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The Chronicles of Vaginia

Well, you know what they say, “One man’s fairy door is another man’s ham wallet.”

81 comments on The Chronicles of Vaginia

  1. Zippy
    November 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Don’t believe what she says about “sugar walls”, Hansel and Gretel! It’s a trap!

    Thumb up Thumb down +39

    • Zippy
      November 15, 2012 at 10:26 pm

      Sheena Easton hungers for your wee bairns!

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

  2. Glasgow
    November 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Don’t people look at things before they post them? Hey Bob does this look like a fairy door to you? Why no Nancy it looks rather like a vagina. Oh dear.

    Thumb up Thumb down +59

    • ohskittles
      November 15, 2012 at 9:32 pm

      If only there was a Bob for each Nancy out there. (Bob, of course, being the male version of The Only Sane Woman.)

      That’s why this Nancy asks her hard ass Bob about creative-type stuff before I make it or loose it on the world. If it’s bullshit he’ll give me a hearty, “That’s bullshit.” SKITTLES LIKEY

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

      • Zippy
        November 15, 2012 at 10:27 pm

        Sadly, each Nancy only gets a Sid.

        Thumb up Thumb down +26

        • lettucego
          November 15, 2012 at 10:30 pm

          Are Bob and Sid real people, or are these some of those invented conversations again? My buddy here wants to know.

          Thumb up Thumb down +1

  3. samder68
    November 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    From your lips to God’s ears

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  4. T-Bone
    November 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    Have fun, kids. Just don’t forget your raincoats.

    Thumb up Thumb down +40

    • ohskittles
      November 15, 2012 at 9:34 pm

      And your rubber ponchos! Can never be TOO careful.

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  5. Lady Elizabeth Birdbite
    November 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    It’s an ok door. But the faries only visit once a month.

    Thumb up Thumb down +80

  6. foofoothesnoo
    November 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Now this totally has me imagining fairies and gnomes coming out of vaginas. I am freaked out.

    Thumb up Thumb down +44

    • Wholeduck
      November 15, 2012 at 5:33 pm

      Cue the Soviet March…

      Thumb up Thumb down +15

    • reddogbon
      November 15, 2012 at 8:58 pm

      I’m hearing ‘Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy’

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

      • Hell Yes
        November 16, 2012 at 9:58 am

        I’m going to have a hard time sitting through The Nutcracker with a straight face this year. Thanks.

        Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • ohskittles
      November 15, 2012 at 9:36 pm

      And I’m hearing the Imperial Death March from Star Wars. OH GOD WHAT HAVE WE BECOME

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

  7. thecreightonberyl
    November 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Tinkerbell needs to do her Kegel exercises.

    Thumb up Thumb down +39

  8. littlewidget
    November 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    One wonders if the gnome comes with the batteries, or are they sold separately too?

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  9. LNETSY
    November 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I wonder if they sell a back door too…..

    Thumb up Thumb down +62

  10. Wholeduck
    November 15, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    It’s an educational toy. You have to find the little gnome in the fairy door.

    Thumb up Thumb down +37

    • reddogbon
      November 15, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      I thought it was the man in the boat. Hey, THAT’S why sex sucks. Honey, you’re doing it wrong!

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

      • Village Twittiott
        November 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

        Ah yes, the “man in the boat”. Sometimes he just pops right out and says hi. Sometimes he might be hiding. But I’ve always found the search to be rewarding :)

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

  11. Glasgow
    November 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    I checked out her shop and she makes toys and a lot of them are cute and seem well made. I think this is a woman who will be horribly embarrassed when she realizes we are gigglng at a wooden vag she has made.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

    • rushgirl2112
      November 15, 2012 at 6:50 pm

      Aw, she does have a cute shop! Here’s hoping that she has a sense of humor, comes over to laugh at herself, and joins the ranks of us evil FJLs.

      That would totally make my day.

      Thumb up Thumb down +28

      • MitziBell
        November 15, 2012 at 7:25 pm

        Her stuff is seriously cute.

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

        • Zippy
          November 15, 2012 at 8:25 pm

          She’s from Bemidji MN so she must be cool! And at least 1/4 Walleye.

          Thumb up Thumb down +10

          • Tante
            November 15, 2012 at 9:37 pm

            Bemidjii happens to be my favorite city in MN-I kid you not

            Thumb up Thumb down +3

            • Zippy
              November 15, 2012 at 9:56 pm

              Is it because of the Paul Bunyan statue or the Toasty Beaver’s Bar & Grill or BSU?

              Thumb up Thumb down +4

  12. tejasmom
    November 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    The door could have at least had hinges.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  13. craftymisfit
    November 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Pillowpants Lives Here!

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  14. kapusta
    November 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Well….the fairies i know wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near that ugly birch…

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  15. silvercat
    November 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    This has to be a joke. There is NO WAY they didn’t realize.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  16. Cockamamie Jamie
    November 15, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    I may be blind, I saw no gnome. Unless it was that purple/blue penis looking thing on the top left of the wooden “door”?

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  17. lettucego
    November 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    With each toy, I spend a lot of time on wood – burning every little detail in place, then adding the wonderful colors with a Water Based paint, using a wash to penetrate the wood, so the beautiful grain will show through, and the paint won’t wear off the toys. I hand rub in a wonderful smelling beeswax to protect the toy, just use a soft cloth to wipe clean.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

    • marfalite
      November 15, 2012 at 6:09 pm

      Never have I seen so many “that’s what she said” moments just ripe for the picking in an Etsy product description.

