That’s like the guy who walked up to the alligator and tried to feed it some food, then wondered why his arm got bitten off. Maybe it’s just for people like that. Right?
As a professional stripper back in the day, I would have never, ever worn anything so stupid! The point was to get tips not give the customers a heart attack. Gator crotch is just not sexy on any level (and I worked in the deep south….)
Hey I wasn’t being snidey about strippers, it’s just most of us aren’t as confident about unusual costumes and baring flesh. It was meant as a compliment that I think a professional stripper could work this outfit.
It invokes a certain Bayou ecosystem + New Orleans culture feeling that makes me want to be staggering down Canal Street with a Big Gulp cup full of Hurricane in my hand, surrounded by ladies in inappropriate attire.
Except I realize I wanted that already.
When I lived in Louisiana, I went there a lot. It’s pretty much just like that. There are pretty much no “tall tales” about New Orleans. It’s all true.
God Rest Ye Merry Genitalmen
Let Nothing You Dismay
+14
RevW
October 24, 2012 at 7:37 pm
Ahem.
God rest ye merry genitalmen,
Let everything you display
For we know that lame’ codpieces
Are worn on Christmas Day
To give us all that extra power
When we have gone astray
Ohhhh,
Tidings of disport and joy
Disport&Joy
Ohhh tidings of disport and joy.
I may be able to shed some light on the “professional” aspect of this: This seller is in New Orleans, home to a large French population. “Professional” is a bastardization of the old French slang term “Profesionalez”, which was a derogatory and sarcastic term for “One who is batshit insane”. Over the years, it lost its French spelling, and became what you see here.
Here’s the word in use: “Hey, check out that dude with the tinfoil hat and alligator-head codpiece drinking his own urine. What a Professional!”
Modeling tip: Always hold your smartphone in you right hand when posing for croc crotch photos, and don’t forget to end all calls with “Later, ‘gator!”
How many animals made the ultimate sacrifice for this outfit? 3 alligators for sure, one or two nutrias (apparently another name for the coypu which are a pest in Louisiana, I’ve been educated by etsy) and various birds.
I saw this at a booth at a street festival in NOLA earlier this year and was thrilled because I’d seen it on regretsy. The woman who makes them had a lot of other interesting stuff, and she was very nice, and happy for being featured on regretsy. There are probably many more costume-wearing events here than the rest of the country, and I would certainly be happy to have this in my costume closet.
Yay, something I suggested got on the site!
Also, click on the link and see the other pictures of it, it includes a bra with alligator heads on each boob.
The anus is an opening at the opposite end of an animal’s digestive tract from the mouth. Its function is to control the expulsion of feces. As soon as I looked at the picture I saw a bird defecating an alligator head. I’m so confused…
Through the magical teaching moments of Regretsy, I now associate “Merkin” with covering a woman’s crotch.
After seeing many period dramas and/or Shakespearean plays, I had assumed a “cod piece” was the same function, but for men. If so, this would really go well with those old Victorian fap-busters. Sorry guys, you may want to skip http://www.newscientist.com/gallery/dn16624-science-museum-medical-objects
October 23, 2012 at 10:01 am
Now, THAT’S a fire crotch.
October 23, 2012 at 11:48 am
Fire croc
October 23, 2012 at 10:02 am
Professionals only??????
October 23, 2012 at 10:18 am
Herpestologists.
October 23, 2012 at 10:19 am
Or derpetologists.
October 23, 2012 at 11:13 am
Codologists.
October 23, 2012 at 11:38 am
Crocologists.
October 23, 2012 at 11:05 am
The product’s a crock.
October 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Ya know. Professionals in the delicate and respected art of wearing spiky stuff on your family jewels.
October 23, 2012 at 10:03 am
WHHHHHAT? As opposed to amateurs?!
That’s like the guy who walked up to the alligator and tried to feed it some food, then wondered why his arm got bitten off. Maybe it’s just for people like that. Right?
October 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm
I hear he has been charged with illegal alligator feeding.
I think this is how Captain Hook got started.
October 23, 2012 at 10:03 am
Professional What?
I’m a professional engineer… does that count?
October 23, 2012 at 10:06 am
I would guess professional strippers only, they know how to carry off this sort of thing without dying of shame and embarassment.
October 23, 2012 at 2:32 pm
As a professional stripper back in the day, I would have never, ever worn anything so stupid! The point was to get tips not give the customers a heart attack. Gator crotch is just not sexy on any level (and I worked in the deep south….)
October 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm
I don’t know… I think it’d work pretty well here in Florida.
