131 comments on Regretsy Stocking Stuffer!
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December 20, 2012 at 10:04 am
So these are like human Chicken-McNuggets?
December 20, 2012 at 10:43 am
Do they come with dippin’ sauces?
December 20, 2012 at 11:08 am
I’ll take two Beatrices with one sweet n’ sour and one barbecue, please.
December 20, 2012 at 7:01 pm
They’re ‘finger-jammin’-down-the-throat good’!
December 20, 2012 at 10:04 am
These… aren’t for to put… in… places…. .. .. are they?
December 20, 2012 at 11:05 am
I can’t be the only one that thought the listing said “fleshlight”.
December 20, 2012 at 11:25 am
I did. I had to go back and read it again. I was getting horrified at the thought of human and animal hair getting jammed in orifices,
December 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm
I’m fairly sure they aren’t, but I’m also willing to bet that there are people out there who will, in fact, put them in ‘places.’ Resulting in the world’s most hilarious ER visits.
December 20, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Tonight on “World’s most Hilarious ER visits” we meet Zippy who made the mistake of ordering one too many fleshlettes while imbibing in Nyquil on tap. AND Crochet Guevara , another Etsy stroller with a dark side–that would be the side away from the main light source.
December 20, 2012 at 10:05 am
Holy freaking Hell!!!
These are amazing and completely grotesque all at the same time!
December 20, 2012 at 10:10 am
Oh my god I clicked through and saw “Chastity.” Oh my god….
So horribly, horribly amazing
December 20, 2012 at 10:57 am
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December 20, 2012 at 10:59 am
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December 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm
You can admire the maker here for their great imagination, but you wonder what their nightmares must be like.
December 20, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Probably looks like this:
December 20, 2012 at 5:42 pm
I don’t blame him/her. Or anyone else for that matter. Lisa Frank haunts my mind.
December 20, 2012 at 11:09 pm
I was doing anagrams all day at work and just made the terrible realization that Lisa Frank is an anagram for Anal Frisk.
December 21, 2012 at 1:11 am
What kind of frakkin’ awesome job do you have, doing anagrams all day? Jealous!
December 21, 2012 at 9:01 am
Sit ton in het job predictions, tub in eth genes
December 20, 2012 at 9:03 pm
DOGGEEEEEEEE!!!!!
December 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm
This is far more terrifying than any Fleshlette!
December 20, 2012 at 10:05 am
Looks like Toni has tumor toes than your average flesh monster.
December 20, 2012 at 10:07 am
Are these named after the people he dismembered to use as models?
December 20, 2012 at 10:09 am
I want to get one and leave it on the dashboard of my Mom’s car. She’d lose it.
December 20, 2012 at 10:31 am
I’d probably put it in a beat-up old clown shoe and sprinkle confetti around it, like it just did some show on her dashboard right before she got in the car.
December 20, 2012 at 11:12 am
*ring ring*
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mrs. Johnson, I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re probably the most tolerant woman I’ve ever heard of.”
“Well, thank you dear. Are you a friend of Matt’s?”
December 20, 2012 at 11:55 am
She’s completely coulrophobic, so we’d leave toy clowns everywhere for her to find when we were kids. She’d scream so loud. It was pretty awesome.
December 20, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Maybe she would calmly say; “So that’s how they get so many into those little cars.” and then call for you in a deceptively mild voice.
December 20, 2012 at 1:22 pm
When there are clowns involved, there’s nothing calm about that lady!
True story: When I was little, we were shopping in Woolworth’s and this clown (hired by the store to give out “goodies”) came up behind her and squeezed his horn and said “goody, goody, goody!”. She screamed, dropped her basket, peed her pants and ran out of there, leaving me and my sisters standing there laughing our asses off.
December 20, 2012 at 1:47 pm
It was kind of mean of her to leave you guys there for the clown to raise though, don’tcha think?
December 20, 2012 at 2:04 pm
I think he did a pretty good job. When I was six, I was already juggling at a 10th grade level. I could throw pies accurately at people’s faces by kindergarten.
December 20, 2012 at 2:09 pm
My seltzer-bottle skills were nothing short of prodigious.
December 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm
You had me at “Red ball nose transplant.”
December 20, 2012 at 9:11 pm
I hear he was class clown over at Clarabell Day School. Then he was a real cutup at John Wayne Gacy Elementary . . .
