I was going to make some comment about doing a Compare And Save! with chicken feet from the butcher counter at the asian grocery store, but then I was worried it would be taken as racist. So I didnt.
Before I clicked the link, I thought the “belt to neck choker” description was referring to the belt being physically connected to the choker. So on the upside, this isn’t as bad?
(Just kidding, everybody loses)
You’d get a pretty intense “goose” (or “chicken”, I guess)- I imagine it would hurt. But on the positive side, you’d be able to complain about the “Agony of DaFeet”.
I can just imagine this getting caught on a skirt or something and you walk around flashing your ass with a rooster’s foot helping you air out the goods.
Being a zombie voodoo priestess doesn’t have to mean lacking style! Low-slung on the hips, with an understated buckle clasp and neutral colors that go with casual wear as well as your blood-stained ceremonial garb. This belt has it all. You go, voodoo girl!
Funny story there. The seller IS in Europe. Just downwind of Chernobyl, and it only takes one of “those” chickens to make each belt. By funny I meant horrifying.
“Vintage Something” made me choke with laughter. Although they don’t even attempt to say what it consists of, and whether you may or may not get it wet or give it to your pets, so I can’t be sure whether choking on it is legit. I may have to get the chicken choker instead – oops, whole new perspective.
Oh but the barnwood photos make me almost forget that they’re trying to sell me some random piece of junk with no apparent function, value, or aesthetic appeal.
This is an outrage. Do you know how much prosthetic chicken limbs cost? Not to mention the hours of physical therapy involved. I don’t care how stunningly gorgeous this belt is, no high fashion is worth all those tiny chicken walkers.
Have an itchy ass but you can’t scratch properly because you are out in public? For $88 you will never have this problem again! Can also be used as a backscratcher – multipurpose!!
An attractive belt that multi purposes as a button scratcher. That’s going on my Christmas list.
(Up on the rooftop chicken claws…
Down comes good old Rooster Claus)
“Thanks for coming in, Lemon. So, please tell me, why do you want to work for First Assurance Lim..i..ted…ah…what is that you’re wearing around your waist?”
“Oh, this? This is my upcycled vintage belt. It has ten chicken feet decors. Those chicken feet was real feet! I can’t get it wet, so could you please move your coffee mug away from me? that’s a love. Yes, and the goldfish in that bowl best stay back as well.”
“Well, isn’t this, um, interesting? The position has been filled unexpectedly within the last thirty seconds. HR contacted me telepathically. May I arrange for an escort to show you your way out?”
Invented conversations represent 40% of my daily discourse.
“Who are you talking to, dear?”
“Oh, um, just the cat I’m thinking of getting.”
“Are you saying you’re going to make the cat real before you make me real???”
“Baby steps, dear. Baby steps.”
Apparently it Latvia, the location of this seller, chicken feet’s belts are traditional. Also in Latvia upcycled vintage means 90′s eurotrash club wear accessories with chicken feet and spray paint.
My lapse in posting lately isn’t because I don’t have a billion pics for every subject; I’m just overwhelmed by the sheer level of fuckery here, and have nothing left to say.
All I can think to say at the moment: What the holy fuck is wrong with people?!! Jegus.
cheerleaders: HOW funky is your chicken? (hands to cup mouth as to be heard amongst the fuckery)
fans: My chicken’s pretty funky!
cheerleaders: How loose is your goose? (repeat cupage)
fans: My goose is pretty loose!
cheerleaders: So come on everybody!…(using Universal sign for “everybody” by thrusting arms in front then open to sides)
fans: So come on everybody. (Mirroring “everybody” gesture.)
cheerleaders: Let’s shake your caboose. (gyrate fanny-feathers)
fans: Let’s shake our caboose. (jump with back to face front, fanny out, bend knees and rapidly rock hips left and right while hands do jazz hands motions to the sides of said fanny.)
Maybe she uses a food dehydrator.
“What’s that you’re making mom? Beef jerky?”
“No, just have to get more supplies together for the big Etsy holiday push. These talon belts are selling like hotcakes! Looks like we’ll have a good Christmas ourselves!”
holy shite. That is some scary stuff. I like her delivery policy. It goes out 1 day after your check clears, then it takes 12 days…. maybe she’s walking it to you.
1
when I was a child
(my parents told me)
I was so unpopular
they hung a dead chicken from my neck
so that at least
the neighbor’s dogs
would play with me.
2
when your chicken feet get wet
will it
affect
the size
of the smell?
