I always knew those things had teeth.
Now, THAT’S a fire crotch.
The product’s a crock.
Ya know. Professionals in the delicate and respected art of wearing spiky stuff on your family jewels.
WHHHHHAT? As opposed to amateurs?!
That’s like the guy who walked up to the alligator and tried to feed it some food, then wondered why his arm got bitten off. Maybe it’s just for people like that. Right?
I hear he has been charged with illegal alligator feeding.
I think this is how Captain Hook got started.
I’m a professional engineer… does that count?
I would guess professional strippers only, they know how to carry off this sort of thing without dying of shame and embarassment.
As a professional stripper back in the day, I would have never, ever worn anything so stupid! The point was to get tips not give the customers a heart attack. Gator crotch is just not sexy on any level (and I worked in the deep south….)
I don’t know… I think it’d work pretty well here in Florida.
Hey I wasn’t being snidey about strippers, it’s just most of us aren’t as confident about unusual costumes and baring flesh. It was meant as a compliment that I think a professional stripper could work this outfit.
No, probably not an engineer; I’d say a lawyer or a gynecologist.
thank the various gods. I don’t really want to wear a dead animal face on my cooter. It would cover up my slutty tattoo.
Does your tattoo say “The Party Starts Here”?
Or “Billions and Billions Served”?
Hey now! MAYBE dozens.
My name is Princess Buzzkill, not Messalina!
You DID say “slutty”, Princess.
It’s different for girls, Matt.
So there’s a glass ceiling on sexual conquests, too? What about all those binders?
It’s about the “slutty,” Rush.
Slutty, not whorish…
Such a fine line betwixt the two…
Love the I,Codius reference!
There is a Peter Pan/Hook joke here somewhere…and my brain isn’t functioning. Perhaps after a few more glasses of rum.
Good move, now you’re on your way to Neverland.
…but hopefully not the Ranch.
That would require a codpiece made from a chimpanzee skull.
Or Joseph Merrick’s skull.
That’s a horrible image – must Blanket!
Talk about elephantitis!
No, not Ranch. Too fattening. Let’s go with Italian or Greek.
Isn’t “Greek” what happens at the Neverland Ranch?
The clock stops here?
The cock stops there, too.
Or proceeds with EXTREME caution.
Shouldn’t they have used a cockodile instead?
But it’s shown with coordinating Nutria Bustier! That changes everything.
With lace insets – cuz, you know – lace, nutria, alligator – everyone knows that’s a classic combo.
Martha Stewart would say it’s “a good thing”.
It invokes a certain Bayou ecosystem + New Orleans culture feeling that makes me want to be staggering down Canal Street with a Big Gulp cup full of Hurricane in my hand, surrounded by ladies in inappropriate attire.
Except I realize I wanted that already.
When I lived in Louisiana, I went there a lot. It’s pretty much just like that. There are pretty much no “tall tales” about New Orleans. It’s all true.
If all the ladies are wearing these codpieces, you may want to watch where you’re staggering.
Although those Hurricanes do numb the pain…
I think Elvis got his hip gyrating moves from negotiating a crowed street full of crotch-snaggers like that.
There’s a crowed street near my house. Lots of boarded up homes, they just sit on the telephone lines, undisturbed.
I took this photo in New Orleans a few years ago. What a lovely couple these two would make.
Now that’s what I call junk!
If that’s chain mail, then they’d be fine….
Can you wear that after Labor Day, though??
Sure, why not? I’d wear it to Christmas dinner with the in-laws.
“Silver Balls, Silver Balls… everybody sing!”
“Oh Christmas Dong, Oh Christmas Dong, How Splendid Big and Veiny!”
“Deck yer balls with something shiny, fa la la la la, la la la la!”
“Here comes silver dong, here comes silver dong, right down vulva lane!”
“Santa Balls Is Cumming To Town!”
Oh come all ye cockful
Glittery and shiny
“While shepherds washed their cocks by night, all dragging on the ground”
God Rest Ye Merry Genitalmen
Let Nothing You Dismay
God rest ye merry genitalmen,
Let everything you display
For we know that lame’ codpieces
Are worn on Christmas Day
To give us all that extra power
When we have gone astray
Tidings of disport and joy
Ohhh tidings of disport and joy.
Here come the balls, cock ring-a-ling…
That’s going to make an interesting sight at the urinal.
Unless women are wearing codpieces now. To protect their cod, presumably.
I knew something smelled fishy about this.
“Oh, I see you wear Crocs.”
I may be able to shed some light on the “professional” aspect of this: This seller is in New Orleans, home to a large French population. “Professional” is a bastardization of the old French slang term “Profesionalez”, which was a derogatory and sarcastic term for “One who is batshit insane”. Over the years, it lost its French spelling, and became what you see here.
Here’s the word in use: “Hey, check out that dude with the tinfoil hat and alligator-head codpiece drinking his own urine. What a Professional!”
