Rhythm and Blues
Includes hits like:
• Sunday Bloody Sunday
• Blood on the Saddle
• Only Women Bleed
• Hot Blooded
• I’m So Fucking Bloated I Can’t Get My Shoes On
With Special Guests: THE CRAMPS
83 comments on Rhythm and Blues
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November 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm
…cramps are stuck energy? I release energy out of my uterus? I should find a way to market this…
November 10, 2012 at 4:19 pm
Then why the hell can’t I fire tampons like bullets?
November 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm
You can’t? I thought everyone could. Is that just me?
November 10, 2012 at 7:17 pm
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November 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Don’t blame Octopie, unless they actually are Roger Rivard, who lost his election due to that remark. Score one for the shooting tampon!
November 10, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Thank you, Zippy, I had thought that remark was infamous enough buy now =P
November 10, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Dammit, by now*
November 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm
Too late! I bought “then”.
November 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm
If that were possible I wouldn’t be welcoming peri-menopause as enthusiastically as I am. I am now making a mental list of targets – there goes the evening -thanks Wholeduck.
November 10, 2012 at 5:00 pm
The CD cover does look a bit like a dartboard…
November 10, 2012 at 5:21 pm
Really? It looks like some raging monster breathing fire. Hint: The crescent moons are his eyes.
November 11, 2012 at 7:35 am
Maybe Dr. Zoidberg peering, confused, into a distended anus.
November 11, 2012 at 11:23 am
Need relief from menstrual symptoms? Why not Goatse?
November 10, 2012 at 5:45 pm
And then add this new super power to the Magical Vagina Venom that we apparently have to kill unwanted sperm on command, and you are talking DEFCON 5, ladies!
November 11, 2012 at 7:20 am
I cant wait till some teabag asshat spews this out as the new truth about our hoohas
November 11, 2012 at 7:21 am
oh wait I think they already did!
November 11, 2012 at 3:56 am
Nonsense. The only thing I get stuck during my period is my maxi pad. Oh man, I think I made myself throw up a little :b
November 11, 2012 at 3:57 am
Nonsense. The only thing I get stuck on during my period is my maxi pad.
Oh, urp! I think I made myself throw up a bit with that one
November 11, 2012 at 3:58 am
Ok, correction: apparently I get stuck on posting the same disgusting joke twice. My bad kiddies!
November 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Bloody Hell! This is a bleeding travesty!
November 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm
And look! $22, can you believe it?! She’s really padded her profits…
What else douche you expect on etsy, I guess…
November 10, 2012 at 5:59 pm
I’m really going to bled, paying that much for it.
November 10, 2012 at 5:59 pm
*bleed. fml.
November 10, 2012 at 7:35 pm
What’s up with that? Who can absorb this kind of expense? You’d be in the red in no time! I believe I’ve saturated my time here. Good day.
November 10, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Anyone who thinks they need this has some kind of cycle-logical problem.
November 10, 2012 at 4:19 pm
You know, I’d rather celebrate the days that I DON’T suffer from cramps and bleeding. But I guess I’m just a FJL that doesn’t get it.
November 10, 2012 at 6:37 pm
here, i’ll explain the moon-goddess-womynist persective to you: women hate their periods because society tells them to — not because there could ever be any LEGITIMATE reasons. like, i dunno, anemia. or being so fucking bloated that you can’t get your shoes on.
November 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm
This is just wrong. period.
November 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m definitely seeing a creepy face staring out at me from that “album” cover. It’s even got one heckuva mustache.
November 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Oh for fucksakes.
November 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm
That picture – it’s the phases of the moon surrounding a dripping vagina over a fire. I was happier when I thought it was two tipsy owl gods gazing upon a volcano.
November 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm
but…but this is how your deep unconscious self that has been stifled by the programming of our culture wants you to celebrate the monthly honor of bleeding out of your hoo-ha.
November 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm
I actually like the drawing….as 2 tipsy owl gods gazing upon a volcano!
November 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Why? Why, oh why, did you have to tell us what the picture really was? I need my blankie and my teddy bear AND my mommy now. :’(
November 10, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Fire crotch?
November 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm
But what is that thing in the middle? An engorged clit, or a cervix? Should I be turned on or terrified?
November 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm
the only way i’m meditating during my period is if i’m hooked up to an IV drip of chocolate, Advil, and Valium.
