Imagine me for a moment. It’s almost 1:00 in the morning. I’m sitting at my desk, quietly waiting for my psych meds to kick in so I can go to bed. Casually I’m scrolling through Regretsy; a giggle here and silent laugh there and then what in the name of all that’s holy or unholy leaps out of the computer screen in to my consciousness, never to be erased? The remains of the baby the sitter put in the microwave in 1972.
It reminds me of a documentary I saw about this “Chernobyl-Stillborn-Babies” museum in Russia (not making that up) whose purpose was to document the damage Chernobyl had on the region. It was just a ton of babies in jars of formaldehyde. Unbelievably creepy and gross.
“… just like a real baby,” which is why it has a fake flower hot glued to its head. Cuz, you know, it’s really tough to get a headband or hairclip to stay on when they’re that small.
You mean you’re not supposed to glue things to your baby’s head? Of course I knew that. On a completely unrelated topic, does anyone know of a good glue remover for delicate skin?
Seller, I do not find dolls that look like they’re in the process of squeezing out the greasiest fart “cute”. Honestly, I’ve seen many a reborn doll, and this is the first one that seriously made me utter “GADZOOKS!” O.o
Wait up! I’ve got a lot of restricting undergarments to put on, some hair to helmet and a bunch of rights I take for granted to give up, but I want to go with you!
You should also plan on wearing an apron, just in case some dishes spring up on our journey. Maybe I’ll bring some with me so you don’t get rusty on your night out.
She’s all dried up. Any dame who can’t hold her giggle juice doesn’t deserve to cut a rug with the likes of you.
+14
Zippy
December 6, 2012 at 4:36 pm
She skedaddled, ya mopes! You guys pitch woo like you was usin’ a teaspoon.
+12
beemo1
December 7, 2012 at 10:14 am
Although I usually curse like a tequila fueled sailor on shore leave, when facing a true dilemma, or when honestly shocked, I come out with “O, for goodness sake!” or “For land’s sake!” – apparently, despite my facade of modernity, I am actually a pioneer girl…
HEAVENS! This made me go check on my napping little one to make sure he didn’t deflate while he was sleeping. I kissed him and held him very tight. That is terrifying.
Sloth is infinitely more lovable. You’re insulting Sloth’s heartwarmingly haphazard facial features by comparing him to the baby at the top of this thread.
“Look at my little Angel sleep…she’s all tuckered-out…boy was she drunk last night- you wouldn’t believe how many Absolut shots that little princess can put down! She takes after her Momma, for sure!”
* (Er, I just realized something… Helen Keller is not to be confused with Helen Killer. All rights reserved. Some surcharges may be incurred. Do not apply on or near eyes. Etc.)
If I am going to be mentally ill enough to take the step from hoarding cats to reborn I want to have a realistic CUTE fake baby I feed with fake baby bottles full of fake juice.
Doubting this is handmade by the seller… as scary as that little dude is it actually takes a lot of skill to sculpt something like that, and attach eyelashes, and hair, and attach limbs to the soft body. (Especially considering her other items include things like a Hello Kitty adjustable ring…)
I hate to be the white knight here, but I actually think it’s kind of cute… I’ve always been a little creeped out by Reborn dolls and such, but this one seems more cartoony than real-to-life and doesn’t bother me. The artist seems to have a good amount of skill too.
But yeah, I’m just not seeing this as being Regretsy-worthy. :/ Maybe that’s just me.
December 6, 2012 at 10:04 am
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December 17, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Imagine me for a moment. It’s almost 1:00 in the morning. I’m sitting at my desk, quietly waiting for my psych meds to kick in so I can go to bed. Casually I’m scrolling through Regretsy; a giggle here and silent laugh there and then what in the name of all that’s holy or unholy leaps out of the computer screen in to my consciousness, never to be erased? The remains of the baby the sitter put in the microwave in 1972.
December 6, 2012 at 10:04 am
Holy shit, is that actually what Melanie Griffith looks like now? That’s way more terrifying than Durante!Doll.
December 6, 2012 at 10:21 am
Really? Melanie Griffith??? She needs to sue her plastic surgeon.
December 6, 2012 at 10:38 am
You should see her try to speak. The words just kind of leak out one side.
December 6, 2012 at 10:05 am
Wait, I think one value was missing in the equation:
December 6, 2012 at 10:06 am
Even better in sculpture form:
December 6, 2012 at 8:17 pm
“Oh Waldo! you’ve done it again!”
December 6, 2012 at 10:11 am
Yeah, but every baby looks like Mr Magoo.
