COCK A DOODLE DON’T
I have to say this is Crochet’s most wtf item so far.
Oh god please let someone else write the first comment i’m too sleepy to come with thumbsup stuff right now.
I was going to make some comment about doing a Compare And Save! with chicken feet from the butcher counter at the asian grocery store, but then I was worried it would be taken as racist. So I didnt.
Except I just kinda did…crap…..
Baba Yaga’s gonna be pissed…
I resemble that remark!
But how do you SIT?
If you plan to sit, you should go for the choker instead.
Chicken Choker. heh-heh
Zippy for the win
Before I clicked the link, I thought the “belt to neck choker” description was referring to the belt being physically connected to the choker. So on the upside, this isn’t as bad?
(Just kidding, everybody loses)
You’d get a pretty intense “goose” (or “chicken”, I guess)- I imagine it would hurt. But on the positive side, you’d be able to complain about the “Agony of DaFeet”.
It also helps to hunt around a bit, and really make sure the size is right before you peck one.
I can just imagine this getting caught on a skirt or something and you walk around flashing your ass with a rooster’s foot helping you air out the goods.
so much worse than getting your skirt stuck in your panty hose.
“Excuse me, miss, you have… uh, nevermind.”
But you can almost guarantee that no one will sit next to you on the train.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT CHICKEN FEET SCRATCHING AT YOUR ASS ALL DAY???
WHY WOULDN’T YOU???
They ‘was’ real feet? So what are they now, aside from hideous – clever impostors?
I can’t stop hearing it like some rednecky old toothless lady is whispering it to me. “You see them there feets? Them was real feets.”
That is exactly the same place my mind went.
i must admit, i have a soft spot for that sort of bad grammar in regretsy. i just ‘awww’ and pat them on the head.
Being a zombie voodoo priestess doesn’t have to mean lacking style! Low-slung on the hips, with an understated buckle clasp and neutral colors that go with casual wear as well as your blood-stained ceremonial garb. This belt has it all. You go, voodoo girl!
“Now go do that voodoo that you do so well”
- Hedley “That’s Headley” Lamarr.
One of my favorite movies. Everything’s so wrong about it, yet so hilarious.
You’ve got to give it to Crochet, though, there’s nothing going to waste on those birds…
In this seller’s vernacular, it might be “voodid girl”.
Vodun it now!
Oh no voo di’en!
Either my chickens are really small or those chickens were mutants! Those look like clown shoe size chicken feet to me!!
Funny story there. The seller IS in Europe. Just downwind of Chernobyl, and it only takes one of “those” chickens to make each belt. By funny I meant horrifying.
Thanks for the new nightmare material Zippy! Luv ya, mean it!!!
The deserted Chernobyl area is a natural wolf refuge now. Now you know how those belts are produced.
(Sorry.) (But the first part is true)
Because there is almost no animal we’d rather have acquiring mutant superpowers than wolves.
Except maybe fat unicorns (rhinos).
Anyone else ever seen ‘Night of Lepus?’ Apparently, the seller shouldn’t a fed that white stuff oozing outta the ground to her chickens.
OMG, love that movie!!!
late to the gate, but:
Not many can say funny story and chernobyl in the same sentence… you do have a gift, Zip.
So, do they glow in the dark?
That would go great with my apron at work. Especially when chicken is one of the lunch specials.
…I don’t think you can really upcycle dead things. And the belt doesn’t look vintage. I’m CALLING OUT the Etsy-ian for false meta-tagging.
yeah, seriously. i’m pretty sure those were more functional (not to mention less visually off-putting) when they were attached to a chicken.
Please don’t call out in the comments.
This is why the chicken crossed the road.
To get to the other….hide!
“please do not get your chicken feet wet”
well, fuck. There went my grand plans.
*off to find waterproof chicken feet belt*
sooo….this won’t go well with the swim-team uniforms?
why am I getting visuals of Michael Phelps in his speedo with a chicken belt on?
Because everybody loves to imagine Michael Phelps in his speedo. The chicken belt? You’re on your own.
The whole shop is dead birds and dead small animals. Are they highway maintenance workers making a buck on the inedible parts of the roadkill?