October 24, 2012 at 5:35 am
Hey I wasn’t being snidey about strippers, it’s just most of us aren’t as confident about unusual costumes and baring flesh. It was meant as a compliment that I think a professional stripper could work this outfit.
October 23, 2012 at 10:09 am
No, probably not an engineer; I’d say a lawyer or a gynecologist.
October 23, 2012 at 10:21 am
thank the various gods. I don’t really want to wear a dead animal face on my cooter. It would cover up my slutty tattoo.
October 23, 2012 at 10:24 am
Does your tattoo say “The Party Starts Here”?
October 23, 2012 at 10:28 am
Or “Billions and Billions Served”?
October 23, 2012 at 10:32 am
Hey now! MAYBE dozens.
My name is Princess Buzzkill, not Messalina!
October 23, 2012 at 10:35 am
You DID say “slutty”, Princess.
October 23, 2012 at 10:37 am
It’s different for girls, Matt.
October 23, 2012 at 11:11 am
So there’s a glass ceiling on sexual conquests, too? What about all those binders?
October 23, 2012 at 11:46 am
It’s about the “slutty,” Rush.
October 23, 2012 at 11:09 am
Slutty, not whorish…
October 23, 2012 at 11:12 am
Such a fine line betwixt the two…
October 23, 2012 at 11:20 am
Love the I,Codius reference!
October 23, 2012 at 10:04 am
There is a Peter Pan/Hook joke here somewhere…and my brain isn’t functioning. Perhaps after a few more glasses of rum.
October 23, 2012 at 11:09 am
Good move, now you’re on your way to Neverland.
October 23, 2012 at 11:13 am
…but hopefully not the Ranch.
October 23, 2012 at 12:45 pm
That would require a codpiece made from a chimpanzee skull.
October 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Or Joseph Merrick’s skull.
October 23, 2012 at 1:10 pm
That’s a horrible image – must Blanket!
October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Talk about elephantitis!
October 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm
Hee hee…
October 23, 2012 at 11:09 pm
No, not Ranch. Too fattening. Let’s go with Italian or Greek.
October 24, 2012 at 8:51 am
Isn’t “Greek” what happens at the Neverland Ranch?
October 23, 2012 at 11:15 am
The clock stops here?
October 23, 2012 at 11:45 am
The cock stops there, too.
October 23, 2012 at 11:49 am
Or proceeds with EXTREME caution.
October 23, 2012 at 10:06 am
Shouldn’t they have used a cockodile instead?
October 23, 2012 at 10:07 am
But it’s shown with coordinating Nutria Bustier! That changes everything.
October 23, 2012 at 10:16 am
With lace insets – cuz, you know – lace, nutria, alligator – everyone knows that’s a classic combo.
October 23, 2012 at 10:21 am
Martha Stewart would say it’s “a good thing”.
October 23, 2012 at 10:36 am
It invokes a certain Bayou ecosystem + New Orleans culture feeling that makes me want to be staggering down Canal Street with a Big Gulp cup full of Hurricane in my hand, surrounded by ladies in inappropriate attire.
Except I realize I wanted that already.
October 23, 2012 at 10:39 am
When I lived in Louisiana, I went there a lot. It’s pretty much just like that. There are pretty much no “tall tales” about New Orleans. It’s all true.
October 23, 2012 at 10:40 am
If all the ladies are wearing these codpieces, you may want to watch where you’re staggering.
Although those Hurricanes do numb the pain…
October 23, 2012 at 10:50 am
I think Elvis got his hip gyrating moves from negotiating a crowed street full of crotch-snaggers like that.
October 23, 2012 at 11:15 am
There’s a crowed street near my house. Lots of boarded up homes, they just sit on the telephone lines, undisturbed.
October 23, 2012 at 12:12 pm
d!-oh!
October 23, 2012 at 10:56 am
I took this photo in New Orleans a few years ago. What a lovely couple these two would make.
October 23, 2012 at 11:11 am
Now that’s what I call junk!
October 23, 2012 at 11:11 am
If that’s chain mail, then they’d be fine….
October 23, 2012 at 9:37 pm
chain male?
October 24, 2012 at 7:57 am
Junk mail?
October 23, 2012 at 11:16 am
Disco Dong!
October 23, 2012 at 11:10 am
Can you wear that after Labor Day, though??
October 23, 2012 at 11:32 am
Sure, why not? I’d wear it to Christmas dinner with the in-laws.
October 23, 2012 at 11:34 am
“Silver Balls, Silver Balls… everybody sing!”
