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm
I am entranced by the hedgehog hair. And who paints on cardboard and expects it to last? There is too much acid in cardboard to be archival. Actually there may have been too much acid in the artist when this was painted.
December 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm
I love how you’re concerned that it WON’T last a long time…
December 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm
If that’s from 1993 and it was only her “middle period”, you can’t say shellac crap to sell for years to come.
December 22, 2012 at 12:48 am
Anyone else now thinking 3-D Spanish hedgehodge Jezus? We can buy a weather balloon for the artist to fly over to make a bold but random statement in both mixed media re-up-storation and unpowered flight.
December 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm
I like how the seller throws around the term “random cardboard” like that’s a selling point.
December 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm
The adjective “random” is highly annoying.
December 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm
You don’t consider “random cardboard” an art medium? And here I though the refrigerator box where I live is an artistic gold mine!
December 22, 2012 at 10:55 am
It is. I turned my into a giant mechanical pencil that writes. Now I live in a crappy apartment!
December 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm
It is a selling point – about .5-3 cents per pound according to this website. http://www.livestrong.com/article/243824-how-to-weigh-cardboard-for-recycling/
December 22, 2012 at 10:58 am
My guinea pigs poop on “random” up-cycled “cardboard” and are very happy about it.
December 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm
” layering the objectives into an understanding of how to further use the different techniques and choose mediums i liked best”
Elmer’s glue, nightcrawlers, and melted 3 Musketeers.
December 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm
The “artist” should be forced to apologize to that cardboard.
December 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Were the eyes and teeth cut out of a magazine? From a picture of George Michael in 1984?
December 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm
To purchase would be a Cin.
December 21, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Cindy Crawford: The Drag Queen Years
December 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm
I doubt most artists have the balls to go back and dig through their parents’ basements for school art projects and try to sell them with the old ‘my journey of discovery’ or whatever bullcrap line.
But if it works, EVERYBODY STOP THROWING AWAY EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!
December 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm
I think Etsy is proving that THAT’S ALREADY HAPPENING!
December 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm
I have some art leftover from my “Middle-Macaroni” period (age 3-4) that I should sell. It was a statement about the intersection of food and art in our consumer-driven culture.
December 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm
I have a pencil-holding jar I made for my father that is an orange-juice can covered with construction paper circles and one small image of a Rice-a-Roni box, from a magazine.
Starting bid, anyone?
December 21, 2012 at 2:32 pm
I’ll give you some macaroni from my collection and a coupon for one free vagina-mouth surgery.
December 21, 2012 at 2:42 pm
I’ll take the macaroni and give you the Rice-a-Roni, but I maintain a strict upstairs-downstairs distinction between los labios.
December 21, 2012 at 4:25 pm
I love Los Labios. I have a bunch of their cds, and even saw them in concert once.
December 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Personally, I prefer the Tragically Lip.
December 21, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Well, all the art I did in school is long gone. But I’ve still got some of my twin sons art from when they were in elementary school. Etsy, here I come!
PS-Most of their art looks better than this, and they were only nine or ten when they made it.
December 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm
That 2nd sentence sounds so believable, and you sound so sincere, that you scare me. I hope that you only use your powers for good.
December 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm
I made my dad a macaroni and rice covered coffee can which I then sprayed silver back in second grade. The last time I saw it it was so old half the macaroni had fallen off and it looked like it had leprosy. Etsy here i come!
December 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm
It looks like she put the real Cindy Crawford in a laminating machine.
December 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Cindy sure was stacked!
December 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm
And that cardboard was ribbed for her pleasure.
December 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm
I always thought she was a bit plastic.
December 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm
From the looks of that, uh, portrait, I’d guess her tongue is coated.
December 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm
that last paragraph is a doozy. the grammarian in me is amazed… [note Regretsians: that G isn't capitalized.] ;D
December 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm
I agree. You can’t wax philosophical and misspell things/use incorrect punctuation at the same time.
Maybe this Mayan Apocalypse was meant more in terms of a fiery end to the English language?
