Of course. Little girls need to learn how to read recipes and grocery lists. It’s also useful to be able to read the newspaper to one’s husband when he’s had a hard day and his eyes are tired.
All true, but still I wish she’d at least make a pink version. I worry that letting my daughter handle raw, unfeminine sharpie-coating construction consumables will turn her gay, but you know, not the kind of gay that guys like with the lipstick and everything.
You can’t ask your man to do that – why’d he even get a woman if it means spending all day in the kitchen, fondling nuts in exchange for food? Wasn’t that the exact task he outsourced by getting married? No, ladies, you’ll have to use all your illiterate womanly wiles to solve this problem. What you’ll need is a lower-status man, like a gardner or a pool boy, to arrange the letters and add up the sounds into words for you. Obviously this is beyond their job description so probably you’ll need to negotiate some kind of off-the-books nut-based exchange.
The underground economy is really getting shit done, tax-free! Does Obama know about this? I’m not saying I want a nut manipulation tax but if it will end this recession we should give the idea a testy.
It is small and compact, simple for little fingers to manipulate and a great fun learning tool to keep them occupied anywhere.
I’m guessing it will keep them occupied in the ER, when they’ve swallowed such tiny little things. (There’s not indication that the seller has permanently attached the end. To assume otherwise is just…wait for it…nuts. No, I’m not ashamed, either.)
Seriously- where have you been? Afghanistan, fighting for ‘Merica? Easter Island, moving heavy stones dudes around? Inventing some fantastic new kind of cheese? Teaching the natives how to be sarcastic on Bikini Atoll? Professional hotdog eating circuit? Spill it, Mugsy.
I know when I have to get a nut on or off a bolt, my only thought is “Wheeee!” What child wouldn’t love the thrill of painstakingly nudging bolts into the proper position to form an arbitrarily limited number of words? It combines the excitement of assembling furniture with the safety of a workbench, and the safety of a workbench with the vacuum-destroying, foot-puncturing scatterability of a box of Legos.
Wait till the threads take enough of a beating that they start to bind up. Baby’s First WD-40. Baby’s First Abraded Fingers. Baby’s First Vise Grips. Baby’s First Unfortunate Thumb-Bashing Accident. The possibilities are limitless.
Seriously, I let out a little scream when I saw this. Even if the nut is super-glued on, the little darlings will find a way. And kids don’t magically stop putting things in their mouths at three, either. [Shudder]
Also available from Irwin Mainway’s product line:
Johnny Switchblade: Adventure Punk, and Teddy Chainsaw Bear. Don’t forget parents, that Mainway products also have the Bag O’ product line for kids. There is the Bag O’ Glass, Bag O’ Nails, Bag O’ Bugs, Bag O’ Vipers, Bag O’ Sulfuric Acid.
All decent toys.
Shop early for the holidays.
You don’t even have to sell anything but the bag. Just label it “TOY” and tell ‘em it’s their new Johnny Space Commander helmet. Simulate the anoxia of outer space without leaving the comfort of the back seat of the minivan. Try all the colors your face can change!
I’m reminded of the hilarious scene in Mad Men when the little girl comes out of the bedroom with a dry-cleaning bag over her whole body as a space monster costume and you can see the plastic steaming up and sucking into her mouth as she breathes. The mom is pissed because she’s sure her dresses weren’t hung back up. It just needed lead-based makeup to capture my childhood experience.
Well…right….it’s you know…..it’s bolts and nuts. Its a bag o bolts with nuts, you know? It sells very well, as a matter of fact, you know? It’s just nuts and bolts……. you know? There’s no harm in that.
“I am in my early twenties I work as a nanny for 2 amazing kids, I have a german shepard puppy and a lot of my free time is spent at race tracks around southern california.”
And now we also know where she gets all the cheap nuts and bolts: from the wreckage …
I’m still trying to figure out… Well, a lot of things. But if you have five nuts on a threaded bolt, how can you change the side facing you if it has to slide up and down while it’s rotating?
Maybe the sack could be in a cup in case the package got dropped or whacked against something or kicked or squeezed or has a ball thrown at it on a TV show.
Thing is, it’s totally unclear as to how many nut-and-bolt combos you get with an order. If it’s one bolt with like 6 nuts on it, then you’re not getting a sweet deal.
From the seller’s description, this seems to be the price for one bolt of letters with a bonus bolt of numbers. Your favorite hardware store just might be able to beat that price.