      Thumb up Thumb down +35

      • Zippy
        November 15, 2012 at 8:32 pm

        “Ripe for the picking.” Heh-heh.

        Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • Shirley Knott
      November 15, 2012 at 7:48 pm

      ‘On wood’ is that like ‘en pointe‘ for ballet dancers?

      Thumb up Thumb down +9

  18. Lyric
    November 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    HAM WALLET?! What rock have I been under where this is a new term to me? An AMAZING new term. Wow. I am using this in conversation tomorrow.

    Thumb up Thumb down +48

    • back40
      November 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm

      My reaction exactly! We’re obviously fragile flowers who have been shielded from life’s best one-liners.

      Thumb up Thumb down +19

    • lllisa
      November 15, 2012 at 6:40 pm

      That’s exactly what I thought! “HAM WALLET”??? BAhahaha

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

      • melagrana
        November 15, 2012 at 6:48 pm

        I know! Suddenly I’ve got a crush on my own ladyparts.

        Thumb up Thumb down +11

        • Badger
          November 15, 2012 at 8:06 pm

          You’ve never heard ham wallet? Man, I MUST be getting old. Sure you’ve heard Spam Purse?

          Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • InterroGangBang
      November 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm

      I think I know where “ham wallet” came from.
      I don’t want to beat around the bush, but it’s a great resource for vagina euphemisms.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZpxaiNV_sM

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

  19. oddjunk
    November 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Ha ha,
    zipper fairies

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  20. JuicyLucy
    November 15, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Where’s the knob?

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

    • GypsyRoseMe
      November 15, 2012 at 7:08 pm

      Good point. You don’t want to bang through the door without handling the knob to the owner’s satisfaction.

      Thumb up Thumb down +23

      • Zippy
        November 15, 2012 at 8:39 pm

        At the very least, feel around for the knob and fiddle with any protuberance that you find. It’s only common courtesy. Gee.

        Thumb up Thumb down +12

        • reddogbon
          November 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm

          I want to see a leetle tiny doorknocker on there.

          Thumb up Thumb down +9

          • ohskittles
            November 15, 2012 at 9:38 pm

            Maybe a small doormat in the shape of a triangle or something. Just to stay classy.

            Thumb up Thumb down +10

            • Zippy
              November 15, 2012 at 10:08 pm

              And a mat to wipe your feet on. Is that too much to ask?

              Thumb up Thumb down +5

            • reddogbon
              November 16, 2012 at 10:02 am

              Someone needs to photoshop a little Dorito in that pic. Where’s Lemon Bombs?

              Thumb up Thumb down +1

  21. muzhik
    November 15, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    I can’t see that little gnome anywhere. Don’t tell me… he’s in a little boat. Can’t EVER find that little bastard!

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  22. mingamonga
    November 15, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    I’m going to try to work both “fairy door” and “ham wallet” into my workday conversations tomorrow.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  23. MitziBell
    November 15, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    We need a better nomenclature for these instances of gnome in clitter. We want to make gnome mistake about it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  24. MitziBell
    November 15, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Too bad the door just kind of pops out of the jamb in the other pictures on her site. A revulving door would have been awesome.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  25. MitziBell
    November 15, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    I wonder if “Knock Knock, who’s there? Please open the door” would be a successful line with owners of non-wooden vaginas …

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • Zippy
      November 15, 2012 at 10:19 pm

      “Knock knock.”
      “Who’s there?”
      “Iguessyould”
      “Iguessyould who?”
      “I guess I will do!” *Enters*

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

  26. tiny giraffe
    November 15, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Children’s Protective Services!

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  27. Zippy
    November 15, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    If this is Waldorf I really wonder about Astoria.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • SiliconeSunflower
      November 16, 2012 at 6:52 am

      This is a comment worthy of Statler. (Aren’t we all a bit like Waldorf and Statler here?)

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  28. ohskittles
    November 15, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    “Knock, knock, knock, who’s there? Probably a pedophile of some sort! …Please call the police!”

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  29. Zippy
    November 15, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Why does this remind me of the time portal on “The City on the Edge of Forever” episode of Star Trek? Yes, that one was more stretched out and had Joan Collins in it but still.

    I might need therapy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  30. Holytape
    November 16, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Who knew that there was a fairy named “Chlamydia”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  31. sciarra
    November 16, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    How funny! I’m shocked that this is the first Waldorf craft on Regretsy – I have a confession. I went to a Waldorf School up until 5th grade. Whenever I try to describe the school to anyone it sounds like a cult! They really teach about fairies and gnomes, there’s a secret garden and instead of getting to play with play-doh we molded beeswax. Tomorrow is their annual Elves Fair (no joke! http://www.elves-faire.com/) Maybe I’ll go so I can tweet Regretsy some pictures of pipe cleaner lambs and walnut shell candles.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  32. Mapleleaves
    November 16, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    http://www.regretsy.com/2011/05/05/any-minute-now/

    Clearly, not everyone knows you’re allowed to knock.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  33. SporkTastic
    November 16, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    In Korean, the word for vagina is literally “musical door”. Somehow it all makes sense now…

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

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