EAT YOUR BORSCHT AND SHUT UP
Smells Like Ecologica Malibu.
She does smell an awful lot like lead paint.
I thought her name was Egotistical Malibu? I must’ve remembered it wrong.
One of you is thinking about E. Malibu Barbie and the other is insane.
“What are we going to do tonight Brain?”
“Paint some baby’s highchair with multi-color lead paint then take over the world!!”
I’m gonna guess that I’m the insane one.
Potato, potahto, Matt.
What is that under the chair… leftovers? Looks like a ratty birdsnest.
Yeah, it is a birds’ nest. What’s that about?
Birds nests = the new barn wood?
Where do YOU put the nest after you eat the eggs, lettuce? In some kind of fancy-pants trashcan?
I stuff it in my little disposal hole in the baseboard! The eggshells, too. Works great! I hear some weird scuffling noises from behind there sometimes, but I figure that’s nothing to do with me.
Ahem. It’s a fancy skantstrashcan
son of a motherless spacebar! X-(
you dip it in breading and serve it with Chinese food!
If your egg-sucking brat wants to save the salad course for later, why not let them? Delayed gratification is a character-builder.
You should write a book on child-rearing, Zip.
I’ll have to check to see if that’s against one of my restraining orders or not.
Ghost write it. For yourself. You could use a name like “Honest Abe” or “Totally Legal Dan”.
OpenStalker is good for managing restraining order data. I mean, a friend told me that.
I’m gonna write it as “Not that one guy in Rockford.”
Zippy, you live in Rockford, IL ?
No, my car broke down there once and I saw a creepy guy.
PUT A BIRD ON IT!
I figured it was the kid’s head after he slipped out of the belt and fell on the floor.
That takes me back to the old Orphanage…..sweet, sweet memories. The beatings weren’t that sweet, and the gruel was awful and the loneliness was unbearable, but otherwise the memories were sweet.
What with belts for seating, belts for beating and production line conveyor belts for “activity time”, I’m not surprised you buckled down and made something of yourself.
That’s how I became such a strapping lad.
Who else has suspendered disbelief right now?
My imagination is exercising restraint right now.
I would tie one on with bothofyouse!
Shouldn’t we halter this train of puns?
You had gruel? You lucky sods!
It was actually imitation gruel. I just say “gruel” to make it sound classy.
I would have given anything for some sod!
Yeah, but have you seen sod prices? We’re not made of sod, you know!
*sadly goes back to eating money*
Don’t be sad, Zip. We have so much Confederate money lying around, and it’s such a good source of essential fiber and inks and defeat.
The tears of Strom Thurmond are like sweet nectar. I just hope the South doesn’t rise again. At least not while I’m sleeping.
Wire in the Blood: The Early Years
i think baby threw up a hairball.
No one puts Baby in a highchair
Maybe the hairball was sitting in the chair when the photo shoot started. You turn your back for one second…
Does it come with wire hangers?
NO MORE WIRE HANGERS…EVER!!!!!
Every time that one gets used, Joan Crawford has to take a time out in the closet. If the picture gets posted she also has to eat a moth ball. Think of Joan! Just kidding, screw her.
does she have to sit on the stool of shameless celebrities?
that crack running up the middle denotes “great shape”?
that’s gonna hurt like a mofo when it pinches
That is why it comes with a belt…to prevent you from squirming thus not getting pinched.
Jeebus, think of the ass splinters…
Don’t worry, the belt-thrashings will make sure the ass splinters are the least of your worries.
If I’m paying $195, you’d better throw in a lifetime supply of antibacterial ointment or something. That’s pretty expensive for a broken-down chair.
It’s really the character and personality you’re paying for.
By “character”, do you mean all the dreams that were crushed at an early age in that thing?
Yes, I think they soak into the wood. Liberally seasoned with fear and despair.
Oh, that shit has a dark energy that no amount of chipped, toxic, albeit whimsically colored, paint could ever override.
If I would have wanted to pay for personality I would have joined a sorority in college.
Material things are temporary, lead poisoning is forever!
You’re more paying for the time it took her to contrive that load of bullshit about the chair.