December 6, 2012 at 11:13 am
I thought the saying was that every baby looks like Winston Churchill. Ah well, I suppose they look similar enough…
December 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Either Winston Churchill or Chairman Mao.
December 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm
Makes you wonder what babies looked like before Churchill was born???
December 7, 2012 at 12:12 am
Henry VIII, without the beard?
December 7, 2012 at 5:57 am
Babies come in Churchill, Gandhi or Burt Lahr models.
December 6, 2012 at 11:58 am
On behalf of Magoo,
I’m mad at you.
December 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Just don’t do voodoo
on behalf of Magoo.
December 6, 2012 at 10:06 am
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December 6, 2012 at 10:07 am
By “first”, do you mean “third”?
December 6, 2012 at 10:22 am
turd.
December 6, 2012 at 10:40 am
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December 6, 2012 at 10:06 am
Is it the formaldehyde and jar that’s distorting it?
December 6, 2012 at 10:25 am
Reminds of a cabbage patch kid I once saw while under the influence of a few too many recreational chemicals
December 6, 2012 at 10:31 am
It reminds me of a documentary I saw about this “Chernobyl-Stillborn-Babies” museum in Russia (not making that up) whose purpose was to document the damage Chernobyl had on the region. It was just a ton of babies in jars of formaldehyde. Unbelievably creepy and gross.
December 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm
What chemicals were the cabbage patch kid taking?
December 6, 2012 at 10:06 am
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December 6, 2012 at 12:36 pm
If you ain’t first, you’re last.
December 6, 2012 at 10:07 am
I’m thinking Rodney Dangerfield is missing from this equation.
December 6, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Also, Chunk from the Goonies.
December 6, 2012 at 10:11 am
Honey, I Melted The Baby
December 6, 2012 at 10:23 am
Honey, I Attempted To Fill The Gaping Void In Our Lives By Buying A This Twisted Demon Thing.
December 6, 2012 at 10:40 am
Honey, this is my last-ditch effort to try and save our hollow marriage.
December 6, 2012 at 10:56 am
I think John Travolta was in that one. Or was it Tom Cruise?
December 6, 2012 at 10:45 am
Honey I Slept On The Baby
December 6, 2012 at 10:29 pm
Isn’t the saying “there’s a face only Rick Moranis could love?”
December 6, 2012 at 10:13 am
They’re recruiting younger and younger kids into Ultimate Fighting these days. I blame TV.
December 6, 2012 at 10:16 am
“… just like a real baby,” which is why it has a fake flower hot glued to its head. Cuz, you know, it’s really tough to get a headband or hairclip to stay on when they’re that small.
December 6, 2012 at 10:21 am
Also the earrings. Don’t forget the earrings. I hear kids are born with those nowadays.
December 6, 2012 at 11:54 am
Aren’t kids born pierced ears yet? Step it up, evolution!
December 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Is Darwin riding an ironic one-speed bike or something? Get some more gears, Darwin!
December 6, 2012 at 12:37 pm
He better get with the program or I’m switching over to Lamarkism. Them my offspring will have tiny thumbs for texting.
(So not going to have offspring with that kind of attitude but a man can dream!)
December 6, 2012 at 5:37 pm
I don’t doubt they will have tiny thumbs at least for a couple of years. And their texts probably won’t make any less sense than everyone else’s.
December 6, 2012 at 12:31 pm
i think in Mexico they are
December 7, 2012 at 4:41 am
In Quebec, that’s how they tell if it’s a boy or a girl – they check to see if the ears are pierced.
December 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm
You mean you’re not supposed to glue things to your baby’s head? Of course I knew that. On a completely unrelated topic, does anyone know of a good glue remover for delicate skin?
December 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm
I thought that was the valve where you re-inflate the head after you receive it. We’re obviously seeing it in the pre-shipment phase here.
December 6, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Are you saying I can’t hot glue things to babies heads….’cause um, we may have some problems…
December 6, 2012 at 10:17 am
Wow, I’ve seen a lot of anti-meth ads, but this one is fantastic. So scary!
December 6, 2012 at 10:17 am
When will Polymer Clay’s reign of terror end?
It’s like the Hitler of crafting-supplies.
December 6, 2012 at 10:23 am
Really, Matt, unless the post is about Hitler or Catler, you aren’t supposed to bring up der Fuhrer until at least post 23.
December 6, 2012 at 10:27 am
To late, Princess. Der Fuhrer is out of the tasche. I can’t put him back in.
December 6, 2012 at 11:57 am
I attempted to SS the situation and he’s Reich.