Looking at their shop, this person has access to way too many dead chickens. My favourite though is this offering from their vintage store; http://www.etsy.com/listing/112962757/vintage-something2-pieces the classic “Vintage Something”
“Vintage Something” made me choke with laughter. Although they don’t even attempt to say what it consists of, and whether you may or may not get it wet or give it to your pets, so I can’t be sure whether choking on it is legit. I may have to get the chicken choker instead – oops, whole new perspective.
damnit, I see 2 pieces, and not a 2 piece and a biscuit. BAD, just bad…
How about the http://www.etsy.com/listing/95423283/rare-badge-commemorating-the-victims-of Buchenwald Victim Commemoration Pin?:
Soviet “Buchenwald Concentration Camp” Genocide Pin – Badge. Pin Badge Buchenwald German Nazi Concentration Camp – original !!!
that shop even has a Pedo-Bear lookalike pin.
Keep it vague, but upbeat, Etsy Genocide Trinket dealers.
Oh but the barnwood photos make me almost forget that they’re trying to sell me some random piece of junk with no apparent function, value, or aesthetic appeal.
This is an outrage. Do you know how much prosthetic chicken limbs cost? Not to mention the hours of physical therapy involved. I don’t care how stunningly gorgeous this belt is, no high fashion is worth all those tiny chicken walkers.
Accessories and Dead Things but not Garbage. Odd, don’t you think?
Have an itchy ass but you can’t scratch properly because you are out in public? For $88 you will never have this problem again! Can also be used as a backscratcher – multipurpose!!
This item is chicken blood for the voodoo soul.
as opposed to “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul”?
I guess they can’t be opposed when they are the same thing.
Which came first, the chicken foot belt or the fried egg bikini?
That was actually hilarious. I don’t know why it didn’t get more thumbs up.
I really want someone to ‘shop it…
Paging Wanda Jackson: Your Party has begun in the middle of the room.
So cute! I want to see a matching one for babies made with the sparrow feet from a few months ago!
“Toddlers in Talons”!
“Honey Mustard Boo-boo”
my new chicken feet belt is gonna go great with my skin dress! i have to keep THAT away from pets and rain too!
Just keep them in your walk-in closet/meat locker, Lady Gaga.
An attractive belt that multi purposes as a button scratcher. That’s going on my Christmas list.
(Up on the rooftop chicken claws…
Down comes good old Rooster Claus)
more like a butt and snatch scratcher, but I see what you did there.
I keep thinking of the family guy episode…
“Butt scratcher! Butt scratcha!”
Well played, Sonyabegonya. Well played indeed.
Nothing says, “My apartment has beaded curtains and smells like voodoo herbs and blood” quite like a chicken feet belt.
“Howdy, my apartment’s next to the KFC.”
“If you like this, you should see my beakini!”
OK, that’s profoundly disturbing visual and tactile concept.
I wear the beakini under my henley shirt.
I wear it under my double-breasted jacket and thigh-high boots.
Pointy nips, no?
I wear it with my wingtip shoes.
Tim Gunn said to use the accessories compost heap thoughtfully!
Make sure your boa is real mink! I mean, if you want to make a statement with dead animals, why stop with a belt?
You have to be pretty cocky to wear a belt like that.
That was hen-ious.
Don’t brood over it.
My thought eggsactly.
You punsters and your poultry little jokes.
Before you scorn, cloaca mile in my chicken feet.
This is all the feather I’m going with yolks tonight.
You plucky folks with all your eggspressions.
This thread is becoming fowl.
a.k.a. “Anti-Frottage Girdle.”
“Thanks for coming in, Lemon. So, please tell me, why do you want to work for First Assurance Lim..i..ted…ah…what is that you’re wearing around your waist?”
“Oh, this? This is my upcycled vintage belt. It has ten chicken feet decors. Those chicken feet was real feet! I can’t get it wet, so could you please move your coffee mug away from me? that’s a love. Yes, and the goldfish in that bowl best stay back as well.”
“Well, isn’t this, um, interesting? The position has been filled unexpectedly within the last thirty seconds. HR contacted me telepathically. May I arrange for an escort to show you your way out?”
I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for Etsy, the unemployment rate would be below 5%. Does Obama know about this???
Invented conversations are fun, aren’t they?
Invented conversations represent 40% of my daily discourse.
“Who are you talking to, dear?”
“Oh, um, just the cat I’m thinking of getting.”
“Are you saying you’re going to make the cat real before you make me real???”
“Baby steps, dear. Baby steps.”
Silly Zip, everyone knows cats don’t converse… they silently judge.
What’s the other 70%?
It would be 60% lettuce, and that would be “hi, can I help you?”, and all the other general discussion that takes place at a McDonald’s drive-through.
Hey Matt, I give 110%! My imaginary cats and girlfriends and real borderline diabetic clientele demand no less!
Always the professional.
That’s right, nobody gives *just* 100% any more! It’s our great work ethic. Or inflation. Your choice.