“Especially [for] boys but girls will have fun too.”
I don’t know if I’d go THAT far. Do you really think the vagina-impaired gender’s tiny, oh-so-delicate little fingers can handle touching a metal bolt without breaking into hives? Screws and nuts are engineering devices, after all, and not the kind you use in the kitchen. Maybe if you colored them pink first they’d be safer.
In a previous life, I got a MA in Reading Education. I hadn’t dealt with teachers in a LOOOOONGG time & had forgotten how nutty they could be.
One of the teachers brought in a project for kindergarten students where she had a big ol’ bowl of alphabet soup noodles (tiny little things) and told us that she could keep her little charges busy for an hour or more looking for their names in the letters in the bowl…
I had to leave the class when I couldn’t stop laughing thinking of little cross-eyed six year olds with names like Christopher or Angelique or Lollapolooza hunting for their names and failing kindergarten because they couldn’t finish the damn project.
…and it still made more sense than these damn things!
If you really want your kid to have one of these couldn’t you make it yourself? Most people can write on bolts with a Sharpie. Actully if a kid is old enough to play with this he or she can ptobably make it themselves.
November 17, 2012 at 4:02 pm
It’s a cool idea, but poor execution. Sharpie rubs off so easily and quickly on non-porous things.
November 17, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Annnnd, that teaches the kidlets how to WRITE their numbers and letters!
November 17, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Awesome….
words and like heimlich and choking…plus numbers like 911
November 17, 2012 at 4:53 pm
It’s multipurpose!
November 17, 2012 at 4:56 pm
I wonder if one bolt would hold enough letters to spell out “my parents suck”?
November 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm
This idea seems a bit….nutty.
(I’m not ashamed)
November 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm
by using “fro boys” is the seller trying to include african-americans in his sales demographics?
November 17, 2012 at 9:42 pm
No shame necessary; I took one look at the picture and bolted.
November 18, 2012 at 3:41 am
SCREW you.
November 18, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Only if you buy me dinner first.
November 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Are you sure it’s okay for girls to use it? I am not supposed to know about words and stuff except when I am cooking.
November 17, 2012 at 4:18 pm
Of course. Little girls need to learn how to read recipes and grocery lists. It’s also useful to be able to read the newspaper to one’s husband when he’s had a hard day and his eyes are tired.
November 17, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Your menfolk let you read the newspaper?
November 17, 2012 at 5:00 pm
All true, but still I wish she’d at least make a pink version. I worry that letting my daughter handle raw, unfeminine sharpie-coating construction consumables will turn her gay, but you know, not the kind of gay that guys like with the lipstick and everything.
November 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm
I’m sure they would sell you a custom 4-foot long bolt that could contain one full recipe. You should still have your man turn the nuts on it, though.
November 17, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Those Bic lady pens taught us so much.
November 17, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Never forget.
November 17, 2012 at 9:45 pm
I thought men got married so that they would have someone to turn their nuts for them?
November 17, 2012 at 10:42 pm
Oh, and ladies, make sure it really is 4 feet. Guys have that tendency to exagerate about the length of things involving tools and nuts.
November 18, 2012 at 1:16 am
You can’t ask your man to do that – why’d he even get a woman if it means spending all day in the kitchen, fondling nuts in exchange for food? Wasn’t that the exact task he outsourced by getting married? No, ladies, you’ll have to use all your illiterate womanly wiles to solve this problem. What you’ll need is a lower-status man, like a gardner or a pool boy, to arrange the letters and add up the sounds into words for you. Obviously this is beyond their job description so probably you’ll need to negotiate some kind of off-the-books nut-based exchange.
November 18, 2012 at 9:08 am
The underground economy is really getting shit done, tax-free! Does Obama know about this? I’m not saying I want a nut manipulation tax but if it will end this recession we should give the idea a testy.
November 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm
I found the word SHART..that about sums it up
November 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Boltshit
November 17, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Will fro girls be allowed to use it? Seems a bit racist AND sexist to limit only to ‘fro boys.
November 17, 2012 at 4:24 pm
And what if my kids have Jewfros? Can I get this in the Hebrew alphabet?
November 17, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Imagine how jealous all the other kids will be with just their lame dreidels.
November 17, 2012 at 10:13 pm
November 17, 2012 at 10:18 pm
Please excuse the “user error” above an enjoy this instead.