….or you are paying for the right to be THAT much of a pretentious douche that would actually buy that for a child to sit in.
Nothing says Mother of the Year like a toddler with splinters in their ass and a concussion:-/
Award Bonus- Mom can beat the child with the leather restraining belt. It’s multi-purpose.
Isn’t a high chair supposed to have a tray? This is just a tall chair with a belt on it.
Now you’re making assumption about “feeding” I think this is a chair for free-range babies.
Is it me or is it crooked as well? I can’t tell if it is the angle of the belt messing with me or if the picture is tilted or if the chair is really leaning to the side…
Because if it is, this is even more perfect for a baby/young child.
Cause all us good parents know, there is nothing more relaxed and calm then a small child belted into cracked leaning chair from hell’s circus to make a child nice and quiet during dinner time.
Might as well just string the kid up by his feet and throw cheerios at it – save the 195 – my guess is the experience would be about the same. Then you will have extra for therapy later.
This must be where the free-range strippers come from.
Free-range babies! You hurt me with the funnies, Zip!
I don’t think it’s a high char. Doesn’t look too tall. Just looks like a normal ratty chair. With a belt.
Wait. It’s painted like that on purpose? I was thinking if I sanded it down, sealed the crack in the seat, painted it, and torched that awful belt, I could give it to my grandma to set one of her creepy dolls in. If I had a grandma who collected creepy dolls.
Everyone’s grandma collects those. If you haven’t seen them yet they are reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally creepy. Sorry about your lose of innocence just now.
True story: The first time my mom stayed over my grandmother (her mother-in-law)’s house, she got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, took a wrong turn, and ended up in THE DOLL ROOM.
How long ago did this happen and have you seen her since and did she display life-like characteristics?
Hell, that ain’t nothin’. When I was staying with my husband’s grandparents, they insisted we should sleep in the master bedroom. Which is where Granmaw keeps her creepy doll collection. On shelves that wrap around the entire room.
We couldn’t say no. Southern hospitality is not to be denied. But I felt bad that elderly people were sleeping on a pull-out couch for us. I also felt bad that I had to sleep in a room where I was outnumbered by several hundred creepy dolls.
We’d close the light, and I’d whisper to my husband, “They’re still staring.”
Neither of my grandmothers collected dolls. One had one doll she had treasured since childhood, although it had an amazing wardrobe. The other grandma put pictures of her family all over the house. Pictures of her grandkids featured prominently in her bedroom. It was really weird seeing at all my cousins, siblings, and me facing left but looking up and slightly to the right. Sears really needed to switch up their poses more often.
Neither of my grandmothers collected dolls, either.
My maternal grandma was a no-nonsense farmwife who collected small, decorative pitchers, but only because other people gave them to her.
If my paternal grandmother had collected dolls, every one of them would have looked just like her.
I had a doll that collected creepy Grandmothers–I still cash some of the SS checks.
Painted, shmainted. They didn’t do any more ‘work’ on that chair aside from hauling it out of someone’s garbage pile.
It would look pretty awesome with a creepy doll in it, though.
My grandma collected creepy dolls. Her favorite was one she’d had since childhood. It looked like something straight out of a horror movie. No hair, and the face all cracked and burnt looking.
That doll would look right at home in this chair. Alas, we buried it with her last year. Ah, memories.
Had she died or were you just punishing her for her bad taste in collectibles?
I’m having a hard time imagining Eugene Hütz sitting in this.
That’s EXACTLY who I pictured sitting in it!!!
Oi! Lef-tenant Uhura! A tribble aight yar bahbay!
-Star Trek 7 The Search for Nemo
That’s the trouble with tribbles…
It starts with a nibble when the tribble wants her kibble, then the blood begins to dribble but we don’t have to quibble; that’s what you get for being edible.
Oh, and our local nerd theater group is presenting a live version of The Trouble With Tribbles at a park next summer. Fresh from their triumph on The Journey to Babel last summer and Mirror Mirror before that. I missed when they did Amok Time and may never forgive myself. LIVE ACTION STAR TREK, BITCHES!!!
Yes! I can’t believe it’s the last season for Trek in the Park, but at least they’re leaving us with tribbles. I didn’t know you were in my neck of the NW, Zippy.