November 7, 2012 at 4:03 pm
I have to say this is Crochet’s most wtf item so far.
Oh god please let someone else write the first comment i’m too sleepy to come with thumbsup stuff right now.
November 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm
I was going to make some comment about doing a Compare And Save! with chicken feet from the butcher counter at the asian grocery store, but then I was worried it would be taken as racist. So I didnt.
Except I just kinda did…crap…..
November 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Baba Yaga’s gonna be pissed…
November 8, 2012 at 8:35 am
I resemble that remark!
November 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm
But how do you SIT?
November 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm
If you plan to sit, you should go for the choker instead.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/110091211/upcycled-belt-to-neck-choker-with
November 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Chicken Choker. heh-heh
November 7, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Zippy for the win
November 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Before I clicked the link, I thought the “belt to neck choker” description was referring to the belt being physically connected to the choker. So on the upside, this isn’t as bad?
(Just kidding, everybody loses)
November 8, 2012 at 8:49 am
You’d get a pretty intense “goose” (or “chicken”, I guess)- I imagine it would hurt. But on the positive side, you’d be able to complain about the “Agony of DaFeet”.
November 8, 2012 at 9:34 am
This is why you have to carefully read the terms of use before you sign anything. There’s a non-liability claws.
November 8, 2012 at 9:38 am
It also helps to hunt around a bit, and really make sure the size is right before you peck one.
November 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm
I can just imagine this getting caught on a skirt or something and you walk around flashing your ass with a rooster’s foot helping you air out the goods.
November 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm
so much worse than getting your skirt stuck in your panty hose.
November 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm
“Excuse me, miss, you have… uh, nevermind.”
November 8, 2012 at 9:53 am
But you can almost guarantee that no one will sit next to you on the train.
November 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm
WHY WOULD YOU WANT CHICKEN FEET SCRATCHING AT YOUR ASS ALL DAY???
November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm
WHY WOULDN’T YOU???
November 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm
They ‘was’ real feet? So what are they now, aside from hideous – clever impostors?
November 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm
I can’t stop hearing it like some rednecky old toothless lady is whispering it to me. “You see them there feets? Them was real feets.”
November 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm
That is exactly the same place my mind went.
November 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm
i must admit, i have a soft spot for that sort of bad grammar in regretsy. i just ‘awww’ and pat them on the head.
November 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Being a zombie voodoo priestess doesn’t have to mean lacking style! Low-slung on the hips, with an understated buckle clasp and neutral colors that go with casual wear as well as your blood-stained ceremonial garb. This belt has it all. You go, voodoo girl!
November 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm
“Now go do that voodoo that you do so well”
- Hedley “That’s Headley” Lamarr.
November 8, 2012 at 9:10 am
One of my favorite movies. Everything’s so wrong about it, yet so hilarious.
You’ve got to give it to Crochet, though, there’s nothing going to waste on those birds…
November 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm
In this seller’s vernacular, it might be “voodid girl”.
November 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Vodun it now!
November 7, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Voo don’t.
November 7, 2012 at 11:38 pm
Oh no voo di’en!
November 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm
Either my chickens are really small or those chickens were mutants! Those look like clown shoe size chicken feet to me!!
November 7, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Funny story there. The seller IS in Europe. Just downwind of Chernobyl, and it only takes one of “those” chickens to make each belt. By funny I meant horrifying.
November 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Thanks for the new nightmare material Zippy! Luv ya, mean it!!!
November 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm
The deserted Chernobyl area is a natural wolf refuge now. Now you know how those belts are produced.
(Sorry.) (But the first part is true)
November 8, 2012 at 9:03 am
Because there is almost no animal we’d rather have acquiring mutant superpowers than wolves.
November 8, 2012 at 9:41 am
Except maybe fat unicorns (rhinos).
November 8, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Anyone else ever seen ‘Night of Lepus?’ Apparently, the seller shouldn’t a fed that white stuff oozing outta the ground to her chickens.
November 8, 2012 at 7:44 pm
OMG, love that movie!!!
November 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm
late to the gate, but:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xlsvpo_night-of-the-lepus_shortfilms
November 8, 2012 at 9:42 am
Not many can say funny story and chernobyl in the same sentence… you do have a gift, Zip.
November 8, 2012 at 12:33 pm
So, do they glow in the dark?
November 7, 2012 at 4:22 pm
That would go great with my apron at work. Especially when chicken is one of the lunch specials.
