Jesus Christ. Why don’t you just stick a garden hose up your ass and call it a day?
Ok. That’s it. I quit. The internet has defeated me.
NEVERY! The internet will have to kill me and pry my keyboard rom my cold, dead, anus.
Not to be a bummer, but I wonder if the seller is even aware that his “art” can cause death? And a death it would be – Death By Enema. How would you like to be found, overfilled with a tube up your ass?
Not pretty, but pretty James Elroy.
But Ellroy would only do this to a really, really bad guy. And we would all read it with glee.
I like NEVERY better!
I suppose there’s an unfortunate poetry to it.
“Nevery Regretsy!” Sounds like a rallying cry for the too-quick-to-hit-the-post-button.
premature posting… it happens to the best of us, talk to your doctor today about what you can do to combat PP and get your life back on tracky.
Incidentally, this is the second post in a row that overlaps nicely(?) with my SVU watching. I hope the streak builds.
The streak will build for sure for those who use this.
I’m not sure if the prudent face blurring raises or lowers the seller in my estimation. On the one hand, yes, be ashamed; on the other hand, seriously, just own it.
Finn: “Looks like the perp pumped up the volume on this one.”
Munch: “It’s ridiculous, the human body can only process 4 bottles worth. What is this world coming to?”
I read that as “defecated on” at first. Either way, I wouldn’t blame you for giving up.
I only want it if it is used.
I dry heaved.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Umm, wow. What do you say? Oh, nothing.
Awesome, now I know what to do with all my old hot water bottles that have been going to waste in the attic!
And that, boys and girls, is how an Etsy store is born.
Or is it????
All you really need is a glue gun and a dumpster.
and glitter… lots and lots of sparkly glitter.
Nothing says romance like turning your anus into a fecal fountain. You can surround your butthole with roses and candles to create a colon-candlescape.
I hate it when the fun has to stop because the enema bag has to be re-filled mid session. Really kills the mood.
I’m not sure when would be he proper time to bring something like this up on a date. On the one hand, you can’t just be all ‘Nice to meet you, I’ve never been to this Starbuck’s LOOK AT MY MANY ENEMA BAGS THEY’RE A UNITED FAMILY FOR CONVENIENCE!’ On the other hand, if someone has an elaborate enema system stretching from one end of the shower curtain to another, that’s the kind of thing you should know before you enter their house. If you’re not prepared for it, your brain is going to assume you’ve fallen into the clutches of a serial killer and it will force you to react accordingly.
Maybe if that’s your thing you can go to forums where people discuss the etiquette of casually preparing new friends for their new experiences? I’m sure there’s not a one-size-fits-all-situations script.
If that’s their thing, they should be on Fetlife, not Christian Mingle.
I’m pretty sure that the serial killer assumption is probably correct in that case.
. . .and that’s the sound of me ceasing to question my life choices. Because if this isn’t one of them, that means I’m doing it right.
For some, their life choices are full of crap. They may need the 5 bag Super Clean spectacular. Kind of like the car wash. Do you go for the basic or get all the bells and whistles? Years of backed up Cheetos and Crunch Berries festering in their bodies.
I just want to know what kind of “scene” a 5 bag enema makes.
I hope the people at Etsy are proud.
I can imagine the hipsters gathering around their yarn-bombed computer screens wondering if this shop acts as a good representation of the true Etsy vision.
Yep, folks, this is what it has come to.
Pack your satchels and start hoofing it to the next college job fair.
but…those look just like my hot water bottles…
If we can put a man on the moon, why can’t we create a cascading enema-bag device so the kink-flow can continue uninterrupted?
Looks like some clever soul has figured out a solution to that suspiciously specific problem. I’d have thought the human ass has a finite capacity for retaining externally-introduced liquids.
I’m pretty sure you’re right… and it’s less than five enema bags.
Sweet jeezus… what happens when you’ve topped off the tank? Or do I not want to know?
I truy admire your way with words, Wednesday! I’d have said that “I thought an ass can only hold so much shit” – but you put it so much better! Hats off to you!
truly* – plz always keep in mind I am not a native speaker
Enema bags on Etsy are the Moms on Facebook.
How very craftsy! The lovely subtle gradations of pink in the repurposed upcycled enema bags photographed with that vintage-y yellow patina. All it needs is a great big plank of barn wood … and a front page feature in a nice pink treasury (anyone want to treasure this?)
Ah wait – just saw the Welsh Witch Threshold wand of change right below. Why include barn wood? Wands are better.
Denim skirts might be better, but then perhaps they might stain. Unless … we use that wand as a buttplug. So many new perspectives.
Why not include a great big plank of barn wood?
