I’ll have a dry bajingo
Well, it’s a writer’s dream come true; a typewriter that turns any word into a cocktail.
Yes, this invention comes to you from the strange and wonderful mind of morskoiboy, who I can only hope is working on a laptop that turns your hate mail into pretzels.
When life give you words, make vodka stingers.
Do not miss the video of the machine in action:
November 3, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Can I mix up some Emoticons, too?
November 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm
I type “;/” thinking it would add Rye (wry) but it interpreted that a different way and added ground glass. So use emoticons carefully!
November 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Good to know.
November 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm
When I needed a Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious just to get out of bed every morning, I knew it was time for me to admit that I might have a problem.
November 3, 2012 at 1:55 pm
If you can type that first thing in the morning you aren’t doing so bad.
November 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm
I always just order up a “fuckit” in the morning.
November 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Don’t order that “up”.
November 3, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Why? You need foreplay?
I look at it and bark, “Up!” If it plays well with others, than …. i do too.
Oh, Fuck it UP… yea, don’t do that.
November 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Buy this! I typed in “crabs” and it made a Sex On The Beach.
November 3, 2012 at 2:06 pm
It’s multilingual! I typed in “vomitar” and it made a Tequila Sunrise.
November 3, 2012 at 2:05 pm
Like the piano cocktail in L’Écume des jours, by Boris Vian… 1947…
November 3, 2012 at 8:56 pm
I thumbed that up assuming it made sense. *trusting*
November 3, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Really? I totally understood what it meant.
Totally and completely. Yup. *convincing*
November 5, 2012 at 2:52 am
Only the French can understand…
November 5, 2012 at 11:00 am
And pathetic French Lit majors who CAN’T GET TEACHING JOBS.
November 3, 2012 at 2:05 pm
If I typed “Romney”, would it spit out a Roy Rogers or just explode?
November 3, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Flat soda water?
November 3, 2012 at 3:57 pm
It autocorrects to “Romnesia” and then can’t remember how to make anything.
November 4, 2012 at 8:14 am
No it would just make a super expensive drink that tastes like crap.
November 4, 2012 at 8:03 pm
It completely ignores 47% of the drink, refuses to add caffeine, and switches what it’s dispensing in midstream.
November 3, 2012 at 2:10 pm
If you order up a “baby”, never get it shaken. Always stirred.
November 3, 2012 at 2:11 pm
If a woman types in “baby” she gets a Slippery Nipple.
November 3, 2012 at 2:16 pm
Or an Irish Abortion. (Or is it Car Bomb?) Holy Cow, I’m giving myself thumbs down!
November 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Every month my girlfriend with a very common name types “.” and gets that tomato juice and vodka drink, breathes a heavy sigh of relief and enjoys it immensely.
November 3, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Wow. going for the universal thumbs down so early in the thread. Have you ‘lernt’ nuthin’?
November 3, 2012 at 2:19 pm
I said “never” get it shaken. Never.
If I said “get it shaken”, then I would expect plenty o’ downthumbs.
November 3, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Good luck getting a baby “neat”!
November 3, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I know, but as people seem to jump on the slightest hint of “that ain’t right”…. I was waiting for them to DThumb for the mere mention of shake and baby.
November 3, 2012 at 2:11 pm
oh my god! do i have to follow these video instructions?! The Ikea ones already kick my ass!
November 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm
I typed in Everlasting Gobstopper and it turned the whole machine into a giant blueberry.
November 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm
You’re turning violet, Violet!
November 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I typed in “Lance Armstrong” and it made a Highball. But it tasted like musty spandex with a hint of steroids.
November 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm
The people of New York typed in SOS and it made a Long Island Iced Tea.
November 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm
I made a SANDY and it spit out a watered down Manhattan.
November 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I typed in “Matt Johnson” and I got vinegar and water, for some reason.
November 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm
I typed in my name and it came up with Piss n’ Vinegar.
Funny, that’s what my mom always told me I was made of!
November 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Funny, I thought a douche joke would go over better. Especially when I was calling myself one.
November 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm
I know! You got hosed!!
November 4, 2012 at 3:25 am
hosed with the enema hose! *crickets chirp in the background*
November 4, 2012 at 3:21 am
HA! it sailed over my head. I was wrapped up in the vinegar… and flashing back to being a sullen teen.
November 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm
QUERTY? Don’t you know that hipsters use Dvorak?
November 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Zippy’s Revenge recipe
rating
7.3
3 votes
QR
Scan me to take me with you
What is this?
serve in
Old-Fashioned Glass
alcohol
17%
options
print this drink recipe save this drink recipe comment on this drink recipe
Scale ingredients to servings
2 oz amaretto almond liqueur
2 oz rum
4 oz Kool-Aid® Grape mix
Mix Kool-Aid to taste then add Rum and Amaretto. Shake well to dissolve the sugar into the Kool-Aid. Serve cold.
Read more: Zippy’s Revenge recipe http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink2583.html#ixzz2BCHBPBpm
November 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm
This was before I learned about Rufies. Since then I’ve also learned about boundaries, respect, tasers, sharing my feelings and pepper spray. (not in that order)
November 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm
It sounds HORRIBLE! DON’T DRINK THE KOOL AID, has a new meaning.
