WORST IDEA EVER
Instead of putting a piece of biodegradable paper into a toilet you’re already flushing, here’s a $20 toilet cover you have to wash after every use! GO PLANET! And of course just putting it on means you have to touch the underside of a public toilet seat, which is incredibly sanitary. Best of all, you get to take it with you, which is like carrying a stranger’s dirty diaper in your purse all day. Hopefully you’ll have to use it again before you wash it, so you can collect more bacteria, and by the time you get home, you’ll have a mutant strain of ass fungus that will be here longer than the human race.
PATENT PENDING
October 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm
It looks like your toilet is about to do some safe boating.
October 19, 2012 at 5:09 pm
in some bathrooms there’d be rough seas ahead…
October 19, 2012 at 7:56 pm
So that’s how the Gorton’s Fisherman decorated his head.
October 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm
“2 in stock”.
So there’s a #1 and a #2!
October 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm
It would be much more sanitary to use this thing on the bathroom trash can. Not sanitary for the trash man, but sanitary for you.
October 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm
WTF is the blue ring in the middle why does it extend an extra inch ?? Do they not know about bad aim on little boys and well big boys.. you will be coming home smelling like MC Pee Pants after a full day out with the kids.
October 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Yeah, that looks like a pretty small opening. So, you have to cart around that shit and urine filled “germ stopper” all day. If you do, I wouldn’t want my clothes washed or dried in your laundry machines! Way to make a bad idea even worse!
October 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm
In event of an emergency your toilet may be used… Oh hell no, I’ll just go down with the ship.
October 20, 2012 at 10:33 am
I’d rather squat in the corner behind a ficus than touch this thing.
October 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Think of all the money you’ll spend on therapy once your kids sue you for separation.
October 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm
That’s not even the actual shape of a public toilet.
October 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm
Why is your butt not protection enough from a toilet seat? That’s what skin is for! Oh no! My thighs touched something someone else’s thighs touched! The same thing that happens when you sit in shorts in places other people sit in shorts.
October 20, 2012 at 10:36 am
Hell, there’s worse stuff on a chair after a woman in a short skirt with a thong on sits there.
Also – I put my ass into my underwear/pants – I don’t rub my face on it (or anyone else’s ass, for that matter) until after a shower happens.
October 20, 2012 at 10:19 pm
I’m rather disturbed at the idea of you rubbing your ass on your face…
October 21, 2012 at 4:51 am
I’m quite flexible. Saves me the time of dealing with “romance.”
October 23, 2012 at 11:20 am
Hilariously, the toilet seats in a public bathroom are probably cleaner than your toilet at home – simply because they clean them EVERY DAY.
I bet the suckers who buy these things get around to wiping their home toilets down every few months or so.
October 21, 2012 at 7:28 am
Only if your shorts are skankily short.
October 21, 2012 at 9:07 am
I know! Makes me wonder what other people do in the bathroom…I mean if the average woman deliberately grinds her ladybits against the seat for a while before getting comfortable, or if it’s common to smear one’s own shit on the seat to “mark your territory” then I guess I can see how (those) people would be insanely cautious in public restrooms.
But I personally am not so worried.
October 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Sounds like you’ve never been in a men’s public bathroom. The reason why you should encourage men to leave the toilet seat up is because they tend to leave it down during the standing position and then piss on the seat.
October 21, 2012 at 9:56 pm
Yeah, and in ladies’ rooms there are always those women whose germophobia and thigh strength both exceed mine and so they do the HoverPee – i.e. pissing while suspended in mid-air – which leaves just as bad of a mess. When I encounter the aftermath of a HoverPeer, I clean it up (mummifying my hand in so much T.P. that my arm looks like a gargantuan Q-tip) and then it’s business as usual. *Shrug.*
October 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm
Is this what stopped the epidemic of Turd Flu that was sweeping the world in the summer of 2010?
October 19, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Oh, god. We just went on a road trip across 4 states with a very recently potty-trained toddler and I took a little potty seat with us since she won’t go if she’s too busy balancing precariously on the toilet. At least that was solid plastic that I could Clorox wipe the hell out of every time we used it, but it was still gross.
