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Imagine me for a moment. It’s almost 1:00 in the morning. I’m sitting at my desk, quietly waiting for my psych meds to kick in so I can go to bed. Casually I’m scrolling through Regretsy; a giggle here and silent laugh there and then what in the name of all that’s holy or unholy leaps out of the computer screen in to my consciousness, never to be erased? The remains of the baby the sitter put in the microwave in 1972.
Holy shit, is that actually what Melanie Griffith looks like now? That’s way more terrifying than Durante!Doll.
Really? Melanie Griffith??? She needs to sue her plastic surgeon.
You should see her try to speak. The words just kind of leak out one side.
Wait, I think one value was missing in the equation:
Even better in sculpture form:
“Oh Waldo! you’ve done it again!”
Yeah, but every baby looks like Mr Magoo.
I thought the saying was that every baby looks like Winston Churchill. Ah well, I suppose they look similar enough…
Either Winston Churchill or Chairman Mao.
Makes you wonder what babies looked like before Churchill was born???
Henry VIII, without the beard?
Babies come in Churchill, Gandhi or Burt Lahr models.
On behalf of Magoo,
I’m mad at you.
Just don’t do voodoo
on behalf of Magoo.
You left out a rotten potato. Also FIRST!
By “first”, do you mean “third”?
Awww snap, bitch!
Is it the formaldehyde and jar that’s distorting it?
Reminds of a cabbage patch kid I once saw while under the influence of a few too many recreational chemicals
It reminds me of a documentary I saw about this “Chernobyl-Stillborn-Babies” museum in Russia (not making that up) whose purpose was to document the damage Chernobyl had on the region. It was just a ton of babies in jars of formaldehyde. Unbelievably creepy and gross.
What chemicals were the cabbage patch kid taking?
crap, I wasn’t first after all
If you ain’t first, you’re last.
I’m thinking Rodney Dangerfield is missing from this equation.
Also, Chunk from the Goonies.
Honey, I Melted The Baby
Honey, I Attempted To Fill The Gaping Void In Our Lives By Buying A This Twisted Demon Thing.
Honey, this is my last-ditch effort to try and save our hollow marriage.
I think John Travolta was in that one. Or was it Tom Cruise?
Honey I Slept On The Baby
Isn’t the saying “there’s a face only Rick Moranis could love?”
They’re recruiting younger and younger kids into Ultimate Fighting these days. I blame TV.
“… just like a real baby,” which is why it has a fake flower hot glued to its head. Cuz, you know, it’s really tough to get a headband or hairclip to stay on when they’re that small.
Also the earrings. Don’t forget the earrings. I hear kids are born with those nowadays.
Aren’t kids born pierced ears yet? Step it up, evolution!
Is Darwin riding an ironic one-speed bike or something? Get some more gears, Darwin!
He better get with the program or I’m switching over to Lamarkism. Them my offspring will have tiny thumbs for texting.
(So not going to have offspring with that kind of attitude but a man can dream!)
I don’t doubt they will have tiny thumbs at least for a couple of years. And their texts probably won’t make any less sense than everyone else’s.
i think in Mexico they are
In Quebec, that’s how they tell if it’s a boy or a girl – they check to see if the ears are pierced.
You mean you’re not supposed to glue things to your baby’s head? Of course I knew that. On a completely unrelated topic, does anyone know of a good glue remover for delicate skin?
I thought that was the valve where you re-inflate the head after you receive it. We’re obviously seeing it in the pre-shipment phase here.
Are you saying I can’t hot glue things to babies heads….’cause um, we may have some problems…
Wow, I’ve seen a lot of anti-meth ads, but this one is fantastic. So scary!
When will Polymer Clay’s reign of terror end?
It’s like the Hitler of crafting-supplies.
Really, Matt, unless the post is about Hitler or Catler, you aren’t supposed to bring up der Fuhrer until at least post 23.
To late, Princess. Der Fuhrer is out of the tasche. I can’t put him back in.
I attempted to SS the situation and he’s Reich.
Seller, I do not find dolls that look like they’re in the process of squeezing out the greasiest fart “cute”. Honestly, I’ve seen many a reborn doll, and this is the first one that seriously made me utter “GADZOOKS!” O.o
You may be the first person to utter “GADZOOKS” since 1931. That phrase really is the bees knees.
And how! That comment was aces.
I am guilty of still using “dagnabbit”.
Golly! This thread is the cat’s pajamas!
It makes me want to get an All-Day-Sucker and do the Lindy-Hop!
Wait up! I’ve got a lot of restricting undergarments to put on, some hair to helmet and a bunch of rights I take for granted to give up, but I want to go with you!
You can come, but only if you darn socks on the way, ok?
and make me a sammich
That didn’t work:
Hey you two, if you’re gonna to start sparking, get a rumble seat!
Ya gotta admit- she’s got gams all the way to Kalamazoo!
I’ve got moxie, but I don’t favor courting without a chaperone. You two will have to choose your roles.
But first I’ve got seams to draw up the backs of my legs with eyebrow pencil.
You’d better do that before putting on the missile nose-cone bra or you’ll stab yourself.
You should also plan on wearing an apron, just in case some dishes spring up on our journey. Maybe I’ll bring some with me so you don’t get rusty on your night out.
She’s all dried up. Any dame who can’t hold her giggle juice doesn’t deserve to cut a rug with the likes of you.
She skedaddled, ya mopes! You guys pitch woo like you was usin’ a teaspoon.
