I have a small collection of vintage Gunnes myself- and this makes me want to open my closet and caress them gently and tell them everything will be alright.
I got married in a pretty collared 70′s wedding dress and all I did to it was take off the sleeves. I think tonight I will do an upcycledtaintwarmer and take it out of the closet for a minute, tell it how beautiful it is.
And then explain to my husband why I’m talking to clothing…
I got married in a Gunne too! The same one my momma wore to get hitched in the 70s. I approve of your style. Let us appreciate the ones we have, and bow our heads for the wrinkled fallen one.
Too much suction creates an airfield below. Actually this is quite ingenious, this seller may have singlehandedly fixed this nation’s dependency on foreign oil!
The model appears to be thinking what we are thinking. I can almost hear her saying “Seriously! You’re asking over 200 dollars for the dress you fucked up?”
This is exactly why you should always look in the mirror before you leave the ladies’ room. Nothing worse than getting your skirt caught in your knickers.
The was a young groom named Tucker
Who married a girl just to fuck her.
When he caught sight of her slips
Said “Those aren’t the lips
I meant when I told you to pucker.”
Oh yeah. $300 to walk up the aisle looking like half your dress is rammed up your cooch. The flower girl will crack up laughing and the minister will throw a choir robe at you. Great story to tell the grandkids.
Instead of kissing the bride, the groom yanks the dress out of the bride’s crotch. It’s a new hipster wedding tradition—you probably haven’t heard about it.
It’s really captured the “get this damn dress out of the way” moves that women make when they’re wearing a dress and need to get into the driver’s seat of a car, or pick something up off the ground, or wade through water, or pull up pantyhose, or have pre-wedding sex with the a groomsman.
Wanda never forgot that time at her wedding when she drove the car into the small, silty bay as the beast that resided therein was going down on her while claiming to be searching for the bouquet she dropped in the process adjusting her undergarments. So, don’t invite the Creature of the Black Lagoon to be part of your special day?
My mother wore this as her wedding dress back in the 70s. Only she wore the original not-shoved-up-your-mommybasket version. It’s much prettier that way.
It is interesting to click through to her actual listing, then click through her photos of the dress. It actually gives you a visual narrative.
Photo 1: Model says, “Yeah, I meant to do this to the dress. What of it?”
Photo 2: Model says, “Hey, lay off. It doesn’t look all that bad.Geez.”
Photo 3: Model says, “Who you callin’ Vacuum cooter??”
Photo 4: “The back isn’t so bad, right?”
Photo 5: “Oh, yeah, I kinda screwed up the underskirt too. But I’m sure you can’t tell…”
I just figured the upcycler was branching out from her previous job of making Roman shades. Caution: pull cord is a strangling danger for small children. And penises. Penii?
The bulge does a good job of hiding the bride’s tuck job. Some gloves for the large hands and a scarf for the Adam’s apple, and you have a full package to offer an underserved market.
Gosh, this was, indeed, a beautiful vintage dress with nice detail work. Why mess with it? Someone would have purchased it as is, I am sure. Now no one will want it for sure.
I guess a giant arrow hanging around the bride’s neck pointing at her crotch with “COOCH BE HERE!” handpainted on it with red paint would have been tacky…
December 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Raire, indeed. Crotch ruching is so elegant.
December 17, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Oh it’s supposed to be like that? I thought her hem got snagged in her chastity belt.
December 17, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Kind of an anti-camel toe.
December 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm
But who knows. Maybe she has pants like this…
December 17, 2012 at 4:05 pm
I don’t even have anything funny to say about this. Way to de-cute a perfectly lovely Gunne Sax dress. Jeez.
December 17, 2012 at 9:48 pm
I have a small collection of vintage Gunnes myself- and this makes me want to open my closet and caress them gently and tell them everything will be alright.
December 20, 2012 at 9:58 am
Do you also tuck them into your undergarments?
December 18, 2012 at 8:24 am
I got married in a pretty collared 70′s wedding dress and all I did to it was take off the sleeves. I think tonight I will do an upcycledtaintwarmer
and take it out of the closet for a minute, tell it how beautiful it is.
And then explain to my husband why I’m talking to clothing…
December 18, 2012 at 11:55 am
I got married in a Gunne too! The same one my momma wore to get hitched in the 70s. I approve of your style. Let us appreciate the ones we have, and bow our heads for the wrinkled fallen one.
December 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm
Hahaha. UPcycled.
December 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm
Yes – what every man wants coming down the aisle to him – a dress sucking vajayjay….talk about vacuum suction….
December 17, 2012 at 5:17 pm
If I were the groom, I’d be scared to let my willie any where near that vag, for fear of suction.
December 18, 2012 at 12:18 am
I am willing to risk it.
December 18, 2012 at 5:51 am
This is what happens when you let James Dyson do your vaginal reconstruction surgery.
On the plus side, your clit detaches so you can use it easily on the stairs.
