Mmm Mmm Good
Inspiring Hint O’ Chicken Bath Salts™ available in these great scents:
Rumcake
Strawberry
Strawberry Shortcake
Strawberry Rumcake
Rumberry
Rumberry Strawcake
Strawrum
Shortberry Rumcake
NO DYES*
*Not counting the food coloring
148 comments on Mmm Mmm Good
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October 22, 2012 at 10:03 am
Well, it’d be wasteful to go out and buy new lids, so of course they have to upcycle from jars and other garbage found on the side of the road.
October 22, 2012 at 10:05 am
If you are going to charge $10 for some scented epsom salts, buy the proper jars. I save glass food jars for my beauty products, but they are for personal use only.
October 22, 2012 at 10:06 am
BUT IT COMES WITH A SCOOOOOOP!!!
October 22, 2012 at 10:08 am
hey, you’re not to mention that!
October 22, 2012 at 10:10 am
Spork, scoop. Same dif.
October 22, 2012 at 10:47 am
Etsy: where “scoop” = washed off disposable spoon. I’m inspired all right.
October 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm
washed off disposable spoon = upcycled
October 22, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Washed off= licked clean
October 23, 2012 at 12:12 pm
licked clean = wiped off on the cat
October 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Or.. at least cover the lid with something pretty. (I modpoge origami paper onto my personal lids.)
EFFORT.
Though I still don’t think I’d pay 10 bucks for it.
October 22, 2012 at 10:07 am
And behind the lovely crafted item, we see the tools of the trade:
BOWL!
FOOD COLORINGS!
IMITATION STRAWBERRY EXTRACT!
LITTLE GRAINS OF SALT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE!!!
I swear, it’s like a little peek into an old world artisan’s studio!
October 22, 2012 at 10:16 am
Probably very similar to what DaVinci’s studio looked like.
October 22, 2012 at 10:17 am
Although I guess this is more of a “DuhVinci”.
October 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
D’oh Vinci?
mmmmm… donut scrubs….
October 22, 2012 at 10:22 am
No DyeVinci!
October 22, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Are these the same bath salts that made the guy eat someones face cause thats more of a Craigs list product than Etsy
Maybe the seller is a big Dungeons and Dragons person and meant contains “no dice”
If she is a true Etsy artisan these are made with kale extract
I now want chocolate bacon bath salts
October 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
And those things are in focus! Unlike the actual product they are selling.
October 22, 2012 at 10:36 am
That was also DaVinci’s problem – focus! Telescopes, Mona Lisas, Codes… The list goes on.
October 22, 2012 at 10:53 am
Jack of all trades, master of none- that was DaVinci! What a knucklehead! Just pick a thing and stick with it already!
October 22, 2012 at 11:06 am
And work on that penmanship!
October 22, 2012 at 11:09 am
A “flying machine”???? Get your head out of the clouds and get a job, hippy!
October 22, 2012 at 11:18 am
And shut up about Heliocentrism already or don’t come crying to me after they burn you at the stake!
October 22, 2012 at 11:40 am
And p.s., that chick with the ermine you painted? She’s no lady.
October 22, 2012 at 11:50 am
Ermine gerd!!!!
October 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Zippy, with that one phrase you have completely changed my mind about the pun threads. Beautiful!
October 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Welcome to the Dark Side, Lara!
October 22, 2012 at 11:16 am
This whole photo shoot is like a Highlights magazine What’s Wrong with this Picture? challenge.
So far, I’ve got:
1. crooked, blurry label peeling off
2. Food coloring/dye in dye free product
3. Dirty countertop
4. Dog food lid on beauty jar
4. Imitation strawberry extract, questionable ingredient
5. WHERE’S THE RUM?
October 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm
how do you think they came up with the idea of making this and putting this photo up? That’s where the rum went!
October 22, 2012 at 6:33 pm
All I see is a possible skin reaction/infection in the making.
October 22, 2012 at 10:08 am
Strawberry, veggies n’ chicken bath salts- Wasn’t this the stuff the Witch used to prep Hansel and Gretel for cooking?
October 22, 2012 at 10:10 am
Kindersalten… it’s right next to the BBQ rubs.
October 22, 2012 at 10:30 am
There’s a reason it’s called “Hidden Valley”.
October 22, 2012 at 12:03 pm
They originally flirted with the name “No One Can Hear You Scream Valley”, but figured the label printing would cost a fortune.
October 22, 2012 at 12:46 pm
“Down in the valley, valley so low,hang your head over, hear the wind blow” used to be the reason I was uneasy about valleys.
October 22, 2012 at 10:11 am
Yeah, somebody spelled “marinade” wrong.
