I was starting to think my long hidden fantasy of having Lucille Ball watch me beat a set of crusty emu legs to second-death with a wooden dildo in my man cave would never come true.
That lamp, though… that lamp is just stupid.
That lamp looks like a turd and an octopus fighting the face hugger from Alien.
Yeah, “have to sell this to make room for more” GET THE MESSAGE! Stop it!!!!!
Translated: Hurricane Sandy has “created” lots more lumps of roots and branch for me to foist on fools.
Alien was the first thing that came to mind seeing that – just with a sort of “surreal” stomach.
Second thing was that the only way that thing would catch an eye is if an child ran, or an adult tripped and fell, into that thing and poked his/her eye out.
“You paid $3000 for that?! You’ve got some ‘splaining to do”
Would you wear the Stag beer can wreath, or is that part of the mopping-up?
No, the TP is for the mopping-up.
as i scrolled slowwwly down the list, the TP under the wreath took me so off guard that i LOLed and nearly needed some!
doesn’t look like Lucille Ball. I tell you, tho, I can see Xmas gifts for those hard-to-please folks on my lists…esp the ones I never want to see again.
the lamp based on the pile of doggie turds is especially nice….oh, it’s wood? Sorry..easy mistake.
My first thought was “Aaaah! No wire hangers EVER!”
That was my first thought, but my second thought was: “Vitches….of Inkland!”
Looks more like a cross between a young Phyllis Diller and a young Zsa Zsa Gabor.
I think it looks just like Lucy…If Lucy had gone to the same plastic surgeon that Joan Rivers used.
I don’t recall Lucille having buck teeth.
I think the seller is basing the identification on two things:
1) The hair and the satin wrap look like the “Lucy Show” logo
2) Lucy stuff sells like crazy.
I thought it looked more like Audrey Meadows.
My soul has left my body, and it now belongs to that Lucille Ball head. Never should have looked the damn thing in the eyes.
A decapitated head that looks like Joan Crawford in a red wig, a poop lamp, velociraptor feet, crap from a redneck’s backyard with toilet paper on it, and an apparently severed finger to use as a dildo… This is directly out of one of my nightmares.
If those were velociraptor feet, they would be on their way to my house right now. Emu feet are just dead common.
I also thought it looked like Joan Crawford. She was a redhead.
The Man Cave thing: apparently you go drinking while hunting and rush home because that swill you were drinking gave you the shits? I’m only guessing here. Or, you go to use the bathroom & it smells so bad already, the ammo is supplied so you can shoot yourself? IDK…
That dildo looks like somebody used it while Aunt Flo was visiting.
That head looks nothing like Lucille Ball. Except it has red hair. It reminds me of those giant decapitated Barbie heads they used to sell so kids could play beautician on them. But not at 3000 dollars. Feh!
The Barbie head looked more like Lucille Ball.
They still make them, only now they’re not life-sized, so it’s even creepier…..like shrunken Barbie heads….
Did you not even read the description? This sculpture was done in a style similar to a famous guy’s. and while sure, usually those guys mark their work in some way, it’s possible that they took a pass on explicitly claiming this piece, probably so as not to mar its perfect beauty. At $3000, I’m not exactly sure how you can afford to pass this chance up.
I find it more amusing that more people pointed out the Drag Queen Lucille Ball head than the polished wooden dildo…
Looks more like the Joker.
That’s because we’ve seen polished wooden dildos on Regretsy before.
…we have, right? It’s not just me?
A very penetrating observation, 13th.
I do like to look deep into things.
(Otherwise I might cock it all up!)
Oh, you mean the polished wooden dildo that looks like it’s been used and hasn’t been cleaned? Reminds me of a typical Saturday night.. in regards to that thing.. UM.. NO.
Very well-done sculpture, technically, but is creepy and doesn’t look anything like Lucille Ball!
I have no words for the rest. Particularly the dildo.
And are those feet ostrich or emu? Can’t be both two different birds.
Perhaps one of each? And there’s a similar set for sale elsewhere, but reversed.
Dangit! I hate when I wake up all bleary-eyed in the morning and mix up my flightless bird feet. Such a decor faux pas.