December 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm
It’s important to check which side of the dress you’re working on before you bustle it. Hint: not the front.
December 17, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Since it is in the front would it be called a tussle?
December 17, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Vussle? pussle?
December 17, 2012 at 5:09 pm
A mussel – for the clam?
December 17, 2012 at 5:27 pm
A Gathering of the Clams- for your Scottish- themed wedding
December 17, 2012 at 6:00 pm
With the traditional song “Awasting Lace” played on the rag pipe.
December 17, 2012 at 11:14 pm
Och aye, you guys kilt me!
December 18, 2012 at 11:24 am
vagussle
December 17, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Silly, you can’t put it in the back; people would think you’d caught your skirt in your panties.
December 18, 2012 at 8:53 am
I already thought that.
December 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Costuming for the new steampunk version of The Exorcist? Regan will turn now around at the waist instead of the neck.
December 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Er, Miss? Miss? You’ve got your skirt caught in your… oh. Oh, I see.
Never mind.
December 17, 2012 at 4:09 pm
This just needs another bride, a chesterfield, a potted palm and some loud wallpaper for the Victorian B&B experience.
December 17, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Perfect for the incontinent bride!
December 17, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Explains why it’s ivory and not white. Hides the stains.
December 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm
You think this is bad, just wait for the big moment during the first dance when she farts out a thirty-foot train.
December 17, 2012 at 4:14 pm
One good sneeze…
December 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm
I have curtains in my bathroom just like this!
why does she appear to be hanging in the air??
December 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Too much suction creates an airfield below. Actually this is quite ingenious, this seller may have singlehandedly fixed this nation’s dependency on foreign oil!
December 17, 2012 at 8:48 pm
It’s possible she’s host to the development of a spontaneous black hole.
December 17, 2012 at 8:50 pm
It’s also possible to read the comments all the way through to avoid repeating what someone else has already posted.
December 17, 2012 at 4:18 pm
Levitating Labia
December 17, 2012 at 4:16 pm
The model appears to be thinking what we are thinking. I can almost hear her saying “Seriously! You’re asking over 200 dollars for the dress you fucked up?”
December 17, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Static Guard would do wonders for that dress.
December 17, 2012 at 4:16 pm
There is no way they did this to cover up the vintage wedding night stain.
December 17, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Or somebody had some “raaaaaiin” on their wedding day. Red rain. Don’t make me euphemise further.
December 17, 2012 at 8:00 pm
I think it had some kind of stain on it, from the last wedding, and this is the only way to recoup the cost.
December 17, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Please bitch, on etsy that kind of stain would be a selling point.
December 17, 2012 at 4:18 pm
So it was the style in Victorian days to wear dresses backwards? Charles Dickens never mentioned anything about this!
December 17, 2012 at 4:19 pm
all set to ride down the aisle on horseback.
December 17, 2012 at 4:20 pm
I think I read about this once — something like, “how to show off your vaginal skills while still pretending to be a virgin”.
That, or it was “KEEP THOSE BABIES IN THERE UNTIL YOU SAY I DO”.
December 17, 2012 at 4:22 pm
Some toilet paper trailing from her shoe is all that’s needed to complete this outfit.
December 18, 2012 at 1:11 pm
It’s not a good sign when your march down the aisle looks like a walk of shame.
December 17, 2012 at 4:29 pm
The sheers to her ‘beef curtains’?
December 17, 2012 at 4:31 pm
She wants nothing in the way for her wedding night.
December 17, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Stacy London — life before What Not to Wear
December 17, 2012 at 4:33 pm
“You may now fist the bride…”
December 17, 2012 at 4:35 pm
This is exactly why you should always look in the mirror before you leave the ladies’ room. Nothing worse than getting your skirt caught in your knickers.
December 17, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Black hole crotch.
December 18, 2012 at 1:35 pm
wow, didn’t know women could slurp dresses up in their bajingo like that…
December 17, 2012 at 4:45 pm
The was a young groom named Tucker
Who married a girl just to fuck her.
When he caught sight of her slips
Said “Those aren’t the lips
I meant when I told you to pucker.”
December 17, 2012 at 4:48 pm
I think her crabs were acting up again.
December 17, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Oh yeah. $300 to walk up the aisle looking like half your dress is rammed up your cooch. The flower girl will crack up laughing and the minister will throw a choir robe at you. Great story to tell the grandkids.
December 17, 2012 at 4:54 pm
No, no, I wanted you to buy some Tucks …
December 17, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Not shown: the hidden champagne holder.
December 17, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Well that sounded more redundant than it was supposed to.
December 17, 2012 at 5:16 pm
It often does, frequently.
December 17, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Hand-gathering in the front; At least until a robot is made gentle enough to do it for you.
December 17, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Correction, seller – it *was* a vintage Gunne Sax dress, until you fucked it up. Now it’s just a sack of crap that resembles a vintage dress.
December 17, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Cunny Sax =/
December 17, 2012 at 5:19 pm
For the bride who has everything…. in her crotch.
