90

Comb Over

This post appeared on Regretsy on October 15, 2009

Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s a comb, not the Sylvia Plath story. Put down The Bell Jar and go outside for a change.

90 comments on Comb Over

  1. LeeLooDallas
    October 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Anne of Green Fables.

    Thumb up Thumb down +49

  2. silvercat
    October 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    It’s a frikking comb with buttons glued on it! Goth wedding? Your friends will laugh at you and then drily quote Edgar Allan Poe lines in mockery.

    Or whatever it is Goths do these days.

    Thumb up Thumb down +97

    • aliceblue
      October 17, 2012 at 4:41 pm

      And not even a decent comb or vintage buttons. Looks like stuff fished out of her sofa cushions.

      Thumb up Thumb down +44

    • Agent_of_Chaos
      October 17, 2012 at 7:22 pm

      IDK. All the Goth people I know are freakishly perky. I’ve only met one depressed Goth. (I didn’t think they existed until then. My only samples were ~50 perky people who wore lots of black and giggled while listening to angry sounding music.)

      Thumb up Thumb down +24

    • desireebyrd
      October 19, 2012 at 9:42 am

      Looking at the post.. someone actually bought it! WHY oh WHY would one buy such crap?

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  3. captaincavegirl
    October 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    She’s right. It could NEVER look just right without the white buttons.

    Thumb up Thumb down +35

    • madpiano
      October 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm

      on the other hand, it would never look right with any buttons, especially not odd ones found on the floor of a thrift store…..

      Thumb up Thumb down +23

    • A-bomb-sabio
      October 17, 2012 at 7:42 pm

      “So much depends on the Goth hipster hobos, glazed with Merlot buttons, beside the white chickens.”

      At least that’s how I think it goes.

      Thumb up Thumb down +21

      • chinesereseller
        October 18, 2012 at 7:10 am

        I died for buttons, but was scarce
        Adjusted in the tomb,
        When one who died for goth was lain
        In an adjoining room.

        He questioned softly why I failed?
        “For buttons,” I replied.
        “And I for goth – the two are one;
        We brethren are,” he said.

        And so, as kinsmen met a-night,
        We talked between the rooms,
        Until the hot glue had reached our lips,
        And covered our hipster names.

        Thumb up Thumb down +47

    • toaster
      October 18, 2012 at 7:56 am

      Without the LIGHT white buttons. I mean, if it were a dark white coloring on the buttons, I think we could all agree it would look like a ridiculously large comb with cheap looking buttons glued to it.

      Thumb up Thumb down +16

  4. lettucego
    October 17, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    All right, which one of you bought it? I’d like to see pics, preferably of it being used as a back-scratcher.

    Thumb up Thumb down +26

    • Tante
      October 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm

      almost a backscratcher?

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

      • lettucego
        October 17, 2012 at 4:31 pm

        Hope is almost gone when you try to reach your back and you can’t.

        Thumb up Thumb down +26

        • Cockamamie Jamie
          October 17, 2012 at 5:15 pm

          Hope is completely gone that anything other than absolute bullshit void of any semblance of actually putting effort and thought into creating something of true artistic talent exists on etsy. Watch this “too lazy to craft anything” POS end up on the front page! (I feel better now & there ARE many true Artisans on etsy. Although wading through the dismal, lackadaisical, failures is exhasting).

          Thumb up Thumb down +4

          • frogprof
            October 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

            Hope is the thing with feathers. Not buttons.

            [Hey, if chinesereseller can quote Emily Dickinson, so can I ... :) ]

            Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • Cybele
      October 17, 2012 at 4:21 pm

      Pair it with this daring rake cape!

      Thumb up Thumb down +23

  5. Tante
    October 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    “Almost gives off… mysterious vibe…almost merlot…hope almost gone…”
    DAMMIT! For $5.00 I want absolutes!

    Thumb up Thumb down +75

  6. OBadPixie
    October 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    At least the price is fair for what is pretty much a bunch of crap you can get at the dollar store.

    It is so craptastic I won’t even make my own at home.

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

    • maclare
      October 17, 2012 at 4:47 pm

      That’s a 2009 price though. God knows what she’d want for it now.

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

  7. loremi
    October 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    ‘Hope never leaves. Just like the white in this comb.’

    So in other words, it’s just like Pandora’s box?

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

    • Littlemissdickhead
      October 17, 2012 at 4:37 pm

      Hope never leaves. She’s still sleeping on my couch.

      Thumb up Thumb down +47

      • Postmenopaws ™
        October 17, 2012 at 6:20 pm

        Hope floats. Shit sinks. Healthy shit, anyway.

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • lovinglymadewithspite
      October 17, 2012 at 4:51 pm

      I think that white stuff left in the comb is dandruff.

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • wirewirepantsonfire
      October 20, 2012 at 12:42 pm

      I thought Hope was supposed to be the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. She wasted a perfectly good Dickinson reference! And she calls herself a goth.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

  8. finickymuse
    October 17, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Apparently she ran out of buttons to make it completely to the end of the comb.