Because you want to make that a separate listing for a paddle, so the kinky fun never has to end! I mean, c’mon, who wants to interrupt their scene to go out to the fence and pry off a board? Have that splintery paddle delivered *right to your door*.
Hell, the seller ought to start offering potatos, lightbulbs and transformers toys too.
Let’s keep the kink going!
They have at least a paddle…
But it’s not barnwood! I want baaarnwoooood.
This is sort of like a Jiffy Lube for your ass.
As a trained professional, I can’t really recommend anything that looks like it was discarded from the Star Trek prop department for anal insertion. And yes, that includes William Shatner’s prosthetic penis.
Ahh,NOW your mind is wandering. My work here is done.
You wouldn’t catch me running around the galaxy sticking my natural penis into every manner of alien nookie. You never know when you’ll come across teeth or thorns or scales or acidic secretions or whatever!
I have to ask. Trained professional at automobile lubrication and oil changes (ala jiffy Lube) or are we takin’ something else entirely?
You’re a nurse, aren’t you? Please be a nurse.
Ahhhhhh! My eyes! What the h e double L is she wearing?
Is that a LATEX glove????
Those are the worst kind! I am horrified and disgusted that she would wear a latex glove.
The lab I worked at had a guest from Europe for a few months. One day he comes into my office scratching his hands and complaining that ‘it gets worse every day.’ It was pretty clear to me that he had a latex allergy – something he’d never heard of. I explained what that was and told him to stop working for a day or two while I went and got some non-latex gloves for him. He scratches thoughtfully for a few seconds and then says, ‘Hmm, I guess that explains sex.’ I think I may have changed that young man’s life, unless you can’t get non-latex condoms in central Europe, in which case it’s sheep’s intestines dipped in sour milk for him!
“I know da zwelling is zupposed to happen but da eetching doesn’t zeem rrright.”
A food service glove and a black Gothic slaughterhouse apron. There, aren’t you glad you asked?
I cringed as soon as I saw the words “cascading” and “enema” in the same sentence.
This is just shitty.
Time to flush.
Not shown: the backs of the bags say “Craig”, “Ben”, “Josh”, “Matt” and “Tagg”. Ya gotta admire the Mormon efficiency ethic.
Well, he is the big “trickle-down” candidate.
I love you.
Not that I should admit knowing this, but there’s an attachment for the tub that costs about $50 and doesn’t run out until you’ve depleted the city reservoir. Anyone doing this for “health” knows their options, and I don’t know what kind of “play” this is for if it’s not kinky. If you’re going to make and sell kinky shit on Etsy, own it.
Attaching directly to the faucet means you’ll be getting higher, potentially fatal, water pressure in the colon. Water flowing in with gravity is less likely to cause damage. While not a great system, at least the Ronco-Turd-O-Matic is at least theoretically safe once you get past the probe.
You can also get ones that are basically like an open bucket with a hose and nozzle attached to the bottom, which lets you control the pressure and speed independently of the mains.
Dear god, I really wish I didn’t know half this stuff.
“Theoritically safe, once you get past the probe.”
HELLO NEW BUSINESS SLOGAN.
Is your business being an extraterrestrial visitor to rural locations?
Nah. Just insurance.
And put glitter on it.
“doesn’t run out until you’ve depleted the city reservoir”
Thanks, I just about choked to death on an oatmeal cookie, but managed to spew it all over my keyboard and monitor to save myself.
I think I saw what you’re talking about at the Crypt in Seattle once.
The day I purchase a hand-made cascading waterfall 5-bag enema system is the day I check myself into the institution for a serious and thorough mental evaluation.
They should have their own enema system there too, so you’re good.
At the better asylums you can double up and have your electro-shock therapy and enema at the same time and really clear out both ends.
This is like the beer can helmet for your ass! I bet this was designed by a really drunk college student.
All my thumbs for you!
I realize this is an enema, but do you think I could fill those water bottles with Hillbilly Bajingo Wash? You know, to kinda… remove all the build up?
Whatever floats your boat with the little man in it. Although this might drown the poor guy.
FINALLY! A more efficient way to buttchug!!!!
Now sweet sweet alcohol can flow in a constant stream into my lower intestines! Drunkenness without end!
That’s a speedy way to die. Alcohol up the ass absorbs extremely quickly. Your county coroner will love to explain the cause of death to all your tearful relatives.
The listing says the nozzle is polished to a mirror finish. What, of any of that business down there, would anyone want to have reflected back in his direction for viewing? Maybe it’s for that pre-enema session pep talk you’re going to have to give yourself before running five bags of water through your colon. Look yourself in the eye and say, “This is going to be awesome! I can do this!”
…Although, it’s details like finely polished metal that separate artisan-made anus pressure washers from the mass-produced models you’ll find at Wal-Mart or Costco. Buy handmade!!!