December 17, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Ready for that slide down the matrimonial banister! (possibly a euphemism)
December 17, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Instead of kissing the bride, the groom yanks the dress out of the bride’s crotch. It’s a new hipster wedding tradition—you probably haven’t heard about it.
December 17, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Ruching starts at the neck or the knees and goes South, but not halfway between, silly, unless this is a lesson in upholstery technique.
December 17, 2012 at 5:40 pm
More disturbing than the crotch – look at her feet! I think she’s floating, hovering, or being suspended by dark magic.
December 17, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Once again, I’m the victim of the scroll bar. “Well, it doesn’t look that bOH FOR FUCK’S SAKE.”
December 17, 2012 at 5:49 pm
It’s really captured the “get this damn dress out of the way” moves that women make when they’re wearing a dress and need to get into the driver’s seat of a car, or pick something up off the ground, or wade through water, or pull up pantyhose, or have pre-wedding sex with the a groomsman.
December 17, 2012 at 5:49 pm
a OR the…your choice.
December 17, 2012 at 11:32 pm
Wanda never forgot that time at her wedding when she drove the car into the small, silty bay as the beast that resided therein was going down on her while claiming to be searching for the bouquet she dropped in the process adjusting her undergarments. So, don’t invite the Creature of the Black Lagoon to be part of your special day?
December 18, 2012 at 7:56 am
I don’t know…he sounds kind of okay in your description.
December 17, 2012 at 5:52 pm
My mother wore this as her wedding dress back in the 70s. Only she wore the original not-shoved-up-your-mommybasket version. It’s much prettier that way.
December 17, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Mommybasket. [guffaw!]
Thank you for adding a new word to my vocabulary. I am going to try to use it in a conversation before the day is over!
December 17, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I don’t know if the vajustle bothers me as much a the fact that she looks like she’s hanging from an invisible noose.
December 17, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Vajustle! We have a winner.
December 17, 2012 at 6:16 pm
“Prarie” and “Upcycled” …if you can define either of these “words” I’ll add them to my lexicon…
December 17, 2012 at 6:21 pm
If it weren’t $300, I would buy it and just take the stupid gathering out. I like the original dress.
December 17, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Why are “prairie” and “upcycled” in the listing’s tags but not “crotchety”?
December 17, 2012 at 6:46 pm
Those Kegel exercises are really working.
December 17, 2012 at 7:24 pm
Daaaamn, girl! You go with those Kegels!
Your shoes, though, they need some work.
December 17, 2012 at 7:43 pm
It is interesting to click through to her actual listing, then click through her photos of the dress. It actually gives you a visual narrative.
Photo 1: Model says, “Yeah, I meant to do this to the dress. What of it?”
Photo 2: Model says, “Hey, lay off. It doesn’t look all that bad.Geez.”
Photo 3: Model says, “Who you callin’ Vacuum cooter??”
Photo 4: “The back isn’t so bad, right?”
Photo 5: “Oh, yeah, I kinda screwed up the underskirt too. But I’m sure you can’t tell…”
December 17, 2012 at 8:41 pm
December 18, 2012 at 9:02 am
Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg!
December 17, 2012 at 11:01 pm
I assume she ran out of hangers so decided to keep this dress in a box.
December 18, 2012 at 1:25 am
Wow, how long do you think it will take before somebody snatches it?
December 18, 2012 at 8:11 am
I just figured the upcycler was branching out from her previous job of making Roman shades. Caution: pull cord is a strangling danger for small children. And penises. Penii?
December 18, 2012 at 8:52 am
“I don’t want to get married. This is all happening way too fast!”
“Oh, you’ll be alright, we’ll get through this. Don’t get your panties all in a bunch.”
December 18, 2012 at 9:09 am
“They’re NOT in a bunch! I’m wearing my Hanukkah panty liner but it’s just not helping with my static discharge.”
December 18, 2012 at 1:36 pm
your hanukkah panty liner must have some wicked static klingons.
December 18, 2012 at 10:29 am
I just hope whoever buys this enjoys their wadded bliss.
December 18, 2012 at 10:41 am
I think they’ll have bunches of fun.
December 18, 2012 at 1:15 pm
She’s Vaccupussy from the new James Bond movie.
December 18, 2012 at 2:09 pm
I don’t think “white” is the best color for this design.
December 18, 2012 at 5:10 pm
….
this reminds me of hiking up my dress to pee.
December 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm
It’s kind of like formal “skorts” or wedding skants.
December 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 18, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Gosh, this was, indeed, a beautiful vintage dress with nice detail work. Why mess with it? Someone would have purchased it as is, I am sure. Now no one will want it for sure.
December 19, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Doubles as a menstrual pad for those light to heavy days.
January 3, 2013 at 7:08 pm
I guess a giant arrow hanging around the bride’s neck pointing at her crotch with “COOCH BE HERE!” handpainted on it with red paint would have been tacky…