Pros: Goes with everything
Cons: Gets into your trashcans
(Also available in 6, 8 and 10 nipple size)
And Mrs. Crockett was Queen of the Wild Frontier.
It’s very Leatherface-chic.
Wonder if lampshades are available?
Then, it’s face would light up whenever you entered the room!
Everyone keeps commenting about the nipples. Does no one also see the dried apricot vagina at the bottom?
So basically, this is the raccoon’s entire body, made into a bag.
Holy SHIT! Are those nipples on either side?
My nipples are sore just looking at them. That’s a disturbing feature.
I think the crafter made this after reading the recent Regretsy post about the “red fox nipples” and how commenters felt there should be several of them down each side. Is Regretsy becoming a self-referential force?
You spelled “farce” wrong.
Regretsy is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’d like to see A.C. Less of that.
this is the saddest thing I have ever seen.
(Crochet, do you think you can post some funny stuff that’s not dead animals for a bit? There’s been too much personal tragedy this week for me to enjoy this. )
It has ears. : (
The better to hear you with…
OHG OD OHGOD Oh god oh god oh god
This is perfect for carrying my Mountain Dew jam.
Save room for your assorted bird-feet in there, too!
Matt, does this mean you no longer want the jar of skunk paws you had me pick up for you?
No no, I still want them. Those are going in a pie for Thanksgiving.
Save room for Muskrat Gland Sorbet!
Mmmmm…the glands really burst in your mouth. That’s how you can tell they’re fresh.
OK, that made me kind of gag
Me too. But like a fun, happy gag.
We gals call them legitimate gags.
All this time I thought the only legitimate gag to use on the gals was the ol’ let-me-help-you-with-that copping-of-a-feel.
I still accept that one, too
I still pretend to be interested in etchings.
Thank you two for restoring my faith in womankind! *resumes laundering clothes and grooming*
Side note: If anyone lives near the town of Scrotum, Alabama and wants to meet up, I will be spending Thanksgiving there with the always entertaining Cooter Family. It’s BYOSP (bring your own skunk-pie), so don’t show up empty-handed!
Oh, does this mean I finally get to meet Ry Cooter, my musical hero? If he’s there and our own Bruce D. show up it’ll be great.
Wrong spelling. This family’s patriarch is Corky Cooter, and his wife is Candee Cooter. They’re not musicians, in fact they own a mildly successful plumbing/hunting chain in the Deep South called “Cooter’s Roto-Rooters n’ Shooters” (they added and “s” on Rooter to avoid lawsuits).
If they diversified into insect collecting they could be Rooters ‘n’ Shooters ‘n’ Pooters
They’re known for being thieves as well, so they’re Rooters n’ Shooters n’ Pooters n’ Looters.
They tried to start a service to teach kids after school, but they misspelled their name and “Cooters Roto Rooters n’ Shooters n’ Pooters n’ Looters n’ Tooters” never really took off.
I was going to mention their foray into Vespa rentals but there wasn’t room on sign for Cooters Roto Rooters n’ Shooters n’ Pooters n’ Looters n’ Tooters n’ Scooters so the point is mooter.
I hear they’re planning a merger with a famous chicken wing restaurant/bar chain.
What a bunch of boobs the Cooters are. That idea will never fly in Scrotum, Alabama.
You’re right – they should think of moving to Buttcrack, Mississippi, where people are more liberal, if they want success in that business.
I thought Buttcrack was in Texass. Maybe everybody has one.
and then there’s always Climax, GA
Regretsy should market its own brand of adult diapers, to be worn while perusing the site. And inhalers. Because sometimes I laugh so hard I can’t breathe.
Oh, and Regretsy® brand Defibrillators. I could use one of those, too, for the Dead Animal Days.
Don’t forget the jar of dead fish!
I had no idea what was being referred to with 6, 8, and 10 nipple size so willfully I kept looking. Damn thy foolish pride!
It’s a Louis Varmitton.
Or a Louis Vomit-on
Still not as fabulous as my leather sleeping bag that was made from Bambi’s Mom.
Or my Mufasa rug. Disney death furnishings. Collect the whole set!
I was collecting the obituaries of Disney characters’ dead parents but the weight of the binders caused the floor to collapse under them when I added Star Wars.
And yet you still can’t collect the Jar Jar Binks obit. Sad.
If Jar Jar ever baby-daddys or pops out or fissions off or whatever his filthy amphibious breed does to spawn a kid, Disney will make that kid an orphan. But too late for us.
So sitting near your garbage can with a .22 counts as wild harvesting?
