Sometimes I like to gather the family and reminisce about the good old days, before we had faces.
REALLY cool…but in a kind of horror movie house-by-the-lake kinda way…
There is a Doctor Who episode just like this. With alien possessed TVs stealing people’s faces.
I think there was a Twighlight Zone or Outer Limits episode like that too!
Its a Billy Idol song: “heads without a face”
Charlie on Star Trek disappeared a crew woman’s face. As a small child I almost freaked out.
Ooooooo, this takes me back to grade school and erasing the eyes out of advertisements in magazines.
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No offense, but that sounds like a creepy-ass Jeez, I didn’t know the Village of the Damned had a grade school! (No offense meant. But now I’m going to have nightmares and it’s all your fault.)
NOt magazines here but Pee-Chee folders. Here is Wiki description: “was a common American stationery item in the second half of the 20th century, commonly used by students for storing school papers.” that sure puts things in perspective that we are OLD!
My friends and I used to erase eyes, mouths, and such from kids faces in our school year books. We were kind of a bunch of assholes……
Well, yeah, but the “second half of the 20th century” also refers to the 90s. It doesn’t make us old so much as it makes the author a person who phrases things strangely.
I’m not *that* old, and I defaced a few Pee-Chee folders, too.
Referring to the 90s as “the second half of the twentieth century” sounds like someone who knows what a reference book is supposed to sound like, but is trying to hide the fact that s/he doesn’t quite get it, like an illiterate person copying every last serif on a letter, hoping that no one notices he can’t tell which squiggles are the important ones.
It’s in preparation for Zombie Apocalypse – don’t they eat the faces first? (and convert bright blonde hair into a the color of rotting, ahem, leaves?)
In Japanese lore there’s a creature called a “mujina” or “noppera-bo” who appears as a human without a face. They don’t actually do anything except scare the shit out of you, but that’s bad enough.
I read a story about them in a kids’ ghost story book from Scholastic, I think, that gave me serious willies as a littlun. Something like this hanging in the living room would have given me nightmares. Think of the children traumatized by these. Just think of them, will you? And stop giggling.
There’s a Japanese monster called a kappa that will suck your soul out of your anus. So, the Japanese pretty much have all manner of mythical abominations covered.
There’s some Japanese monster with an eye in its anus. That Japanese shit makes the D&D Monster Manual look tame.
Had to look it up. It’s a “shirime” and you can find images on Google. Imagine a goatse with an eyeball. Now stop screaming.
We are glad you’re back in top form, Vagrarian.
And in top hat.
I think i love how some Japanese monsters can just be stuff like your umbrella, a lantern… basically anything around you can scare you and potentially fuck up your day.
Remember in “Back to the Future” when history starts being erased and Michael J. Fox keeps looking at the picture of his family and their faces start disappearing? It’s got that kind of vibe.
I wonder if you could do like an applique transfer of the faces onto the wood, cause besides the creepiness these are really quite good!
Here’s a chance for someone to finally use that sheet of self-stick happy faces.
just lost all my respect with this one other simple post.
I forget the artist’s name at the moment, but I’m pretty sure it’s not him…
Man, he’s got some great carving skills (unless that’s done with a computerized router set up?) and some pretty nice (what seem to be) original creations, but then he’s got all that mass-market crap in there that either he’s not making himself (reseller!) or he’s buying kits or something…
Computerized would explain it. It looks practically like 3D tracing.
I’m not seeing mass market stuff. She just looks to be really good with a jig saw and tole painting. There appear to be a few vinyl transfers on a few signs, but most of it can be done with just some acrylic paint and the proper technique. My mom, quite seriously, does the same kinds of projects. She has mad jigsaw and fan brush skills.
Also, the positions of the people in the carvings aren’t exactly like the photo, so even if she uses a computer assisted router, she’d still have to be doing more than scanning a photo and hitting a start button.
But even if she does it herself – why invest a lot of work into copying photos and other people’s original art to make it look like a machine did it? People are replacing automation now?
The bride and groom sculpture is kick ass. If she’s doing by hand, she’s really good.
The Boynton stuff, and all that – wth, people ask for that kinda stuff. Not my bag, but maybe she does craft fairs, etc – that’s the kind of stuff old ladies love to buy.