December 21, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Wow. Substitute “Guy in Mr. Peanut Costume” and that was my mother. So we would give my DAD a big jar of said dry-roasted peanuts for Christmas every year. Because we were passively being horrible to her.
December 20, 2012 at 10:10 am
How could you exclude the sexy nipple-and-pube fest that is Richanda in this post?
December 20, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Look at it again…a little “harder”. It appears to also be a penis.
I am both deeply disturbed and impressed by this work. I would however not want to be anywhere near one of these pieces of “art”.
December 20, 2012 at 10:11 am
Could you imagine the fun of placing one of these lovelies on someone’s pillow? Imagine the fun of watching your loved one waking up to the hairs tickling them on the nose.
December 20, 2012 at 12:37 pm
A surefire way to get rid of houseguests who’ve overstayed their welcome!
December 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Or pretend to hork it up?
December 20, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Put one under your arm and say, “Honey, can you check this mole for me?”
December 20, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Drop it in the toilet bowl for guests to find. Or that date you’ve decided is just going to be a one night stand.
December 20, 2012 at 10:11 am
I was wondering what to get my dermatologist for Christmas … thanks Regretsy!
December 20, 2012 at 10:13 am
I think an etsy jeweler should buy “Toni” and use it to model her rings.
December 20, 2012 at 12:00 pm
comment of the day material if ever i read it
December 20, 2012 at 10:27 am
hey honey, I bought you a teratoma for christmas. Just like you’ve always wanted!!!
December 20, 2012 at 10:37 am
What kind of twisted soul abuses this level of artistic skill to create something this repulsive?
December 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm
They remind me of those reborn babies (which prompt me to ask that very same question).
December 20, 2012 at 6:31 pm
The reborn babies are more horrifying.
December 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm
New here. I need to see the reborn babies! Where can I find pics?
December 20, 2012 at 6:52 pm
I wondering that too — imagine the realistic prosthetics they could make! But then…nobody in their right mind would wear them.
December 21, 2012 at 4:33 am
Hmmmmm, lemme think…. Clive Barker, H. R. Giger, Zdzisław Beksiński, Brom, well and Jonathan Payne come to mind, to name but a few!
December 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm
I would actually love one of these. This individual should do prosthetic work, if they already don’t.
Going in my faves.
December 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Yeah, the seller’s sculptures are totally something you’d see in a David Cronenberg movie! Someone oughta hook those crazy kids up.
December 20, 2012 at 6:33 pm
I agree that his skills are amazing, but with his humor prosthetic work could be…treacherous.
“I made a prosthetic to replace the ear you lost in that freak Flowbee accident. It has a vagina, two nipples and some of your own hair!”
December 20, 2012 at 6:53 pm
I know a man who lost his ear to cancer, and what you describe would actually be an improvement.
December 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm
You made my day with that comment, thank you!
December 20, 2012 at 10:29 am
Man, I am so sick of people objectifying the human body!
December 20, 2012 at 11:13 am
But they’re garnished! With real hair!
December 20, 2012 at 12:38 pm
I prefer to humanize objects myself.
December 20, 2012 at 10:34 am
Beatrice looks like a manatee… with some sort of stubby… bits. I can’t stop looking.
December 20, 2012 at 10:35 am
No. No, no, no, no. Those look like chopped up body parts from the X-Files episode Home.
December 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Best episode of all time.
December 20, 2012 at 10:38 am
This is too much. I… I need to sit down.
December 20, 2012 at 11:16 am
NONONONONONO
December 20, 2012 at 10:38 am
Oh! I had no idea American Horror Story was having a prop sale.
December 20, 2012 at 10:42 am
All I can hear in my head is, “Put the lotion in the basket”.
December 20, 2012 at 10:49 am
Ive just been preparing Pigs in Blankets. Oh to have ‘Cornelia” to put out on the plate with them…
December 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm
I would love to have some vegetarian friends over for dinner, and put “Tina” at the bottom of a big pot of vegetable soup and tell them, “serve yourselves, bowls are over there – here’s a ladle”.
December 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm
“Tina” seems to be everyone’s fave! I can imagine her laughing “Hyuk! Hyuk!” At your veggie friend’s discomfiture.