Somewhere a one-legged ostrich and a one-legged emu are getting around hilariously by entwining their necks together. AND PLOTTING REVENGE!
There is a very easy way to tell if it is Emu or ostrich – emus can’t walk backwards!
So the emu has to lead. Whateves.
These are all so perfect! I want them ALL in my house* – they go so well together with the subtle thematic ties. Thank you for curating this wonderful collection.
* (That I am set-decorating for a horror movie about a serial killer who poses as a hipster.)
Let me guess… he did it in the Man Cave with a Dildo. OH CLUE
If you show the dildo in Act One, it has to be used by Act 3. Isn’t that a rule of dramatic presentations?
I would never buy a Lucille Ball that hadn’t had its bottom stamped.
“Lucy, I’m hooooo… wait a minute, where’s your bottom stamp? What have you done with my wife?!?”
The dildo has been finished with a “food grade salad bowl varnish.”
Let the tossing begin!
Glad I’m not the only one who noticed that and thought it was weird. I was starting to think that that was standard dildo practice, and I was the only one who didn’t know.
Boy, how awkward would that be to serve salad at a diner party?
This is the most terrible prosthesis ever. Or the most awesome.
Why does it have to be either/or? Consider Dr. Strangelove’s prosthetic hand.
So I dont understand. Am I supposed to use the dildo to eat my cereal with or?
No you use it to toss your salad.
May I suggest Hidden Valley dressing?
If you prefer spicy, you can add some hot sauce from the Virgin Islands.
do people really use wooden dildos? Really? that just sounds painful.
It would certainly be a sanitation problem.
And not keeping it up with oil would put one at risk for splinters.
I thought the head was Amanda Lepore.
Yes!!! So did I! Almost perfect likeness, esp the mouth.
I would buy that “Lucille Ball” head if they put more eye makeup and an adam’s apple on it and called it a drag queen instead…. but not at that price.
It’s totally Lypsinka:
hmmm. But where would I put it?
You have some ‘splainin’ to do Lucy.
Couldn’t they have at least given the emu a proper pedicure before chopping of its feet???
Dildos really ought to have more of an ‘opposite end’ to grab onto, so they don’t get, um, lost inside. I have a friend (no, really, a friend) (well, these days, more of an ex-friend) who lacks a belly button because that’s how they had to go in to him to get a dildo out.
Maybe the base from that lamp thingie could become the base of the dildo. It would be almost as if you were vaginally or rectally inserting the Chest-Burster creature from Alien. That has to be someone’s fantasy.
Indeed, I’m pretty sure the expression on “Lucille Ball”‘s face was captured while watching someone do just that …
I never thought the most horrifying thing ever on Regretsy would be found in the comments section.
I present to you the most horrifying thing you will read in the comments…well a link to it
Oh, no. The comments are right there. I can’t help but read them. But a link? I won’t be fooled agai…OH MY GOD! Why did I click the link?!
Holy shit that’s gross. What drives someone to push a dildo up inside themselves so far that doctors need to get involved?
The good news is, these days they DO make most anal insertion toys with a flared base and/or hook/hole for retrieval. (Nothing can be unrecoverable via doctor’s exam from a bajingo.) Not that I know about this sort of thing.
…Just kidding, if my mother ever comes upon my toy collection she’ll drop dead with all-white hair and a look of shame.
Having horrified everyone already, I will cleverly NOT speculate further about the details. I’m going to guess it was truly an accident.
That said, nobody can accuse said friend of navel-gazing …
I’m going to guess it’s the kind of situation where (a) once you realize there is a problem, ou try everything you can think of to solve it yourself but (b) everything your panicked brain suggests just makes things worse. I’m not sure what the limit is before you need surgical extraction, but I bet finishing that marathon is a lot less fun than starting it.
21 responses and I’m the first to notice those are actually rifle shells, not shotgun shells, in that mancave buttrag monstrosity?
We need a TL;DR for pictures. By the time it got to the wreath and beer cans, I’d had enough.
I think you’ve discovered your special purpose.
Well spotted. Also: “stone accents compliment the base” of the lamp.