I had to look up drink names,(because I don’t drink in bars enough to know what the kids are calling shit these days.) and there was YOU!
November 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Talk about your “gateway” drink for the kids!
November 4, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Rufies are not a nice way to make friends.
November 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm
I could have edited it better. whoops. I get carried away with the crafting… cuttin’ n pastin’ an all.
November 5, 2012 at 12:30 pm
you are down thumbing me because I didn’t edit?
You wanted more of the page?
November 3, 2012 at 2:50 pm
I think the machine is kind of fun to watch with all those colors but I would want to know what they taste like. Do they actually make booze in all those pretty colors?
November 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm
I thought the finished drink would come out more brown… not purple.
November 3, 2012 at 2:55 pm
vowels = vodka, gin, everclear etc. consonants = kool-aid?
November 5, 2012 at 8:06 am
I would order an EUOUAE.
November 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm
or an EIEIO
November 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm
I typed it “how do you clean this thing” and got nothing.
November 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm
I typed in ‘Regretsy’ but only got halfway through the drink before I woke up passed out on my stove with alcohol poisoning and Petja facial hair.
November 3, 2012 at 5:36 pm
“I don’t always drink cocktails, but when I do, I prefer a Regretsy”
–The most interesting fat jealous loser in the world
November 3, 2012 at 9:24 pm
His shop is so good that copyright holders want to imitate HIM. He can close a thread with a single call out. He makes real life eagles cry glitter tears.
November 4, 2012 at 10:26 am
Multipurpose can use him. Dead birds cry for him. The smell is his size. Keep Calm and Carry Him.
November 4, 2012 at 11:07 am
His smile makes the most butthurt sellers crease and desist. A bed of light surrounds him wherever he goes. Everything in his home is vintage, yet perfectly and tastefully matched.
November 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Off Topic: I keep seeing these dildo-shaped felted christmas trees on the front page and I’m a bit surprised they haven’t made it here, yet.
November 3, 2012 at 9:43 pm
Hi. Flaming Asshole here.
1/2 oz grenadine syrup
1/2 oz green creme de menthe
1/2 oz creme de bananes
1/2 oz overproof rum
Layer in this order: grenadine, creme de menthe, banana liqueur, white rum. Ignite rum before serving. Server with a straw.
http://www.thebartend.com/
November 4, 2012 at 3:23 am
great name, for you and the drink. but shouldn’t this drink be called a goatse?
November 4, 2012 at 3:36 pm
I read that as “Flamingo’s Hole” and burst into creepy laughter. I need help.
November 5, 2012 at 9:08 am
There is only one thing I have to say about this mini-thread. Regretsy users are getting level-2 with their names.
November 5, 2012 at 9:16 am
I’m not sure what you mean by level 2, but I’m with you.
November 5, 2012 at 10:48 am
It’s a reference to the level-n cat
Many handles have already been a product of inspiration but now we’re entering a new era… I hope a limit on number of characters is never enforced on this :p
November 4, 2012 at 1:45 am
I’m sorry, I might just be missing something here, but if the liquid gets pushed out of the syringe, mixed with your vodka, and then heads into the glass, and the glass is changing all sorts of acid-induced colours, then why is the liquid that is leaving the spout clear? HOW ARE THE COLOURS CHANGING?!
My head just asploded.
November 4, 2012 at 9:17 am
It looks poisonous…
November 4, 2012 at 2:19 pm
This product would be in great demand in my newsroom.
November 4, 2012 at 3:41 pm
And in the luxury tourism magazine office I used to work in.
November 4, 2012 at 8:00 pm
What happens if you’re dyslexic? You think you tell it to give you an orgasm but it just gives you a quick fuck?
November 5, 2012 at 8:58 am
Question for you:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/104453830/gender-reveal-party-package-election
Is this a thing in US or is it a local etsy custom? Throwing a party to reveal the gender of your fetus?! I can’t start describing how strange and sad I find it.
(“For sale: hipster party invitations, never used.”)
November 5, 2012 at 9:14 am
nope, this is a real thing….
There is a cake or cupcake (of course) that is made with blue or pink cake part then whatever icing… the adoring couples cut into it and the big reveal is made. Then they cry and hug and say, “Dammit, I wanted a ___” or, “OH Yay! I knew it was a __!”
November 5, 2012 at 10:41 am
Ohgod. Also, you also answered to my second question, namely “am I the only one who finds predicting/wishing aloud for a specific gender gross”.
November 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm
I like it when people ask (and we are all guilty of this) “Oh, what is it?” The voice in my head and sometime out loud says, “It’s a mountain goat, I gave birth to a mountain goat.”
November 6, 2012 at 6:14 am
Oh man… I was starting to get excited that someone on Etsy actually *made something*. Something that wasn’t the same crap as what everyone else on Etsy was making, even. I don’t even care that it’s just a new species of fuckery. Then I saw the tag on the post. There is no Santa Claus.