December 6, 2012 at 10:20 am
Seller, I do not find dolls that look like they’re in the process of squeezing out the greasiest fart “cute”. Honestly, I’ve seen many a reborn doll, and this is the first one that seriously made me utter “GADZOOKS!” O.o
December 6, 2012 at 10:24 am
You may be the first person to utter “GADZOOKS” since 1931. That phrase really is the bees knees.
December 6, 2012 at 10:33 am
And how! That comment was aces.
December 6, 2012 at 10:43 am
I am guilty of still using “dagnabbit”.
December 6, 2012 at 10:46 am
Golly! This thread is the cat’s pajamas!
December 6, 2012 at 10:54 am
It makes me want to get an All-Day-Sucker and do the Lindy-Hop!
December 6, 2012 at 11:15 am
Wait up! I’ve got a lot of restricting undergarments to put on, some hair to helmet and a bunch of rights I take for granted to give up, but I want to go with you!
December 6, 2012 at 11:24 am
You can come, but only if you darn socks on the way, ok?
December 6, 2012 at 6:17 pm
and make me a sammich
December 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm
With pickles?
December 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm
That didn’t work:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7ildiEOMxU
December 6, 2012 at 11:59 am
Hey you two, if you’re gonna to start sparking, get a rumble seat!
December 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Ya gotta admit- she’s got gams all the way to Kalamazoo!
December 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm
I’ve got moxie, but I don’t favor courting without a chaperone. You two will have to choose your roles.
December 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm
But first I’ve got seams to draw up the backs of my legs with eyebrow pencil.
December 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm
You’d better do that before putting on the missile nose-cone bra or you’ll stab yourself.
December 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm
You should also plan on wearing an apron, just in case some dishes spring up on our journey. Maybe I’ll bring some with me so you don’t get rusty on your night out.
December 6, 2012 at 1:10 pm
She’s all dried up. Any dame who can’t hold her giggle juice doesn’t deserve to cut a rug with the likes of you.
December 6, 2012 at 4:36 pm
She skedaddled, ya mopes! You guys pitch woo like you was usin’ a teaspoon.
December 7, 2012 at 10:14 am
Although I usually curse like a tequila fueled sailor on shore leave, when facing a true dilemma, or when honestly shocked, I come out with “O, for goodness sake!” or “For land’s sake!” – apparently, despite my facade of modernity, I am actually a pioneer girl…
December 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Nah, my fiance actually has a shirt that says “GADZOOKS!” on the back. On the front is a picture of him and Jesus.
I am happy to report that I designed this shirt. AND it was inspired by Regretsy, which makes it extra cool.
December 6, 2012 at 3:21 pm
If you use “GADZOOKS!” ironically, does that make you a Hipster, or a Flapster?
December 6, 2012 at 10:22 am
HEAVENS! This made me go check on my napping little one to make sure he didn’t deflate while he was sleeping. I kissed him and held him very tight. That is terrifying.
December 6, 2012 at 10:51 am
I don’t think ‘deflated’ so much as ‘melted’. Or maybe ‘under the effects of ionizing radiation’.
December 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm
or one of those fast food heat lamps.
December 6, 2012 at 10:28 am
Those hands are HUGE. Reminds me of the Beatles in Yellow Submarine.
December 6, 2012 at 10:28 am
It’s been awhile since my kid was a baby, but I don’t remember her hands being half as big as her head.
December 6, 2012 at 10:29 am
The hulk hands (modeled here by tiny succubus baby) were left out too.
December 6, 2012 at 10:35 am
Okay, which one of you sick fucks bought this thing?
December 6, 2012 at 10:37 am
GUILTY!
(joke)
Halloween’s already over.
December 6, 2012 at 11:24 am
I can only hope that someone from Regretsy bought this thing, to allow for years of entertainment it would not otherwise provide.
December 6, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Like carrying it around in public, just DARING people to say, “What an adorable ba– Oh hell.”
December 6, 2012 at 10:36 am
When I saw that hideous visage, this is what instantly popped into my mind:
(not exactly the clown I was looking for, but YOU try googling “scary clowns” and see how long you last!)
December 6, 2012 at 11:51 am
Sandra Bernhard is spot on. I was trying to think of who that thing looked like, and that’s exactly who.
December 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Sandra & Rondo sittin’ in a tree F U C K I N G, first cums Rondo, then cums Sandra, then comes a Homunculus to haunt your dreams FOREVER!
December 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm
I was also thinking Tor Johnson, but then I noticed this baby wasn’t clutching a smaller girl baby in its arms.