    Thumb up Thumb down +48

    • littlewidget
      October 17, 2012 at 4:33 pm

      It’s almost finished.

      Thumb up Thumb down +35

    • aliceblue
      October 17, 2012 at 4:43 pm

      Probably used generic glue and the buttons are already falling off.

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

      • lovinglymadewithspite
        October 17, 2012 at 4:49 pm

        I was thinking the same thing! Unless the girl used E6000, or whatever the number glue is… those buttons are probably log-jammed down some animal’s (maybe a house duck?) throat… It waits for hope, but then ……
        No hope for you!

        Thumb up Thumb down +7

        • lettucego
          October 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm

          They can be recovered from the duck’s diaper eventually. Reduce, reuse, upcycle!

          Thumb up Thumb down +21

          • lovinglymadewithspite
            October 17, 2012 at 5:59 pm

            you can use the comb to pick through the goose-poo.

            Thumb up Thumb down +15

  9. halcat
    October 17, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Maybe, instead of laboring to produce overwrought prose to distract buyers, the seller could devote all that energy to creating a better product?

    Oh, wait, it’s Etsy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +75

  10. Littlemissdickhead
    October 17, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    It looks like some kind of creature that’s about to gallop away on its plastic legs into the almost hopeless goth wedding night.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  11. lovinglymadewithspite
    October 17, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    “I think you can tell why I like this one”.

    Sticks and stones may break my bones, but her words will never hurt me, or get me to buy that shit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  12. dedemorton68
    October 17, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Finally, something to do with the 500 buttons I’ve collected from every shirt I’ve bought since I was 12! I was starting to think I would need to will them to my heirs….

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

    • lovinglymadewithspite
      October 17, 2012 at 4:54 pm

      Think of all the combs you can make dede… if you have 500 and this model only requires 6… that’s 83.333333 combs of somber satisfaction for you!!! (I’m cheering in my Goth-tone ferver… yeh.)

      Thumb up Thumb down +18

      • lovinglymadewithspite
        October 18, 2012 at 3:44 am

        and at $5.00 each…. that’s $416.65 of craptastic joy. You may have to spend $2.50 on 83 plastic combs (at .03 each), but the rest is pure miserable profit….

        Thumb up Thumb down +4

  13. melagrana
    October 17, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    I keep thinking about why I should know why you like this one, but I’m not combing up with anything.

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

    • lovinglymadewithspite
      October 17, 2012 at 4:57 pm

      All i can surmise is that she likes it because it is used to comb heavy hearted, sad-sack, bullshit out her heavy handed, black eyeliner wearing, Goth/Craft soul when she realized that being Goth was so 80′s and she missed it.

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • Zippy
      October 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm

      Dis tresses me to no end.

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

      • melagrana
        October 17, 2012 at 5:23 pm

        Keep your heron!

        Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • lettucego
      October 17, 2012 at 5:05 pm

      I thought about it for a while too, and now I’m brushed.

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

      • Cockamamie Jamie
        October 17, 2012 at 5:19 pm

        I wish I could comb up with a witty comb back!

        Thumb up Thumb down +14

        • melagrana
          October 17, 2012 at 5:22 pm

          or a witty backcomb?

          Thumb up Thumb down +12

      • melagrana
        October 17, 2012 at 5:19 pm

        It’s one big chign-yawn

        Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • Glasgow
        October 17, 2012 at 6:06 pm

        Stop teasing, you guys!

        Thumb up Thumb down +12

        • melagrana
          October 17, 2012 at 6:33 pm

          …Glasgow said with a snarl.

          Thumb up Thumb down +10

          • Zippy
            October 17, 2012 at 7:42 pm

            Afro got what we were talking about. I’ll just wing it.

            Thumb up Thumb down +9

            • melagrana
              October 17, 2012 at 8:24 pm

              Now you’re on the right page, boy.

              Thumb up Thumb down +7

              • Zippy
                October 17, 2012 at 8:58 pm

                Weave finally arrived at an understanding.

                Thumb up Thumb down +9

                • melagrana
                  October 17, 2012 at 9:03 pm

                  Whew! Because our split ends this thread.

                  Thumb up Thumb down +8

                  • Zippy
                    October 17, 2012 at 9:20 pm

                    And it must never dye.

                    Thumb up Thumb down +8

                    • lettucego
                      October 17, 2012 at 9:59 pm

                      What a bald statement!

                      Thumb up Thumb down +8

                    • melagrana
                      October 17, 2012 at 11:10 pm

                      It’s a typical male pattern.

                      Thumb up Thumb down +8

                    • tralfaz
                      October 18, 2012 at 2:43 am

                      . . . and there will be hell toupée.

                      Thumb up Thumb down +12

                    • lovinglymadewithspite
                      October 18, 2012 at 3:45 am

                      I can’t stop hearing the “bud-dum-cha” of cymbols… over and over and over and over and over.

                      Thumb up Thumb down +7

                    • lovinglymadewithspite
                      October 18, 2012 at 3:46 am

                      I can’t stop hearing the “bud-dum-cha” of cymbals… over and over and over and over and over.