October 20, 2012 at 12:02 pm
I remember those days all too well. My daughter was just about to turn two when I potty trained her, so she definitely needed a toddler seat to keep her from falling in. I hated having to try and clean it – yuck. But at least you just set it on top of the seat instead of having to mess with wrapping it around.
October 20, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Oh, and with this thing, I can just imagine some toddler putting just a little too much weight on the middle part and disaster ensuing.
October 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm
Or you could invest in a 99c bottle of hand-sanitizer and wipe the damn seat down before using it.
October 19, 2012 at 6:33 pm
Or Clorox wipes.
October 19, 2012 at 8:51 pm
Or acknowledge that toilet seats aren’t the really the worst sources for contamination around, wash your hands more regularly, and use the $19.95 to get a flu shot!
October 19, 2012 at 9:35 pm
Nobody’s mentioned boiling the children yet. Is that not an option?
October 19, 2012 at 9:43 pm
We call it autoclaving now.
October 20, 2012 at 9:19 am
Never out of season, Zippy.
Oh, you mean for sanitary reasons. I was thinking culinary. My bad.
October 20, 2012 at 9:28 am
DOH! This comment was from me, not 2ndChanceCermics AKA Antb. I forgot to sign off her name & on to mine. (Don’t tell her, or I’m in deep do-do without a seat cover for protection!)
October 20, 2012 at 11:31 am
It’s hard to travel with a pot that large.
October 20, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Flu? I’d invest in a triple HEP shot.
But seriously, even the hand sanitizer is only necessary when encountering particularly nasty, spotted seats.
October 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm
They are still selling them
http://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleFruits?section_id=7636816
It appears that about 5 brainiacs have bought one, and love them.
October 19, 2012 at 7:29 pm
The Patent office must be backed up, they’re still “Patent pending”
October 19, 2012 at 8:29 pm
“backed up”… hehe
October 19, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Why didn’t they abbreviate “Patent Pending” to PP? I just answered my own question.
October 19, 2012 at 9:29 pm
I seem to be getting a bit better at this snark thing. You are all excellent teachers, TY!
PP..he,he!
October 20, 2012 at 9:21 am
Ditto, I’ve learned so much here.
*bows in humble thanks*
October 20, 2012 at 9:41 am
Etsy-speak to English on Google Translate says that “Patent Pending” translates to “This is our idea and we don’t want anyone else to use it but we don’t know how to apply for a patent, therefore it is pending our sorting that out.”
October 19, 2012 at 6:23 pm
Why, that’s just nasty.
October 19, 2012 at 7:10 pm
Nice for trips out of the country. Imagine hauling that all across Europe with you. In your carry – on maybe?
October 19, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Yeah, Europe. It won’t fit all the public toilets:
October 19, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Yeah, pretty much don’t bother taking it to the entire continent of Asia, either.
October 19, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Or South America.
Good grief! Are we the only ones who sit when we shit?
October 20, 2012 at 10:39 am
Mexico either. I got to experience the seat-less toilet while 7 mos pregnant. Was a fun sight, I’m sure.
October 20, 2012 at 10:39 am
Meant to add – I’m 6′ tall, and not tiny. And my kid wasn’t tiny in the womb.
October 20, 2012 at 9:42 pm
I dunno, I only ever saw regular toilets while I was in Italy and Germany.
Although I’ve heard that the unnatural angle sitting causes when you poop is responsible for most hemorrhoids.
October 19, 2012 at 9:22 pm
Ooh! When I lived in Europe we used to call those “non -skids.” Don’t ask me why I didn’t name it. Some were even worse just a hole in the floor and not as clean as this one.
October 19, 2012 at 9:38 pm
But in “the squattie” it doesn’t have to be super clean. You never really come into contact with anything, unless you are drunk and you fall.
I can’t believe I’m not dead.
October 19, 2012 at 9:46 pm
I came to like them, and still think they’re easier to keep clean.
October 19, 2012 at 9:55 pm
So’s your “bidness” if you do it right.