October 23, 2012 at 11:51 am
“Oh Christmas Dong, Oh Christmas Dong, How Splendid Big and Veiny!”
October 23, 2012 at 12:20 pm
“Deck yer balls with something shiny, fa la la la la, la la la la!”
October 23, 2012 at 12:32 pm
“Here comes silver dong, here comes silver dong, right down vulva lane!”
October 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm
“Santa Balls Is Cumming To Town!”
October 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Oh come all ye cockful
Glittery and shiny
October 23, 2012 at 3:03 pm
“While shepherds washed their cocks by night, all dragging on the ground”
October 23, 2012 at 3:33 pm
God Rest Ye Merry Genitalmen
Let Nothing You Dismay
October 24, 2012 at 7:37 pm
Ahem.
God rest ye merry genitalmen,
Let everything you display
For we know that lame’ codpieces
Are worn on Christmas Day
To give us all that extra power
When we have gone astray
Ohhhh,
Tidings of disport and joy
Disport&Joy
Ohhh tidings of disport and joy.
October 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm
Here come the balls, cock ring-a-ling…
October 23, 2012 at 10:09 am
That’s going to make an interesting sight at the urinal.
Unless women are wearing codpieces now. To protect their cod, presumably.
October 23, 2012 at 10:10 am
I knew something smelled fishy about this.
October 23, 2012 at 10:15 am
“Oh, I see you wear Crocs.”
October 23, 2012 at 10:15 am
I may be able to shed some light on the “professional” aspect of this: This seller is in New Orleans, home to a large French population. “Professional” is a bastardization of the old French slang term “Profesionalez”, which was a derogatory and sarcastic term for “One who is batshit insane”. Over the years, it lost its French spelling, and became what you see here.
Here’s the word in use: “Hey, check out that dude with the tinfoil hat and alligator-head codpiece drinking his own urine. What a Professional!”
October 23, 2012 at 10:17 am
It would be awesome if they could make one that had a working jaw. SNAP!!
October 23, 2012 at 10:18 am
For over-protective dads, it could be the greatest chastity belt ever.
October 23, 2012 at 11:30 am
Coming up with a catchy name for it could be fun…
“The Snapper Trapper”
“Chastity Jaws”
“Vagi-gator”
October 23, 2012 at 11:54 am
“Poon Padlock”
“Cooter Critter”
“Snizz Snapper”
October 23, 2012 at 12:13 pm
“Vulvault”
October 23, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Beaver Keeper
October 23, 2012 at 12:15 pm
“Bajingo Burgler Biter”
“Taco Trap”
October 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm
The Vajailer
October 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm
“Vaj the Impaler”
October 23, 2012 at 12:34 pm
^ – That might have also been a great name for the rubber vampire-teeth in a beer can thing.
October 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I believe this is what handbag designers refer to as the “Alligator snatchel”.
October 23, 2012 at 11:43 am
I’m thinking that would keep the cats out of my lap.
October 23, 2012 at 10:17 am
“Look at those snappers, will you!”
*
October 23, 2012 at 10:23 am
I will now watch assuming Kurt Russel is wearing this under his jeans at the end. Real men make boots AND a codpiece.
October 23, 2012 at 10:25 am
Hence the age-old question: Do the boots match the codpiece?
October 23, 2012 at 10:24 am
Modeling tip: Always hold your smartphone in you right hand when posing for croc crotch photos, and don’t forget to end all calls with “Later, ‘gator!”
October 23, 2012 at 10:27 am
You went to Bayou LaFourche Swamp School of Modeling and Oil Drilling too?
Class of ’08 here!
October 23, 2012 at 10:38 am
Go, “Fightin’ & Bitin’ Codpieces!
October 23, 2012 at 10:41 am
Number one in the tri-parish area!
October 23, 2012 at 10:25 am
I knew this reminded me of something…
http://www.regretsy.com/2012/01/16/what-a-croc/
Now you can sort of match!
October 23, 2012 at 10:26 am
They are actually from the same shop. So duh I guess.
October 23, 2012 at 10:27 am
that’s actually what the model is wearing. My reaction is captured by the cat painting in the background.
October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am
NO HUGS. I think I need these.
October 23, 2012 at 10:35 am
How many animals made the ultimate sacrifice for this outfit? 3 alligators for sure, one or two nutrias (apparently another name for the coypu which are a pest in Louisiana, I’ve been educated by etsy) and various birds.
October 23, 2012 at 10:54 am
and an oyster, if I’m not mistaken.
October 23, 2012 at 11:22 am
Should those be labelled as “nipple clamps”?
