You can tell this is a man’s neckroll, because they photographed it next to some tools. If it was a woman’s, it would have a vagina and it couldn’t drive.
I see they’re capitalizing on Etsy’s success by saying it’s made in a factory. Smart marketing move.
Maybe “factory” is some sort of slang term for “Junior High Home-Ec Class”?
Factory is grandma locked in the back room forced to crank out ugly ass pillows. “Only a dozen more Meemaw and you can have your heart medicin.”
“You can use the turlet after you crank out a coupla more, ol’ lady!”
“You straighten up your stitching first and THEN I’ll turn the heat on and give you breakfast!”
Looks more like a butthole.
What’s with all the “gender-specific” stuff on etsy that’s not remotely gender specific?
Now come on. If we don’t start giving everything a clear gender now then what will happen next? Girls using boy pens?! PANDEMONIUM I SAY!!
You make an excellent point. I used a “girl-fork” the other day, and it really screwed up my day. Girls just eat differently than boys.
I used the Girl Internet by mistake yesterday and now I have cancel a bunch of shoe purchases! And delete some duckface self-portraits off Facebook!
I don’t think you were too badly affected. Otherwise you would be ending sentences with multiple exclamation marks and 1s.
<3 <3 <3!!!!!11! I think it's back!
Are you writing with a Bic for Her pen? That could be exacerbating the problem! LOL!!!!11!!
What are the “1″s all about? I’m unfamiliar with that being a girl internet thing.
Our fingernails are so twee and our attention spans so short that we can never seem to keep the SHIFT key held down for the entire run of explanation point thingies.
Man goes to all the trouble of inventing computers with easy-to-press keys so you ladies can’t break your fingernails as much as on a manual typewriter and what do you do? Nail extensions!
I think I may have used the male internet by accident the other day. Some girl I talked to claims I got her pregnant.
“Poking” on the Boy Internet means something different.
Ok, I’m feelin’ it now. What a fantastic cozy for a man-drink.
Why do I have the feeling that “his neck pillow” is code for “fleshlight”.
Yeah, I think there’s more demand for vaginas in “his” neck pillows than in “hers”.
Yeah, I was just thinking, “have a vagina? It IS a vagina.”
I think I’d be more disturbed if this was a fleshlight. What sort of man uses a freaking chisel on a fake vagina to get off? That can’t be right.
Oh, Vicki. Just fill it with a fleshlight and stop being coy.
To be fair, I do always sleep with a dead-blow hammer and screwdriver.
You never know when the zombie apocalypse will strike!
I just like to be ready to be handy at any time.
Ah! You must subscribe to the Red Green philosophy: “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy”.
I <3 Red Green. If it ain't broke, you're not trying.
Flat head or phillips? Asking for a friend.
Flat head. I’m old school.
Well, technically, that would be “slotted”. Flat headed screws come in all configurations. As do round heads and oval heads. TMI?
Queen Vicky just reigned on your asses, you screw-ups!
Technically, you’re wrong. The SCREWS are “slotted”. The SCREWDRIVER is a “flat head”.
You are, however, correct about flat headed screws. But there’s no such thing (at least in the working world) as a “slotted screwdriver”.
What the hell is wrong with me, trusting royalty to know about screwdrivers? I’ve only ever called non-Phillips screwdrivers “straight” or “regular”, though.
Here in Ye Olde Woodworking World, they’re always “flat heads”.
I have heard “regular”, but not really from woodworkers.
I believer that’s an antiquated term, seeing as “flat head” screwdrivers aren’t remotely “regular” anymore- they’re actually the least-used type at this point.
In this modern age of drill guns etc. I intensely hate slotted screws. Why are they still making new ones??? *glares at electrical outlet and switch plates*
I use them for period-correctness in antique restoration jobs often, but otherwise, I curse them too.
I have a soft spot for the Robertson screw. Not sure if anyone actually uses those either.
Oh, we use them, lettucego. We use them a lot.
I’m ashamed to admit a few things:
1:I couldn’t figure out how to reply directly to the “Robertson screw” comment.