Yeah, but you need a license to sell the Boynton stuff.
That looks suspiciously like Sandra Boynton’s work.
It is. Most of the signs in the shop are.
Boynton! That’s the name I was trying to think of!
The artist you’re thinking of is (Sandra) Boynton, she of the greeting card/kid’s book fame. Per the lettering style, the whole thing looks like something a Chinese reseller would do.
Urk! Too slow on the draw.
That bear is a copy of a Sandra Boynton illustration. I agree. Not cool.
He’ll never do faces- that would be like “stealing your soul”- but this guy IS awesome at carving clothing wrinkles. For a small upcharge, I’m sure he could add even more wrinkles.
*she* I just looked. I just assumed, because you so rarely see a female wood carver. I have no idea why that is.
Men have more experience with hard wood.
2012 and women are still getting the shaft when they go against the grain.
(I couldn’t decide on a penis or wood pun)
we all practice “whittling” when we hit puberty
I’ve heard that you can go blind from whittling.
why, matt, you jumped in on a sexual pun! just couldn’t help it, hmmm? ;D
i thought it was hairy palms?
the last thing i want is to wake up in the middle night with my 8-year-old faceless self eating my pinky toe off while the rest of the fam from decades gone work on my other toes.
I Have No Face And I Must Scream
Unfortunately, Princess, it might have to come out the other end. And it won’t sound like a scream.
Harlan Ellison FTW!!! You just made my day.
I have no mouth and I must vomit.
I have no anus but I must …
the man with no face pictures
I have no comment and I must post
I have no coffee grounds and I must compost.
I have no spoon. How will I eat my soup?
I have no remote so I’m forced to watch Oxygen
On the lower photo/carving, he nailed the mom’s hair color. The attention to detail is amazing.
That’s probably her natural hair color. I wonder if she was pissed not to see her super-white blonde recreated in wood.
The lack of faces on the 2 boys seems to change them from happy to dejected. The father goes from creepy to dignified, the baby goes from fake to even more fake, but the mother is UNCHANGED in her woodenness.
Her secret ingredient is Botox.
I can tell by how they used botox elder wood for that part.
Reminds me of Ann Romney
It’s realy the litle deatails that selll it.
I never notice things of that typo.
Oh god, it’s a Slenderman family portrait. I am accordingly frightened.
Meet the Barnwoods!
“Perdect gift to bring back those special memories of the good old days.”
Isn’t that what the photo is for?
That would cross the line into practical, financially prudent reasoning there, Matt. No need for that here.
You’re right. I’ll use the servant’s exit.
Say hi to *throat-clearing noise* for me as you step on him.
he’s out picking up your chopper.
Oh no! I think they must have watched The Ring video…
Before we had faces… or hands, apparently.
The one little boy in the lower carving looks like he’s broken his leg in a most unfortunate way.
Is there a fortunate way to do that?
What if you were in a prison labor camp? If you broke your leg, it would be most fortunate.
They’d tie you to a pole and use you as a scarecrow. Then take your picture and sell it on Etsy.
“Alright, fine. You got me. I don’t know how to carve faces. I figured the bodies were enough.”
THIS. I was at a gallery last week which had these colorful paintings (selling for $1000) where the people had NO FACES.
I’d estimate that 95% of the time, when you see otherwise realistic (or semi) artwork with no faces, the explanation is they can’t draw faces, because that requires a higher drawing skill, which they don’t have. They can try to rationalize it away with some other bullshit reason, but that’s usually what it boils down to.
Maybe the maker used to be portraitist who got stigmatized by hearing “That’s NOT WHAT I LOOK LIKE!” over and over. Then again, not making the bleached blonde lady a blonde is a bad idea for a portrait: “I made your lardass body skinny because it would have taken too much wood”.
When in a sculpting class I’d never give my people faces because I couldn’t make up my mind what emotion they were having. I liked to think by keeping them blank they could just reflect whatever emotion I wanted them to have at the time. I tend to like faceless figures a lot.