December 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm
“Tina” looks like Jim Varney’s (the “hey Vern” guy) internal-parasitic twin.
December 20, 2012 at 10:54 am
I’d love to put one in my daughter’s toy bag for when I drop her off at Grandma’s for the day.
December 20, 2012 at 10:57 am
This is why you should never drop acid if you are pregnant. Does anyone even do acid anymore?
December 20, 2012 at 11:10 am
Guilty!
(joke- not for some years now)
December 20, 2012 at 11:05 am
I’ve been lurking on this site for a looooong time. This disturbed me so deeply that I had to register and comment. I feel as though if I can only say this, put it out there, I won’t be so horrified.
Nope. Still completely creeped out. What if that toe thing climbs up into my bed and sticks itself in my mouth while I sleep??
December 20, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Why would it stick itself in your mouth? Cold toes are much more likely to end up on your tummy, or nestled into the small of your back while you were sleeping.
December 20, 2012 at 11:09 am
Does anyone else want to replace one of the chocolates in a fancy box assortment with one of these, and then put the lid back on?
December 20, 2012 at 12:01 pm
You read that Atwood story too? The jilted lover puts her preserved taratoma in the chocolate box and has it delivered to his house the day his wife is having a big dinner party? Revenge lightly dusted with cocoa powder.
December 20, 2012 at 11:11 am
I’m forced to keep my mouth shut, because if I don’t, I will start screaming and I probably won’t stop any time soon.
December 21, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I’m forced to keep my mouth shut because I don’t know WHAT might come out if I don’t. Plus, I ate too many Christmas goodies in the break room this morning.
December 20, 2012 at 11:21 am
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December 20, 2012 at 12:02 pm
I think this person’s infected with a bad case of AWESOME.
While you may not like the subject matter, you have to admit that the craft is impeccable. I mean, it’s no Rattlesnake Rodeo Squirrel, but it’s pretty interesting nonetheless.
December 20, 2012 at 12:50 pm
And bonus: Tina could wear a little white plastic cowboy hat.
December 20, 2012 at 12:53 pm
Holy shit. Tina with a lil’ cowboy hat would be amazing. You could glue her onto your shoulder, and whisper back and forth with her in public.
December 20, 2012 at 1:14 pm
I’m going to get one and put it under my shirt so if the first date isn’t going well I can ask if she’d like to meet my twin brother. I’d say it’s an Arnold Schwarzenegger/Danny Devito situation only more conjoined and I’m Arnold.
December 20, 2012 at 11:04 pm
You have to admit this takes some serious skills. I personally find them all really repulsive but there’s some major skills here. Especially to make random bits of flesh so life like.
December 20, 2012 at 11:55 am
Early, failed Star Trek transporter experiments.
December 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Set phasers to “Hide the Evidence”!
December 20, 2012 at 12:03 pm
If that’s real hair, does Tina have real teeth too?
December 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm
I’m still wondering about the skin?!?
December 20, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Now I feel bad I never named my dermoid cyst.
What a waste.
December 20, 2012 at 12:30 pm
I’ve got my eye on Eileen, and I think she’s got her eye on me too.
December 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm
I can confirm that she does Mr Snrub
December 20, 2012 at 12:38 pm
Is anyone else turned on right now?
December 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm
If I could make it so, that would be my comment of the day.
December 20, 2012 at 12:40 pm
I would like to purchase Eileen for a very unpleasant woman I know… named Eileen. I would hide it in her bag of cheap foul smelling rolling tobacco as a surprise!
December 20, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Which one of you fuckers bought Chastity?
December 27, 2012 at 8:09 pm
I did. But it was a misunderstanding. I thought I was getting my virginity back.
December 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I remember when “Toni” was only 5 and quite a bit more handy, when still called “Thing”.
December 20, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Er… well… I guess it’s not a vulva, for a change.
…wait.
Why did I have to look at the site?
December 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Looks like someone came on Eileen.
December 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm
That is some kind of backwoods hillybilly wackadoodle asstastic fuckery right there.
December 20, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Oh yeah. This gets *my* vote for comment of the day. I’m picturing Eileen, Toni, Richanda and the rest lined up on the shelf in a log cabin with some axes and shit and some poor sucker realizing he chose the worst place in the WORLD to have a car breakdown.
