The kind of gift that will both pleases and wounds. It leaves you with lasting reminders that are impossible to remove without surgery, just like the holidays.
It may be 9 inches, but it looks like only 3 inches would be, you know, useful.
Seller is right, though. “It has not a small resemblance to a nativity Mary holding baby Jesus.” It has NO resemblance.
This would be perfect for a for a prank that me and my brother like to do with our mother’s nativity scene. We usually replace the characters with things like action figures and such. This year we were planning on replacing baby Jesus and putting a little mini Cthulhu in the cradle. We would do all sorts of silly things.
I’d buy it and display it on my mantelpiece, and if anybody ever commented on how lovely my modern art nativity set is I would inform them it’s a dildo.
Argh. Took me waaaay too long to log in. Kept logging me out and sending me back to the main page every time I hit “log in”.
Anyway.
If my calculations are correct, the rounded end of this thing is over two inches in diametre. The part I’m assuming is “baby Jesus” would be close to four inches wide. It’d be easier to masturbate with a floppy disc.
December 15, 2012 at 10:03 am
O come, O come, Emanuel
And free my G-spot from this lonely hell
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until a nine-inch apple dong appear
December 15, 2012 at 7:26 pm
Sniff…sniff. The reason for the season always gets me right here…..I mean right there.
December 17, 2012 at 11:50 am
“Sniff…sniff?”
Um. I’ll pass.
December 15, 2012 at 10:04 am
The Gift of the Magi that keeps on giving!
December 15, 2012 at 6:25 pm
That’s gift of the VAGi.
December 16, 2012 at 1:45 am
The kind of gift that will both pleases and wounds. It leaves you with lasting reminders that are impossible to remove without surgery, just like the holidays.
Gives you all sorts of warm fuzzies doesn’t it?
December 15, 2012 at 10:04 am
Oh, Holey Night!
December 15, 2012 at 10:19 am
Away In The Minger?
December 15, 2012 at 6:33 pm
I believe that is “Oh,Oh OOOOhhhh Holey Night?”
December 15, 2012 at 10:06 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 15, 2012 at 10:17 am
But in the morning – kimchi!
December 15, 2012 at 10:14 am
Nothing like really sticking in to the Holiday spirit, am I rite?
December 15, 2012 at 10:15 am
Now, if it was a whole nativity *set*, I’d be weirded out. This puts a new spin on phrases like ‘religious ecstasy’, that’s for sure…
December 15, 2012 at 10:18 am
It may be 9 inches, but it looks like only 3 inches would be, you know, useful.
Seller is right, though. “It has not a small resemblance to a nativity Mary holding baby Jesus.” It has NO resemblance.
December 15, 2012 at 10:21 am
The knot resembling the flat top of Jesus’ head really makes it.
December 15, 2012 at 2:04 pm
That knot looks like some kind of disease. Apple nativity dildo transmitted STDs? Wonder what the hospital would think of THAT explanation.
December 15, 2012 at 3:29 pm
That knot like like an enormous nipple on Mary’s enormous boob.
December 15, 2012 at 6:20 pm
It does knot like like either! Well, maybe.
December 16, 2012 at 1:36 am
I see Don Knotts – the Mr Furley edition but that might be the alcohol talking
January 8, 2013 at 4:22 pm
well said. it resembles neither mary holding baby jesus, nor a dildo.
December 15, 2012 at 10:26 am
This would be perfect for a for a prank that me and my brother like to do with our mother’s nativity scene. We usually replace the characters with things like action figures and such. This year we were planning on replacing baby Jesus and putting a little mini Cthulhu in the cradle. We would do all sorts of silly things.
December 15, 2012 at 10:28 am
If you squint, you can just barely make out the sacrilege.
…dammit. Even a wooden Christdildo isn’t sufficient to get that last fucking post off my mind.
December 15, 2012 at 10:29 am
and the 3 wise men followed the wandering star for this?
December 15, 2012 at 10:33 am
Turns out it was just a wandering lens flare.
December 15, 2012 at 7:31 pm
The male historians claim that it was wiseMEN. Who knows, maybe it was really wisewomen and the historians bowdlerized the real it at some point?
December 15, 2012 at 9:17 pm
For some reason I am now struck with wondering why it’s not called “womenstruation”.
Yeah. Benadryl is winning at the moment. ^x.x^ <– comawoof
December 15, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Bajingo bell, bajingo bells, bajingo ALL the way
OOOHHHHHHH what fun it is to ride a wood dong night & day.
December 15, 2012 at 10:52 am
And Joseph said unto the angel: “Mine prostate desires the warm touch of the apple’s grove.”
December 15, 2012 at 10:52 am
I’d buy it and display it on my mantelpiece, and if anybody ever commented on how lovely my modern art nativity set is I would inform them it’s a dildo.
December 15, 2012 at 11:12 am
A-a-a-a-waaaAAAAAyyy in a man-man-MANGER! oh God yes! no reeeEEEEEEeeeeest for his ah-ah-head!
December 15, 2012 at 11:35 am
Needs more sheep.
December 15, 2012 at 12:08 pm
and velcro gloves
December 15, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Do any of the other women here wonder if the crafter has a working knowledge of, well, women?
December 15, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Are you saying this is yet another “dildon’t”?
December 15, 2012 at 1:18 pm
I think a lot of women would consider this a dil-don’t.
December 15, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Beat me to it.
December 15, 2012 at 2:08 pm
I like that we provided all the options for everyone on how to write that. 1:19 was a teaching moment.
December 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm
dildon’t forgetsy.
December 15, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Vibrator does what dildon’t
Had to make that reference…
December 15, 2012 at 6:23 pm
“The Hobbit” spoiler: Bilbo’s real name is Bilbrator. (thank you, Comedy Central Twitter feed)
December 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm
I see what you did there Mr Snrub.
December 15, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Excellent!
December 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm
You youngsters and your polished applewood Christian dildos! In my day we just used a cross like in “The Exorcist” and by gum, we LIKED it!
December 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm
The crucifix is in!
December 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm
Easter Bunny!
December 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm
This year, give generously to Toys for Twats.
December 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Salad bowl oil or not, I don’t think I’d be sticking wood into a highly acidic fluid soaked area.
December 17, 2012 at 1:40 am
Argh. Took me waaaay too long to log in. Kept logging me out and sending me back to the main page every time I hit “log in”.
Anyway.
If my calculations are correct, the rounded end of this thing is over two inches in diametre. The part I’m assuming is “baby Jesus” would be close to four inches wide. It’d be easier to masturbate with a floppy disc.
December 17, 2012 at 11:04 am
I only use barnwood dildos.
Which is why my ass looks like a Japanese flag.
December 17, 2012 at 11:46 am
Ask for “against the grain”…perhaps there are less splinters than barnwood, butt you’d still get the same ruralness.
January 8, 2013 at 4:29 pm
better or worse than the sculpy [http://www.regretsy.com/category/self-gratification/page/11/|"long stroker"]? Discuss.
or just “equally as bad, but in a different way”?
January 8, 2013 at 4:30 pm
well, that didn’t go as planned (damn you, html!)
I was referring to the old regretsy post on this page: http://www.regretsy.com/2010/08/13/people-of-balmart-nsfw/