November 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm
And now I have The Cramps “Garbageman” stuck in my head….
November 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm
You can thank me now.
Temple of The Blood Promo:
http://youtu.be/f0O6OFAFFwY
November 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm
“Step up and bleed well.”
November 10, 2012 at 4:49 pm
You can also download a free sample from e-junkie:
http://www.e-junkie.com/eroticearth/product/435796.php
November 10, 2012 at 7:41 pm
I liked Galadriel voice-overs better when she was telling Frodo to stop being a pussy.
November 10, 2012 at 9:12 pm
Ya know, if my dick bled once a month and my whole body ached and I got bloated and my tummy hurt, the very LAST thing I would need is some Aussie asshole implying that I was somehow not “bleeding well” enough, just so he could sell me his CD of didgeridoo drones and bad penis-print artwork. Puh. Leeze.
November 10, 2012 at 9:14 pm
Ya know, if my dick bled once a month and my whole body ached and I got puffy and my tummy hurt, the VERY LAST THING I would need is some Aussie asshole lecturing me on how I wasn’t “bleeding well” enough for his taste, all so he could sell me a bunch of his didgeridoo drones and some bad penis-themed paintings. Puh. Leeze.
November 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm
If your dick is not bleeding every month you should seriously consult a urologist. It’s possible that you have something wrong with your balls.
November 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I’m sorry, but my only soundtrack for my period is death metal.
November 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Why do people on etsy feel the need to shove their bloody wombyn (sp, IDK) parts in our faces all of the time? I’ll keep my bodily functions to myself, thank you.
November 10, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Because it’s MAGICKAL. It’s a CELEBRATION TIME of wombynhood! The irony being that from this POV, everything to do with women and their bodies is mystical whimsy that society wants to crush because it doesn’t understand, and yet men are, I don’t know, boring regular-bodied numbskulls? What’s the meaning of sexism again?
Sorry, I’m just tired of this womyn herstory crap. My cycle makes me violently sick and no, it isn’t ‘stuck energy’. I’m drunk again. STICK THAT BITCHES
November 11, 2012 at 7:07 am
Ohskittles, I want to know, when someone throws a first menstruation party, what do those invitations say? I thought my parents embarrassed me when I was young, but they’ve taken it to a whole nother level!
November 10, 2012 at 10:42 pm
DAMMIT! What am I going to do with my “Meditation for Mucus-a guide to loving your seasonal allergies” CDs?? I made 2,000 of them WITH scratch and sniffle stickers on the cover!
November 11, 2012 at 7:04 am
Where are the constipation meditations? Now that’s stuck energy!!
November 10, 2012 at 5:54 pm
I bet Bloody Kisses by Type O Negative is the bonus track.
November 10, 2012 at 8:42 pm
Peter Gabriel, “Red Rain”
November 16, 2012 at 10:40 pm
Don’t forget “Wolf Moon”. Also Type O Negative…they apparently have a thing for that type of song. I guess it kinda goes with their name.
November 10, 2012 at 6:25 pm
I was never so glad that I don’t get my period anymore. Among many other blessings there is absolutely no reason for me to waste 22.00 on this CD.
November 10, 2012 at 7:07 pm
“An excellent gift to a girl that has just started menstruating…” Wait, what now?
As if it’s not bad enough that she has to learn to deal with visits from Aunt Flo, buy tampons for the first time, and study up on “Our Bodies Ourselves”, now she gets a CD with whackadoodle meditations about it?
Gee, thanks so much. You really shouldn’t have. No, really. You shouldn’t have!
November 10, 2012 at 7:39 pm
“Hey Kaitlin, you know how you’re going to receive an unpleasant monthly occurrence that will cause you pain and embarrassment, for the next 40-odd years? Well here’s an album to celebrate!”
November 10, 2012 at 7:52 pm
“Hey Auntie, that plastic disc wasn’t very helpful for when “my time” came around. Is there really supposed to be a hole in it? The cardboard sleeve was barely any better. What else ya got?”
November 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm
I have Midol and a heating pad to “release” the “stuck energy” cramps cause. If it gets too bad, I have Vicodin. Vicodin lets me “meditate” really well!
November 10, 2012 at 7:18 pm
The Crampfire Girls have a new recruitment poster.
