Who doesn’t like a good reach-around?
Yeah, they might as well have marketed it directly on Regretsy.
…or did they?
Why can’t this be for men too? O_o
The male version comes in sparkles or hirsute
There’s already one:
Oh yeah, like THAT’S not creepy.
It’s an alarm clock, too.
It stands up when your nap is over.
Or when it’s time to get up, it farts?
Stomach sleepers, beware – there is no venting like on a real lap!
No. NO! It’s “everybody needs a BOSOM for a pillow”, dammit!
I logged in just to tell you how much I enjoyed the Cornershop reference.
ermmm…does it have…um…the plumbing also? If so I’m gettin’ a divorce and buying one.
All I saw was “Hug Me Blue.”
I thought of the Blue Man Group first. But now I’m thinking of Kevin Cline in “A Fish Called Wanda.” “Go ahead, fuck her blue.”
Well, I don’t know about you Mister Manfrensinginsin…
Don’t make fun! Manfrensinginsin is my family name.
So there is a lady out there for ‘forever alone’ meme!
Is that part of a collar I see on that?
I think the “Chernobyl-mutant” aspect of this thing would ward against sleep, not encourage it.
Without groping and Darth Vader breathing in my ear, it’s just not realistic.
does it also come with pit stink?
I always loved to hate that classic episode ‘Spock’s Arm’.
If I were in a position to award it, this would definitely get the Comment of the Day award.
If you’re at the point where you need a “boyfriend pillow”, it’s probably time to assess a whole lot of other things in your life that may have driven you to this product.
Have pity on her, somebody sprayed that thing with Axe Body Spray, she can’t help herself.
LeeLoo you are HOT today!! Funny hot, not weird regretsy troller hot.
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I will never be that lonely. No one should ever be that lonely.
That’s really not the part of the body people get lonely for, as I understand things to be. Good thing that a vagina or dildo of form of creation can be found on Etsy just a few short shops away!
Just how I want to fall asleep with a headless arm holding me. What if you wake up and it’s choking you?
Then you have obviously grabbed the BDSM boyfriend pillow by mistake.
What does the 50 Shades pillow look like?
Exactly like this one, but of course they will have changed the names up a bit so no one will notice.
Manfriend S&M Choke Me Blue Body Dom Pillow Cushion for Unsatisfied Women
fap fap fap
“The body pillow resembles the torso of a big strong man with a comforting arm that cuddles you, as well as your total abandonment of self-respect and any semblence of hope for your own future.”
I mean, really. I’ve never had a partner in all my 22 years and even I can’t imagine sinking to this level of patheticness. I can’t decide whether to cry or jeer.
A is for asinine
B is for batshit
C is for crazy
and, of course,
D is for dumb
For $20, you could probably pay an actual person to cuddle you.
Only for about 3 minutes. So I’ve heard.
The hand goes lower if you get the girlfriend version.
Is it just me, or is something blurred out in that girl’s hand? Like she fell asleep with a cigarette in her hand.
There is a blur at the 4th finger & the pinkie. Odd way to hold a cig.
People do crazy things when they are that lonely.
Maybe they’re blurring a wedding ring, so it won’t appear that she’s cheating on her husband with a one-armed half-torso.
I’m one of those strange women who is not into cuddling unless I’m in danger of hypothermia. So for that reason, this product does not interest me. That, and the fact that it’s, you know, pathetic and creepy.
apparently you and my husband are related
Leaning on the creepy everlasting arm ♫
Thank you, Thing!(Thing has really sprouted up in the last few decades. He probably has a much bigger box now.)
This product accurately reflects the limp, oddly curved hold of my boyfriend, Stretch Armstrong.
I could have sworn I’ve seen this on J-List for sale.
You know, I kind of thought it looked familiar, but I wasn’t sure. I’m glad you said something.
DING DING DING WE HAVE A RESELLER
I don’t see that particular shade of blue (yet), but I’m pretty sure putting a new shirt on this doesn’t make it handmade.
And somewhat hilariously, there IS a lady version: http://www.deluxecomfort.com/girlfriend-body-pillow-order.html
(And the link to the Etsy store, since I’m not getting it in this post:
Seller has it listed as a “supply.”
…for what? D:
So some moron can bedazzle the fuck out of it?
points and squeals (ala “The Body Snatchers”)
All of her cupcake crap is also from alibaba.com
The reviews are more hilarious than the post itself..