November 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm
…I don’t think you can really upcycle dead things. And the belt doesn’t look vintage. I’m CALLING OUT the Etsy-ian for false meta-tagging.
November 8, 2012 at 9:41 am
yeah, seriously. i’m pretty sure those were more functional (not to mention less visually off-putting) when they were attached to a chicken.
November 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Please don’t call out in the comments.
November 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm
This is why the chicken crossed the road.
November 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm
To get to the other….hide!
November 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm
“please do not get your chicken feet wet”
well, fuck. There went my grand plans.
*off to find waterproof chicken feet belt*
November 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm
sooo….this won’t go well with the swim-team uniforms?
November 8, 2012 at 5:53 am
why am I getting visuals of Michael Phelps in his speedo with a chicken belt on?
November 11, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Because everybody loves to imagine Michael Phelps in his speedo. The chicken belt? You’re on your own.
November 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm
The whole shop is dead birds and dead small animals. Are they highway maintenance workers making a buck on the inedible parts of the roadkill?
November 7, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Looking at their shop, this person has access to way too many dead chickens. My favourite though is this offering from their vintage store; http://www.etsy.com/listing/112962757/vintage-something2-pieces the classic “Vintage Something”
November 8, 2012 at 12:19 am
“Vintage Something” made me choke with laughter. Although they don’t even attempt to say what it consists of, and whether you may or may not get it wet or give it to your pets, so I can’t be sure whether choking on it is legit. I may have to get the chicken choker instead – oops, whole new perspective.
November 8, 2012 at 5:55 am
damnit, I see 2 pieces, and not a 2 piece and a biscuit. BAD, just bad…
November 8, 2012 at 6:22 am
How about the http://www.etsy.com/listing/95423283/rare-badge-commemorating-the-victims-of Buchenwald Victim Commemoration Pin?:
November 8, 2012 at 6:47 am
that shop even has a Pedo-Bear lookalike pin.
November 8, 2012 at 9:06 am
Keep it vague, but upbeat, Etsy Genocide Trinket dealers.
November 8, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Oh but the barnwood photos make me almost forget that they’re trying to sell me some random piece of junk with no apparent function, value, or aesthetic appeal.
November 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm
This is an outrage. Do you know how much prosthetic chicken limbs cost? Not to mention the hours of physical therapy involved. I don’t care how stunningly gorgeous this belt is, no high fashion is worth all those tiny chicken walkers.
November 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Accessories and Dead Things but not Garbage. Odd, don’t you think?
November 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Have an itchy ass but you can’t scratch properly because you are out in public? For $88 you will never have this problem again! Can also be used as a backscratcher – multipurpose!!
November 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm
This item is chicken blood for the voodoo soul.
November 8, 2012 at 8:44 am
as opposed to “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul”?
I guess they can’t be opposed when they are the same thing.
November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Which came first, the chicken foot belt or the fried egg bikini?
November 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm
That was actually hilarious. I don’t know why it didn’t get more thumbs up.
November 7, 2012 at 10:12 pm
I really want someone to ‘shop it…
November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Paging Wanda Jackson: Your Party has begun in the middle of the room.
November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm
So cute! I want to see a matching one for babies made with the sparrow feet from a few months ago!
November 7, 2012 at 5:15 pm
“Toddlers in Talons”!
November 7, 2012 at 5:19 pm
“Honey Mustard Boo-boo”
November 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm
my new chicken feet belt is gonna go great with my skin dress! i have to keep THAT away from pets and rain too!
November 8, 2012 at 9:08 am
Just keep them in your walk-in closet/meat locker, Lady Gaga.
November 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm
An attractive belt that multi purposes as a button scratcher. That’s going on my Christmas list.
(Up on the rooftop chicken claws…
Down comes good old Rooster Claus)
November 8, 2012 at 5:56 am
more like a butt and snatch scratcher, but I see what you did there.
November 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm
I keep thinking of the family guy episode…
“Butt scratcher! Butt scratcha!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRwev8bg5mg
November 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Guess What?!?!?
November 7, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Well played, Sonyabegonya. Well played indeed.
November 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Nothing says, “My apartment has beaded curtains and smells like voodoo herbs and blood” quite like a chicken feet belt.
November 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm
“Howdy, my apartment’s next to the KFC.”
November 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm
“If you like this, you should see my beakini!”
OK, that’s profoundly disturbing visual and tactile concept.
November 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm
I wear the beakini under my henley shirt.
November 8, 2012 at 12:43 am
I wear it under my double-breasted jacket and thigh-high boots.