                      Thumb up Thumb down +4

                    • Plembot
                      October 18, 2012 at 7:32 am

                      We must never part, or I would surely flip.

                      Thumb up Thumb down +8

  14. thecreightonberyl
    October 17, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Goths might be more mystified by Velcro instead. If they truly were Goths.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  15. Lady Elizabeth Birdbite
    October 17, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    I am always looking for things that go perfect for both weddings AND funerals!

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

    • lettucego
      October 17, 2012 at 7:13 pm

      It’s so wasteful to shop for just the one!

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • Zippy
      October 17, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      A good stiff one goes with both!

      Thumb up Thumb down +11

      • lettucego
        October 17, 2012 at 9:57 pm

        It’s hard to find anything better!

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

  16. Glasgow
    October 17, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    We made better craft projects in Girl Scouts.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  17. Badger
    October 17, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    The more I look at those white buttons, the more I keep picturing some poor kid going to school with their blouse held together with safety pins.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  18. hairyham
    October 17, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Who wears white buttons in their hair to a funeral?

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • Glasgow
      October 17, 2012 at 9:27 pm

      Who wears buttons in their hair?

      Thumb up Thumb down +11

      • melagrana
        October 17, 2012 at 11:13 pm

        One of those shirts?

        Thumb up Thumb down +2

  19. Zippy
    October 17, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Step 1 Put superglue on a thing
    Step 2 Throw it into a box of smaller things
    Step 3 There is no Step 3
    Step 4 PROFIT!

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

    • melagrana
      October 17, 2012 at 11:09 pm

      Step 3 is to double check that hope didn’t leave while you were distracted by the thought of Step 4.

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

  20. onemore
    October 17, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Shame on those of you who can’t appreciate the beauty and poetry in this exquisite piece of art. I look at it and feel nothing but…aesthetic pleasure. My brain is grateful to encounter master pieces like these out there in the world. Sorry if God didn’t gift you with a deep soul and a sensitive eye. True art can only be appreciated by special souls like for example, me and the person who created this piece. Now I will stop writing so I can keep staring at this magnificent sculpture. Thanks a lot for reading this thoughtful comment. I hope that you find some poetry in it. Truly yours,
    A unique soul from planet ETSY.com

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • lettucego
      October 17, 2012 at 11:21 pm

      That is so beautiful… *cries glitter tear*

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

      • onemore
        October 18, 2012 at 9:19 am

        I’m glad that you’re one of us. :o

        Thumb up Thumb down +5

  21. onemore
    October 17, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    My heart is broken!!!!!
    The comb has been sold!!
    Why, why?
    Why was I so slow!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  22. tralfaz
    October 18, 2012 at 2:54 am

    “Hope never quite leaves.”

    Jerry Colonna says to go home, Hope.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  23. Princess Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle
    October 18, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Hey, Hope is a nice person! Stop bashing her!!! Or I *WILL* use up all the exclamation marks. See if I don’t!!!!!!!!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • Zippy
      October 18, 2012 at 11:17 am

      Hope’s not leaving here until she’s put all the game pieces back in their correct compartments in the boxes and gotten all the underwear down from the chandeliers given the cat a bath!

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

  24. Holytape
    October 18, 2012 at 6:49 am

    As an not-unproud member of the Amish community, that comb is too fancy. It is why you English are going to go to hell. That and toasters.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  25. SiliconeSunflower
    October 18, 2012 at 7:43 am

    How can something be the end of the middle? “Midwinter’s end” makes about as much sense as … as glueing no button on the end. Almost.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  26. Angel Laveaux
    October 18, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Apparently she’s “on vacation”: ‘If you “desperately need” me while I’m gone, send me a convo and I’ll see what I can do.’

    Good grief. I know people in the theatre community that are less dramatic.

    It’s a comb with buttons on it. NOBODY NEEDS THAT. How about you make something people might actually use? Can you do that?

    I’m cranky this morning.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • Zippy
      October 18, 2012 at 11:27 am

      I was going to mention it was pretty close to Halloween so the market for fuckery is urgent but then I remembered this was a REPEAT from THREE YEARS AGO since Helen is too “BUSY” to do a job she’s not getting paid for while she tries to do a job she is getting paid for, yet it was close to Halloween at that time, too therefore my point is VALID and that’s why they should bring back “My Name is Earl”.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

      • lettucego
        October 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

        I wish they would bring back “Cavemen”. But apparently I’m the only one. :(

        Thumb up Thumb down +1

  27. Twitchy
    October 18, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Thanks so much for posting this. I am always going on Etsy to find the perfect button-decorated accessories to wear to funerals. It’s hard because sometimes people forget to glue white buttons to the accessories, which makes them not look quite right. And then everyone at the funeral looks at you like, “what are you THINKING?” You have no idea how many times that has happened to me!

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • Zippy
      October 18, 2012 at 11:29 am

      Stop going to all those funerals, trolling for teenagers to corrupt, Ruth Gordon!

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

  28. Green Fairy
    October 19, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Why would you need a comb for your chest? If anything at all, should this not be a hair ornament?

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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