It would be awesome if they could make one that had a working jaw. SNAP!!
For over-protective dads, it could be the greatest chastity belt ever.
Coming up with a catchy name for it could be fun…
“The Snapper Trapper”
“Bajingo Burgler Biter”
“Vaj the Impaler”
^ – That might have also been a great name for the rubber vampire-teeth in a beer can thing.
I believe this is what handbag designers refer to as the “Alligator snatchel”.
I’m thinking that would keep the cats out of my lap.
“Look at those snappers, will you!”
I will now watch assuming Kurt Russel is wearing this under his jeans at the end. Real men make boots AND a codpiece.
Hence the age-old question: Do the boots match the codpiece?
Modeling tip: Always hold your smartphone in you right hand when posing for croc crotch photos, and don’t forget to end all calls with “Later, ‘gator!”
You went to Bayou LaFourche Swamp School of Modeling and Oil Drilling too?
Class of ’08 here!
Go, “Fightin’ & Bitin’ Codpieces!
Number one in the tri-parish area!
I knew this reminded me of something…
Now you can sort of match!
They are actually from the same shop. So duh I guess.
that’s actually what the model is wearing. My reaction is captured by the cat painting in the background.
NO HUGS. I think I need these.
How many animals made the ultimate sacrifice for this outfit? 3 alligators for sure, one or two nutrias (apparently another name for the coypu which are a pest in Louisiana, I’ve been educated by etsy) and various birds.
and an oyster, if I’m not mistaken.
Should those be labelled as “nipple clamps”?
Only if worn inside out
You forgot to include the human being who, while still breathing, is dead on the inside.
It’s the Cajun Tooth Fairy!
If I wear them together, do you think I’d be to matchy? I’m always worried about an outfit being “too much” but I’m not sure about this one.
Yeah, this one’s really on the border of subtle and flashy.
I think you could pair it with nice pinstripe slacks for a more conservative look.
I saw this at a booth at a street festival in NOLA earlier this year and was thrilled because I’d seen it on regretsy. The woman who makes them had a lot of other interesting stuff, and she was very nice, and happy for being featured on regretsy. There are probably many more costume-wearing events here than the rest of the country, and I would certainly be happy to have this in my costume closet.
this is really reminding me of this sort of thing:
a reptilian version of the Corinthian.
let’s try this again, shall we?
Yay, something I suggested got on the site!
Also, click on the link and see the other pictures of it, it includes a bra with alligator heads on each boob.
aside from all the other confusing aspects of this listing…why is a female wearing a cod piece?
They’re not just for Gene Simmons anymore!
A lot of things changed after Hurricane Katrina, like Gender roles.
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To cover up the fishy smell.
I’d love to comment more on this but I’m swamped.
I’ll comment in your place, if that’s okay bayou.
I think he would prefer that voodoo.
You can depend upond us. We will marshal the troops to come to your aid.
But if I spend TOO much time on this site, my boss will levee some stiff penalties on me.
We wouldn’t want to expose you to a flood of recriminations.
Oh-oh. I am sensing a fema here. Good job Brownie!
And there IS a lot of rip-rap around here.
I’m back! The coffee was done and I didn’t want to Mississippi of that life-giving brew.
Don’t let them catfish you being laissez!
Oh Zippy, stop beignet a po boy
We Du Monde you get back to work!
I feel I’ve been delta bad hand here.
But it worked out very well tor you.
Cryin’ won’t help you and prayin’ won’t do you no good.
Robert? Is that you? I’ve loved you since I was 8!
I’m not cajun the drift of this thread
Cod Piece – I do not think this word means what you think it means.
I’ve been thinking about fish ‘n’ chips ever since this post.
Cockodile for the guys.
Tacodile for the ladies.
The anus is an opening at the opposite end of an animal’s digestive tract from the mouth. Its function is to control the expulsion of feces. As soon as I looked at the picture I saw a bird defecating an alligator head. I’m so confused…
That is not a cod. I smell something fishy.
Oh boy, now I am mighty confused.
Through the magical teaching moments of Regretsy, I now associate “Merkin” with covering a woman’s crotch.
After seeing many period dramas and/or Shakespearean plays, I had assumed a “cod piece” was the same function, but for men. If so, this would really go well with those old Victorian fap-busters. Sorry guys, you may want to skip http://www.newscientist.com/gallery/dn16624-science-museum-medical-objects
Merkins are pubic wigs. I believe both women and men wore them. Codpieces are penis covers, usually made to enhance the bulge.
I believe merkins were invented to cover up public hair loss that occured with some treatments for v.d. that caused your pubes to fall out.
This is a magnificent merkin.
Are alligators “dry clean only?”
Matt, you are Crochet Guevara. #calledthis
Are you referring to me? I’m confused.
I have no idea who to feel more sorry for the croc that croaked and had this happen to them or the person wearing it.
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