October 23, 2012 at 12:38 pm
Only if worn inside out
October 23, 2012 at 11:21 pm
You forgot to include the human being who, while still breathing, is dead on the inside.
October 23, 2012 at 11:28 am
It’s the Cajun Tooth Fairy!
October 23, 2012 at 12:02 pm
If I wear them together, do you think I’d be to matchy? I’m always worried about an outfit being “too much” but I’m not sure about this one.
October 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Yeah, this one’s really on the border of subtle and flashy.
October 23, 2012 at 2:02 pm
I think you could pair it with nice pinstripe slacks for a more conservative look.
October 23, 2012 at 11:28 am
I saw this at a booth at a street festival in NOLA earlier this year and was thrilled because I’d seen it on regretsy. The woman who makes them had a lot of other interesting stuff, and she was very nice, and happy for being featured on regretsy. There are probably many more costume-wearing events here than the rest of the country, and I would certainly be happy to have this in my costume closet.
October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am
this is really reminding me of this sort of thing:
a reptilian version of the Corinthian.
October 23, 2012 at 10:34 am
let’s try this again, shall we?
October 23, 2012 at 10:33 am
Yay, something I suggested got on the site!
Also, click on the link and see the other pictures of it, it includes a bra with alligator heads on each boob.
October 23, 2012 at 11:30 am
http://www.regretsy.com/2012/01/16/what-a-croc/
October 23, 2012 at 10:39 am
aside from all the other confusing aspects of this listing…why is a female wearing a cod piece?
October 23, 2012 at 10:53 am
They’re not just for Gene Simmons anymore!
October 23, 2012 at 11:20 am
A lot of things changed after Hurricane Katrina, like Gender roles.
October 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 23, 2012 at 11:12 am
I’d love to comment more on this but I’m swamped.
October 23, 2012 at 11:19 am
I’ll comment in your place, if that’s okay bayou.
October 23, 2012 at 11:28 am
I think he would prefer that voodoo.
October 23, 2012 at 11:33 am
You can depend upond us. We will marshal the troops to come to your aid.
October 23, 2012 at 11:37 am
But if I spend TOO much time on this site, my boss will levee some stiff penalties on me.
October 23, 2012 at 11:40 am
We wouldn’t want to expose you to a flood of recriminations.
October 23, 2012 at 11:48 am
Oh-oh. I am sensing a fema here. Good job Brownie!
October 23, 2012 at 11:49 am
And there IS a lot of rip-rap around here.
October 23, 2012 at 11:53 am
I’m back! The coffee was done and I didn’t want to Mississippi of that life-giving brew.
October 23, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Don’t let them catfish you being laissez!
October 23, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Oh Zippy, stop beignet a po boy
October 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm
We Du Monde you get back to work!
October 23, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I feel I’ve been delta bad hand here.
October 24, 2012 at 9:59 am
But it worked out very well tor you.
October 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Cryin’ won’t help you and prayin’ won’t do you no good.
October 23, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Robert? Is that you? I’ve loved you since I was 8!
October 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm
I’m not cajun the drift of this thread
October 23, 2012 at 11:14 am
Cod Piece – I do not think this word means what you think it means.
October 23, 2012 at 11:51 am
I’ve been thinking about fish ‘n’ chips ever since this post.
October 23, 2012 at 11:34 am
Cockodile for the guys.
Tacodile for the ladies.
October 23, 2012 at 11:38 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 23, 2012 at 11:40 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 23, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Oh boy, now I am mighty confused.
Through the magical teaching moments of Regretsy, I now associate “Merkin” with covering a woman’s crotch.
After seeing many period dramas and/or Shakespearean plays, I had assumed a “cod piece” was the same function, but for men. If so, this would really go well with those old Victorian fap-busters. Sorry guys, you may want to skip http://www.newscientist.com/gallery/dn16624-science-museum-medical-objects
October 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Merkins are pubic wigs. I believe both women and men wore them. Codpieces are penis covers, usually made to enhance the bulge.
October 23, 2012 at 6:14 pm
I believe merkins were invented to cover up public hair loss that occured with some treatments for v.d. that caused your pubes to fall out.
October 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm
This is a magnificent merkin.
October 23, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Are alligators “dry clean only?”
October 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Matt, you are Crochet Guevara. #calledthis
October 24, 2012 at 5:17 am
Are you referring to me? I’m confused.
October 23, 2012 at 7:13 pm
I have no idea who to feel more sorry for the croc that croaked and had this happen to them or the person wearing it.