October 22, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Are the bath salts actually… chicken bouillon crumbs?
October 22, 2012 at 10:10 am
Has wood veneer kitchen tables replaced barn wood as the appropriate picture background?
October 22, 2012 at 11:27 am
Yes, and Prego jars from the apartment complex’s dumpster have replaced mason jars.
October 22, 2012 at 10:11 am
If you want your crap to sell at least put the effort into packaging and photographs. The orange bowl and crumb littered table do nothing for you.
October 22, 2012 at 10:31 am
Lol but as an added bonus her shop banner is the same picture of her face repeated over and over. To be fair, her chibis are cute
October 22, 2012 at 10:43 am
And to be fair, most of her things ARE on a background. And her clay items ARE cute.
Ah, well, she looks quite young. She’ll learn.
October 22, 2012 at 10:41 am
Or if you’re trying to sound green – at least paint the damn lid. And make a nicer label.
October 22, 2012 at 10:11 am
Man, she almost didn’t mention that it comes with a scoop! I’m sure glad she did! That’s a whole new ballgame!
October 22, 2012 at 10:26 am
Does the scoop have the imprint of the detergent brand who’s box she salvaged it from?
October 22, 2012 at 10:28 am
Or kitty litter brand?
October 22, 2012 at 10:39 am
That reminds me of this family who was marketing their veggies on the side of the road this past summer. I’m sure their chard was absolutely delicious, but I wasn’t about to remove it from the Tidy Cat container in which they were storing it.
October 22, 2012 at 11:03 am
I didn’t buy this product because I had suspicions that the container originally held something gross before they reused it.
http://www.regretsy.com/2012/08/13/muskrat-love/#comments
October 22, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Oh and you were all set to buy before you saw the container?
October 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm
They were going to be an embellishment for my “Gland Tidings” Xmas cards
October 22, 2012 at 3:50 pm
Plastic coffee scoop.
October 22, 2012 at 10:12 am
I realize that I’m probably not going to like the answer but, if there are no dyes, just how did seller get it that yellow shade?
October 22, 2012 at 10:13 am
The extracts definitely have dyes considering she’s using imitation. Sad all around.
October 22, 2012 at 10:15 am
Urine uncomfortable territory there, aliceblue.
October 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
We should just wizz past this subject, probably.
October 22, 2012 at 10:28 am
Piss is why we can’t have civil discourse around here.
October 22, 2012 at 10:33 am
In a perfect world, civility would be our #1 priority.
October 22, 2012 at 10:41 am
We’ve got a golden stream-of-consciousnesses going on here.
October 22, 2012 at 10:40 am
You’re right, Zippy; things are really going down the drain around here.
October 22, 2012 at 10:41 am
I’m flushed with shame.
October 22, 2012 at 11:07 am
Are we gonna just keep circling the bowl here or what?
October 22, 2012 at 11:34 am
This reminds me of that Urethra Franklin song – we need to show this seller a little Respect, man.
October 22, 2012 at 11:48 am
This thread has gone a wee bit off the rails.
October 22, 2012 at 11:52 am
I pee what you did there.
October 22, 2012 at 12:58 pm
For her candles she uses soy and hemp, but her human brine uses artificial strawberry flavoring and food coloring? Worst. Hippy. Ever.
October 22, 2012 at 1:05 pm
We’re gonna have to ask for your Foxfire books, hacky-sack and Berkenstocks back, ma’am.
October 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm
they may take our Birkis, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDOM
October 22, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Oh piddle, I knew you fellow degenerates would come up with some funnies.
October 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm
They just went with the flow.
October 23, 2012 at 4:50 am
I’m reading the description as “extracts no dyes”. It doesn’t take the dye out of anything else. Which is good, I guess.
October 22, 2012 at 10:17 am
I myself like to skip the middleman and just scrub with rum.
October 22, 2012 at 10:30 am
I just skip the scrubbing and chug it straight from the bottle.
October 22, 2012 at 10:34 am
Gotta scrub the inside, too. You’re not workin’ hard, you’re workin’ smart.
October 22, 2012 at 10:44 am
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle o’ medicine!
October 22, 2012 at 11:53 am
That’s why people tell me I’m pretty on the inside.
October 22, 2012 at 10:19 am
Hey, don’t worry about that food coloring there in the background. It’s not dye, people, it’s coloring. It says so right on the box.
October 22, 2012 at 10:45 am
It just ‘tint the same, y’all!
October 22, 2012 at 10:53 am
Hue tone know that!
October 22, 2012 at 10:57 am
Her description seems kind of shady to me.
October 22, 2012 at 11:08 am
You reign, bro!
October 22, 2012 at 11:44 am
I ex-spectrumed you would say that.