December 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Thanks. I never needed to sleep again any ways.
December 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm
Well, you won’t be sleeping face down anymore, anyway.
December 6, 2012 at 10:41 am
Whoever bought this better be planning on schmutzing it up and leaving it in a public toilet or I will be sorely disappointed.
December 6, 2012 at 10:41 am
First Thought Upon Seeing the Headline: Oh thank god, something has replaced those creepy teeth.
First Thought Upon Seeing the Picture: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! I’m going to scroll down to the teeth now.
December 6, 2012 at 10:42 am
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December 6, 2012 at 10:45 am
My first thought was “someone needs to call CPS if this is the seller’s idea of what a newborn baby looks like”!
December 6, 2012 at 10:48 am
I’m afraid that thing’s eyes are about to pop open and look at me. remember this creepy shit? used to give me nightmares.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pkVLqSaahk
December 6, 2012 at 10:48 am
I think these guys belong somewhere in the equation too.
December 6, 2012 at 10:50 am
~”Hey you guys!!”
December 6, 2012 at 11:08 am
Sloth is infinitely more lovable. You’re insulting Sloth’s heartwarmingly haphazard facial features by comparing him to the baby at the top of this thread.
December 6, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Aw. You do Sloth’s heartwarmingly haphazard features a disservice by comparing them to Smushbaby.
December 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm
so, my first comment didn’t show up for like an hour, and I tried again.
Hence the double post with the slightly different wording.
December 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Fuck. Now I’ll have, “Sloth LIKE Chunk!” repeating in my head for the rest of the evening.
December 6, 2012 at 11:15 am
I found her dad….
December 6, 2012 at 10:35 pm
Lost a lot of height since his days on Sliders. Still grumpy, though.
December 6, 2012 at 11:25 am
I think telling us “she is so cute” has got to be false advertising, right?
December 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm
It’s as if the seller thinks saying it with an exclamation point will make it true.
December 6, 2012 at 9:45 pm
“You will love her!”
…Don’t tell me what to do.
December 6, 2012 at 11:36 am
There really needs to be some Walter Mathau in that math!
December 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Pudd’nhead Wilson’s twin sister Cust’rdface
December 6, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Somewhere in NYC, Rosemary’s missing her baby.
December 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm
“Look at my little Angel sleep…she’s all tuckered-out…boy was she drunk last night- you wouldn’t believe how many Absolut shots that little princess can put down! She takes after her Momma, for sure!”
December 6, 2012 at 12:55 pm
How is babby deformed?
December 6, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Your math is all wrong, it’s the baby from Ghostbusters 2 when he’s on the altar being taken over by Vigo.
December 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I was thinking the same thing!!!
December 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Does anyone else see Mindy Cohn (Facts of Life)? Or am I just really old and really mean??
December 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm
That heavy one? Yes.
December 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm
“She feels just like a real baby!”
HELEN KELLER WOULD DISAGREE
December 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm
* (Er, I just realized something… Helen Keller is not to be confused with Helen Killer. All rights reserved. Some surcharges may be incurred. Do not apply on or near eyes. Etc.)
December 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm
It turns out she was twins!
December 6, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Aww… I was just logging in to post that.
Mr. Blobfish was the first face that came to my mind when I saw the… creation…
December 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Ziggy!
December 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm
If I am going to be mentally ill enough to take the step from hoarding cats to reborn I want to have a realistic CUTE fake baby I feed with fake baby bottles full of fake juice.
December 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm
I don’t know what all the fuss is about, I love that little fucker.
December 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm
RONDO HATTON!
December 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm
Doubting this is handmade by the seller… as scary as that little dude is it actually takes a lot of skill to sculpt something like that, and attach eyelashes, and hair, and attach limbs to the soft body. (Especially considering her other items include things like a Hello Kitty adjustable ring…)
December 6, 2012 at 5:06 pm
another doll of hers….
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/101292957
I love the picture of it posed on a glass topped coffee table so it looks like its levitating
December 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm
actually, that picture looks like it’s baby under glass, not over.. Kinda like duck under glass.
December 7, 2012 at 9:09 am
Or a laboratory specimen. Ugh.
December 7, 2012 at 6:50 am
Its like a Baby Born special edition:
Possessed.
December 7, 2012 at 6:28 am
omg if it weren’t missing its wig, it would be super-realistic!
December 7, 2012 at 11:38 am
Nope, the troll is much better looking.
December 7, 2012 at 11:03 am
Okay, so it’s a baby. A baby what?
December 7, 2012 at 8:25 pm
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