2: I had to google “Robertson Screw” (thank god safe-search settings are on).
3: I never knew the square headed screws were Robertson Screws, and my entire brand new house is put together with them.
I do own a variety of Robertson screwdrivers, as well as torx drivers and clutch drivers though, so perhaps I shouldn’t be too ashamed?
We are both correct. From Wikipedia:
>>The tool used to drive a slotted screw head is called a “flat-blade”, “slot-head”, “straight”, “flat”, “flat-tip”, or “flat-head” screwdriver. This last usage can sometimes be confusing, because the term “flat-head” is also used to describe a screw with a flat top, designed to be installed in a countersunk hole. Such a flat-headed screw may have a slotted, cross, square recessed, or combination head, causing further confusion about the terminology.
Among slotted screw drivers, there are a couple of major variations at the blade or bit end involving the profile of the blade as viewed face-on (from the side of the tool). The more common type is sometimes referred to as keystone, where the blade profile is slightly flared before tapering off at the end.<<
I also have a “Sounds of the Woodshop” cd that I listen to right before bed. Soothing.
I often get hammered right before bed. What else do we have in common?
We also have all those felony arrests in common. Thirty-two between us, I believe.
I’m annoyed that I’m automatically excluded from all the places you get excluded from even though I’ve never been to those places ever and when I was there I didn’t do anything and those things I did in those places only seemed weird from the vantage point of the security cameras.
Well said, Zip. Very succinct.
Do the police have any of this “internet” yet? I may have said too much up there.
And occassionally nailed?
His plea agreement forbids that.
Love the comedic stylings of Zippy and Matt.
Reminds me of that country song
“I’m home gettin hammered, while she’s out gettin nailed…”
It would be even firmer (and manlier) if it were stuffed with full beer cans.
We can’t waste all our time reaching out to the nightstand for beer! That’s how cavemen lived!
Aren’t women supposed to be getting you your beer?
I was at a friend’s new house to check it out and he, his wife and I are in the kitchen and I say to him, “do you have a dishwasher?” and he points to his wife and says, “yeah, she’s right there”. His wife open-hand smacked him so hard. It was an epic smack.
She should have asked herself, WWMD? What would Madge Do?
Can I order one stuffed firm with nipples? Just curious…
I like how they sell it with the Home Lobotomy Kit because I hate waking up in the middle of the night wanting to perform one but don’t want to get of the warm bed.
I often wake with the urge for trepanning, and am just never prepared. So I always end up just going back to sleep with no hole in my forehead, bummed out.
Nobody likes trying to sleep with a head all stuffed up with brain juice.
If I could just let all the bad dreams out, I wouldn’t need the dreamcatcher, you know? Seems like a no-brainer to me.
I assumed that the wife, at the end of her rope, must have bought this man pillow for her apparently snoring husband. When the snoring continued she reached for the hammer and screwdriver and performed her own sinus clearing surgery.
She may have worn a Snuggy to keep her arms warm while she worked.
Wow, lying on that mallet and screwdriver looks really damn uncomfortable.
I thought they were selling a complete took kit that rolled up into a pillow because of these 3 handy-person’s rules:
1- Always use the right tool for the job.
2- A hammer is always the right tool for the job.
3- Any tool can be used as a hammer.
I think that was part of my GRE.
I thought it was a Teamsters Union “Welcome Kit”: a couple of tools, and a pillow for all the breaks you get.
Why is his in quotes? It’s not really a boy, is it? Is that why there is the screwdriver and hammer, for when the truth comes out in the dark?
It mostly comes out in the dark. Mostly.
You are correct sir ir was the second one.
I was recording in Brooklyn one time and I went to a White Castle for some shitty food. White Castle’s slogan is/was “It’s What You Crave”, and they were promoting their newly implemented “24-hour-never-closing” thing. So I get this big plastic cup for my soda that has a picture of a nighttime scene with a moon and a creepy face and it says “CRAVE IN THE DARK”. Totally creeped me out- the face looked like a sweaty child molester or something.
I can’t believe they aren’t aware that their food can give you nightmares all by itself.
They use the loosest definition legally possible of the word “food”.