Nerd theater group? I live in the wrong city!!
I might be in the neighbor with all the missing cat posters, Gypsy, but I swear I had nothing to do with those delicious, delicious cats.
My nearest microbrewery is Lompoc 5Q. You?
Shut up, haters, that’s how we determine location in Portland.
Gypsy high chair? Where in the wagon would they have space for that piece of junk?
That, and I resent on their behalf the suggestion that the Romany strap their children into ass-pinching chairs with belts.
The Romneys are the ones who did that.
This is an insult to gypsies.
I hate to get all pissy and serious (I still think it’s funny) but this is fairly patronizing to actual gypsy folk.
Gypsies either refer to ‘travelers’ in the West, generally moving from place to place with caravans (this type of gypsy stuff on Etsy kind of smacks of glamorizing poverty, AKA hobo wedding), OR the term refers to Roma/Romany people in some parts of Europe. My ‘gypsy’ great-uncles were of the latter and both were gassed in a concentration camp.
But, this is Regretsy, so let’s bring in some levity. This chair looks like an unsafe piece of hoarder trash and no, painting it circus colors won’t change that. I’m drunk again. SKITTLES OUT
In the UK this listing would be reportable as a race-hate insult. Honestly.
Does Cher know about this?
Pinched in the bum
And you’re to blame
Darlin’, you give gypsies
A bad name
Reminds me of the chair I had when I was a kid.
So wait, that’s the NEW paint job?
I’m not falling for that crap either. “New” implies “not lead-based” so I see why they’re doing it. But that doesn’t make it right.
Have you seen the My Big Gypsy Wedding show? If I am to believe and further perpetuate the gypsy sterotype this thing should be bedazzled, tulled out the wazoo, and have LED lights flashing. Furthermore, there are no butterflies, screaming fathers, or gold statuettes.
Those were Pavee, not Romani “gypsies” >.>
I don’t have cable. My 18+ year old cat Peeve, speaks of “his tribe” so fondly. He made me watch it once at a friend’s house, I must have mixed up all the terminology. He is known for his roaming as well.
I suspect the seller breathed in a lot of lead-paint dust while “refurbishing” this chair, which is the only explanation I can think of for their asking $195 + $50 for what amounts to a stack of toxic kindling.
Hey! With this chair, you can make your own Kreepy Krapper, or whatever that thing was called!
OH dear. That shop has all sorts of strange shit. I’m confused by the rat’s nest napkin rings. and the buffalo plaid pet/doll bed…
Uhh, nevermind that “gypsy” is an offensive racial slur, this chair looks like crap.
But Scamp, she added the word chic when slurring… that makes it all better?
“For that ‘special’ child”? I think medication would be cheaper.
And less humiliating and/or scarring. For everyone involved.
I thought it said, meditation! Then i was picturing a child strapped in and forced to meditate! “CLOSE YOUR EYES DAMMIT! DEEP BREATH IN, (just not too deep, the lead paint dust will do quite a number on your lungs, though it might make the visualization a little easier)”
Abu Ghraib went downmarket.
This is definitely an SCP object.
Contact the Foundation and have them administrate class-B amnesiacs to everyone on Regretsy. I bet it eats the person sitting in it, or the parent, or transports them into a parallel universe where an enormous green monster is found down an endless dark flight of stairs.
This thing has children’s safety stamped all over it! A broken seat, chipping paint, and an old belt! Anyone know the romani term for racist garbage?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Happy, horrific pony-related Gypsy song is all I can think of when I see this child-sized SAW monstrosity.
Yeah, I’m thinking if one of my kids’ grandparents bought this chair, they wouldn’t be doing much babysitting.
BTW, I love wooden high chairs, and I actually got one for my kids. The difference? It didn’t have old chipping paint on it, I didn’t paint it to LOOK like it had old chipping paint on it, it wasn’t cracked, it had a secure strap to hold the child in, and I paid only $80 for it. Because I’m not an idiot.
I had a highchair like this when I was a baby, but my mother certainly didn’t pay nearly $200 for it…
It’s just a shame it’s so small. It would really brighten up the local nursing home.
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