December 20, 2012 at 2:01 pm
If you ‘collect ‘em all’ be sure you *don’t* put them at the points of a six-sided star with a candle in the middle on a night with a full moon while playing “Head-to-Toe” by Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam or you’ll only have yourself to blame for what happens.
December 20, 2012 at 7:42 pm
Now I want to do this.
December 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Tina looks like a vulva with teeth.
December 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm
“How long have the meatballs been out here on in this chafing dish?”
December 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm
This was the post, the one that made me finally regret what my eyes had seen on Regretsy and made me want to flee to avoid any future nightmares and brain searing imagery.
And then I saw the squirrel on the cobra and was immediately drawn right back in. How could I have lived having never seen a squirrel with a cowboy hat on a bucking snake? That would have been criminal.
December 20, 2012 at 3:57 pm
That’s why we have two sides to our brain; to make it easier to tear apart! Thanks Regretsy!
December 20, 2012 at 4:29 pm
These are great. These are exactly the sort of props I’d want as Halloween decorations – On pedestals, under glass domes with little museum cards. I’d decorate my house like some creepy little Wunderkammer. For the quality of craftsmanship, these prices are really good too. Absolutely faving this shop.
December 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Why did you have to shave the tribbles? WHYYYYYYYYYY???
December 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Reminds me of the fantastic sculptures by Australian artist Patricia Piccinini. http://www.google.com.au/imgres?q=patricia+piccinini&um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=N&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&biw=1252&bih=579&tbm
December 20, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Try again. http://patriciapiccinini.net/natureslittlehelpers/shows/10The_Surrogate/hires/35Surrogate_%28for_the_Northern_Hairynosed_Wombat%29.JPG
December 20, 2012 at 6:40 pm
I’m SO tired, and now there is absolutely no way I’ll be able to sleep tonight…due to imagining these things dragging themselves all over my face as I slumber.
December 20, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Now I want caramel corn.
December 20, 2012 at 7:05 pm
I know I’m a bit late to comment, but, WHAT THE FUCK?!
December 20, 2012 at 7:06 pm
I am not coming out of my fort again.
just…go away! GO AWAY!
December 20, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Oh God. I’ve been coming to Regretsy 2-3 year and, while I have seen much to make me afraid, scream, and/or hate humanity, this is the first item I’ve ever seen that truly makes me want to vomit. Mummified cats, asst. dead things, pieces of animals as clothing, and crafts made from body parts, plus a river of vulvas and a mountain of peini, and I have taken all in stride; but on this one I surrender. I must be getting old and weak, but I cannot click that link.
December 20, 2012 at 7:54 pm
What the hell is Cornelia (thru the link)? I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a tongue, or a vulva . . .
December 20, 2012 at 7:54 pm
And why do they all have female names?
December 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Ok, the infant torsos were for the wreath, now I have some new ornaments for the tree.
December 20, 2012 at 9:24 pm
You know what would be the best way to display 7-8 of these? On pedestals? No. On your nightstand? No. Hood of your car? Not so much.
Picture them…. as a dream catcher……..
December 20, 2012 at 11:06 pm
Toni obviously takes pottery. Those NAILS!
December 20, 2012 at 11:15 pm
I just bought Toni with a 7-finger discount!
December 21, 2012 at 2:34 am
Sometimes, an item featured on Regretsy causes me to issue a bark of laughter. Sometimes, a groan. I have been known to make the occasional snort, and very, very rarely, I am left utterly speechless.
This time, none of those things happened.
I have been whimpering quietly to myself since sighting the first image.
Off to curl up in the fetal position now I guess…
December 21, 2012 at 10:21 am
Original reaction: ARRRGH! No! Scrolldownscrolldownscrolldown…
Later reaction: Our bathroom vanity is a potential goldmine.
December 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm
You have all made me a happy man today. Merry Christmas!
December 25, 2012 at 10:06 pm
Your Etsy store was already on hiatus by the time I saw this, but do you also sell Tonya? I haven’t seen anybody mention it but that’s amazing!
December 23, 2012 at 4:00 pm
Has he been peeking in my nightmares?
December 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm
Did any of you actually go look at this dude’s blog? He has quite a few really interesting sculptures in there. Quite the talented artist.
http://www.jengalog.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2012-01-02T18:14:00-08:00
January 4, 2013 at 4:14 pm
Excellent wedding gift idea!