From the artist’s bio: “I feel that faces detract from the dynamic nature of the soul’s aura as portrayed through the medium of wood. I prefer to leave the expression and persona to the beholder’s imagination so they can absorb the energy of the potential in the blank spaces.”
That is a seriously high bullshit level there.
That’s because I totally made that up in my artistic ability.
That’s a M.A.. in BS, right there.
“I can’t draw faces, and I prefer giving people nightmares. I’m lazy that way.”
My face totally detracts from the dynamic nature of my soul. Which is why I always walk around with a paper bag on my head.
Why are we not discussing the crocheted beard extravaganza she has going on in the shop too?!
I’ll see your Peanut Butter and Jelly strap on conjoined twins face thing and raise you a hat/beard/ braids conglomeration.
Hey, that’s pretty good! The artist should steal that! LOL.
Personally, I really like this one. I don’t think it’s creepy without faces. I’m used to the angels and other art pieces where they don’t have faces anyway. It’s got a simplistic charm about it. If I had the money…and a picture worth having done…I’d get one myself.
I have the Willow Tree Angels – but there’s something about those faces (3 dimensional, maybe??) that is less creepy than these??
Me, too! I’d like one of my husband and I at our wedding that I could set next to the teevee. I’d like it *better* than the picture because I could pretend we’re looking in the same direction.
“Hey Matt- what’s that carving on your desk of?”
“Oh, that’s a carving of the time I went to the Grand Canyon with, uh, these three friends. I can’t really remember which friends I went with, and there are no faces on the carvings to remind me, but I do remember we had a lot of fun- me and those other three dudes.”
It just happened that the delicate and sublime facial features were just the right size and spacing to scratch that reoccurring itch on your butt and you didn’t know when to stop!
Gaaah… Please don’t misunderstand me, everyone has a different taste of humor and I don’t have to hang out around here the whole day etc., I know, but what’s either wrong or funny, let alone wtf, with the wedding banner and now with this one?
This one: How would a series of wooden lumps with no discerning characteristics remind you of the good old days? To me and some others here, that’s funny.
Wedding banner: It was a single piece of yarn and construction paper numbers cut out. Kids do that in 1st grade. If you are so lazy and lack the 4 minutes it would take you to make that, then you deserve to pay $8 plus shipping for 5 cents of materials. Some of us found that funny as well.
Humor’s tricky, and people have different takes on it. Those are just the reasons why I found it funny. Others may have had a different take.
Don’t forget the derp factor. That’s my favorite part.
Nah, she just doesn’t have a sense of humor.
I think it is funny because the people are not identifiable. It could br my family it could br the Manson family. What is the point in getting someone to cough up 100.00 when you would have to display it next to the picture so people could figure out who they are?
Find a cute picture online, and fake up a family! Without faces, who would know?
This (and the wedding banner and quite a few other things) arethings I looked at and just said “Well I’ll be damned.” They don’t fall into the “Ha-ha, what a fucking idiot!” or “Are you trying to fuck me?” or “Holy fucking shit, what am I fucking looking at?” categories. They are the sound of one hand clapping.
Slender Man has a Family.
my first thought was this
Reminds me of the Willow Tree figurines (http://kayshallmarkshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/willow-tree-angels-7.jpg) which some might think are creepy too, but I think those are faceless because they’re simple and represent emotions instead of specific people usually, but the Etsy ones are creepy cause the rest of the carving is really detailed and they’re supposed to be real people…
Willow Tree angles have fewer details overall, too. They’re more roughly carved all over, and thus, the faceless nature is less of a juxtaposition with the details??
Am I overthinking this???
For me, part of the wrongness is the juxtaposition of the original photos with the carvings. It looks macabre, part of their beings erased. Those angels are meant as abstractions, not representations of actual people, and are thus a bit more palatable. Make sense?
Makes total sense.
Yes, this! lol I agree.
I have just one question, Why are family photos now vintage?
Ones that are printed out might be??
Mitt Romney says: With the epidemic of divorce and gay marriage, the family unit (in God’s intended form) is so rare that it’s now seen as a thing of the past and has now been classified as “vintage”.
Oh yes, because we all want to bring back the red tents. Nothing makes life better than throwing a bunch of women in a tent when they are on their periods.