November 18, 2012 at 1:20 am
I now want the bolt to spell out “SOBA”
November 18, 2012 at 8:11 am
damn you, Alice, now I have the dredel dredel dredel song stuck in my head and I’m not even Jewish. ;P
November 18, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Ha, ha,isn’t that a horrible song? I’m not Jewish either, but once you hear that song it NEVER leaves your mind.
November 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm
haha yeah this isn’t a choking hazard or anything.
November 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm
I see a message in this picture, and I’m pretty sure it’s ‘shart’. Sums it up pretty well, really.
November 17, 2012 at 6:40 pm
I cheated a little but I don’t care.
November 17, 2012 at 4:07 pm
From the seller’s copy:
It is small and compact, simple for little fingers to manipulate and a great fun learning tool to keep them occupied anywhere.
I’m guessing it will keep them occupied in the ER, when they’ve swallowed such tiny little things. (There’s not indication that the seller has permanently attached the end. To assume otherwise is just…wait for it…nuts. No, I’m not ashamed, either.)
November 17, 2012 at 4:07 pm
Hmm..kids like to eat nuts. May be a choking hazard?
November 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Oh, hell, I forgot to close my bold. I hope this fixes it.
Test…
YES–FIXED! *does happy dance*
November 17, 2012 at 4:59 pm
OH, Mugsy Doodle, how I’ve missed your frenetic stream-of-consciousness posts!
November 17, 2012 at 5:28 pm
*waves at Matt*
Hi, Matt! Oh, thanks, it’s so nice to be missed, as often as possible. Good to see that the Matt & Zippy Show is still going strong!
November 17, 2012 at 5:45 pm
It’s better than TV! Then again, I am watching “The Voice”.
November 17, 2012 at 5:51 pm
You should stop watching that. Tumors could develop.
November 17, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Or worse.
November 17, 2012 at 5:50 pm
We’ve been waiting around for your return!
Seriously- where have you been? Afghanistan, fighting for ‘Merica? Easter Island, moving heavy stones dudes around? Inventing some fantastic new kind of cheese? Teaching the natives how to be sarcastic on Bikini Atoll? Professional hotdog eating circuit? Spill it, Mugsy.
November 17, 2012 at 6:29 pm
Mugsy lives in New York. There was a hurricane and no power and shit like that.
November 17, 2012 at 6:50 pm
So she boldly stayed there. Either way – BOLDLY!
November 17, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Wherever it was, she boldly went there.
November 17, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Now I know what I’m getting everyone for Christmas: Hours and hours of educational entertainment.
November 17, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I know when I have to get a nut on or off a bolt, my only thought is “Wheeee!” What child wouldn’t love the thrill of painstakingly nudging bolts into the proper position to form an arbitrarily limited number of words? It combines the excitement of assembling furniture with the safety of a workbench, and the safety of a workbench with the vacuum-destroying, foot-puncturing scatterability of a box of Legos.
November 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Wait till the threads take enough of a beating that they start to bind up. Baby’s First WD-40. Baby’s First Abraded Fingers. Baby’s First Vise Grips. Baby’s First Unfortunate Thumb-Bashing Accident. The possibilities are limitless.
November 17, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Baby’s first blood blister.
Baby’s first black fingernail.
So many firsts.
November 17, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Baby’s first curse.
November 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm
C-H-O-K-I-N-G H-A-Z-A-R-D
Seriously, I let out a little scream when I saw this. Even if the nut is super-glued on, the little darlings will find a way. And kids don’t magically stop putting things in their mouths at three, either. [Shudder]
November 17, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I’m glad they come in a bag…that makes maximum damage possible when Little Billy swings them at a window…the new 90 inch HD TV, baby sister’s head.
November 17, 2012 at 6:15 pm
or his parents because it is a crappy idea for a toy
November 17, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Also available from Irwin Mainway’s product line:
Johnny Switchblade: Adventure Punk, and Teddy Chainsaw Bear. Don’t forget parents, that Mainway products also have the Bag O’ product line for kids. There is the Bag O’ Glass, Bag O’ Nails, Bag O’ Bugs, Bag O’ Vipers, Bag O’ Sulfuric Acid.
All decent toys.
Shop early for the holidays.
November 17, 2012 at 4:43 pm
I just bought Bag O’Hammers, but I’m afraid the kid I bought it for is too stupid to know what to do with them.
November 17, 2012 at 8:40 pm
That’s a case when you should have bought the box-o-rocks!