Plus, I’m just imagining the in-laws stopping by, and the owner of the Cascading Enema System has forgotten to close the shower curtain. How on earth do you explain this contraption in your bathroom?
Buy several these and you won’t have a problem
Forget the bathroom. How do you explain this in the bedroom.
“Just toss your coat over the enema bar, Ma…”
10% friend, 500% enema!
I hope that tubing will be changed soon. It looks, um, unsanitary.
I typed “insanitary” first. I’m not sure I should’ve changed it.
Gives you that “Get Up and Go” feeling!
I think this klever kontraption might be in someone’s Kristmas stocking this year!
And their enema bags were hung
by the chimney with care
In the hopes that bad would be purged
From each derriere.
the slaves were tied up all snug in their beds
while visions of butt-plugs danced in their heads
and mamma in her hood, and I in my cap
had just settled down for a long winter’s fap
when down in the dungeon there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bed (after untying mamma and loosening the ball-gag) to see what was the matter
away to the basement I flew like a flash
tore open the door and grabbed up a lash
C’mon.. the best part is still to come, right?
Don’t leave us in the midst of
Now Whipper, now Snapper, now Clamper and Cranker!
On Gagger, on Reamer, on Pincher and Spanker
From the tips of the nipples to the cheeks of that ass.
Now lash away lash away knock off that sass!
with a well hung driver, so lively and quick
I knew in a moment it must be St. Dick
more rapid than eagles his coursers they came
and he moaned, and shouted, and called them by name
‘Twas Folsom Street Fair and all throughout SoMa
Things were happening, in defiance of DOMA
And their enema bags were hung
by the chimney with care
In the hopes that bad would be purged
From each derriere.
The enema bags are sorely lacking in the required etsylicious glitterization. Can someone do a sparkly gif to correct that?
Just a little trip down the nostalgia highway…
When I was a kid, my friend Steve was going through his father’s room looking for money. He came across this magazine called Water Works. On the front page was a nurse holding an enema nozzle with the words, “It’s enema time!” Inside were photo arrays of people giving and getting enemas.
So I was well prepared for the fucked up world of fetishes when the internet came around. Nothing surprises me.
Perhaps it was an instructional manual, and your paraphilia was simply a misunderstood tingle in your nether regions?
If “the scene” involves one person per enema bag, you’d better have more than 2 bathrooms or a secluded yard or at least no carpeting, anywhere.
Just do it outside. It’s more “natural” that way.
Maybe she should mention that if you hang the enema bags higher than waist level, you can kill the patient.
If someone buys an enema kit slapped together from random junk that they found on an auction site utilised entirely by people who bake cupcakes dedicated to STDs and have absolutely no conception of what “steampunk” is (sorry, got a bit ranty there), I think it’s a safe bet that they’re not particularly concerned with proper medical procedures.
I think the fact that your play would require enemas in the first place makes the scene interesting enough, no?
If I brought that contraption into one of my residents’ rooms, I wouldn’t need to use it. They would immediately crap themselves.
Hey, medical timesaver!
It is way too much like a reverse milking machine for Holsteins, and Not my preferred form of suicide but hey, whatever. The user(s)won’t be conscious to hear what the EMTs say after the landlord finds ‘em next month when the rent doesn’t get paid. Or the houseparent, if this is a Frat initiation toy. Or Aunt Betty, letting herself in with surprise brownies. Or …Mom … “Roger, have you borrowed my douche bag again – eeee!”
Cause of Death: Auto-Erotic Assdripsiation
**Please turn on your inner game show announcer voice**
“Auto-Erotic Assdripsiation: A game the whole family can play!”
Nothing beats “Weal of Fortune”, though.
Sorry, we prefer Bajingo Bingo at our house.
Can all the balls be in there at once or are there breaks for reloading? I CAN’T IMAGINE ANY OTHER WAY FOR THIS TO WORK!
BB Breaks .. ? Of course there are breaks for reloading. 15 minutes except Senior Night when there’s 3/4 hr and a no-host viagra and yohimbe bar.
Does anyone else have a sneaking suspicion that those hot-water bottles and all the tubing and that probe are not sterilised after every use? I do hope that whoever buys this contraption has a very understanding doctor and a tolerance for antibiotics.
Ok ok. forget the stupidity of the cascading douche of horrors. What the hell is up with the cheap ass $200.00 canes? You can get any of those without the nifty steel handle at TAP plastics for 50 cents. Sheesh!
They’re hoping that people who pay more than $4.50 for a (deluxe industrial size rice serving) paddle are stupid enough to pay $200 for canes, that’s what. Cheaper and classier at the tack shop / pet store too.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
The term "Etsy" is a trademark of Etsy, Inc. This site is not affiliated with Etsy, Inc.