Hey! I don’t think I’d mind a five day vacation every month of the year. “sorry I can’t go to your company picnic honey, but that’s tent week! Your mothers birthday? Tent week!”
I’m there. You bring the alcohol and I’ll bring the ice cream.
I thought it was because the artist wants “vintage” photos and so doesn’t have to reproduce the details you can get with modern high-resolution cameras. Like faces.
I don’t see a problem with this. Just add a few pairs of googly eyes and some sharpie mouths and you’re all set!
Naaaah. Invite the Spanish fresco-Jesus granny over!
She’d paint the shit out of that!
That would be awesome.
I would pay $100 for that all day long.
Bravissima! BTW, you avatar looks like a giant salad-tosser. Please don’t take that wrong.
Thanks, but I’m confused – It’s a pic Sophia Loren, not Tom Cruise.
Giant salad-tossing utensils. Sophia’s pretty!
I remember as a kid we had a set of them hanging on the wall of our kitchen. They were hand-carved in the Philippines, because, as everyone knows, gigantic salads are a Filipino tradition.
We had a set too! Didn’t everybody?
The family homestead is long gone but I’m sure those salad bowls and utensils are still on the property.
Ours didn’t have Sophia for some reason.
I was WAITING for that! You win the internet for today!
It is exquisite, isn’t it!
So well deserved! Do we have enough of these for the Regretsy Advent Calendar yet?
That is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.
Those are pretty good, actually.
And the blank faces make it easier to draw penises on them.
The blonde woman looks better like this, she looks kind of annoyed to be with her family when you can see her face…
I actually like these a lot – they’re cute, well-made, and would make a really special family memento.
I think they would be creepy if they DID have faces. It could all too easily look nothing like your family member. But I do love the suggestion of adding goggly eyes!
That being said, I think these carvings would work better if made from a candid or action shot, instead of an everybody-look-at-the-camera-shot.
You know, if you came up here to New England, you could go to any “Arts Festival” held in any small-town park and buy one just like this from like 15 different vendors. It’s kinda the “hot glue gun and glitter” of woodworking, unfortunately. But people buy them all the time, so what do I know.
Do they do it all manually, or is it semi-automated? Do they do it right there at the festival while the customers can watch? And are the products all sans faces?
“We had faces then!” — Norma Desmond
First thing that popped into my head? This cover image, later rendered in 3D à la today’s featured mass marke artisan.
Ten minutes and counting down until the 9 year old grandchild finds the crayons.
Awwww…. Slenderman’s kids are so adorable. Who even knew he had a hot wife too!
Well… for Slenderman that is…
I like how the “blonde” lady ended up as a brunette in the carving. It’s like the artist was saying, “Bitch please, that’s bleach!”
There was a French sci-fi animated movie in the 80s called “Time Masters” or “Maitres du Temps”… It had an episode where good guys are being abducted by a society of faceless creatures… They are being forcefully converted into faceless beings, who lose their essence and become like one spineless non-individualistic biomass… Very scary stuff. These carvings remind me of that conversion… Shudder…
Nothin freaky at all, nope.
Even worse was the “mmmf mmmf” noise she made.
She stole poses/designs from Demdaco’s WIllow Tree collection in this listing: http://www.etsy.com/listing/111399790/wooden-photo-mother-and-daughter-wooden
Lemme see if I can get these photos to show up:
Reminds me of the story “I Have No Mouth Yet I Must Scream” by Ellison.
I wrote to Sandra Boynton and told her about the image theft (the bear signs, etc.). She contacted Etsy and they told her to contact the seller, who said she didn’t know the design was copyrighted and took them down. I hate seeing artists getting ripped off. >:(
This would have been perfect for that family that, you know… switched moms and dads a lot, and as a result of that, kids too… I mean, shit, having to get photos taken and retaken after the divorce and such? Much easier to just replace ‘em with crappy computer printer generated sticky faces.
Wouldn’t even have to remove them when the mom or dad du jour loses their “charm and sparkle”… Just treat it like some kind of fucked up family chronometer, where you peel them off in reverse order; “This was the mommy before mommy… and the one before that, and the one before that…”
See, it’s all in the marketing… someone get on that shit!
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