“Can be put in upper hole, will pass through to lower hole, without causing immediate death.”
It should’ve said “Crave in the ICU”.
Heh heh. “Lower hole”.
Or “LoHo” if you’re a hipster.
lettucego- you should use that term in your pickup lines with men. “You play your cards right, I’ll let you see my lower hole.”
Think that would work?
You had me at “lower hole”.
What do I get if I throw in the upper hole?
You get very popular with the menfolk.
“UpHo, LoHo, it’s off to work we go…”
“What makes ‘his’ pillow adjustable?”
The sledge and the screwdriver, apparently.
Basically, as with an other pillow, you can split the seam, remove some of the stuffing, and VIOLA! You just did all the fucking work.
Viola? Pretty sure you meant wah lah. You’re welcome.
The listing also has two photos of this thing next to a polyresin bear and cub. How exactly is that related to manliness? Do real men hunt pocket-sized bears with a hammer and a screwdriver?
Duh, google “bear culture”. Manly!
Years ago I may or may not have had a couple of mushroom-fueled “hunting trips” with found weaponry, and may or may not have “killed” a variety of sticks and a tire that was making fun of me.
This must be why I’m excluded from all the Wildlife Refuges in New England.
No fair! You should try to get yourself redefined as “wildlife”.
But I hate having to ride in that crate when I travel. And the tranquilizer darts really hurt.
You can’t be hunted if you’re an endangered species, though.
You still doing that BDSM thing, Zip?
I’ve decided to sub it out.
You were all tied up with other things?
It wasn’t one of my Top priorities.
I think you’ve bottomed out with these jokes.
Well, that’s a low blow.
The listing says basically that “before the pillow leaves my ‘factory’, I fill it with stuffing”. Doesn’t that define a “pillow”? If you don’t fill it, it’s not a pillow. Why is it stated like you’re getting some sort of bonus?
“Before our automobiles leave the factory we equip them with a motor AND wheels! That is our pledge to you.”
-every car maker (except Yugo until after 1987)
“Quality is job…4, or is it 7? We don’t know, but we’re pretty sure it’s on the list.”
That reminds me of advert I saw for a Brooks & Bently floor lamp.
It had a great big starburst shape with “It lights up!” next to it.
Like i’m supposed to be impressed by a lamp that can light up, when that is it’s sole purpose.
wish that every gender-neutral thing marketed with a specific gender designation could be accompanied by your commentary. Not just on the internet. In physical stores too.
The Bics For Her can’t drive for shit! Unsure about vagina or lack thereof, though.
If a woman uses it, will she wake up with a penis?
Don’t know, but I’m pretty sure she’ll wake up with a crick in her neck.
and velour face.
If I Had a Hammer
And a little pillow
I’d stuff that sucker
Just as hard as I can
Got a picture of the pillow!
With a screwdriver by Stanley!
I’m singin’ ’bout the love between the FatJellusLoosers
All over this land
C’mon second verse, this time just the jokers who would stuff catnip into the pillow!
If I had Smell,
It’d be big in the morning
But not as big as in the evening
I’d change its size at will.
It’d smell like Steampunk
It’d smell like Level 4 Cat
It’d smell like love between the FatJellusLosers
All over Finlaaaaaaand
Well I have a hammer
and I have a smell
and I have a shop to sell
a crapload of junk
It’s the hammer of Man pillows
It’s the smell of Krapper Kozies
It’s the shop to sell the delusional “art”
A-a-a-allll over this si-i-i-ite
(mmmm mmm mmm mmm)
My tiny woman brain that can not drive and likes pink things and nail polish is very confused by the poundy thingie and the pointy like tool. Good thing this is for men not me.
That’s ok Elysapeth. We are pretty, we don’t have to think.
This can’t be “for him”. It comes with an elaborate manual in the description. Everyone knows that MEN® don’t RTFM, ever!
“If it was a woman’s, it would have a vagina and it couldn’t drive.” Crochet Guavara has GOT to be Daniel Tosh. C’mon, fess up!
By the way, doesn’t this remind anyone of “Misery”?
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