“Vy, tvisted driftvood bullshit, you look luffly today,” the stone said …
I noticed it, but there are so many things wrong in all of these it seemed to get lost in the shuffle. I was first and foremost appalled at how much that head does NOT look like Lucy, I don’t care if it was sculpted by Michelangelo himself!
I noticed they were rifle shells also, but I thought since it’s “functionable” it really didn’t matter that much.
Hey, I just got here. And yeah, I noticed. I wonder if they’re live rounds.
We can only hope.
Stick the Lucille Ball head on top of the ostrich feet, and you’ve got yourself a sale.
“Baba Yaga And The Chocolate Factory,” by Tim Burton, starring Helena Bonham Carter ….
With Johnny Depp as Vasilissa the Beautiful.
“Return to Oz Part II: Bellina and Mombi Team Up.” Just in case you weren’t traumatized enough the first time, boys and girls!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thought that!
obviously that’s Jocelyn Wildenstein after her first surgery, not Lucy.
Ms.Ball kinda looks like one of the Who’s from who-ville *cringe*
first thing I thought too.
“Where Are You Christmas?” if I’m getting that, I don’t want to know.
Also; I can’t tell which end of the dildo is suppose to be used… and in general it looks like a maggot…
I want all of those in my house. Specifically, the guest room.
I take it you don’t like having guests?
What? Only $3482 to make sure my family never, ever visits me again? Bitch, please, that’s a bargain.
I’d put that wreath on the front of my pickup truck, toilet roll and all. If I had a pickup truck.
I want to go buy a pickup truck, just to don my antler, tp wreath, RIGHT NOW. I’ll be right back.
Lucille Ball, my ass. That’s the spitting image of Loretta Young.
More like Amanda Lepore, if you ask me.
“..not dishwasher safe and should not be boiled.”
What a coincidence! That’s what I have tattooed on my penis!
That Lucille Ball head has Roger Rabbits mouth…
“Pllllllleeze Eddie can I buy the Lucy head”
ps: April was one of the voices in RR
“That severed head is not Lucille Ball, it’s Joan Crawford.” “No, wait, it’s Loretta Young!” “Those aren’t shotgun shells on that wreath/TP holder, they’re rifle shells!” “Ha,ha, they misspelled ‘complement’!” All while I’m still picking my jaw up off the floor. I really love you guys. (Wipes tear)
Yeah, it’s Loretta Young.
THE LEAVES ARE CAMO COLORS.
I don’t believe the emu leg back story for a second, but I’d love to know what really happened to the rest of it.
I’ve got money on: severed while strapped to the top of a car going through a tunnel.
The emu was tricked into swallowing a lit firecracker.
The Romneys had an emu, too?
I was hoping this would be a “View it in a Room”. Still can be, hint, hint.
this would be a scary, messed up room to be in.. might just close the door on this one.
Shouldn’t this have a “dead things” tag?
I’ll just get my coat…
Am I alone in thinking that Emu’s had three toes?????
The live ones still do.
Scrolling down the page was just one Wilhelm scream after another!
Aren’t you supposed to put things on an end table? Those feet really don’t leave enough room. Perhaps they should have done a dining room table instead, lots of space on those things, and it would be quite a conversation piece.
Please enjoy my art collection. Clockwise around the room;
“Pile o’ Poo”,
“Trailer Home Loo”,
AND FINALLY – YOOOOOUUUUU!
Just took another glance at that dildo. If you look at it (opposite of it’s intended use, I see a small thumb nail and (further up) the joint of the thumb…the flaring look of the intended use end is the bloody stump where they ripped it off someone’s hand. Wait, did I take my meds yet today?…
That’s not Lucy. That’s Lypsinka. http://www.lypsinka.com/
I thought it was common knowledge that you aren’t supposed to boil your dildo. A slow simmer works best.
I don’t get it… what’s wrong with the wooden dildo? It looks polished/protected enough, I doubt it’s going to absorb moisture or give you splinters.
Yup, vote me down instead of giving me an answer..
What is it with people putting salad bowl varnish on dildos? Why is varnish something I would want anywhere near my vag?
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