October 22, 2012 at 11:53 am
You were light!
October 22, 2012 at 10:19 am
On the upside, at least it isn’t a douche. Small blessings, people. Small blessings.
October 22, 2012 at 10:21 am
Are these the bath salts that inspired that guy in Florida?
October 22, 2012 at 10:27 am
So, “inspired” is the word we’re using?
October 22, 2012 at 10:29 am
Do we mix the uric acid crystals with the rock salt before we scoop some out? I’d like to know that I’m pickling in the proper brine.
October 22, 2012 at 10:31 am
Perhaps you would prefer a “Pink Lemonmade Candle”? http://www.etsy.com/listing/111441634/pink-lemonmade-candles
October 22, 2012 at 10:43 am
If life gives you lemons, force them to craft lemony fuckery.
October 22, 2012 at 10:46 am
See, now THAT’s on a background.
She needs someone to take her aside and tell her all about proper presentation.
But not me, I’m still in the midst of my rum scrub.
October 22, 2012 at 10:43 am
I love the disclaimer. NO DYES… except for all this dye I added.
October 22, 2012 at 10:46 am
So it’s “No dice” then for the dye haters.
October 22, 2012 at 10:46 am
Keep in mind that these aren’t scents. They’re FLAVORS. (In case you’re an alien who can taste through your skin? Or perhaps just a computer-savvy housefly).
October 22, 2012 at 10:59 am
Finally, that operation I had where they grafted skin from my tongue onto my arm will have an upside!
October 22, 2012 at 11:03 am
Forget the coloring–that’s part of what made me feel queasy. The salty bathwater, the strawberry flavoring…gak.
October 22, 2012 at 11:05 am
It’s like a Glad Plug-In for your skin.
October 22, 2012 at 11:06 am
*Glade*. Grr.
October 22, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Now, now, remember your post about about mistakes that ended up better than intended and made us all Glade.
October 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Yes, don’t just kick your jokes with typos to the curb like a big ol’ Glade garbage bag.
October 22, 2012 at 11:23 am
I don’t care if you say the frothy yellow liquid in the bathtub tastes like strawberries or rum or whatever. I don’t want a taste!
October 22, 2012 at 11:44 am
Salty water, strawberry flavoring – it’s GoLytely! Guaranteed to clean you up, inside and out!
October 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Amd why is it yellow? Does that make it less dyed? Or more strawberry?
October 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Never mind. I just saw that that jar is labeled “Sugary Sweet.” That makes the yellow food coloring so much more logical.
October 23, 2012 at 4:52 am
Just be glad(e) it doesn’t say “Sugary Sweat”.
October 22, 2012 at 2:37 pm
It’s, um, the color of recycled GoLytely.
October 22, 2012 at 11:30 am
I’d use some next time I take a shower, but I’m on a diet.
October 22, 2012 at 11:47 am
Plus, the carrots, celery and onions keep clogging up the drain.
October 22, 2012 at 10:50 am
WATER, ALCOHOL (27%), EXTRACTIVES OF STRAWBERRY, APPLE JUICE CONCENTRATE, LACTIC ACID, CARAMEL COLOR, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, PROPYLENE GLYCOL, AND FD&C RED 40
October 22, 2012 at 10:57 am
CAVEAT SCRUBTOR!!!
October 22, 2012 at 11:03 am
I want to find out where she got her camera, so I can never go anywhere near that place.
October 22, 2012 at 11:22 am
Instagram? Maybe somebody just needs to teach young Jara the merits of lighting and white balance. But I would never expect that level of comprehension from someone a) with that shop banner, b) pushing human marinade, and c) who labels themselves as “creative” and, well…. does this:
October 22, 2012 at 11:36 am
You don’t like her “Easel and Painting with Elephant Legs”? I think it was featured on PeeWee’s Playhouse.
October 22, 2012 at 11:37 am
Or maybe I remember it from that dream I had where all my life’s failures sprouted legs and were chasing me.
October 23, 2012 at 12:55 pm
You have that one too?!
October 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm
I know people say this shit ALL the time – but – my son could TOTALLY do better.
October 22, 2012 at 11:07 am
It comes in three sizes – Gerber, Smuckers, and Ragu.
October 22, 2012 at 11:18 am
She discontinued “Big Gulp” because it didn’t stay sealed for shipping.
October 22, 2012 at 11:25 am
I wonder if she’d send me a Family Bucket size?
October 22, 2012 at 11:25 am
And couldn’t be shipped to New York.
October 22, 2012 at 11:49 am
Bloomberg’s such a size queen.