November 8, 2012 at 6:52 am
Pointy nips, no?
November 8, 2012 at 7:48 am
I wear it with my wingtip shoes.
November 7, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Tim Gunn said to use the accessories compost heap thoughtfully!
November 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Make sure your boa is real mink! I mean, if you want to make a statement with dead animals, why stop with a belt?
November 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm
You have to be pretty cocky to wear a belt like that.
November 7, 2012 at 6:36 pm
That was hen-ious.
November 7, 2012 at 7:10 pm
Don’t brood over it.
November 7, 2012 at 7:35 pm
My thought eggsactly.
November 7, 2012 at 8:56 pm
You punsters and your poultry little jokes.
November 7, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Before you scorn, cloaca mile in my chicken feet.
November 7, 2012 at 10:12 pm
This is all the feather I’m going with yolks tonight.
November 8, 2012 at 5:59 am
You plucky folks with all your eggspressions.
November 8, 2012 at 8:52 am
This thread is becoming fowl.
November 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm
a.k.a. “Anti-Frottage Girdle.”
November 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm
“Thanks for coming in, Lemon. So, please tell me, why do you want to work for First Assurance Lim..i..ted…ah…what is that you’re wearing around your waist?”
“Oh, this? This is my upcycled vintage belt. It has ten chicken feet decors. Those chicken feet was real feet! I can’t get it wet, so could you please move your coffee mug away from me? that’s a love. Yes, and the goldfish in that bowl best stay back as well.”
“Well, isn’t this, um, interesting? The position has been filled unexpectedly within the last thirty seconds. HR contacted me telepathically. May I arrange for an escort to show you your way out?”
November 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm
I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for Etsy, the unemployment rate would be below 5%. Does Obama know about this???
November 8, 2012 at 9:07 am
Invented conversations are fun, aren’t they?
November 8, 2012 at 9:17 am
Invented conversations represent 40% of my daily discourse.
“Who are you talking to, dear?”
“Oh, um, just the cat I’m thinking of getting.”
“Are you saying you’re going to make the cat real before you make me real???”
“Baby steps, dear. Baby steps.”
November 8, 2012 at 9:56 am
Silly Zip, everyone knows cats don’t converse… they silently judge.
November 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm
What’s the other 70%?
November 8, 2012 at 1:20 pm
It would be 60% lettuce, and that would be “hi, can I help you?”, and all the other general discussion that takes place at a McDonald’s drive-through.
November 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Hey Matt, I give 110%! My imaginary cats and girlfriends and real borderline diabetic clientele demand no less!
November 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Always the professional.
November 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm
That’s right, nobody gives *just* 100% any more! It’s our great work ethic. Or inflation. Your choice.
November 8, 2012 at 2:20 pm
If all of us would just fuck off 20-30% more, we could create jobs. Efficiency is the real enemy! Get me the White House!
November 8, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Yeah, yeah… tomorrow…
November 8, 2012 at 9:51 am
Are there any other kind? I’m talking to a triangle with eyebrows above his face.
November 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm
What’s with the ladder? Did she need her lucky chicken feet for her prison escape? Glad she stopped to pose on her way out.
November 7, 2012 at 7:20 pm
An Etsy peck of the day, for sure.
November 8, 2012 at 6:00 am
Peck, or Pecker?
November 8, 2012 at 9:18 am
Peckers CAN be choosers!
November 8, 2012 at 9:21 am
you can peck your friends and you can peck your nose, but you can’t peck your friend’s nose.
November 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm
A person sometimes knows their friend’s pecker after a while.
November 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm
Check out the shop people!!! Coolest dirty teeth ever! At a price I can afford and I don’t have to wait for someone to die!
November 7, 2012 at 7:37 pm
This would have been fabulous over Lady Gaga’s meat dress.
November 7, 2012 at 7:43 pm
Apparently it Latvia, the location of this seller, chicken feet’s belts are traditional. Also in Latvia upcycled vintage means 90′s eurotrash club wear accessories with chicken feet and spray paint.
November 7, 2012 at 8:31 pm
So THAT’s why Soviet Russia invaded the Baltic States!
November 7, 2012 at 8:24 pm
What the heck is wrong with people. Why? Why would you wear that?
November 7, 2012 at 10:17 pm
Those feet could have been an excellent chicken stock. For shame, woman!
November 7, 2012 at 10:42 pm
The ladder makes me think it’s a tool belt. “Hmm, I’m going to need the size three Orpington for this job.”