If all of us would just fuck off 20-30% more, we could create jobs. Efficiency is the real enemy! Get me the White House!
Yeah, yeah… tomorrow…
Are there any other kind? I’m talking to a triangle with eyebrows above his face.
What’s with the ladder? Did she need her lucky chicken feet for her prison escape? Glad she stopped to pose on her way out.
An Etsy peck of the day, for sure.
Peck, or Pecker?
Peckers CAN be choosers!
you can peck your friends and you can peck your nose, but you can’t peck your friend’s nose.
A person sometimes knows their friend’s pecker after a while.
Check out the shop people!!! Coolest dirty teeth ever! At a price I can afford and I don’t have to wait for someone to die!
This would have been fabulous over Lady Gaga’s meat dress.
Apparently it Latvia, the location of this seller, chicken feet’s belts are traditional. Also in Latvia upcycled vintage means 90′s eurotrash club wear accessories with chicken feet and spray paint.
So THAT’s why Soviet Russia invaded the Baltic States!
What the heck is wrong with people. Why? Why would you wear that?
Those feet could have been an excellent chicken stock. For shame, woman!
The ladder makes me think it’s a tool belt. “Hmm, I’m going to need the size three Orpington for this job.”
and make mine a size 5 Rhode Island Red. That always does the trick to screw any turn..
Oh, silly Etsy.
That’s not how you belt.
also per the store description, make sure you “spunk up your style with lucky feet shop!”
*does the spunky chicken
My lapse in posting lately isn’t because I don’t have a billion pics for every subject; I’m just overwhelmed by the sheer level of fuckery here, and have nothing left to say.
All I can think to say at the moment: What the holy fuck is wrong with people?!! Jegus.
cheerleaders: HOW funky is your chicken? (hands to cup mouth as to be heard amongst the fuckery)
fans: My chicken’s pretty funky!
cheerleaders: How loose is your goose? (repeat cupage)
fans: My goose is pretty loose!
cheerleaders: So come on everybody!…(using Universal sign for “everybody” by thrusting arms in front then open to sides)
fans: So come on everybody. (Mirroring “everybody” gesture.)
cheerleaders: Let’s shake your caboose. (gyrate fanny-feathers)
fans: Let’s shake our caboose. (jump with back to face front, fanny out, bend knees and rapidly rock hips left and right while hands do jazz hands motions to the sides of said fanny.)
It’s like I was there. Who won that game again?
The Fighting Cocks
i hit the down by accident!! sorry!
“Please do not get your chicken feet wet.”
If I had a dollar for every time somebody told me that, I’d be a wealthy man.
My husband totally has bird legs. Worms fear him.
It’s right up there with “super cool sheep fetus” or “pumping the fat bass”.
You DEFINITELY should never get your chicken feet wet while pumping the fat bass.
But won’t electrocution make it pump faster?
But the bass thrash around so much when they aren’t wet. Then they stop and it gets sad.
Sad bass makes me sad. If only there were a way to “pump it”.
Would this help?
Bend over, let me see you shake your tail feath…uh…talons?
“your talons, my friend, are blowing in the wind… your talons are blowing in the wind.”
Can you really up-cycle something that decomposes? Seems like those feet would be in a constant state of slowly down-cycling.
There must be some kind of shellack to combat bone decomp. I’m sure the makers of the ShamWow are working on it as we type.
Maybe the makers of Swanson tv dinners are working on it.
Maybe she uses a food dehydrator.
“What’s that you’re making mom? Beef jerky?”
“No, just have to get more supplies together for the big Etsy holiday push. These talon belts are selling like hotcakes! Looks like we’ll have a good Christmas ourselves!”
the store also sells a pair of probably-formaldehyde-covered bird wing earrings.
i wonder what other dead things she preserves.
I wonder if she made the dentures out of bones/dead things too:
Those are dentures, right? No one would have teeth like that, RIGHT??
holy shite. That is some scary stuff. I like her delivery policy. It goes out 1 day after your check clears, then it takes 12 days…. maybe she’s walking it to you.
oh, europe. whoops. but now that the belt has been sold, i guess we just have to wait to see who shows up in regresty’s photo album.
Looks dangerous. Do chickens have sharp talons?
two thoughts on chicken feet belt
when I was a child
(my parents told me)
I was so unpopular
they hung a dead chicken from my neck
so that at least
the neighbor’s dogs
would play with me.
when your chicken feet get wet
of the smell?
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT GET THE FEET WET!
And don’t feed them after midnight. They change.
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