November 17, 2012 at 9:07 pm
Those are almost as useless as the time I bought Sack O’ Wet Leather
November 18, 2012 at 9:13 am
Does anybody want to buy this case of Ebola?
November 18, 2012 at 10:00 am
I’m thinking of marketing my long-time idea for “Hypodermic Needle Jenga”. I think it would really hone the kids’ focusing skills.
November 17, 2012 at 4:57 pm
You don’t even have to sell anything but the bag. Just label it “TOY” and tell ‘em it’s their new Johnny Space Commander helmet. Simulate the anoxia of outer space without leaving the comfort of the back seat of the minivan. Try all the colors your face can change!
November 18, 2012 at 9:20 am
I’m reminded of the hilarious scene in Mad Men when the little girl comes out of the bedroom with a dry-cleaning bag over her whole body as a space monster costume and you can see the plastic steaming up and sucking into her mouth as she breathes. The mom is pissed because she’s sure her dresses weren’t hung back up. It just needed lead-based makeup to capture my childhood experience.
November 17, 2012 at 5:40 pm
//channeling Jane Curtin//
MISTER Mainway, how can you say your toys are safe?
Please explain to me the fun value of Bag O’ Bolts (now with added Nuts)?
November 17, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Well…right….it’s you know…..it’s bolts and nuts. Its a bag o bolts with nuts, you know? It sells very well, as a matter of fact, you know? It’s just nuts and bolts……. you know? There’s no harm in that.
November 17, 2012 at 6:19 pm
The Whizzo Chocolate company branched out into toys, I see.
November 18, 2012 at 8:25 pm
“But if we took the bolts out… it wouldn’t be crunchy, now, would it?”
November 17, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Ah, the memories of my very own “Bag O’ Glass.” Makes my scars sting just thinking of it.
November 17, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Sit for a spell….
November 17, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Her shop’s masthead reads “Simple stuff for kids and dogs”
Well…I’m done here.
November 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm
Plus her ‘about me’ says she’s a NANNY. I am very sad for those kids right now…
November 17, 2012 at 10:21 pm
Perhaps she’s a goat?
November 18, 2012 at 9:25 am
Someone spelled NINNY wrong.
November 17, 2012 at 4:51 pm
“…you take the nuts and spin them around…” I’ve read that book.
November 17, 2012 at 5:05 pm
“Fifty shades of OUCH!!”
November 17, 2012 at 5:05 pm
I’ve heard you WROTE that book.
November 17, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Shhhhh! I used a nom nom nom de plume for a reason!
November 17, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I used one of those to write my nutritional guide “Grease, Salt, Sugar and Starch; Everything Else Is Just Pretense.”
November 17, 2012 at 4:56 pm
First your kids will think you’re Nuts. Then they’ll Bolt.
November 17, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Obvious safety issues aside, when advertising something like this, it might be helpful to, y’know, actually spell a word. Well done, Sar!
November 17, 2012 at 5:02 pm
This Boggles the mind. My brain is scrabbled.
November 17, 2012 at 5:08 pm
“D O G …. C A T …. B U N N … Mommy, did you make any with the letter Y?”
“Keep it down back there, Stacey, Mommy’s trying to get us to WalMart in one piece.”
“F R G H … S L U T …. Y N P F … Mommy, I can’t find any vowels!”
November 17, 2012 at 7:05 pm
Now now, not another cross word out of you!
November 17, 2012 at 5:08 pm
On what remote island is this “toy” fun?
November 17, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Apparently the Island Of NASCAR Nannies:
“I am in my early twenties I work as a nanny for 2 amazing kids, I have a german shepard puppy and a lot of my free time is spent at race tracks around southern california.”
And now we also know where she gets all the cheap nuts and bolts: from the wreckage …
November 18, 2012 at 7:46 am
Maybe she takes them before the accidents…
I’m still trying to figure out… Well, a lot of things. But if you have five nuts on a threaded bolt, how can you change the side facing you if it has to slide up and down while it’s rotating?
November 18, 2012 at 8:51 am
hell, this isn’t even fun on the Island of Misfit Toys.
November 17, 2012 at 5:26 pm
Has anyone inquired as to whether these nuts get delivered to you in a “sack” of some sort? Seems to me like that would keep them safe.
November 17, 2012 at 10:39 pm
Yes, that would make it easier to lug those nuts around.