December 22, 2012 at 12:28 am
2 lait, d@@d!!
December 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 21, 2012 at 2:22 pm
The “hair” is a combination of chocolate and butterscotch cake frosting. This piece is from her “Middle-Bett-Crocker” period.
December 21, 2012 at 2:33 pm
*BettY*
December 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm
I like to give my frosting hair a good combing each morning, too. And I prefer to sit on a fancy plate at work, instead of in a chair.
December 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Are you telling us you’re quite the dish, Mel?
December 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm
I thought we were going to talk about Bett(e) Middler’s Midle period there for a second.
December 22, 2012 at 3:32 pm
I’m prepared to discuss Bette Midler’s midsection. I’m mid-way into a Malcolm in the middle episode right now, but there is a fair to middling chance I’ve already seen it.
December 22, 2012 at 10:02 am
Dear gods, I thought this too! Before I read the description I thought it was lifted from Cake Wrecks! I was just aghast at the way the frosting was so horribly abused in the name of portraiture. It was a bit of a let down to realize it was just plain old paint.
December 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm
I had my middle period last week. I also felt the need to spread glue on random cardboard.
December 21, 2012 at 2:52 pm
From the thumbnail I thought this was a portrait of Ol’ Gregg. Clicking the link confirmed this.
December 21, 2012 at 3:07 pm
From her middle period? Oh, good, that must mean we’re getting closer to the end.
December 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm
This lovely work of art demands, nay screams for, a quote from the great Hunter S. Thomson.
To wit: “It was a full-faced rendering, with teeth like baseballs and eyes like jellied fire.”
December 21, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Why did Cindy pose wearing a bathrobe and a dead-mouse earring?
December 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm
I’m more concerned that her lips seemed to be made out of used gum.
December 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Cindy appears to have a lazy eye and horse teeth!
December 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm
The pretentiousness is strong in this one.
December 21, 2012 at 3:59 pm
That’s great cuz I like sniffing glue.
December 21, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Translation: i made this piece of crap years ago when i was 11/homeless/off my medications. i would like to sell it for 175 times what it is worth so that i can pay tuition for my class in grammar where i will learn the rules of capitalization.
December 21, 2012 at 7:47 pm
This, people, is why reputable colleges started using non-hallucinogenic glue.
December 21, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Am I the only one who thought it was supposed to be J-Lo?
Wow, I am REALLY looking forward to the next installment of this post to see if the seller “took it well.”
December 22, 2012 at 12:31 am
There’s always room for J-Lo.
December 22, 2012 at 1:02 am
I am in my second to none period. If I can’t trace the cardboard’s lineage, it is of no use to my genius.
December 22, 2012 at 4:54 am
My inner grammar Nazi always gets twitchy when people talk about “choosing artistic mediums”
“Media” = stuff you paint with
“Mediums” = people who claim to talk to the dead, often in exchange for large wads of cash.
December 22, 2012 at 4:55 am
My inner grammar Nazi also forgot to provide me with enough full stops for the above post.
December 22, 2012 at 5:19 am
“I love this, but I painted it on “random” cardboard and then forgot about it.”
December 22, 2012 at 6:37 am
Wow- there are some even more delusional listings on her etsy page. She’s selling one for £15,000.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/112579546/wild-west-pants-party-tipis-tuartkatz
December 22, 2012 at 10:10 am
That’s the worst Elvis portrait I’ve ever seen.
December 23, 2012 at 8:00 pm
1. Vagina dentata!
2. Middle period? Are you fucking kidding me?
3. I have mixed feelings toward Nixon and Reagan for having closed the bulk of the public institutions. On the one hand, I have a twisted brain and enjoy the humor that inevitably results when the unmedicated attempt to pass for normal. OTOH, I fear they may be reproducing. And voting. Clearly, they populate Etsy as ubiquitously as crabs on an unshaven hooker.
January 8, 2013 at 4:17 pm
I love how she’s saying “yeah, my early work was shit. But it’s precious to me, so I’m charging 175 pounds for it.”
Also, 1993 is not “vintage”