October 22, 2012 at 11:46 am
It’s the price that gets me. I can go get a jar of Wyler’s chicken bouillion for under five dollars, or less at the dollar store.
Chicken flavored salt isn’t really that expensive.
October 22, 2012 at 1:02 pm
I would’ve thought that getting those chickens to stay down in the salt mines long enough for the salt to soak-in would be cost-prohibitive. Shows what I know.
Or maybe they use sea-going chickens? They’d have the salt built-in, I bet.
October 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm
There’s an easier explanation: “I really thought Chicken Of The Sea was actually chicken.”
- The Jessica Simpson Book of Knowery
October 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
I hear it’s more of a leaflet- which, from what I gather, is made of leaves.
October 22, 2012 at 4:00 pm
There is no binding. It is after all barely a single page long.
October 22, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Oops! I misremembered the book title. The correct version is
‘The Jessica Simpson Matchbook of Knowery: Close Before Striking.’
October 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm
My copy went all black and flaky and fell apart. Is that supposed to happen?
October 22, 2012 at 12:38 pm
And as is often the case, getting introduced to the shop is the hidden treasure part of the post.
October 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm
I read that to mean someone whose turd Regretsy finds might also have good stuff, so Regretsy is sometimes a bait-and-switch that turns out well for everyone. Unless you were using the sarcasm font? That is so hard to tell on my computer.
October 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I think that’s what she’s saying. This is a poor example from an otherwise decent shop.
October 22, 2012 at 2:11 pm
No!
October 22, 2012 at 2:11 pm
No! No and no. Just click on the item and you’ll see the Triple Goddess Tile explaining my comment.
(Although I often think of the commenter who let us know that at his/her job comic sans is a secret code during presentations for reading the sentence to oneself in a sarcastic voice.)
October 22, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Is that a blue anus with teeth and handles or something weird?
October 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm
She must have been tipped off… Because now it’s a tightly cropped blurry photo of strawberry vegetable rum chicken goodness!
October 22, 2012 at 3:37 pm
Lying about ingredients pisses me off. There are people who are allegic to the dyes and chemicals in food coloring and imitation extracts. Imagine someone buying this thinking it was all natural and breaking out in hives, or worse.
October 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm
If you have severe allergies, there are two things you should never, EVER buy*:
Bake sale goods
Home made bath products
*or use, touch, smell, or look at sideways
October 22, 2012 at 2:23 pm
No shortberry rumstraw???
…
Goddammit.
October 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm
She has some alright work, but I am trying to wrap my head around her cheap plastic halloween “sugar skull”
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October 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm
I recognize that lid from Ragu Alfredo sauce. And it smells awful before you add all sorts of Imitation Strawberry.
October 22, 2012 at 4:25 pm
I’m afraid if I buy this and use it, my skin will slough off, because that picture looks like something a serial killer would take.
October 23, 2012 at 8:36 pm
it rubs the sugar into its skin
until it needs an epi-pen…
oh no, i almost posted “it’s skin”
vodka lemonades are a cruel mistress…
October 22, 2012 at 4:28 pm
I add plenty of Rum when i soak in Chicken Soup. Actually what happens is I drink a lot of Rum and then pass out at the Campbell’s Soup plant.
October 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm
You’re gonna get canned if you keep that up.
October 22, 2012 at 4:55 pm
That was you over on production line #67?? Do you remember you tripped over something lying in line #53? That was me.
October 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm
Sugary Sweet bath salts in three flavours. Does she expect us to drink this stuff after we’ve washed our bits and pieces in it? And where is the sweetness coming from anyway? She’s only listed epsom salts, artificial colour and artificial flavour. Where is the Sugary Sweet part?
Epsom salts work as a laxative. Don’t ask me how I know this. Also a handful of epsom salts in the bath will help ease muscle aches but you don’t need all of this crap added to it. At the most add two drops of lavender oil to the bath water.
October 23, 2012 at 8:37 pm
are you a drunken pharmacist too???
October 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm
I’m off flavored stuff ever since I learned that “natural raspberry flavor” comes from beaver anal glands.
October 22, 2012 at 10:03 pm
OBVIOUSLY the seller was trying to say “This scrub… extracts no dyes.” Meaning it won’t strip the bright green out of your rebellious teenager’s hair, or the color from clothes if you’re one of those quirky few who bathes fully dressed. It’s simple grammar, folks! Sheesh!
October 23, 2012 at 12:12 am
Maybe “no dye” is an instruction, like “Do NOT dye these bath salts after you buy them. I mean it!”
November 24, 2012 at 2:25 am
It is interesting to note that she has since cropped the picture in question to hide her tools of the trade and the lid. Personally, I would have completely re-taken the photo but each to their own, I suppose…