November 18, 2012 at 9:34 am
Maybe the sack could be in a cup in case the package got dropped or whacked against something or kicked or squeezed or has a ball thrown at it on a TV show.
November 17, 2012 at 5:34 pm
$4.00?
Just got back from building things, and do you guys know how much bolts and nuts cost? Like, lots.
I’m tempted to buy this just for the hardware.
November 17, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Thing is, it’s totally unclear as to how many nut-and-bolt combos you get with an order. If it’s one bolt with like 6 nuts on it, then you’re not getting a sweet deal.
November 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm
It’s great that someone downthumbed that.
November 17, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Some people don’t like excess nuts, what can ya do?
November 17, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Sometimes ya feel like a nut, sometimes ya don’t. Candy knows our thoughts?
November 17, 2012 at 6:46 pm
People with nut allergies are getting sooooo pissy these days.
November 17, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Don’t pecan them, they can’t help it.
November 17, 2012 at 7:49 pm
If they cashew, you’re ground(ed).
November 18, 2012 at 8:19 am
They can sure be so filbert of themselves, can’t they?
November 17, 2012 at 10:34 pm
True, when irate they can use some rather salty language.
November 17, 2012 at 5:47 pm
From the seller’s description, this seems to be the price for one bolt of letters with a bonus bolt of numbers. Your favorite hardware store just might be able to beat that price.
November 17, 2012 at 6:23 pm
Whew! Misleading photo misleads!
OK, that’s 10 nuts , 2 locknuts and 2 (6″?) bolts.
What size? 1/2″? 3/8″? WHY WON’T SHE TELL US!!!!
OK, let’s go with 1/2, since that’s what I bought this morning: $3.64
I SAVED 36 CENTS!!!!
Seriously, that’s a shitty profit margin, hon.
November 17, 2012 at 9:06 pm
Ok. So these are standard. Can I get them in metric? I want to maybe get the, for a friend in the UK.
November 17, 2012 at 5:41 pm
“Especially [for] boys but girls will have fun too.”
I don’t know if I’d go THAT far. Do you really think the vagina-impaired gender’s tiny, oh-so-delicate little fingers can handle touching a metal bolt without breaking into hives? Screws and nuts are engineering devices, after all, and not the kind you use in the kitchen. Maybe if you colored them pink first they’d be safer.
November 17, 2012 at 6:32 pm
I’m thinking of the potential for projectile damage from these things.
Also they have to hurt more than a lego when stepped on barefoot, don’t they?
Finally, I have enough spare hardware
rustinglurking in my basement to make a shitton of these.November 17, 2012 at 7:03 pm
While I think this thread has been pretty tight would it be too wrenching to go one more time around?
November 17, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Can it go in the washer?
November 17, 2012 at 8:03 pm
You might be getting carriaged away. But what the heck, socket to me!
November 17, 2012 at 8:15 pm
What the hex the deal here?
November 17, 2012 at 8:18 pm
You’ll have to ask Allen.
November 17, 2012 at 8:31 pm
I tried but his jaws are locked tite.
November 17, 2012 at 9:09 pm
he’s such a flat screw.
November 18, 2012 at 9:37 am
I’m tapped out.
November 17, 2012 at 10:37 pm
You won’t mind if I toggle back and forth between this and another page?
November 17, 2012 at 7:13 pm
In a previous life, I got a MA in Reading Education. I hadn’t dealt with teachers in a LOOOOONGG time & had forgotten how nutty they could be.
One of the teachers brought in a project for kindergarten students where she had a big ol’ bowl of alphabet soup noodles (tiny little things) and told us that she could keep her little charges busy for an hour or more looking for their names in the letters in the bowl…
I had to leave the class when I couldn’t stop laughing thinking of little cross-eyed six year olds with names like Christopher or Angelique or Lollapolooza hunting for their names and failing kindergarten because they couldn’t finish the damn project.
…and it still made more sense than these damn things!
November 18, 2012 at 7:46 am
And poor kids like Ann are bored are 5 min.
November 18, 2012 at 7:47 am
after^^ 5 min.
*goes back to bed*
November 17, 2012 at 7:40 pm
If you really want your kid to have one of these couldn’t you make it yourself? Most people can write on bolts with a Sharpie. Actully if a kid is old enough to play with this he or she can ptobably make it themselves.
November 17, 2012 at 7:44 pm
I don’t want my kid spinning anybody’s nuts.
November 17, 2012 at 9:10 pm
no, that’s for when they’re older. say.. 18