October 20, 2012 at 10:44 am
Hey – I’m expert at copping a squat in the great outdoors – I’m assuming this is similar? I’m really good, too, at missing all clothing and shoes…even drunk.
October 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Back in my drinking massive amounts at outdoor events days… my shoes were ALWAYS victim to the wayward stream. Squatting gets very complicated when rugged terrain sets one foot a wee bit higher than the other…
October 20, 2012 at 10:46 am
You also get in your squats work out for the day….no wonder the Europeans are so much smaller than us!! We’re even lazy when we take a crap!
October 20, 2012 at 9:30 am
This must be why I’ve never traveled outside the US!
October 19, 2012 at 8:01 pm
I’m thinking this thing is genius for college parties. Face goes in hole, throw out next day. Bathroom clean up horrors averted.
October 19, 2012 at 8:38 pm
The “Swirly Collar” PP
October 19, 2012 at 9:05 pm
The Vomit Cloaca
October 19, 2012 at 9:39 pm
The Puke Yoke. Saving hairdos since 2010!
October 19, 2012 at 10:40 pm
It’s the hands-free puke assist. Now your girlfriends can keep on dancing while you hork up the tapas, sangria, cosmos and jaeger bombs.
October 20, 2012 at 9:33 am
Cool!! It even holds back your long hair for you.
October 19, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Ah, this classic fuckery takes me back.
Still not sure how this will “give the planet a break”.
October 19, 2012 at 9:41 pm
Fish get their heads caught in the paper rings and then can’t get laid, you eco-rapist!
October 20, 2012 at 7:06 am
I’m so tired I read that as “can’t get paid”… yes, I thought, that would be a problem for the poor fishies when they can’t buy beer…
October 20, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Or pay their alimony!
October 19, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Reusable cloth ass-gasket? I’ll pass.
October 19, 2012 at 10:41 pm
You said ass-gasket. You are my hero right now.
October 20, 2012 at 9:42 am
Add that one to Sailor Trouble!
October 19, 2012 at 9:05 pm
Is it machine washable?
October 19, 2012 at 11:29 pm
“mutant strain of ass fungus”
I’m going to work that into at least 3 different conversations today.
It’s going to be a very odd day.
October 20, 2012 at 2:55 am
Hi, can you tell me how to get to Barnwood Shopping Center, provided you stand five feet away in case you have a mutant strain of ass fungus?
October 20, 2012 at 10:27 pm
So, there was this crazy guy outside the grocery store tonight, and he must have had a mutant strain of ass fungus because he was talking to himself loudly, setting random Inge on fire, and he had a green liquid-y stain running down the back of his pants.
October 20, 2012 at 12:04 am
Why stop there? I’m sure there’s a market for reusable condoms. You could use the same material. I’m sure it would be an effective contraceptive (ooh, I rhymed), because no one would come near a penis clad in that.
October 21, 2012 at 9:13 am
I dunno, man. If you made it in football team colours I bet it would sell.
October 20, 2012 at 12:25 am
Is it just me or does “toilet safeguard” sound more like it’s protecting the toilet than whoever is sitting atop it. If you need to safeguard your toilet… I don’t… I think you need to see a gastrointerologist because something ain’t right.
October 20, 2012 at 8:33 am
The only thing that would make this product better is if it was crocheted and shaped like a vagina: http://www.regretsy.com/2012/10/18/on-your-cycle-2/
October 20, 2012 at 9:00 am
I’m considering buying this product as my Halloween costume.
Head through the hole, bag for collecting candies.
Kids will go: Look! He’s the Reusable Toilet Cover Potty Sageguard!
October 20, 2012 at 9:22 am
That is one dapper crapper wrapper.
October 20, 2012 at 9:48 am
I can almost feel my thighs peeling off the sensible material.
October 20, 2012 at 8:49 pm
Is that, PAPYRUS FONT?!? Ah, the horror!
Yes, I noticed the font first. That, and patent pending. Hahaha!
October 20, 2012 at 10:24 pm
This is dumber than a deck of islands.