November 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm
Thanks, Etsy. I happen to be watching ‘Star Trek First Contact’ at the moment, and now cannot unsee the Vulcan ship as a giant pink female reproductive system.
November 10, 2012 at 7:53 pm
The Vulvcans are gonna be pissed!
November 10, 2012 at 7:40 pm
I read “a lifetime of honoring” as “a lifetime of horror”.
November 10, 2012 at 8:57 pm
You read it correctly.
November 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Things I can see in this drawing:
An angry face breathing fire
Two tipsy owls looking at a volcano
Two fish trying to kiss
A space ship flying into a spiraling red sky
A steaming pile of crap
November 11, 2012 at 6:05 am
Well, we know the last one’s right.
November 10, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Oh, the album art is one of those “find all the different objects” games, innit? Let’s see: phases of the moon, intricately folded labia, assorted rocks and pebbles, the tentacles of the Sarlacc, Johnny Cash’s burning ring of fire, a worm ouroborous, a Balrog, lava from Mount Doom, club soda bubbles that might also be stars, a clitoris with a genital piercing … gosh, it’s all so intricate. Now how much you want to bet the music itself is one damn arpeggiated chord on a cheap software synthesizer patch for four hours? And maybe a few Native American flute overdubs played incompetently by some Caucasian who thinks she/he’s in touch with her inner essence because they dropped acid once?
November 10, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Hey Mitzi, I can think of 2 people who probably having Saturday Night In tonight. Or maybe one of us is waiting for the Sig-Other to finish primping before hitting the clubs?
November 10, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Just back from an early show with the sig-other, reunion set by an old local almost-famous band from the early 80s. Kind of “post-punk nursing home preview.” If anyone was under 45 when they got to the show, they were 46 by the time they left.
November 10, 2012 at 10:22 pm
If it was Hüsker Dü somebody owes me $100!
November 12, 2012 at 7:38 am
Close. Human Sexual Response, whose drummer went on to drum in Sugar with Bob Mould of Hüsker Dü.
November 12, 2012 at 10:42 am
7 degrees of Bob Mould. He owes me $14.29!
November 10, 2012 at 8:18 pm
I thought this was the original cover for a pulp-era Science Fiction story I read where the climatic scene is the red rocket escaping from the tentacles of the space anemone which is surrounded by the burning moat on the planet with 4 moons just in time to fly into the dimensional portal, go through the hyperspace spiral back to Earth and deliver flowers to the captain’s wife on their anniversary but he still didn’t get any because she was inexplicably crabby. Talk about art imitating life imitating art!
November 10, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Definitely. Or 1970s era “Galaxy” or “Worlds Of If”. Perhaps the Harlan Ellison classic “I Have Only Red, Purple, Black, and Brown In My Paintbox And I Must Make You Scream.”
November 10, 2012 at 10:31 pm
I believe that was in a Tor Double with Robert Heinlein’s “The Menses From Earth”.
November 10, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Climactic scene, not climatic. Al Gore did not write this book. I know because I made it up and I’m not him.
November 10, 2012 at 8:49 pm
If periods are anything like they’re depicted in this image, they’re both climatic and climactic. These are some global-warming labia-tentacle-lava-vulva things.
November 11, 2012 at 6:06 am
Climacteric?
November 10, 2012 at 8:29 pm
A)you are all very funny and very snarky
B)Fucking flashback to people telling me that “exercise” would help “go for a walk” they’d say while I was trying not to throw-up from pain. If I had a time machine…
November 10, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Right? I used to get similar recommendations for my migraines. Yeah, I’ll run around and get my blood pumping when my head already feels like it’s about to explode off my neck. How sweet of you to recommend that. Do you have an anvil you can club me with first?
November 11, 2012 at 3:01 am
♫ You cramp my uterus and I
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding blood
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding blood
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding blooooooood
You cramp me up
♫ And it’s draining all of me
Oh, they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these tampons so no-one can see ♪
November 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Oh that makes sense medically! Cramps are stuck energy, not the ovaries and uterus responding to changes in estrogen levels. Silly science and medicine! If you would just accept mystical energy you would understand EVERYTHING! I suppose farts are just stuck energy escaping?
November 12, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Another suggestion for the playlist: Down to the Old Pub Instead by Stephen Lynch (not obvious by the title, but the entire song is about menstruation).