Although I usually curse like a tequila fueled sailor on shore leave, when facing a true dilemma, or when honestly shocked, I come out with “O, for goodness sake!” or “For land’s sake!” – apparently, despite my facade of modernity, I am actually a pioneer girl…
Nah, my fiance actually has a shirt that says “GADZOOKS!” on the back. On the front is a picture of him and Jesus.
I am happy to report that I designed this shirt. AND it was inspired by Regretsy, which makes it extra cool.
If you use “GADZOOKS!” ironically, does that make you a Hipster, or a Flapster?
HEAVENS! This made me go check on my napping little one to make sure he didn’t deflate while he was sleeping. I kissed him and held him very tight. That is terrifying.
I don’t think ‘deflated’ so much as ‘melted’. Or maybe ‘under the effects of ionizing radiation’.
or one of those fast food heat lamps.
Those hands are HUGE. Reminds me of the Beatles in Yellow Submarine.
It’s been awhile since my kid was a baby, but I don’t remember her hands being half as big as her head.
The hulk hands (modeled here by tiny succubus baby) were left out too.
Okay, which one of you sick fucks bought this thing?
Halloween’s already over.
I can only hope that someone from Regretsy bought this thing, to allow for years of entertainment it would not otherwise provide.
Like carrying it around in public, just DARING people to say, “What an adorable ba– Oh hell.”
When I saw that hideous visage, this is what instantly popped into my mind:
(not exactly the clown I was looking for, but YOU try googling “scary clowns” and see how long you last!)
Sandra Bernhard is spot on. I was trying to think of who that thing looked like, and that’s exactly who.
Sandra & Rondo sittin’ in a tree F U C K I N G, first cums Rondo, then cums Sandra, then comes a Homunculus to haunt your dreams FOREVER!
I was also thinking Tor Johnson, but then I noticed this baby wasn’t clutching a smaller girl baby in its arms.
Thanks. I never needed to sleep again any ways.
Well, you won’t be sleeping face down anymore, anyway.
Whoever bought this better be planning on schmutzing it up and leaving it in a public toilet or I will be sorely disappointed.
First Thought Upon Seeing the Headline: Oh thank god, something has replaced those creepy teeth.
First Thought Upon Seeing the Picture: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! I’m going to scroll down to the teeth now.
Rihanna doll, with ‘Chris Browned Action’
My first thought was “someone needs to call CPS if this is the seller’s idea of what a newborn baby looks like”!
I’m afraid that thing’s eyes are about to pop open and look at me. remember this creepy shit? used to give me nightmares.
I think these guys belong somewhere in the equation too.
~”Hey you guys!!”
Sloth is infinitely more lovable. You’re insulting Sloth’s heartwarmingly haphazard facial features by comparing him to the baby at the top of this thread.
Aw. You do Sloth’s heartwarmingly haphazard features a disservice by comparing them to Smushbaby.
so, my first comment didn’t show up for like an hour, and I tried again.
Hence the double post with the slightly different wording.
Fuck. Now I’ll have, “Sloth LIKE Chunk!” repeating in my head for the rest of the evening.
I found her dad….
Lost a lot of height since his days on Sliders. Still grumpy, though.
I think telling us “she is so cute” has got to be false advertising, right?
It’s as if the seller thinks saying it with an exclamation point will make it true.
“You will love her!”
…Don’t tell me what to do.
There really needs to be some Walter Mathau in that math!
Pudd’nhead Wilson’s twin sister Cust’rdface
Somewhere in NYC, Rosemary’s missing her baby.
“Look at my little Angel sleep…she’s all tuckered-out…boy was she drunk last night- you wouldn’t believe how many Absolut shots that little princess can put down! She takes after her Momma, for sure!”
How is babby deformed?
Your math is all wrong, it’s the baby from Ghostbusters 2 when he’s on the altar being taken over by Vigo.
I was thinking the same thing!!!
Does anyone else see Mindy Cohn (Facts of Life)? Or am I just really old and really mean??
That heavy one? Yes.
“She feels just like a real baby!”
HELEN KELLER WOULD DISAGREE
* (Er, I just realized something… Helen Keller is not to be confused with Helen Killer. All rights reserved. Some surcharges may be incurred. Do not apply on or near eyes. Etc.)
It turns out she was twins!
Aww… I was just logging in to post that.
Mr. Blobfish was the first face that came to my mind when I saw the… creation…
If I am going to be mentally ill enough to take the step from hoarding cats to reborn I want to have a realistic CUTE fake baby I feed with fake baby bottles full of fake juice.
I don’t know what all the fuss is about, I love that little fucker.
Doubting this is handmade by the seller… as scary as that little dude is it actually takes a lot of skill to sculpt something like that, and attach eyelashes, and hair, and attach limbs to the soft body. (Especially considering her other items include things like a Hello Kitty adjustable ring…)
another doll of hers….
I love the picture of it posed on a glass topped coffee table so it looks like its levitating
actually, that picture looks like it’s baby under glass, not over.. Kinda like duck under glass.
Or a laboratory specimen. Ugh.
Its like a Baby Born special edition:
omg if it weren’t missing its wig, it would be super-realistic!
Nope, the troll is much better looking.
Okay, so it’s a baby. A baby what?
I hate to be the white knight here, but I actually think it’s kind of cute… I’ve always been a little creeped out by Reborn dolls and such, but this one seems more cartoony than real-to-life and doesn’t bother me. The artist seems to have a good amount of skill too.
But yeah, I’m just not seeing this as being Regretsy-worthy. :/ Maybe that’s just me.
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