“Purchased this for our 21 year old daughter who lives away from home!”
“I work as a firefighter… This pillow lets my wife be more relaxed in bed and lets her body think I am there. It is better than the alternative of her having an actual man in bed with her.”
“Best $$$ ever spent. My Dream Man is the best! He always lets me pick what we watch on TV, he supports me while studying, he helps me sleep, he never gets jealous, he doesn’t care what I look like, he is there for me when I laugh or cry, I don’t have to worry about texting him, he has everything he’s ever imagined, he takes my abuse, he is the one I can count on to wrap his arm around me… Only downfall is Dream Man ripped his bicep in the seam… I guess I got too rough with him in bed ”
“This is a conversation piece that I have on my couch and when I have people over they get such a hoot out of it.”
“Big and strong”? Can the damn thing open jars for me?
I imagine buying this disembodied thing & waking up to feeling that limp arm on me & seeing that over sized “Hamburger Helper” type hand & completely freaking out, not knowing what has “gotten” me. I’ve awakened before not recognizing where I’m at, so if I got this thing, could it withstand the “fending for my life” beating it would probably endure upon my awakening?
(getting older than 50 can be quite interesting).
It might be nice if it didn’t look so stupid and the arm was weighted sufficiently. I have the opposite problem, which is I like to be the hugging person when I sleep. Apparently Sleepytime Kyso is aggressive enough about it to disturb the sleep of anyone within range, so a properly stuffed pillow decoy comes in handy.
Now, when it comes with a blank face pillow with a clear pocket to insert a picture of your favorite celebrity or secret crush, that’s where it would cross my sad and creepy line.
It also needs to snore like a freight train and steal the covers.
and don’t forget put it’s gross manly rough feet on you in the middle of the night! *shudder* Podophobia!
What about warming them up against the backs of your calves? My man likes to stick a foot out of the covers to cool himself down, and then when he gets too cold he warms it up on me!
As lousy as my love life is…and let’s face it, it’s nonexistent at the moment…I can’t bring myself to even consider this. It’s like giving up. It’s like throwing out all the stylish clothes and just wearing grubby sweat pants for the rest of my life. I can’t, I just can’t.
I have given up and I still wouldn’t buy this.
I got one of these. It formed a band, drained my savings account and ran away with my ottoman.
I’m sticking with doilies.
It also took the Dog when it left and left me with the fish tank!
Call me when it can vacuum, as well.
You’d think it’d be more…handy. (Stop me before I kill again.)
Maybe it comes with a manual?
At least with only one it can’t give you the clap.
I could use two of them to do all my kitchen work.
Do they come in left and right? I’m asking for a friend who sleeps after threesomes.
Can it say “where you going”? If you dare to move at night? Or yell “wake-up” at 6am? And do you have to cook breakfast for it? Will the “hamburger helper” hand cook dinner for you? So many questions……
Have they got one that mows the lawn? I need that way more than a cuddle.
“For Women”. Because a man sleeping with one of these would be…weird?
The worse thing about this, is the weird way the arm that just the side of the hand rests against you, like it’s trying to avoid touching you full on.
You know it’s bad when even inanimate objects try to limit physical contact with you
I think that black magic woman from the other day has cursed me, because I read that comment before posting and it made perfect sense.
Chelsea Handler did a bit on this with with Sarah Colonna a while ago – nailed all the perfect weirdness. Love it!
Nipple-pinching-grip or GTFO. People have needs.
At least it only has one hand and is incapable of that annoying, senseless, “tuning the radio” madness! Why men, why? We DON’T like that dammitt!
Why can’t people get with the times? Wiggling nipples like game controller toggles makes way more sense nowadays.
On the one hand, it’s cheaper than getting married or trying to find a boyfriend. On the other hand…oh wait, it only has one hand.
The fact that it doesn’t talk more than makes up for that!
If you’re alone in your house and someone breaks in you can yell “I’m armed!”
I’m sure “Eleanor Rigby” would have had a line in it about this if only it had already been invented at the time.
Well, if it can hold my Jack for me, I’m gonna buy a few.
I like that “Hug Me” is in the title, because it implies something in the seller’s life has led them to believe that other people enter that phrase into the Etsy search. I want very badly to know what that something is.
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