November 8, 2012 at 6:04 am
and make mine a size 5 Rhode Island Red. That always does the trick to screw any turn..
November 8, 2012 at 12:05 am
Oh, silly Etsy.
That’s not how you belt.
November 8, 2012 at 4:46 am
also per the store description, make sure you “spunk up your style with lucky feet shop!”
*does the spunky chicken
November 8, 2012 at 5:27 am
My lapse in posting lately isn’t because I don’t have a billion pics for every subject; I’m just overwhelmed by the sheer level of fuckery here, and have nothing left to say.
All I can think to say at the moment: What the holy fuck is wrong with people?!! Jegus.
November 8, 2012 at 6:23 am
cheerleaders: HOW funky is your chicken? (hands to cup mouth as to be heard amongst the fuckery)
fans: My chicken’s pretty funky!
cheerleaders: How loose is your goose? (repeat cupage)
fans: My goose is pretty loose!
cheerleaders: So come on everybody!…(using Universal sign for “everybody” by thrusting arms in front then open to sides)
fans: So come on everybody. (Mirroring “everybody” gesture.)
cheerleaders: Let’s shake your caboose. (gyrate fanny-feathers)
fans: Let’s shake our caboose. (jump with back to face front, fanny out, bend knees and rapidly rock hips left and right while hands do jazz hands motions to the sides of said fanny.)
November 8, 2012 at 9:20 am
It’s like I was there. Who won that game again?
November 8, 2012 at 9:22 am
The Fighting Cocks
November 8, 2012 at 9:33 am
i hit the down by accident!! sorry!
November 8, 2012 at 9:08 am
“Please do not get your chicken feet wet.”
If I had a dollar for every time somebody told me that, I’d be a wealthy man.
November 8, 2012 at 9:10 am
My husband totally has bird legs. Worms fear him.
November 8, 2012 at 9:15 am
It’s right up there with “super cool sheep fetus” or “pumping the fat bass”.
November 8, 2012 at 9:34 am
You DEFINITELY should never get your chicken feet wet while pumping the fat bass.
November 8, 2012 at 9:39 am
But won’t electrocution make it pump faster?
November 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm
But the bass thrash around so much when they aren’t wet. Then they stop and it gets sad.
November 8, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Sad bass makes me sad. If only there were a way to “pump it”.
November 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Would this help?
November 8, 2012 at 9:09 am
Bend over, let me see you shake your tail feath…uh…talons?
November 8, 2012 at 9:14 am
“your talons, my friend, are blowing in the wind… your talons are blowing in the wind.”
November 8, 2012 at 9:35 am
Can you really up-cycle something that decomposes? Seems like those feet would be in a constant state of slowly down-cycling.
November 8, 2012 at 9:38 am
There must be some kind of shellack to combat bone decomp. I’m sure the makers of the ShamWow are working on it as we type.
November 8, 2012 at 9:48 am
Maybe the makers of Swanson tv dinners are working on it.
November 8, 2012 at 9:54 am
Maybe she uses a food dehydrator.
“What’s that you’re making mom? Beef jerky?”
“No, just have to get more supplies together for the big Etsy holiday push. These talon belts are selling like hotcakes! Looks like we’ll have a good Christmas ourselves!”
November 8, 2012 at 9:49 am
the store also sells a pair of probably-formaldehyde-covered bird wing earrings.
i wonder what other dead things she preserves.
November 8, 2012 at 11:24 am
I wonder if she made the dentures out of bones/dead things too:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/110838317/decor-talisman-natural-chicken-foot
Those are dentures, right? No one would have teeth like that, RIGHT??
November 8, 2012 at 1:51 pm
holy shite. That is some scary stuff. I like her delivery policy. It goes out 1 day after your check clears, then it takes 12 days…. maybe she’s walking it to you.
November 8, 2012 at 2:01 pm
oh, europe. whoops. but now that the belt has been sold, i guess we just have to wait to see who shows up in regresty’s photo album.
November 8, 2012 at 11:46 am
Looks dangerous. Do chickens have sharp talons?
November 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm
two thoughts on chicken feet belt
1
when I was a child
(my parents told me)
I was so unpopular
they hung a dead chicken from my neck
so that at least
the neighbor’s dogs
would play with me.
2
when your chicken feet get wet
will it
affect
the size
of the smell?
November 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT GET THE FEET WET!
November 8, 2012 at 5:59 pm
And don’t feed them after midnight. They change.