My thought as well! Those holes in the head don’t sing out wild harvesting to me, unless the shooter was wild on moonshine!
Those holes were from piercings. The raccoon was part of a local punk gang.
Justice has been served.
Damn shame too ’cause his band, the garbage vandals, were supposed to play in Erie PA last week, and now they have to look for a new drummer.
I’ll bet Tommy Lee’s available, and I’m pretty sure he already smells like garbage.
That’s just the smell of his liver failing
And does hepatitis have an odor?
no, that’s tattoo ink and crotchrot from wearing leather pants all those years.
You’re the doc.
This really *is* the perfect gift for someone who has everything! Worried about finding *just* the right gift for that friend who’s so hard to buy for? Give them this, and they won’t be your friend anymore!
I think they missed a trick here, it’s the perfect gift for a new mother, makes a great changing bag and the nipples will satisfy the most hardcore of lactivists.
Seriously this it’s horrific and just makes me sad. I dont support hunting of any kind but I thought hunters had a rule about not killing mothers…. Oh wait Im thinking of the Predator.
Oh, this is A.C. Moore’s work? I thought I recognized the hand of that noted craftsman, Hobby Lobby.
“Unique conversation piece”. Well, that’s true. Most conversations will, however, begin by a startled stranger shouting “Oh dear God, what is that thing”.
It also reminds me of a sad, sad, Batman cowl.
It makes me sad too, but my first thought was still, “Dunna nunna nunna nunna, dunna nunna nunna nunna, BATBAG!”
I totally upthumbed you for getting the correct amount of “dunnas” and “nunnas”. Nice work.
Holy taxidermy, Batman!
To the Batwalk!
My purse has nipples.
Your argument is invalid.
You can buy these at target.
I thought I saw them at Bloodbath and Beyond, as well.
The fact that they specified “mother” makes me think that they may have coinpurses or cellphone holder made of the babies.
That’s what the “interior compartment” is.
Look on the bright side- if you brought this to work, I’m pretty positive no one would fuck with you ever again.
I am pretty sure you would no longer be employed there.
They really -do- have fur for a reason. Fuck the scientific reasons, they’re leathery old fetus hideous.
I see that Bloody Face has gotten into handbags.
Is this small enough for the airlines to classify it as carrion?
And since it has nipples, do the airlines classify it as a “bottle” of some kind? If so, I’m pretty sure it’s over the 2oz size they allow.
I think as long as there is 2 oz or less of fluid per nipple you’d be OK. That could be a good feature. You’d get hand sanitizer, lotion, mouthwash, cologne, spermicidal jelly and an obscure fast-acting poison of Asiatic origin. Some system of labeling the nipples might be in order.
Here’s my idea for the labeling system:
Hand sanitizer nipple – staple a raccoon hand next to it.
Mouthwash nipple – staple a raccoon mouth next to it.
Cologne nipple – staple a raccoon armpit next to it.
Spermicidal Jelly nipple – staple a raccoon vagina/penis next to it.
This way, each nipple’s function is understandable to people around the world, regardless of language.
Somehow your avatar seems really appropriate to imagine as reading out these label ideas.
You look so happy to have sorted it out, and to have a stapler at the ready.
It’s funny too because in real life, I’m pretty dry with the facial expressions. I’m not a super animated dude, and that lame avatar is kind of “wacky”, which is a quality I despise.
My avatar’s look of barely containing vomit captures my mood pretty well most times.
And of course, it nails your prominent uni-brow.
I thought we all looked like our avatars. Isn’t that why we got them?
Do you mean they weren’t actually carefully chosen for each and every one of us?
I mean, I *do* make that face rather a lot.
On the other hand, I am considerably squishier and have no real corners anywhere.
I don’t make any facial expressions that resemble my avatar, either. Thankfully. But I do take care of my teeth.
nice, it even has the taint and vulva. would that be a coon poon?
On 2nd look, I kind of like it, only because it’s truthful.. think about it, most people wouldn’t wear cow leather if it still had it’s features. But this is just the same thing. (cow udder bag..??)
Still ugly though.
I don’t mean to besmirch the good name of A.C. Moore of Appalachian Knife and Fur, but couldn’t he have preserved or redrawn the lil’ burglar mask on the raccoon’s face? It could’ve at least made the bag tragilarious rather than just tragic.
Do they have anything in opossum? The external pouch would keep one from having to dig the whole body cavity for that ringing cellphone or the car keys. Plus it would hang itself up by the prehensile tail.
Yeah, but if you misplace it and shout “where is my goddamn purse!?”, it gets scared and plays dead, making it near impossible to find.
Trying to picture how this purse could look any deader…
it would acquire tire tracks.
and possibly flames.
Flames would scorch the maggots, you monster!
Amongst my plethora of weird possessions, I do have a skunk bag.
But Pepe did have the good sense to die with all his clothes on. He looks quite a lot better than this, although the smell is a tad peculiar.
A skunk bag. That’s sheer genius. Has anyone here ever heard of a skunk bag being snatched?? (Carry on. Door’s open. Go ahead and go there.)
With all those nipples, I’m more than a little surprised that the natural product choice here wasn’t a raccoon-bagpipe.
You’ve never heard that song as beautifully played as when you’ve heard it on the ol’ Coonpipe. It brings a tear to your craw.
Sorry, I don’t want my craw torn.
To the uninitiated, Coonpipe music can seem a bit coarse, but once you’re hooked you wonder how you ever lived without it.
It’s like there’s garbage in your ears, and the Coonpipe’s clawing it out with its sweet, sweet music.
Once you hear the Pied Coonpiper, you must follow.
With his Coonpipe, he led all of the garbage out of New York City and into New Jersey.
At which time he retired and the Coonpipe settled down to spend its golden years on top of Donald Trump’s head, serenading him through his skull all the while.
I KNEW there had to be an explanation!
Damn, that comment made me laugh so much, Matt, that music almost came out of MY nipples.
I would pay money to see that in person, melagrana.
I’m all ears, Mel…
You and Matt can carpool in his 4×4 crawlspace out to the mailbox in the woods where I live. If the mailbox flag is up, there’s going to be live music.
You’d think a marsupial hide would be the first choice for purse material.
They’re usually made of kangaroo scrotum.
I meant “Opurssum”! Stupid spell check!
Cross-body Koala for when I’m on my bike
They have a fanny pack but it’s called the “Wallabehind”.
Bandicoot backpack, bilby briefacse, numbat nest, pademelon purse… the list is endless!
For some reason I cant get the image of Ted Nugent caring this bag while wearing beef jerky underwear out of my head.
You have been possessed by Satan.
Soul Not Found
Do you want to run program exorcism.exe?
Zippy that probably would have helped me a long time ago…..now i am used to it
Maybe you could use a reboot?
Coon Scratch Fever
You have forgotten to arm Mr Nugent. He always has more weapons than a state militia by his side. (Unless that state is Texas) Perhaps a crossbow carved out of antler and bone?
I might actually be interested in a purse made from Ted Nugent ‘s hide after he is finished with it of course. Not so many nipples but they could work in that fox tail he used to wear on his ass back in the day.
I remember seeing a few pieces in an article forever ago featuring clothing made of hyper realistic (but fake) “human leather.” It was so realistically done that many visitors to the gallery became physically ill. That’s what this reminds me of. A sort of Texas Chainsaw Massacre kind of prop. Why they decided to strip all the hair off and leave the creepy little face and nipples of all things is beyond me, except that the effect is intentional and they want you to be scared.
As for the ‘mother’ part: Some animals you can tell by looking at them if they’ve given birth before, the hair on their stomachs will have changed color or grown sparse around the teats, making it possible to tell if it’s had babies. Also, when a pest type animal like this is killed, it’s usually customary to kill any babies it might have too, which sounds really bad but you can’t leave them wandering without their mom to starve to death. At any rate this bag is hilariously disturbing.
Disney is really taking off the gloves.
It’s that George Lucas influence – Boba Fett did Mama Coon before going after Han Solo.
tears need glitter
Damn, you March Hare. You’re making me sad now.
I’m intrigued by the concept of ‘wild harvested raccoon’. I assume that is Etsy-speak for ‘shot off the back porch’?
Is there domestic raccoon out there?
I regret nothing…lol
I find it odd that seller has to tell us it was a mother (both depressing AND obvious), but uses the word “harvest” like it was an ear of corn, rather than blew its head off.
Maybe you “harvest” mothers but kill or shoot the rest?
This looks like the bag that one of the monsters from “Pan’s Labyrinth” would carry. My God, that’s disturbing.
Crap! If only I knew how to post pictures here!
Eeeeeeeeeeew. And I thought the frog change pouches my sister brought home from Mexico for my sons was disturbing.
Conversation piece. Said conversation on my part being “Sweet Jesus, woman, what in the ever loving Hell do you think you’re doing!!”
It puts the lotion in the handbag.
…or else it gets the hose again…
which, other then a shotgun, is the only way to keep them out of the garbage can.
A Treeing Walker will keep them varmints of your garbage and the turtle pond.
Would you carry me? I’D carry me. I’d carry me so hard.
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